November 19, 2024
1:40 am, at bed
Way past midnight already and still, i can’t sleep. There’s something inexplicably wrong like the way i’ve been floating these past few days and not in a good way floating. Life lately is scarily moving fast. What i desperately need right now is an anchor and a sign post in any aspect or form.
There'll be a moment when you realise you're 27 when yesterday you were just 17; and you wouldn't be able to tell how a decade passed away and your life got divided into before and afters. The fury of youth will subdue and nothing will really change but everything will feel different when you look at old photographs and blurry videos taken on cheap mobile phones. Scents will remind you of childhood and certain friends you don't talk to anymore, hangouts will become reunions and mom's burnt pie will become the best food you ever had. And I know on some days you won't be able to show anything of those 10 years but I hope you remember to breathe, and let go of the knot in your chest. I hope you go out in the sun and live a little, because tomorrow is 37.
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned
Lee Krasner // Franz Kafka
April 29, 2024 (Monday)
06:51 pm, At bed
So tell me, what if everything will not hold?
July 21, 2023 (Friday)
10:12pm, At bed
Still in quarantine but my eyes are healing. Earlier this afternoon, i woke up from a short nap, perspiring, due to the sudden power outage causing a dead summer quietness in the neighborhood. It’s time like this when a particular persistent question usually swallows me whole mercilessly: “Will I ever escape this town alive? “ This started two years ago after my job regularization in this town - where i spent most of my life. It’s not that I hate this town and all but when you realized that the world is so damn big to travel and explore, you’ll also realized and be paralyzed in fear of the possibility that unknowingly with the passage of time you might noticed late that you will be stuck here forever.
July 20, 2023 (Thursday)
11:56pm, At bed
Second day of quarantine due to sore eyes. Most of the symptoms already subsided except for the fish gill redness in my eyeballs. Binge mangas and manhwas coz i don’t have any better things to do. I’m in my book slump stage and my TBRs are seriously judging me right now. Decided to try instead learning other language via duolingo app; hopefully i’ll thrive. Overall, just a chill day.
July 19, 2023 (Wednesday)
9:41pm, At bed
Unwittingly drank a whole-ass can of coffee earlier coz just look at its nifty packaging and all haha
it’s been ages since my last coffee (CHE Licensure Exam 2018), now i’ll be braving this night with my existential dread and severe palpitation. Overall, an ok day.
July 18, 2023 (Tuesday)
11:40pm, At bed
Contracted conjunctivitis a.k.a sore eyes today. What a complete drag. Have to stay out from work for a couple of days, i really wanted a vacation but not in this manner. Overall, an eye-straining day.
July 17, 2023 (Monday)
11:36pm, At bed
Tempted to call in sick this morning but realized today’s the start of another sgs audit. I hate audits, people become pretentious with their pretentious process and their pretentious documentation. What a drag. Can i have a filler week? Overall, a passable day.
July 16, 2023 (Sunday)
6:57pm, At bed
Like any sunday, i decided to do nothing. I’m pathetic huh? Miserable and still no haircut. I realized i need money over happiness these days. Money solves everything. Why do we turn into what we hate most? Overall, a lazy day.
July 15, 2023 (Saturday)
11:26pm , At bed
Last minute decided to not show up in the piche general assembly today. The company paid the registration and all but due to what happened last night at the office, i want to rebel. Besides, my astigmatism caused intense headache this morning. And above all, i just want to be left alone for just a day. I’m thinking things through today and it’s helluva scary. Overall, i don’t know what to feel about this day.
July 14, 2023 (Friday)
10:26 pm , At bedroom
July 13, 2023 (Thursday)
10:13 pm, At Company’s Service Vehicle
Was not able to finished the report. Given extension until tomorrow. Overall, a fucking tiring day.
July 12, 20203 (Wednesday)
11:00pm, At bedroom
Just finished my target for today in order to meet tomorrow’s deadline. Brought with me the paperworks to home - talk about unhealthy working habit. Currently spiraling down into the usual revenge bedtime procrastination and for sure i’ll wake up tomorrow groggy and all. Is this really the life that i want to live? Overall, a draining day.
July 11, 2023 (Tuesday)
8:25pm, At company’s Service Van
Covered a shift for an absent coworker; the line of work is not part of my job description. I want to complain but i don’t have the economy and purchasing power to do so. So i remained a damn Yes man, like i always do. I have yet to finish the monitoring report due this thursday. Wished my coworkers can also sub for me and all. Overall, an exhausting day.
July 10, 2023 (Monday)
7:30 pm, At Company’s Service Van
Rendered another overtime to continue the preparation of the company’s Quarterly and Semiannually Self-Monitoring Report. Almost done but i still need to transfer the data to the online system. I realized this country demands so much paperworks and documentation. I wonder if they even read them at all. Overall, a tiring day.
July 9, 2023 (Sunday)
4:04pm, At Home
Nothing much going on. Booked myself a haircut appointment today but too lazy to even get out of bed. Watched instead the movie Burning. Sunday is certainly a rest day. Even God said so; i don’t make the rules. Overall, it’s an okay day.
