nerd central

new variant on “your boos mean nothing; I’ve seen what makes you cheer”

hate it when pets learn words, my dog flips out when he hears "greenie" so we had to start saying "G word" but now he knows G word so we have to say shit like "are we out of emerald indulgences"

i view just enough horror and have poor enough visual processing that i legit thought this was a gore-drenched bedroom that i would nope the fuck out of

Yeah, I feel like the floor is going to squelch blood if I step on it, and if I touch one of those dangling red strings, I'm going to get pulled up, enveloped, and digested by the sticky red organic globules hanging from the ceiling.

no it's nice design cause in color theory red is associated with more positive emotions than negative 😁

sorry that i ended two consecutive messages with "lmao." i don't know why i did that. it looks really dumb doesn't it. i'll edit one to get rid of it. you can end my stupid pathetic life if you want

the cucks have unionized

they want nicer chairs

Every person who likes and reblogs this post will be enrolled in witness protection

i love twitter i love twitter i love twitter

scantily is basically the most classic way to be clad

This is iron clad erasure

I need to live long enough for the opportunity to say "the iron in which your argument is clad is scanty"

I wish I was a muppet so I could flail uncontrollably with no consequences. And for the scrunch

Being an adult will having you freezing foods you didn’t even think were possible to freeze

everyone loves to shit on shoebills like omg this bird is SO SCARY its TERRIFYING which like first of all shut up youre annoying second they are literally just standing there what the hell is your problem

why would you hate him. what did he ever do to you

looked him up on Google and he was swallowing a whole monkey

guys gotta eat

does he have to look that smug doing it tho

something incredibly American about an Allied trooper yelling brand names at Soviets until they recognize him as an ally.

just overheard my wife spelling something on the phone and i shit you not saying the words “E as in Eeyore” i am on my hands and knees wailing screaming crying pleading and begging people to learn the NATO phonetic alphabet

like the reason this exists is because none of the words sound like each other, which means that even with a terrible signal both parties should be able to clearly understand the words being spelled

i am dead serious that i believe this should be taught in school

Me in a Starbucks: It's Mike-India-Kilo-Echo

The Barista: Order for your Kindy Achillo-Hecko sir

hey man. nice regional dialect. mind if i apply some baseless assumptions about your personhood to it? i was also gonna prescribe morality to it as well. if that’s cool with you