hey man i'm going on vacation for 86 yoctoseconds can you watch my pet hydrogen-5 isotope while i'm gone

this threesome could have been an email

this email could have been a threesome

a giant, glass shattering noise comes from the sky that is unmistakably the smash bros announcer saying “KING DEDEDE”. it makes headlines worldwide and people are scared. scientists find that the source of the noise was a dead star 2.7 billion light years away

I've been waiting to hear this my entire life

THE JUDGE: after review of all her liked posts, we determine the defendant to be sexually perfect and of sweetheart nature

ME: kill your self

There has been a psychic shift in the sweetheart grid

lol *creates a shrine to something obscure and unimportant

turned down a date because i want to go swing my sword at a tree later tonight. alone

The strap is real it's alive it's part of you a part of your soul and body is inside that commanding it,and you can astral project your nerve endings onto it with great ease and experience everrything it does. because it Loves You.

Ecological collapse is a small price to pay for an anaemic culture of air fryers, reiki influencers, Shakespeare & Co tote bags, unkillable stock markets, and twitter-using Habsburgs.

tumblr please stop telling me to wd40 a mouse

snowy owl with pristine white feathers, ordering a hotdog with extra mustard. onlookers observe first in horror at the imagined inevitable mustard stains, and then in awe as it opens its mouth and the entire hotdog goes down in one go with perfect precision like it was eating a vole.

richard nixon is q*eer because he did watergate, subverting the societal expectation we all had for him to not do watergate

I’m like if the Buddha was also a hater

scantily is basically the most classic way to be clad

Before the final blow was struck i tore open a portal in time