(312) Megastarop concept: the Cybertronian civil war has been over for a century. After the initial declaration of peace, and one much-photographed, significant handshake with Megatron, Optimus Prime has withdrawn from society.

He avoids a lot of people now, including dear friends, and rarely goes out. In part, it's because Optimus has had his fill of conflict he could not escape, and now even the small disagreements seem like too much work. But in part, he is just tired. Physically. Emotionally. Existentially.

The only messages he returns anymore are Ratchet's, which is probably why he isn't even aware that Starscream is trying to get in contact... until he kicks in the window. Very insincerely, Starscream claims he's performing "a welfare check," since Optimus can't be bothered to answer his emails, his phone, or his door.

Starscream, of course, fancies himself a wit. Given no incentive to stop talking and a passive audience, his wit runs very long indeed. But his real problem, when he pauses in his soliloquy to mention it, is eventually revealed: something is very wrong with Megatron, and he has come to get Optimus Prime so he can fix it.

He's the only one who can, apparently.

Rung in... Prison?

Fuck it, here's another Rung AU, this one is where he's framed for a crime he didn't commit and is placed in prison. He's having an awful time. Everyone else are so much bigger and stronger than him, pushing him around constantly and his glasses got ruined in his arrest so he's practically half-blind.

This Au takes place before the war and in his stay in prison he meets and befriends a bunch of mechs that are going to be future big shot decepticons. I'm thinking Megatron (just gotten physically assaulted by enforcers and now bitter), Soundwave and Starscream are also there.

At first the big three don't accept him cause he looks like an upper caste member and they think that maybe he's some kind of noble but then they learn more about him (Soundwave quickly figures things out) and they go "Oh shit, this is a legitimately nice mech and he got framed for some shit he didn't do" and now he's one of them.

Anyway, that's all I got so far. Yet another Rung AU because that's my favorite guy to put in different situations.

What if Sunstorm knew Rung is the literal embodiment of Primus himself? What if the electromagnetic pulse that caused Rung to be such a forgettable character failed? Imagine if somewhere out there in the vast bubble of alternative universes, there is one where a religion is founded under the idea that Primus himself walks among Cybertronians led by Sunstorm?

Imagine the Lost light crew stumbling upon this universe and 'someone' being the menace they are, said something worth getting themself arrested and executed for.

To avoid confusions characters with "-LL" in their name means they are not native in that Universe.

(BONUS!!)

Some opinions down below on why I think these specific characters would be funny to see in this scenario;

Everyone mistaking Tailgate for the sidekick until he beats Joker's kneecaps in. Then he is a hero.

Robin brings Grimlock back to the batcave and tries to gaslight his family into believing they always had two robot dinosaurs. Alfred helps him. Red Robin is sleep deprived enough that he just might fall for it.

Nightbeat and Batman constantly running into one another because they are both investigating crime scenes and following leads and they are so fucking close to throwing hands. Listen, maybe they'd get along if Batman hadn't called Nightbeat's paint job 'tacky' and if Nightbeat, in retaliation, hadn't called Bruce "mommy-daddy issue wombo combo".

Batman: "Let the professionals handle this."

Nightbeat: "My detective career is literally older than your entire species, punk."

Starscream is just so unimpressed by like 90% of the villains in Gotham. The Riddler? Atrocious sense of fashion. Killer Croc? He lives in the sewer! Nasty. The Joker? Fucking annoying. Next time Starscream sees him, he's going to step on him. The only ones he actually likes are the Gotham City Sirens. At least they've got taste. Not to mention the best gossip in town.

While all of these are excellent, I must say Whirl would be the funniest. He meets Harley Quinn and a bond is forged on sight. She has a giant hammer. He has guns for tits. Two wonderful beings of chaos.

The middle ground of not evil but not exactly one of the good guys is the perfect spot for Whirl. Ivy fears for her plants, but Whirl is capable of great dexterity and gentleness when required. Harley dies of laughter every time Whirl tiptoes through a greenhouse.

Harley has just enough of a psychology background and plenty of chaos to even help Whirl with some of his more self-destructive habits.

In turn, he learns about the Joker and makes it his life mission to squish the roach.

However, the Joker proves to be very hard to squish. Throw in the fact that if they catch you trying to kill anyone, several of the Bats will try to stop you. Black Bat has strung Whirl up from a skyscraper several times, and it is humiliating.

(On a side note, Whirl meets the Clock King and they have a lovely time.)

Whirl pretends that his frame is a mech suit piloted by his holoform. He even adds a fake control panel in his cockpit to really sell it. Only Harley and Ivy knows the truth and that's because he lives in their garage. To the public he's this new, terrifying new rogue but to them he's just their weird alien roommate that cried watching Old Yeller.

He may or may not have a major crush on Killer Croc.

Ultra Magnus gives Batman a parking ticket for illegally parking the batmobile on the curb. Joker forgets to file his taxes and Magnus hunts him down like a dog. He meets Two Face and instead of treating him like a villain he gets all flushed and goes on about how much he respects his work as a lawyer.

Vigilante ambulance is so fucking funny to me. Ratchet finds himself in the middle of a rogue attack and instead of running away (like any sane person) he fucking rushes into the heat of it to provide first aid to some unlucky civilian caught in the crossfire. And it just keeps happening over and over again. This random old man that appears out of nowhere, helps the injured and then vanishes. He's a Gotham cryptid now and people love him. He yelled at Batman once when the vigilante urged him to get to safety while he was busy bandaging someone. He's got a fan account on Twitter.

So Whirl's holoform is a child. A human girl with pigtails.

Batman immediately becomes very concerned. He's not going to say Whirl can't have two moms, but there is a lot of responsibility that comes with parenthood.

Harley and Ivy start laughing five seconds into the lecture. They point out that if he's concerned about child endangerment, at least their "child" is romping around in a mech suit and not fighting crime in Aquaman undies.

Robin (Damian Wayne) quickly cuts in that at least his father is teaching him morals. Stepping on cars because it's fun is something Harley and Ivy should be teaching Whirl not to do.

Ivy internally admits the lecture might be deserved if Whirl wasn't actually an adult robot.

As for Ultra Magnus is Gotham, Batman pays his parking tickets in cash. Red Hood curses up a storm when he finds his motorcycle has been booted for unpaid parking tickets, and he can't get it off. (Ultra Magnus used one for Cybertronians after the first time Hood slipped the boot.) He swears he's going to kill the mech, and that is no idle threat.

Ultra Magnus getting all flushed about Harvey's work as a lawyer endears him to Bruce. Harvey was Bruce's best friend, and it's nice to see someone else still remembers and honors the good Harvey once did.

The Joker canonically fears the IRS and he has no flipping clue how he did his taxes wrong. He's terrified of Ultra Magnus, who is as pleased as can be to drag him in for an error of fifty cents.

Which is why Red Hood is waiting to enact his revenge until Ultra Magnus brings Joker in. The hunt is prime entertainment.

Batman tries to parent Whirl and Whirl just straight up laughs in his face. If he was actually human then he would be out of breath with how hard he's laughing. Whirl's been to war. Whirl's killed people. And here's Batman trying to convince him to go to bed early since it's a school night. Like, obviously Batman doesn't know what Whirl is, in fact, not a little girl but actually a million year old war criminal veteran with more confirmed kills than all of Batman's rogues combined.

Harley and Ivy have to admit that it's kinda funny. Especially when Batman admits that he is just really concerned Will (Whirl's humansona name) does not go to school.

Meanwhile, Ultra Magnus is having a grand ol' time pretending to be a human. He's got great colleagues (they are scared of him cause they saw him take a hit of Joker venom without even flinching), his boss likes him (Magnus have never requested a day off and doesn't take any bribes) and his new neighbor is really friendly (Jason is trying to dig up dirt on him so he can get back for what Magnus did to his bike).

Once they've duked it out (they may or may not have had a fist fight behind Batburger), Leslie and Ratchet becomes great friends and colleagues. They respect each other as medical professionals that take shit from no one.

Also, at some point, Ratchet accidentally hits someone while in his alt mode. He's starting to panic when he suddenly realizes that oh, that's the Joker. Then he reverses and hits the clown again before he can get up. Double tap that bozo.

To be completely fair, the Joker was probably dead after the first hit. What idiot runs in front of an ambulance going full throttle with lights and sirens? Why the Joker crossed the road will go forever unanswered.

The Red Hood was bleeding out inside him while Ratchet's holoform worked on him. It was kind of hard not to notice the giant thunk. Never mind, Ratchet was busy freakin out, torn by the patient inside him and the one whose body had just been thrown behind him by the impact.

"What happened?" Hood slurred.

Ratchet peered out his own back windows. The face was a bit of a mess, but he knew that suit.

"I think we just hit the Joker," Ratchet said.

Ratchet caught sight of a huge grin beneath the cracked helmet. "Better hit him again, Doc."

Well, if First Aid could shoot Pharma...

Ratchet backed up with a squeal of tires, rolled over something squishy, and then peeled out toward Leslie's.

Whirl brought home the Joker's dead body like a cat, presenting a dead bird. He swore disappointedly that he'd found him like that, and Harley and Ivy sent Batman selfies of them posing with the body.

The Red Hood refuses to explain why Leslie's new medic friend is now his favorite person in the world. Ratchet has a sense of history repeating himself.

Ratchet: He ran right in front of my car.

When Jason had told the paramedic to hit the Joker again, he had only been half joking. Yeah, he WANTED that to happen but he didn't honestly think the man would actually do it. You know, because of morals and things like that. So when he felt the ambulance reverse and hit something a second time, well, pardon him for falling just the smallest bit in love.

Staring up at the paramedic, Jason thought he looked downright angelic, with the light illuminating the back of his head like a fluorescent halo. He must have said that out loud as well because the man replied with a soft snort and a "sure kid, whatever you say" and then Hood was out like a light.

When he woke up, Jason was in Leslie's office, resting on her couch and covered with enough enough bandages that he looked like a mummy.

Well, considering that he was, technically, part of the living dead, maybe it was fitting.

Except for Jason himself, the office was empty. Neither Leslie nor his mysterious angel paramedic was anywhere to be seen and already feeling bored, Jason fished his phone out of his pocket. He immediately took notice of the barrage of texts from his family, ranging from the casual "you need help?" to "IF YOU'RE NOT DEAD, ANSWER". It appeared Leslie had yet to notify his family that he had survived.

Feeling petty, Jason removed his helmet before snapping a quick selfie of hid bloody, bandage covered self and sent it into the family group chat with message "I lived bitch". He then put the chat on mute and went on social media, happy with doomscrolling through the madness that is Gotham Twitter.

Well, he would have doomscrolled if the first tag on trending hadn't been #THEJOKERISDEAD.

His hands shaking, he tapped on the tag and a photo of two familiar women (and one little girl) posing with the corpse of the Joker popped up.

With bated breath, Jason zoomed in on the picture. Harley, Ivy and the pigtailed girl (Will, he thought her name was) were smiling brightly. Ivy and Will were both making peace signs at the camera while Harley were holding up the Joker by his hair.

And shit, it really was the Joker. Even when crushed to shit, he was unmistakable. No one else wore a suit that ugly.

Jason's eyes drifted to the caption of the post.

Guess who I found??? Sadly not the one that killed him but holy shit, it finally happened! #THEJOKERISDEAD #ROADKILL #RESTINPIECESBITCH

'Not the one that killed him.'

A shaky breath escaped Jason as he put down his phone and treaded his fingers through his hair.

When he had told the paramedic to hit the Joker again, he hadn't really considered this a possible outcome. Ok, yeah, most people would die after getting hit by a car (especially if it happened twice in a row) but Jason hadn't actually thought that the Joker would die. It had felt too far fetched.

Jason placed both his hands above his eyes. Took a deep breath. And then he started to laugh.

His body shaking, muscles cramping and tears running down his face, Jason laughed harder than he ever had. His injuries ached but it only made him laugh harder. He managed to calm down enough to open his phone and look at the picture again, only to break down laughing once more.

The door to the office creaked open and Leslie's head popped inside. Her eyes narrowed as she zeroed in on him.

"Did you steal something from my drug cabinet?"

Jason shook his head and smiled so wide that his cheeks hurt. "The Joker's dead."

Leslie nodded. "So I heard. Ratchet complained that it's going to take weeks to get some of the clown out from the undercarriage of the ambulance."

"Ratchet?" Jason perked up. "Is that the paramedic?"

"Doctor. But yes. And if you want to thank him then you'll have to wait, he's just left the Bowery He should be back in," Leslie looked at her wristwatch, "15 minutes, at most."

Jason checked the clock on his phone. It was 4.32 am and Gotham's traffic should already be jammed. "It takes at least 30 minutes to get from the Bowery to here though?"

"Not for Ratchet". Leslie shook her head. "How an ambulance can go so fast I'll never know. Now, rest. He won't be happy if he were to find you running up and around." She started closing the office door before stopping, hesitating. "Oh, and if you can refrain from telling Batman just who killed the Joker, I would be forever grateful."

The office door shut closed with a soft click.

Humming, Jason stared up at the ceiling. Yeah, he wouldn't tell Batman a single thing. That was the least he could do for his new favorite person.

Now, how to convince the man to join his gang and not look totally desperate?

So as it turns out actual F-16s are like twice starscream’s size

Go home Starscream, you are drunk

“You’ve reached the Ark, Prowl speaking.”

“Uhhh, yeah, hi, listen, there’s a jet parked at one of my pumps and I dunno if he’s one’a yours or one’a the other guys, but he won’t go away and he seems kinda…”

Prowl cross-referenced the colloquial usages for ‘kinda’ and found nothing useful. “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t quite understand.”

The human on the other end of the line hummed, a noise that communicated little besides ‘bear with me, I’m searching my onboard lexicographal dictionary.’ It took longer than Prowl would have liked; that coupled with a cursory vocal cue analysis suggested the human himself was ‘kinda’ sleep-deprived. Small wonder, as it was on the wrong side of midnight when most humans were genetically programmed to enter their period of dormancy. Prowl waited patiently until the humming stopped and the human started speaking again.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was kinda - drunk. Y’all can’t get drunk, can you?”

…oh, Primus. “No, but there is a similar state of impaired functioning that occurs when one of our species imbibes surplus amounts of concentrated energon,” Prowl admitted with a grimace he was grateful no one could see, alone in the comms room as he was. “What is the subject doing now?”

“…talkin’ to himself, mostly. Loudly.”

“Is there any way to let me listen?”

“Oh, yeah, sure. Hang on.”

A brief grating sound - a window opening, Prowl thought - and then the faint burble he’d been ignoring since picking up the call resolved itself into an unfortunately familiar voice.

“-c’n wait here aaaaaalllll night! I demand full surface - surf - service! Imma TRUCK, an’ I gotta full load of energon cubes t’shlrup - schlep - SHIP dammit t’ Darkmount! Stickit in your cannon, Mergletron. Imma truck.”

Oh, sweet fancy Primus on a silicon cracker.

“Listen carefully,” Prowl instructed the human. “The subject has been identified at 80% accuracy as the Decepticon Starscream. Do not approach. Stay inside and I will send a squad to take him into custody.”

“Uhh, sure. Couldja hurry? He’s blocking two pumps.”

“The Autobots will be there with all due speed,” Prowl promised. “Hold, please.” He switched lines to rouse the nighttime response crew and after a moment’s calculation, roused Jazz from a sound slumber to accompany them.

He’d complain now, but he’d thank Prowl later.

Learning Transformers lore is an absolute trip. For example:

TF Wiki: Some transformers have mutant sparks. They’re called ‘outliers’ and have unusual powers as a result!

Me: Wow, neat!

TF Wiki: Skywarp is one such transformer - his ability is teleportation!

Me: Cool!

TF Wiki: Thundercracker has one too, which allows him to produce sonic booms!

Me: Appropriate!

TF Wiki: In fact, the entire command trine are outliers!

Me: Absolutely fun! What’s Starscream’s power?

TF Wiki: He’s fucking immortal.

Me: …what?

I’ve never encountered a franchise with lore as unhinged as transformers. In one continuity Optimus castrated a planet. In another, Earth was the devil. Not in a metaphorical way, Unicron was literally the planet and humans were his terrible accidental children.

There is a briefcase that opens portals through time! One of the main villains has six smaller villains living in his chest!

I love it.

You’re lowballing the number of smaller guys in Soundwave’s boob there.

Starscream and Shockwave getting along absolutely means the end of the world

Clearly I cannot be trusted to use video editing software responsibly