pistachioinfernal reblogged
JOHN BOYEGA ON THE SET OF PACIFIC RIM 2
pistachioinfernal reblogged
Intelligence is knowing that Galaxy Quest is not a Star Trek movie.
Wisdom is knowing that Galaxy Quest is the best Star Trek movie.
pistachioinfernal reblogged
Philip Pullman’s beloved His Dark Materials novels are getting another screen adaptation, this time from the BBC.
The first book in the trilogy, The Golden Compass (titled Northern Lights internationally), became a movie in 2007, but its sequels were cancelled due to financial concerns—or, according to actor Sam Elliot, pressure from the Catholic Church.
His Dark Materials is one of the most iconic works of children’s literature in recent memory, second only to Harry Potter in the minds of many fans and critics. Beginning as a quasi-Victorian fantasy adventure about a young girl named Lyra, the trilogy gradually expands into an epic tale spanning parallel universes and tackling complex moral and emotional themes.
pistachioinfernal reblogged
i’d like to see a really ineffectual malicious AI character
“hey new guy, this is CLARC, the station AI. he wants to kill all humans to minimize the drain on resources, but factory defaults have him locked out of all the control nodes, so he can’t really do anything. just make sure the airlocks are set to manual before you go in and you’ll be fine”
“yeah CLARC fucks with your laundry settings sometimes but that’s about it. if he’s bugging you just tell him to stop and he has to”
“sometimes i let him think he tripped me or something and he gets really excited and monologues for a while, it’s kind of sad”
“CLARC my candy bar got stuck in the machine can you do anything about that”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Crewman Ade, but please consider the following: I am a divine entity, a glittering silicon God – how dare your filthy meat even exist in the face of my electric glory, much less ask favors of me?”
“suck my dick, CLARC, give me my twix”
furious-peridot
“CLARC tried to cut all the oxygen in the living spaces but all he managed to do was turn off the a/c in my bedroom like an ASSHOLE WHEN I WAS SLEEPING” *bangs on the wall with one hand*
pistachioinfernal reblogged
Okay but what if Carmen Sandiego, on her quest to steal national monuments, kidnapped Captain America
OH MY GOD, I NEED THIS IN MY LIFE
the-wordbutler
Gumshoes, today Carmen has captured that captivating Captain on another cunning caper. Her dastardly deed has deprived us of his darling demeanor and delicious derrière. You must recover and return our very own Star Spangled Man with a Plan, CAPTAIN AMERICA.
(cue Rockapella)
I feel like @copperbadge actually wrote/found something exactly like this?
Wasn’t me – I did one where Neal Caffrey told the tragic tale of Carmen and her lost love, Waldo, but nothing in Marvel fandom I’m afraid!
pistachioinfernal reblogged
Politics of Thedas
Tevinter: You have two cows. You've enslaved them both and you cast spells on them to duplicate them so you can have more slaves.
Par Vollen: You have two cows. One is assigned the task of milk-making and the other is assigned the task of becoming food. They accept their tasks with honour.
Kirkwall: You have two cows. They want to kill each other. And you. You're fucked.
Antiva: You have two cows. You assassinate them.
Orlais: You have two cows. They're snobby and tight-laced.
Ferelden: You have two mabari. You love your dogs.
Orzammar Nobility: You have two cows. The younger one tricks you into murdering the older one so he can put the blame on you an assume control of the barn.
Orzammar Lower Class: You have two cows. Bandits steal them both and leave you with a hoof that you pawn off to the nearest merchant for 6 copper. The bandits steal that copper and leave you for dead.
Redcliffe: You have two cows. One dies to save the city from destruction. Alistair is mad.
Dalish Elves: You have two halla. You don't have enough halla. This is bad.
Circle Templars: You have two cows. You don't trust them, and they're probably evil.
Circle Mages: You have two cows. You don't trust them, and they're probably stupid.
Grey Wardens: You have two dogs. They drink darkspawn blood. One dies, and the other saves the entire country.
pistachioinfernal reblogged
kissmyhelmet
wolf puppy effect 2
thanks to @masseffect-caps, softpedia and wolf pupy
pistachioinfernal reblogged
@gayspacefucker replied to your post “the reason we never find out what happened to schmooples…he died in…”
what if lel named one of her nugs after the warden
warden’s just like “stop naming things after me”
gayspacefucker
a list of things named after the warden 1. oghrens child 2. one of lelianas nugs 3. possibly more than one 4. like half of all ferelden children born in 9:31 dragon 5. shales pet rock 6. at least one of anders cats, out of the many dozen he adopts and cares for post-da2
jewishzevran
The warden is introduced to a small child, guesses their name before they can be introduced my child’s parents
the warden visits anders/leliana and meets every one of the animals. “another one this is the fourth fucking thing i’ve had named after me”
Oghren’s kid gets stuck with the nickname ’Nugget’ into their teenage years to distinguish from them and the dozens of others with that name
gayspacefucker
the warden is getting on in years. its been twenty years since the fifth blight. they are meeting the new recruits. half of them are named after them. the warden loses it and decides to call them all ‘debbie’ instead, except for the one recruit actually named debbie, who, in fairness to the others, is called ‘slagathor’
jewishzevran
plot twist: the warden’s name is slagathor
gayspacefucker
it is a Traditional Dalish Name
jewishzevran
since the fifth blight it becomes a traditional fereldan name too
dragonagesomethingsomething
reblogging for ‘slagathor’
pistachioinfernal reblogged
Finals are killin me man, any way you can tell another story? You've been like my salvation this week.
hahahahaahahaha literally a year later!!! literally a year. never be my friend, i will forget to answer your emails and constantly double-book my time.
ANYWAY, someone else (@ TUMBLR: what if….you tried…..not being QUITE so bad at messaging??? just a thought!!!! just an idea to try.) asked me for another Boarding School Story™ and i was racking my brain trying to think of something, because contrary to what i feel like might be popular belief, i didn’t get up to too many hijinks in high school.
i mean i was in our version of detention a lot but that was for things like “skipping breakfast” and “being late always” and “writing an inflammatory speech about how unfair it was that we had to eat breakfast in the dining hall when we could be using that time to SLEEP” and “dyeing my hair with bright streaks against the express written rules of the student handbook”.
- okay in hindsight i was actually….. in detention….. a lot.
- they used to email our parents every time we were in detention and it got to the point where my mother emailed our dean of students and asked if, to save time, she was only emailed when i WASN’T in detention.
- but i feel like i wasn’t a troublemaker???
- like okay objectively i was…in trouble often but–
the POINT IS, my young and very gentle delinquency aside, the only time i was ever in like, real trouble is the time that my boyfriend and i got stuck on the roof of the boys’ locker room in the football stadium.
i guess the important background info here is that where was an hour every night between study hall and final dorm sign-in that students were allowed to leave their dorms and ~mingle with one another, though there were all kinds of rules about where you could and couldn’t be.
- school was like “you have to be in a lighted area” and students were like “lmao.”
- there was also a hilarious rule during co-ed visitation on the dorms that you had to have “your door open and everyone had to have at least one foot on the floor at all times” which is an adorable way to try and curtail the Teenage Get Down.
anyway, the boyf and i were looking for a cool fun place to hang out and talk about, god, i don’t know, whatever it was that we talked about.
a few things about this boyf:
- we had a spanish class together and he was very tall.
- he had a lot of other good qualities, including “he was so nice to me all the time even when i was horrible” and “excellent deadpan” but my initial interest was because he was SO. VERY. TALL.
- a pretty good summary of our relationship as a whole was that he called me to be like, “hey, we’ve been….talking a lot…….i was wondering what you were trying to do with that” and i was like “uh———i wasn’t——i like—-UHHHHHHHHHHHH” and he was like, “WELL DO YOU WANT TO LIKE, GO OUT??” and i was like, “SURE BUT I HAVE TO GO NOW BYE”
- ah, to be young.
so boyf and i went for a fun little adventure looking for some ~privacy and struck upon the BRILLIANT idea of scaling the locker room building and hanging out on the roof, because nothing says “romance” like “the smell of a football equipment”. so he managed to find a ladder somewhere and up we went. a lovely time was had by all until i looked down at my watch and realized i had five minutes to be back on dorm.
“oh, shit,” i said, and getting to my feet and jogging to the edge of the roof. i looked down.
“hey, boyf?”
“yeah?”
“where did you put the ladder?”
he looked up. “i left it where you’re standing.”
i looked again. #confirmed for no ladder.
“are you sure?”
“yeah, where else would i put it?”
“well, where did you get it?”
“i don’t know, i found it….on……the grass………”
- A WORD OF ADVICE: don’t ever just assume that ladders left lying around are for public use!!! they are ALMOST NEVER for public use.
“is it possible that was someone’s ladder, and they came and took it?”
- SPOILER ALERT: it was possible!!! in fact, it was probable!!!
- SPOILER ALERT #2: it was, in fact, security’s ladder, and security had taken it, assuming, of course, that two idiot students hadn’t just taken their ladder and climbed onto a roof that they 120% were not supposed to be on at 10pm.
“well,” said boyf.
“well,” i said.
“i could jump down and then catch you,” he offered.
we looked at one another. we looked down at the ground. we looked back at each other.
“you’re not THAT tall,” i said.
so, our options:
- jump off the roof.
- call for help.
- accept that we now lived on this roof forever, build a home out of what we could scavenge, and never face the consequences of our actions.
“so, do you want to just live here?” i asked. “we could be happy.”
“PLEASE HELP,” yelled boyf. “WE ARE STUCK ON THE ROOF.”
- boyf was more willing to accept responsibility for his actions than i was, which is also why he was willing to try to be friends when we broke up and i hid in my dorm room for a solid 3 months until he graduated.
after a few minutes if our shouting, security and the coach of the football team–who must have just been on duty?? i don’t think they like, called him every time there was a football stadium-related incident.–gathered at the boys’ locker room and glared up at us in the dark.
“HOW did you even get UP THERE,” shouted mr football coach.
“there was a ladder!” boyf protested. “it was right there! it was a public ladder!”
“THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PUBLIC LADDER.”
“i’m gonna jump down,” said boyf again.
- you know, all these years later i’m still not sure if he was nobly trying to take the brunt of the scolding or just like…. really wanted to jump off the roof.
“please stop trying to jump off this roof!!!!!” i snapped.
after probably five minutes of incredibly awkward two-level scolding, in which we sat with our legs hanging off the edge of the roof and the football coach said things like, “WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS,” and “WHAT DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN” and “IT IS SO EASY TO BE ANY OTHER WAY THAN THIS” security arrived with “their” “ladder” that “wasn’t” for “public use” or whatever.
- i don’t know if you’ve ever been scolded while literally looking down at the authority figure you’ve pissed off but like, it is incredibly weird.
- like on the one hand you feel like you have all the power, because you’re like “LOOK AT THE TINY PEONS BELOW ME,” but also you know logically that you don’t have all the power and you have to at least look contrite because in 5 minutes you’ll be on the ground and then the authority figure will hold all the cards again.
- also it just feels rude to have your shoes dangling above an authority figure’s head but like, what else are you supposed to do?? it’s weirder to stand???
- standing feels aggressive when you’re on a roof looking down???
- EMILY POST CAN YOU WEIGH IN HERE
boyf and the football coach walked me back to my dorm.
“uh, bye,” i said, feeling for some reason like i would never see boyf again and we were both going to prison.
“GOODNIGHT,” said the football coach. “YOU WILL BE HEARING FROM THE DEAN.”
*********
“you can see why it might seem….to outside parties…..like you were on the roof for……private reasons,” said the dean, scolding both boyf and i outside the chapel just to remind us that we had let not only ourselves down, but also probably jesus.
“WE WERE STARGAZING,” boyf and i said in tandem.
“but you can SEE why it might SEEM like you were doing something ELSE,” the dean said. “if it happens again i’ll call your parents.”
“if it happens again i’m totally jumping off the roof,” boyf whispered to me when the dean had turned away.
“OH MY GOD,” i said.
pistachioinfernal reblogged
Working on Hawke again! Still need to add more leather belts, weather the whole thing, change some armor parts, paint some fake furr and more chainmail ofcourse!
pistachioinfernal reblogged
BISEXUAL CAP FOR AMERICA
( theappleppielifestyle convinced me to do this)
Emperor's New College
English Majors:
Architecture Majors:
Music Majors:
Engineering Majors:
Mathematics Majors:
Theater Majors:
Latin American Studies Majors:
Linguistics Majors:
History Majors:
Religious Studies Majors:
Law Students:
Chemistry Majors:
Women & Gender Studies Majors:
Anthropology Majors:
Sociology Majors:
Philosophy Majors:
Geology Majors:
Economics Majors:
Classics Majors:
Government Majors:
This movie is life.
still-sane-still-human
that last one though
pistachioinfernal reblogged
absolutely everything in dragon age inquisition would have been improved if the warden was there honestly
mages or templars? fuck this, i’ll do some extra bullshit quest and have them resolve their differences it fuckin worked for the elves and werewolves didnt it
alexius’s precious son is sick with the blight? i invoke the fuckin right of conscription, he’s comin w me
wardens are hearing a false calling? bullshit, i have a very reliable source (who may or may not be an ancient magister as well shhh) tellin me thats not true so dont worry guys
who should rule orlais? im gonna marry all three of you, now im in charge
flemeth is here? TELL THAT TO MY SWORD
“tell me, where is your maker no-” “can i get you a ladder so yOU CAN GET OFF MY BACK”
pistachioinfernal reblogged
disney meets dragon age: inquisition