Pools of Venetian Blue

Me, throwing em dashes, semicolons, commas, and ellipses into a jumbo-sized trash bag and then shaking it vigorously: hang on I gotta season my fic before I upload it

I’m a slut for partners that solve crimes, bicker, and make out 

fucking around for three days and then making a herculean effort on day four that restores your average progress to what a moderately inept person would have achieved with consistent effort, that’s what it’s all about.

id like to formally apologize for calling everything sexy. it seems i have forgotten every other word that could express that i like something.

Leaving the House Like:

i literally procrastinate talking to my friends like it hits me “oh shit i havent talked to that friend in a while” and im like “yeah ill have to do that later” and then i dont

then i feel really guilty about it and [AVOIDANCE INTENSIFIES]

Then it’s like a month later, and I’m just sitting there like, if I never speak to them maybe they’ll just forget I ever existed.

Periodic reminder when this kind of post comes up that being my friend means never having to say “sorry i dropped off the face of the earth for a few weeks/months/years” there. I get it. I promise. I vanish sometimes too and then get all avoidant about it. I’ll understand if you need to do the same, and I’ll be here when you come back. Team Weird Avoidant People Who Are Sort of Terrible At Friendship But Trying Really Hard needs to stick together.

This.

Batman is me whenever someone forces me to go to a party

“Do you have any kinks?”

Hell yeah

It’s God, isn’t it? Yeah. Damn! Damn… You know the worst thing is…

I invite my closest friends and family to a gender reveal party, but when I open the box with maniacal flourish instead of pink or blue balloons, a television screen is revealed.

I dim the lights remotely as we hear Cate Blanchett say, “The world is changed. I feel it in the water.”

Too late, they realise.

The pregnancy? A scam.

The Lord of the Rings editions? Extended.

The doors? Locked.

M O O D +

Sounds about right.

Via Cat Man Chris

me, at any minor inconvenience 

no sideblogs, we chaotically cram our personal posts, aesthetic posts, and 800 hyperfixations into one blog like men

The most relatable tweet