more fake tweets for the masses

Star Trek Men, Ranked By How Well I Think They Would Do in a Boy Band

Bones 0/10: Antagonizes fans just to amuse himself, only scowls in photos

Odo 0/10: Refuses to join because he thinks the whole thing sounds suspicious 

Chakotay 1/10: Would sigh loudly during all practices until asked to leave

Neelix 1/10: Self-explanatory

Quark 1/10: Immediately appoints himself the group’s manager, does nothing but run poorly organized scams which Odo foils 

Picard 2/10: Appears in one music video, attracts a legion of fans who call him “Daddy Picard”, then tries to erase himself from the internet 

O’Brien 2/10: Stresses that he wants nothing to do with the band, but is constantly forced to help them

Rom: 3/10: Practices more than anyone else, but is still awful. Leeta attends all of his performances

Scotty, Saru, and Chekov 4/10: Always two counts behind, but are still loved because they are good guys doing their best

The Doctor 4/10: He’s a great singer, but would definitely get fed up with the other members and leave the group almost immediately

Paul Stamets 4/10: Claims he’s uninterested in music, but really just gets stage fright

Lorca 5/10: Would do great until it was revealed he was awful

Spock and Tuvok 5/10: Refuse to be involved in something as ‘frivolous’ and ‘illogical’ as a boy band, but secretly run at least ten stan accounts on twitter

Tom Paris 6/10: Thinks he’s way more talented than he actually is, gets by on his charm and looks

Q 6/10 If he applied himself, he could become a superstar, but he would be far too impatient 

Wesley 7/10: Could have been great, if circumstances were different. Gets burnt out and leaves to have a distinguished career in something else. 

Sisko 7/10: Too busy to actually join the band, but performs covers of their music to embarrass Jake at parties

Harry Kim 7/10: Somehow ends up with one line in every song

Kirk 7.5/10: Insists on being the leader, despite having no clear skill in dancing or singing, but is still very popular because he’s always ripping off his shirt off

Pike 8/10: The band’s actual manager/spokesperson, does an excellent job 

Garak 8/10: Can’t really sing, but is constantly creating drama so the group stays in the headlines

Hugh Culber 8/10: Has to take a leave of absence due to the stress of trying to keep everyone on track

Data and Geordi 9/10: Don’t entirely understand how they got into this situation, but still do an incredible job and are adored by all. Also Data has a dance solo in every song

Riker 9/10: The star of every meme compilation 

Bashir 9.5/10: The band’s resident ingenue. Gets the most media attention, largely because Garak forces people to write about him

Sulu 9.5/10: It’s Sulu. Need I say more?

Worf 10/10: Worf would join to try and impress Dax, then immediately become the most popular member of the group. This would irritate him greatly. 

Star Wars: The Old Republic, Republic classes as John Mulaney Quotes

Jedi Knight

Jedi Consular

Smuggler

Republic Trooper

Undetailed Class Story Plots

I’ve wanted to do this for a while. I’ve always found it kind of funny that NPCs always refer to our OCs as heroes who have saved the galaxy on multiple occasions… when that’s not always the case lol.

–

Jedi Knight - Chapter One

Save the Republic. Classic Jedi experience.

Chapter Two

The epitome of that Gru meme where you try to do something really well but it goes horribly wrong.

Chapter Three

Save the Republic. And unwittingly pluck a thorn from the Empire’s side.

-

Jedi Consular - Chapter One

Save the Jedi and die trying. Or don’t. We don’t really know at this juncture. Good luck.

Chapter Two

Keep these politicians from tearing the Republic apart pls thanks.

Chapter Three

Save the Republic from mysterious secret Sith. Remember when this was a diplomatic mission?

-

Smuggler - Chapter One

Fly a ship. Shoot some assholes. Get rich.

Chapter Two

Fly a ship. Shoot some assholes. Get rich. Legitimately.

Chapter Three

Save the Republic. Gain a criminal empire. Remember Rogun? Me neither.

-

Trooper - Chapter One

Save the Republic from TR-8Rs.

Chapter Two

Who knew recruiting could ever be this complicated.

Chapter Three

War.

-

Sith Warrior - Chapter One

Save Baras’s cake-eating hide.

Chapter Two

Save the Empire! Actually doing something useful!

Chapter Three

“I’m doing this because the Emperor said so. Also, fuck you.” x2

-

Sith Inquisitor - Chapter One

Collect cool artifacts! Hey, what do we need these for–? Oh.

Chapter Two

I’m still collecting things. Dead things.

Chapter Three

Too many dead things!!!

-

Bounty Hunter - Chapter One

Go! Fight! Win!

Chapter Two

Aw, yeah. We’re getting rich now, guys.

Chapter Three

Fuck the Jedi. Fuck the Sith. The only people that matter are Mandalorians.

-

Imperial Agent - Chapter One

Okay, there’s a lot going on, but I got this. I trained for this.

Chapter Two

Cool, I love undercover missions. This isn’t very different from any other miss–. Wait what? Oh god.

Chapter Three

I have a FUCKING HEADACHE.

why is the sims so addictive but only for a short amount of time??? like all u do is play the sims u don’t sleep u don’t eat it’s like you’re on drugs for around two days and then forget about it for the next whole year

God creating Adam and Eve then fucking off for the rest of the eternity like

Wut

Trying to make your ocs naturally develop Feelings™ for each other like:

I love that both of the Sith classes basically end with you kicking down the door of the Dark Council and just shouting "Heard you were talking SHIT!" across the room to a much older, higher ranking Sith.

Because that right there is the core of Sith philosophy.

warcraft + screenshots of despair

you’re welcome

This is a museum of pixilicious.

Tess of the d'Urbervilles: A summary

john: guess what were posh

tess: dad no

alec: hey ur cute wanna work for my mum

tess: …ok

joan: now kiss

alec: *takes advantage of both his superior position and tess*

tess: *gives birth*

baby: *dies*

tess: off to work now bye

angel: hey ur cute

angel: ily

tess: ily but theres something –

angel: no ily shut up

angel: i do

tess: i do

angel: ily

tess: i once had a child and it died

angel: ———————————–

tess: …

angel: brb *goes on world trip*

tess: *works*

alec: oh hey there

tess: no

alec: i want u but i don’t wanna want u do u see my problem

letter!tess: angel plz come back ily

alec: hes not coming

tess: …

letter!tess: angel y u gotta be so mean i hate u

angel: hi im back

tess: too late mate

angel: bye then

tess: *stabs* wait ily i just killed alec now love me plz

angel: fair enough

tess: whoops they found me ok then don’t forget 2 marry my sis

angel: ok bye

angel: hey ‘liza-lu so after ur sis has been executed wanna walk into the sunset w/ me

I am so sorry. It was late, I was on a train, and I felt the need to post something original for #200. Please don’t judge me; I assure you my grammar, spelling, and literary analyses usually are much better. Also, the book was actually very gripping and enjoyable.