*grabs your hands and speaks to you in a tone that is so gentle* they/them pronouns stop being universal once you learn a person's pronouns. Sometimes that person's pronouns will include they/them and in that specific case you are allowed to keep using those pronouns for that person. In any case where you learn a persons pronouns and that person doesn't use they/them, you should no longer use those pronouns for that person. If you continue to use they/them pronouns knowing that person doesn't use them, you are now misgendering that person. Kindly stop doing that please. Thank you, I love you.
Not only does the "intersex is when both parts" stereotype fetishize us; it's also so pervasive and common that it can and does prevent many people from realizing their body is intersex, because they only know of intersexuality by an inaccurate stereotype and not by its real meaning.
The following is a list of research on trans people’s use of pronouns in English and a few other languages where scholars have written about trans and gender-neutral pronoun innovations. This list is extremely partial, focusing on more accessible articles with both linguistics students and non-linguists in mind.
Check it out! Both technical and general articles on pronominal innovation, several of which are open access, compiled with brief commentary by linguist Lal Zimman.
we should perhaps retire commenting gender envy on videos of trans women just existing like shesnot…being “funky” with gender u r just treating her like a man…ive been seeing some rlly creative and fun costumes on tiktok bc of halloween and everytime the comments clock a doll they comments fill up with that and she’s just standing there she is not doing anything im going to attack u with a brick
You just reminded me of the only good lex post I've ever seen btw. Trans women existing isn't inherently more "gender" than anybody else. Existing out in the world is not an invitation to remind her of her transness without permission. Swinging so hard in the opposite direction of transphobia, you circle back around to transphobia again anyway.
ID: A screenshot of a post titled: "U yelled "slay" at me, SW 11th with text below reading: "I was in casual athletic wear just going about my day, fuck off. My life as a trans woman is not a drag show, nor is it for anyone's entertainment.
You as a presumably gay cis man are being just as much an asshole as the straight up bigots that walk up to me and say "male or female? [flat expressioned emoji]". Do better"
End ID.
i’m not aromantic but i believe in their beliefs
for me being bi has contributed a huge amount to noticing all the ways in which romance and friendship run together and i think in general people would benefit from recognizing that romance and friendship are socially constructed categories used to describe a vast, nebulous, and often overlapping range of feelings
The following is a list of research on trans people’s use of pronouns in English and a few other languages where scholars have written about trans and gender-neutral pronoun innovations. This list is extremely partial, focusing on more accessible articles with both linguistics students and non-linguists in mind.
Check it out! Both technical and general articles on pronominal innovation, several of which are open access, compiled with brief commentary by linguist Lal Zimman.
i wanna be a cute girl T~T
Be the change you want to see in yourself, and make the world catch up.
I wonder what Blanchard would think about my willingness to fuck my pre-transition self, especially in light of the fact that I don't have any attraction or similar feelings whatsoever to current selfies or even pre-transition femboy selfies
No matter what he said I think it would be really fucking funny. Dumb as shit and unsubstantiated. But really funny.
Oh yeah I absolutely want to get srs when I can afford the recovery time and money, but before I do I'm 100% getting a dildo cast of everything down there. For funsies.
Not trying to be obtuse, but the only Blanchard that comes to mind is the French balloonist... Unless I'm right and he also happened to have deep thoughts on self love that I don't know about
ID: A screenshot of a Twitter post by [frog emoji] [black heart emoji] pallas [black heart emoji] [frog emoji] @ amazonmil...[trailed off] with text reading: ""i can't transition because i'd be an ugly girl" every trans person i know, bar none, has been immensely hotter after having transitioned than before"
That post is reblogged by [coral emoji] [mushroom emoji] [brown eyeball emoji] @ bloomfilters with text reading: "if youre already judging your selfhood in terms of your valuation through feminized desirability, you are already in the process of negotiating and struggling with a particular contour of womanhood. congratulations, now let yourself be the active agent in your own shaping"
End ID.
me, trying to flirt:
hey girl, wanna pass the bechdel test with me?
this speaking as a cis person. Nothing brings me more joy seeing people find gender euphoria in becoming a mediocre representation of humanity. And I mean that so genuinely. Local boy finds joy and fulfillment wearing a cargo shorts and t-shirt combo. Local girl has transitioned to look like someone's disheveled aunt, has never been happier. Local person experiences gender euphoria rocking the world's worst bowl-cut. Without a scap of irony, this shit makes me see the wonder and whimsy in just, being a human. An average, person going through their day-to-day, is a wondrous thing? That's amazing. And heteronormativity has stripped these experiences of their joy. Like you're right, wearing a basic girlypop skirt should make my heart sing. Why not? Why are these expressions lesser because they're normal? All this to say. Shoutout to all the basic bitches out there. Yes that polo shirt does make you look like a divorced golfer dad. Yes, that too is kind of a slay, now that I think of it.
I really do miss back when it was considered fucking weird to ask trans people(or anyone who is even a little gnc/has a label you don't understand/is giving you queer vibes)* what their assigned sex at birth is. Like we literally used to roast cis people for this shit, that's legit why the "what's in your pants" meme exists, but somehow we've reached a point where a very vocal portion of the online trans community genuinely thinks you owe people this information so they can make insane generalizations about you and your life and if you refuse that's cause for suspicion and I really shouldn't have to explain how fucked that is.
Interrogating people about what's in their pants is transphobe/terf/transmed shit. "If you have nothing to fear you have nothing to hide" is fed shit. Tbh "you owe me personal information about your body and medical history" is ableist and intersexist shit. Sex and/or gender tells you literally nothing concrete about a person and there is no world where you are owed this information. Can we cut this shit out and go back to judging people by their words and actions instead of what some random doctor decided their body looks like when they were a squishy baby, you know, like normal people? Please??
*It's also wildly intersexist but unfortunately I don't think we've ever reached a point of collectively accepting that it's horrid to ask intersex people unprompted questions about their bodies and medical histories. You are absolutely not owed any of that information for any reason, especially given that medical history typically goes hand in hand with profound trauma due to how normalized medical abuse against intersex people is, and everyone needs to get that through their heads yesterday. If they want to share they can and will, aside from that it's none-ya.
*grabbing young queer people by the shoulders* listen to me. radical feminism is inherently transphobic. you cannot rehabilitate it or reclaim it or make it trans inclusive, I don't care what the people on twitter who claim to be authorities on queerness say. the foundation of radical feminism is nothing but bio and gender essentialism and biphobia and aphobia and anti-kink rhetoric and intersexism and yes, misogyny. it does not offer a future, not for bi people, aroace people, sex workers, not for kinksters, or intersex people, cis women, or trans people regardless of gender and you should care about those people. it will never result in queer liberation because it is an ideology of exclusion and hatred. you gain nothing by buying into the idea that half the population is evil by birth or by transition. you gain nothing by acting like women are perpetual victims who can't think for themselves and are tainted by their association with men. being a man or being attracted to them is not a sin. if we truly want to stand a chance of dismantling the patriarchy we actually NEED men on our side especially marginalized men. they are our allies.
the problem with terfs is not just transphobia, it never was, the radical feminism is also so unbelievably harmful. you cannot save it and it will not save you, stop drawing lines between queer people and join hands with them instead. remove people who are actually harmful, not innocent people who happen to have the wrong sexuality or gender or job. we get there together or we don't get there at all. we need each other now more than ever. do not listen to those who seek to divide us even if they are queer. we all deserve so much better than the hell radical feminism pretends is a liberated future.
I do not blame anyone who fell prey to this rhetoric, I know it feels good to have a common enemy and lash out at those you think are siding with them however they do it, but men, especially marginalized men, are not your enemies. and it's never too late to realize that and change for the better.
reblogging this once to say I wrote this last night right before bed and I forgot to mention that radical feminism and terf rhetoric is also inherently racist and will lead to upholding white supremacy and that's really fucking important to keep in mind. radical feminisim, no matter if it openly claims to be trans exclusive or inclusive, also does not offer a real future for people of color regardless of gender or sexuality. radical feminisim actively and gleefully enables the kind of shit that leads to white women calling the cops because a black man breathed in her direction and that made her feel so threatened she had a sobbing meltdown. it is very much a feature, not a bug.
(and this is besides the point but radical feminisim also does not offer a future for women who have been harmed by men because it is an ideology that openly supports not healing from your trauma and instead turning it into your entire identity until you legit can't even relax around men at all, which, as any therapist will tell you, is profoundly unhealthy and, as anyone who has studied the jim crow era american south or kids of parents with repressed and unresolved trauma can tell you, will lead to marginalized people suffering even if that is not your intention. you cannot live a good life and contribute to a productive feminist movement if you view every man who ever lived as a threat first and a human never and proceed to treat them as such.)
anyway, back to my main point, I am not kidding when I say radical feminisim does not offer a future, not one that's worth crushing anyone who isn't white and feminine in a white way and willing to purge themselves of all attraction, sympathy, allyship, and association with men(or at least openly hate themselves in a display of mental self-mutilation to prove they're one of the good ones if they can't) even marginalized ones, who again, I cannot stress enough, are your allies, and you cannot redeem such a fucking rancid ideology. the ground itself is poisoned, nothing will grow, and it's time to move on to something that will help you heal while pushing us closer to the liberated world we so desperately need rather than letting our hurt drive us further into hatred and exclusion until we are upholding the very systems we claim to oppose.
Okay reblogging again to counter a thought process I've been seeing pop up recently in queer spaces and in the notes a little:
Yes, it is true that radical feminists and TERFs view trans women as men, however, that does not mean they are using men as a code-word that exclusively means trans woman 100% of the time and they actually have no problems with cis men at all. I cannot stress this enough, when TERFs say "men" they mean ALL of the people they view as men. They are absolutely 100% talking about cis men AND trans women AND amab nonbinary people AND intersex people(who they always seem to classify as men no matter what). They are not okay with cis men, especially cis men who are marginalized like black or disabled or gay men. There is NO world where a TERF or radfem would ever be okay sharing their "women's only" resources and spaces with cis men. Like they want to have special bars and shelters where they get to do pants checks and DNA tests before they let you in, they are NOT okay with cis men.
The foundational belief of radical feminism and thus trans exclusive radical feminism is that men BY BIRTH are inherently evil, predatory, misogynistic monsters who are not only capable of hurting women, but WILL do so if given the chance. Not might do so, WILL. It is only ever a matter of time in their minds. The reason TERFs hate trans women is because they view them as men who have "proven" themselves to be dangerous, being a trans woman is the same thing as being a sex offender to them. This is also why they will ally with cis men sometimes, they are slightly more willing to associate with men who in their eyes have yet to prove themselves actively dangerous and who have the kind of power they can wield against the "proven predators"(like if you're a cis perisex man who will attack the "predators" and respect their shitty conservative nonsense about women needing protection they will tolerate you) but make no mistake, they do not think there is a single man on this earth who is truly safe to be around, and they will not welcome them onto their "safe spaces".
This is also why radical feminism is so exclusionary, and what I mean when I say it does not offer ANY of us a future. It, as an ideology, does not believe it's possible to create a society with true gender/sex equality. They are not fighting for that and they never have been.
Men(including trans women and amab enbies and intersex people since they seem to think all intersex people are men) are a lost cause, there is no saving them because being a dangerous predator is baked into their DNA, and the only way to protect "real" women is to give them the power to make as many "female only" safe spaces as they possibly can, and advocate for women to distance themselves from men outside of those spaces. This is why political lesbianism was born, radfems believe it's good to stay away from men even if you're attracted to them, as well as why they tend to be biphobic and hate butches, our connection to men and masculinity taints us in their eyes. They also hate trans men because they view them as women who have betrayed their sisters by seeking to become men and escape the eternal subjugation women will always face(because again, to them it is impossible to change this and to be a woman is to suffer) and then subjugate and harm more women with their newfound man powers. Their masculinity taints them and makes them either delusional women who need to be "saved" and/or predatory freaks who are going to spread their illness to other women, whichever will hurt the trans man in their crosshairs the most at any given time.
They also sort nonbinary people in to man and woman and treat them accordingly. That's why you will hear stories of TERFs harassing nonbinary individuals in shelters and other spaces to find out of they're "really a woman or not", they think sex is all that matters and whichever you have determins how much you can be trusted and how you should be treated and where you should be excluded from.
(Also to be clear TERFs also do want trans men and afab trans people and intersex people to die. They just have a different way of going about it. They hate all trans people and everyone outside of the false gender/sex binary, never forget that. They might say it's out of love, but that doesn't mean it won't still end in death.)
It is SO important for us to recognize that TERFs and radfems hate men. They hate trans women because they view them as men, and they hate all people they view as men. If we ignore this we leave room for radical feminism to creep it's way unto our communities, or even worse, end up with people trying to make a trans inclusive form of radical feminism, which is IMPOSSIBLE. We must recognize our enemies to fight them, all of their beliefs are important to know so you can target them even when they aren't walking around being transphobic.
You need to be aware that they are anti-kink/sex work/porn, that they do not believe it's possible for any woman to have privilege over any man regardless of other dynamics(a white woman screaming and crying and calling the police because a black man stood near her is justified in their eyes), that women are inherently safe and men are inherently dangerous no matter what, that bi/mspec women are disgusting traitors for not giving up on men and they must constantly vocally hate themselves for it as penance, that women cannot abuse anyone, let alone men, that intersex people are subhuman and deserve to be excluded from society, that non-white expressions of femininity are lesser and a sign the person isn't a "real" woman, that they push women to never overcome their man-related trauma because living in constant debilitating fear of 1/2 of the population is good actually, that they use ace/aro and bisexual exclusionism to recruit, that they are overwhelmingly intersexist and racist, that anyone they view as a man dressing as a woman for any reason(trans or gnc or drag) is a misogynistic predator who must be destroyed, you NEED to be aware of ALL of this.
We cannot boil the vast, rancid ideology of radical feminism down to exclusively hating trans women and no one else. We HAVE to face them as they are, combat them wherever they pop up, ESPECIALLY if they aren't being transphobic. We need to stop talking about men and trans mascs and bi women and anyone else associated with men like they're gross and evil and deserve to be mocked/excluded, we have to make room for identities and gender expressions that don't make sense to us, we must liberate ourselves from all gender and sex binaries and STOP BEING GENDER-ESSENTIALIST. Like we REALLY cannot allow exclusion and bio/gender-essentialism to flourish AT ALL even if it's against people you don't understand like afab trans women and intersex people and bi lesbians or cis cross dressers/femboys/transvestites or trans men.
Radical feminism is evil and unsalvageable. It's legit basically conservatisim with a pink hat, half of these people, when you actually look at their beliefs, are nearly indistinguishable from a republican politician. So do not play down it's nature. I know it's nice and easy to think as long as we shut down transphobes then the radfems will go away, but radical feminisim is so much more than transphobia and attacking only the people who are openly mean to trans women will get us nowhere. The problem is massive and it's not easy to target and if you truly do want to actually make the queer community a safe place for us all then you have to know how to fight this shit whenever it rears it's head, even if it sounds reasonable at first. Especially if it sounds reasonable at first.
There is no room for exclusion and divison and hatred in our future and that's what radical feminism stands for. Do not accept it when it shows up, fight it with everything you have. We get there together or we don't get there at all.
Unity, not division, will lead to our liberation. Never forget that.
i very much agree broadly with this post and its initial rbs (and have rb’d it before saying as much!), but i do (with respect) want to push back on the last point — namely the idea that TERFs, specifically, have as much vitriol to cis men as they do marginalized genders, esp trans women. one need only look at how many TERFs outspokenly and blatantly ally themselves with cis(white) men (particularly abusive, racist, and misogynist cis men) to see that this is often untrue.
Certainly, a TERF would never allow their perceived sanctity of women's bathrooms, sports, shelters etc. to be ~infiltrated~ by cis men (or trans women or etc etc). And some TERFs may proclaim a hatred of cis men. But materially, if you actually look at their behavior, many of them do not actually offer cis men anywhere NEAR the same level of violence, scrutiny, vitriol, etc. that they do to trans women, trans men, intersex people, women of color, and so on. there are countless examples of high profile TERFs like JKR and random non-celebrity white women alike deliberately and openly championing known cis men abusers and violent misogynists. They do not mobilize social and financial capital against cis men the way they do against, for example, trans and intersex women and WOC in women's sports, or trans men OR women in women's bathrooms, or the inclusion of transmascs in reproductive ("women's") healthcare, or at how “trans women are assaulting and raping” and “trans men are stealing and corrupting/mutilating” young girls/lesbians... etc. etc. They will cover up and excuse violent, homphobic, racist, predatory, etc. behavior from cis men while going out of their way to falsely plant it on everyone else. This all, of course, in the name of protecting "women" from "men."
this apparent contradiction comes from the fact that TERFs and TERF ideology claim to be anti-patriarchal but are in actuality active reinforcers of patriarchy (and therefore white supremacy, since these are inextricably linked). TERF ideology deliberately allies itself with white supremacist patriarchy, even if it pays lip service pretending otherwise. it deliberately, intentionally reinforces and upholds the power of cis white men. Obviously at the expense of everyone else. this is not actually a contradiction in their ideology, because their ideology isn't actually anti-patriarchy. any gender 'deviance' is therefore directly targeted by TERFs, because the existence of anyone outside white supremacist gender norms (anyone who isn't cis and white, though obviously to varying degrees) is a threat to the power structure that they exist to reinforce.
of course, this does not mean that TERFs, individually or generally, don't hate (cis) men broadly — many do, and i do think it is important to talk about — just that TERF ideology EXISTS, by design, to uphold and maintain whiteness, white supremacy, and patriarchy as a system, and the victims of it will therefore Primarily (and again to varying degrees) be those who threaten that power. And importantly, TERFs as a class (mostly cis white women) do not have the social position to actually oppress the cis (white) men they proclaim to hate. so they settle for easier targets, which Does include cis men who are marginalized in other ways, but materially often harms trans and intersex folks & Women of Color the easiest.
this might not always be conscious on TERFs’ parts (though for many ‘leaders’ of the TERF hate movement, it definitely is — these people are not subtle about their open and deliberate CHOICE of allyship with cis white male power). in some TERFs’ minds, their rhetoric by definition excludes (/hates/denigrates) cis men (and therefore IS important to discuss, as this post is!), but in practice, white cis men are tools of their actual tangible goals, and thus kept close & deliberately allied with to further their true goal of suppressing ‘deviants.’ Deviance of patriarchy (white supremacy) is chiefly what they target. They hate and harm trans women more than they hate cis men. They hate and harm trans men, trans people as a whole, intersex people, Black and brown ppl, far more than they do cis (white) men.
I do think it's important to acknowledge what TERF ideology is dedicated to upholding (white supremacist patriarchy) and what it's designed to protect (whiteness — therefore, cis people, mostly white cis people — including cis men). it is designed to protect the power of white supremacy, and therefore of white cis men and white cis women, over everyone else.
(again, i very much agree with the original post, and everything you said about how TERF and radfem ideology is fundamentally irredeemable and fundamentally incompatible with liberation, with a future, with actual progress for queer and trans ppl! just wanted to add a little to the discussion. i definitely do not intend to be rude or argumentative, just to discuss more! /gen)
what do you mean you're she and he?
I'm like a woman from my father's side and i'm like a man from my mother's side, hope that helps.
[Image ID: Tumblr reply from poisonNuggies reading: You're so androgynous like if a man and a woman had a baby /End ID]
In a piece for The New Inquiry from back in 2017, George Dust states that when queer people complain about there being a top shortage, what they really mean is “nobody is fucking me the way I want, and I have no agency in that.” Alongside co-authors Billy-Ray Belcourt and Kay Gabriel, Dust suggests that many queer people align themselves with a passive or “bottom” position because they believe that role will absolve them of the guilt of really wanting things. They present themselves as what they believe to be the sexual party with zero power; the receiver, the accepter of action rather than its cause.
This position is drawn in contrast to the bottom-identified person’s idea of a top: the one who approaches, the person with hungers and desires, the person who decides which sexual activities will happen and how intense they will get. The top, from this perspective, is the stronger, more capable, more dangerous person. They’re the only one who can ever be guilty of intruding or harming somebody else. This power is scary, but it’s also compelling.
Dust calls this fantastical version of a top a “brute” — and they are the most cartoonish stereotype of what it means in society to be a man. Because it’s a cartoonish stereotype, no human actually lives up to it — and we’d probably revile a person even if they could.
Though queer people know we are harmed by the gender binary and heteronormativity and all the social scripts those things force upon us, its biases are still embossed on our brains. Without meaning to, we reproduce tired gender stereotypes in our relationships. And so we see expressing a sexual want as masculine, and being masculine as being more capable of violence and coercive control, and thus bad. We see failing to communicate one’s desires openly as desirably feminine, as well as a sign of blamelessness and purity — because on some level we still feel it is wrong to have desires.
But this entire worldview is a complete lie. Desire is not evil. Expressing attraction is not a violation. Failing to express oneself can be just as dangerous as not listening to someone else’s limits. Women can be abusive. Bottoms can sexually assault. No matter our gender, presentation, or sexual role, we are each capable of harm. And the only way to make a safe, mutually pleasurable sexual encounter happen is by going after it, actively, and communicating from a position of inner strength.
So how do you do that, if society’s been telling you all your life that you’re meant to date by acting like a deer passively snapping twigs in the woods, waiting for some hunter to hear you, and pursue you? (That really is dating advice that Evangelical Christian counselors give to women, if you can believe it).
By not fixating so much on what you’re doing or not doing to draw other people toward you, and instead thinking in terms of what you want and what you observe beyond yourself.
thanks for these additions !
#ooooh boy. yeah..#i definitely was like this whne i was first coming out. this is really good writing#it's hard to unlearn. it's hard to change. but havigg that agency is so so important#for yourself. for not making your partner do all the emotional work#for owning your sexuality/queerness without guilt#anyways. genuinely sorry to every butch/masc i had a crush on when i was a baby gay. hope y'all are doing well
Love when people add these. Thanks for sharing about your growth!
Here’s the New Inquiry piece, totally worth the read.
[Image ID: Tumblr tags reading: #^^^ #soooo many bottoms in my life and tbh the expectations around sex/initiation are very frustrating! #atm i'm only dating switches and tops b/c i'm so tired of being the receptacle for people's sexual shame #it feels like bottoms only wanna be with me b/c they have an expectation that i'll do all the lifting yknow. i can be the 'brute' b/c i'm #so visibly out / so visibly masc/evil/wrong/bad lmaooo #i don't think anyone does this to me consciously and i get that this is a very personal and fraught thing but it's also like #i am also... here... i am also involved in the personal and fraught thing.... #sign #talk tag /End ID]
[Image ID: Tweet from bisexual ikea couch (@/ feralZillenial) on Jul 15, 2024 reading: Reminds me of this tweet I saw recently. Picture of tweet from cancela lansbury (@/ gossipBabies) on 09 Jul 24 reading: Sometimes I think "oh I've definitely seen the smallest lesbian I'll ever see" and then a Keebler elf in a Carhatt beanie and microscopic hiking boots will pop out of a literal hollow /End ID]
ah shit I spilled egg all over the lesbian pride flag 😑
[ID: A lesbian pride flag that has a pixel drawing of a raw egg on it. End ID]