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#cw child abuse – @pistachioinfernal on Tumblr
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Words Have Power

@pistachioinfernal / pistachioinfernal.tumblr.com

ON HIATUS: Be brave, be kind. Feminist, socialist, anti-fascist, she/her. I once asked Chuck Tingle if he might write a kids book. AO3. Multifandom blog. About. Follow 'wholesome' tag for cute stuff. 50ish age
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nothorses

my problem with how internet leftists talk about teachers is that they fall into the same trap that every shitty non-profit work environment does: the work Actually Matters, therefore worker's rights no longer apply.

"the customer is always wrong", but if you're a teacher, you can't have that mentality about your customers (your students and their parents), because that leads to abuse and trauma. which, to be clear, is literally true! teachers are responsible for the harm they cause, regardless of what leads to it!

but when teachers speak up and say that they need better pay, smaller classrooms, and better protections as workers in order to mitigate the burnout and trauma that leads to these problems, snarky internet leftists love to shit on them for asking for real help instead of bootstrapping their way out of mental health struggles caused by shitty, abusive working conditions.

it's okay for a barista to take their stress and frustration out on the next customer- regardless of the harm this causes or how undeserving the recipient of it may be- because they're abused and at the mercy of a system that overworks and underpays them. but if a teacher asks that we grapple with the complexity of:

  1. real systemic problems that lead to individuals lashing out and causing harm,
  2. that harm still not being acceptable or allowable on an individual level, and
  3. those systemic issues still needing to be addressed in order to reduce said harm on a wider scale,

people start acting like every teacher who wants a raise is Count fucking Olaf.

yall don't want real solutions to the problems you bring up, you want to feel morally righteous.

I've actively worked to get abusive childcare workers fired- successfully- and blacklisted from those workplaces. on multiple occasions. I'd argue those instances were less "lashing out due to stress" and more "taking advantage of the gaps in the systems to increase and abuse power over those in their care", and I've worked alongside abuse survivors to close those gaps.

So before you continue reading, ask yourself: which of us has done more to materially address this problem? Is this really an issue of me not caring or not wanting to do the work? If I didn't care, would I have been doing the work? Have you done the work?

When I say that improving the working conditions of teachers will improve the safety of the children under their care, I say it because it's literally true. Because that's how jobs work: workers under stress will be worse at their jobs than workers who aren't.

We still need to hold individuals accountable when they hurt others. Teachers who are not safe to be around children should not be permitted to work with them, let alone be responsible for their safety.

But if you want teachers to be better at their jobs (taking care of kids) you will need to work towards improving their material conditions & lessening the stress they are under.

Worker's rights apply even when the worker's fuckups cause real harm to human people. Maybe even especially when the stakes are that high.

hey guys I'm really sorry about the teachers that hurt you. like, genuinely. nobody deserves that, you did not deserve that, and those teachers need to be held accountable & prevented from causing any further harm.

but you know worker's rights still apply to teachers, right? please tell me you know that teachers are workers.

you guys know about transformative justice, right? like, the very basic leftist idea that we need to address and transform the systems that cause or enable harm? because just punishing individuals doesn't work and in fact makes things worse, and failing to address systemic causes results in the problem continuing to happen? right?

is anyone there

I had a very shitty homeroom teacher, who was emotionally and verbally abusive. He was my homeroom teacher for 3/5 years (trauma so I'm not sure how long). However I SUPPORT TEACHERS RIGHTS. Because when you support workers rights when it comes to teachers, you will get better teachers. You realise that, right? If you support a system that says 'we'll take anyone who can teach' that means ANYONE. IF you support a system that has checks and balances and unionises and has standards THEN YOU WILL GET BETTER TEACHERS WHO ARE BETTER PEOPLE. No system is perfect. But A system is better than NO system.

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hellkatsally

These dudes are fucking legit.  They don’t just show up one day in court, either, they actually make friends with the kids and let them know they have a support system and that there are people in the world who care about them and will always have their back.  And less important, but also cool, is that the few times a couple of them have come into my cafe, they’ve been super friendly and polite and when I told one of the guys that I noticed his Bikers Against Child Abuse patch and wanted him to know how awesome I thought he was because of it, he got kind of shy and blushed and said, “The kids are the awesome ones, we just let them know they’re allowed to be brave.”

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bebinn

The source is long, but so, so good. These men and women are available in 36 states, 24 hours a day to stand guard at home, in court, at school, even if the child has a nightmare. Many of them are survivors of childhood abuse as well, and know what it’s like to feel scared and alone.

In court that day, the judge asked the boy, “Are you afraid?” No, the boy said.
Pipes says the judge seemed surprised, and asked, “Why not?”
The boy glanced at Pipes and the other bikers sitting in the front row, two more standing on each side of the courtroom door, and told the judge, “Because my friends are scarier than he is.”

Actual tears.. hnngh

Show me more of people like this, world. I give up on humans too easily.

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groovypirate

where do i sign up for this,i want to be in this gang

This is fucking amazing. It may be out of character for me to say this but rock on

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clatterbane

Bikers Against Child Abuse was founded in 1995 by a Native American child psychologist whose ride name is Chief, when he came across a young boy who had been subjected to extreme abuse and was too afraid to leave his house. He called the boy to reach out to him, but the only thing that seemed to interest the child was Chief’s bike. Soon, some 20 bikers went to the boy’s neighborhood and were able to draw him out of his house for the first time in weeks.

Chief’s thesis was that a child who has been abused by an adult can benefit psychologically from the presence of even more intimidating adults that they know are on their side. “When we tell a child they don’t have to be afraid, they believe us,” Arizona biker Pipes told azcentral.com. “When we tell them we will be there for them, they believe us.” ( Article)

More about BACA, from their site

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uriesays

My parents are a part of this organization and they are metal af

They go on runs to protect the child if they feel even the slightest threatened no matter where. If the child needs them to go on vacation with them, they do. Bikers come from across the nation to watch over and take shifts for these kids. And the best part is once you’re adopted into this family as a BACA kid, you’re always one. Even when you’re 40 and the perp gets released from jail, they’ll come meet with you and find your best options for avoiding the person and maintaining the life you’ve built for yourself. Once a BACA child, always a BACA child. In Florida, there’s 100% rate for identifying the perp based on the child’s testimony. Why? Because BACA stands with the child and supports the child so they feel comfortable enough to point out their attacker.

What’s better than a badass biker gang being on your side???

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kikithegirl

NATIVE AMERICAN CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST WHO IS A BIKER AND NAMED HIMSELF CHIEF HELL YES I’M HERE FOR THAT AND BIKERS BEING BAD ASS TO PROTECT KIDS. HELL YEAH.

it’s back! I will always reblog BACA

Damn good people.

I know they wouldn’t consider themselves such, but these people are freaking heroes and the world is a better place because of them. 

Hey folks, it talks about this in the article but its not mentioned in this post, BACA is a 501 © (3) charity that depends in part on donations to help pay for stuff like gas for their bikes. If you want to help, consider donating. 

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drgaellon

@copperbadge You like posting about heroes, Sam. Seems like this would be up your alley.

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copperbadge

I love these folks! I’ve reblogged them before but it’s wonderful to see the donation information has been added. 

Always reblog. Keep doing what you’re doing y'all.

Guys? This post changed my life. I saw this post. Forever ago. And thought it was only in america… and wished desperately that they could help me. But then I saw it again, during a bad episode, and checked their site. They aren’t just in the USA

They’re in Canada as well and probably other countries. I met and talked with a native guy who runs the place near me. His name is Shaman. I got in, and I’m considered a BACA child now. Despite being 17, turning 18 when I talked to them. They spent time with me when my abuser was over, they gave me therapy resources. They give you something called a ‘level 1′ where they go to your house with as many bikers as they can, i shit you not a solid 20-40 bikers came from even out of province, and met me. I got to choose my biker name and I got a vest with patches on it and my name on it. They all hugged a Teddybear before giving it to me, and told me if I ever felt the BACA bear was running out of love, to give them a call and they’d refill it for me, and then I got a ride on one of their bikes. Just a day or so ago I went to an annual party with them and they we ate food one of them cooked and had a lot of laughs. 

I’ve never felt as loved as I did being a part of the BACA family. They also gave me dog tags with the names, and phone numbers of my 2 workers.  So I can call them whenever I feel scared. 

BACA is an absolutely wonderful group that will do everything in it’s power to help any child whos been abused. 

And it doesn’t end when you’re 18 either. As long as you get in contact/get your level 1 before you’re 18? you’re ALWAYS a BACA kid. I’m 18 now and they still invite me to parties, ask me if I’m okay, and are there for me. They’re still trying to find me resources for therapy. 

BACA has changed my fucking life. 

I hope you all can read this, and reblog it knowing from someone who fucking been with them, that they are absolutely amazing. 

If I ever don’t reblog this, it’s because I am physically being restrained against my will.

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gasdiver2

Supporting your local hero’s.

FUCKEN AMAZING what these Bikers do!!!! This is why I don’t give up on humanity…

💞🖤💞 Carpe Diem 💞🖤💞

Links the International BACA Chapters:

B.A.C.A’s Byline: “Keepers of the Children.” B.A.C.A.’s Motto: “No child deserves to live in fear.”

Not all heroes wear capes, some wear biker vests.

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humanjoy

Had seen this before, but never realised that this is on an international level - there’s even a contact address close to where I live (in Germany), very cool (though hoping the only use I’ll ever have to make of it is for donations) ❤

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mun-urufu

THESE PEOPLE ARE HEROS OF THE BEST KIND. THEYVE SOREAD WORLDWIDE AND WE MUST SOREAD THEIR NEWS FURTHER AND DONATE TO KEEP THEM WORKING, TO SAVE AND HELP THE CHILDREN WHO NEED THEM ❤️

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mogifire

Harley & Ivy

This is why I love them!

Harley is an abuse survivor of course she’d wreck this dude!!!

Can I just say how much I love the implications here? Harley and Ivy are known public figures. People know who they are, and recognize them. And this kid knows that, despite being violent criminals, they’re safe enough to go to for protection. Ivy is dead certain that the Batfamily will be okay with them intervening to protect a kid. That has some intersting implications - either she knows damn well where the lines lie and that this is overriding enough to get her a pass, or (more likely, given the first bit) this has come up before.

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seelcudoom

one of my favorite tropes is villains acting heroically not because the other villain is a threat to them or because it benefits them, but because they have standards

^^^ That’s the good shit right there

Always reblog protector Harley and Ivy

I think this illustrates that there is sometimes a separation between the types of villains. There are some villains who have little to no redeeming qualities like Joker and then you have what’s shown in this panel. Two of the most infamous villains with the mindset of, “Wait a minute! No, you don’t hurt children! They’re off limits!”

This (official) story is in the anthology series Batman: Black and White. Fourth volume of the series, third issue, printed 2013. Written by Paul Dini himself and drawn by Stephane Roux.

and it has an even happier ending!

I love this????

Thanks for adding the ending!

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valtharr

fuck, now I’m crying

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grimmtidings

Oh look. It’s MY Batman. The real Batman, not the hypermasculine ultraviolent for the sake of ultraviolence asshole that keeps popping up in popular media.

The Batman who held Ace’s hand. The Batman who keeps trying to get his rogue’s gallery treatment. The Batman who hands low-tier thugs a Wayne Enterprises business card and says “call them about a job.” The Batman who isn’t black and white, the Batman who recognizes even “bad” people can do “good” things. The Batman who genuinely cares about people, not just punishment.

World Heritage Post

LOVE

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azlinh

Always reblog Harley & Ivy

The Batman that we love is mainly because of Paul Dini. He wrote for the animated series and helped on the Arkham games (first two). Highly recommend all his comics, especially Batman ones, to all of you.

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vodrae

This is what i’m talking about when I say Gotham is a big dysfunctional family

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I don't get why there are no resources for healthy expressions of anger. Are we as a society fundamentally opposed to people feeling anger? Are we afraid that if people get angry they're going to cause destruction so as an alternative we want anger to just not exist? Anger will go somewhere regardless of whether we want it to exist or not, and if a person who has good reasons to be angry, is not allowed to feel angry, they'll get eaten by self hatred and depression because that's what internalizing anger does.

It's also interesting that when abusers and people in power are angry, they can pretty much do whatever they like. Say no to them, they're having crazy revenges, they're tearing apart your stuff, they're starting wars, they're telling you how they're going to kill you in detail, no self restraint, no consequences, nothing. Anger is theirs to do as they please with and in response the society is just, too scared to do anything, so they assume that this specific anger is 'justified' and 'cannot be helped'. However when victims of something are angry, then they're labelled as 'unreasonable' and 'dangerous' and 'unable to move on from things'. Their anger is a problem that needs to be squashed, erased, there's apparently no justifications for these people to be angry, nothing that is reasonable or okay for them to do about it, they just get demonized and shamed for having a completely rational response to injustice.

Is that it then? Those who are able to act out on their anger, get justifications and obedience, but those who are helpless but angry for very good reasons, are just to be suffocated? Anger is allowed only for some parts of human society and it's the most violent, destructive and dangerous part of it too? Where is this getting us? Is the amount of injustice ever going to decrease if we defend injustice, and fight for it to keep going on?

If I look up ways to express anger, I get stuff like 'anger management steps', and 'letting go and moving on from anger', like excuse me. I didn't even get to express 1% of my anger and I need anger management? I have never had problems with controlling my anger, the struggle is to get it out at all! To integrate it into my personality, to hold people accountable without having to think about it, to show resistance when I'm being stepped on! What anger management? Why am I pushed to move away from anger, I haven't even arrived to anger!

Why is it assumed that every person who struggles with expressing anger is a maniac breaking things, enacting revenges, trying to injure or murder people, lashing out and doing harm to everyone around themselves. I can guess why. Because all of the resources are created for people who are letting their anger run wild without a cap and who use anger to get their way. The world is adjusted for people who are allowed to be angry, who were never pushed to the point where getting angry meant loss of survival, where expressions of anger would lead to torture. I am apparently not even considered to exist. I'm either a maniac or not a target audience for anger resources.

If someone's been traumatized out of being able to feel angry, people don't think it's worth having this person angry. It's very obvious this person has giant reasons for anger, so if we let them feel it, they could become 'dangerous', or 'just like their abuser'. You know, being angry at the abuser does not make anyone like the abuser, it makes them Normal. Rational. Having Self Worth. Human. Logical. Reasonable. Engaging in everyone's best fucking interest because you know that abuser is going wreck havoc forever and if nobody is even angry at them, it's giving them an even easier time. Anger is scary when it's in hands of abusers, in the hands of victims it is liberating, just, it puts things into perspective and back where they belong.

Now give me the fucking resources to get angry. I'm sick and tired of hating myself.

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How often would a person have to get jumped to affect their morphology (both bone, brain, muscles and fat), if it began in late childhood and throughout the puberty process. Bonus info, the person is fighting or fleeing with good effectivness most of the time, with the fight or flight system being fully functional.

Like, being physically bullied as a child did make me physically stronger, and forced me to develop a lot of resistance, resistance I lost after the bullying stopped because I'm a couch potato. Mostly in resistance training, with some clenching strength (but that's from gymnastics).

So, resistance and strong clenching muscles.

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Yeah, that doesn't work.

Psychologically, abuse can cause you to come back stronger (or, break you completely), but it doesn't cause you to become physiologically stronger.

As you get older, your ability to fully recover from injuries diminishes. So, if you're younger, you've got a better chance of fully recovering, but that's still taking a physical toll on you. Similarly, if you do take the time to build yourself up, and get training, that may be provoked by your abuse, but it's not caused by it.

The aphorism, “that which does not kill me makes me stronger,” might be empowering, but as you get older, you start to understand that maybe it should be read as, “that which does not kill me makes me stranger.”

I don't mean to diminish your experiences, but the person you became as a result of that was a product of how you chose to deal with those challenges, and overcame them. It was not a product of deterministic biological processes.

Now, having said that, you can learn from physical trauma. You can learn to judge how much of your body's pain response can be ignored, in the moment. You can learn to keep a cool head through an adrenaline rush.

However, if you're regularly dealing with physical strain, that will have a severe toll on your body. I had my first conversation with my doctor about the eventual need for knee replacement surgery before I turned 40. (I still have my original knees, but I also experience bone on bone grinding.) Intensive martial arts training, gymnastics, or violence, will wear your body down with shocking speed.

Traumatic experiences make you into who you are. They can drive you to become a better person than you were before, but you own that choice. That was your decision, not something that someone else did to you.

Adversity can be a motivator or it can destroy you. Ultimately, how you deal with that is your choice. But it was your choice. Saying, “bullying made me stronger,” robs you of the decision you made, it takes away the strength you found, and assumes that it was a passive consequence. It wasn't. You became stronger because what you chose to do. (Also, because kids do get physically stronger as they get older. That's kinda how that pesky 'growing up' thing works.)

-Starke

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there was backlash from homeschooling "parents rights" advocates in my area before because of a daycare teaching kids about consent...all they learned is that you don't have to accept unwanted physical intimacy. one scenario that happened is a parent told her toddler boy to kiss a toddler girl in class. toddler boy comes back and says that toddler girl didn't want a kiss. it turns out the kids were taught that you don't touch someone if they say "no". parents thought this was ridiculous. I felt crazy hearing them talk about it, why in the world would you be upset by kids respecting each others boundaries, and why are you asking your toddlers to kiss each other in the first place as if they're toys and not human beings?

Related:

If the idea of consent gets in the way of total obedience then consent is the thing a lot of adults would rather discard.

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iamryanhenly

Parents should not be reading your journals

Parents should not be searching through your trash 

Parents should not be snooping on your private social media messages 

Parents should not be taking your bedroom door off 

Parents should not be invading your privacy 

reblogging this because when they go through my phone and find my tumblr they’ll see this

As an actual mom, I approve this message. If your parents say it’s a normal part of parenting, no. No it’s not. They are wrong.

Nothing like constantly violating you kid’s privacy and trust if you wanna end up dying alone in a nursing home with no contact with your kids and never having gotten to meet your grand-kids in 40+ years…

That’s to say nothing of how much you’ve screwed up your kids themselves by doing that crap to them.

Parents shouldn't read their kids journals, or their phones, or their emails. Parents should at least knock before entering their kids rooms. Parents shouldn't barge in on their kids in the bathroom. If your bedroom and bathroom have no door. That is very bad. That is not normal. That is abuse.

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hydro-homies

Didn’t expect this to be so frightening

We have fun here, but… know what? I have a lot of sympathy for the Olson twins. They got put through HELL as kids. I daresay they never got to BE kids. They were the prototype for the YouTube Content Mill Hell, their parents monetizing every trip, every vacation they ever took by having them film some kind of special they could shit out onto home video.

And they cranked out A LOT of videos.

I’ve seen some of the outtakes from their “way too old to be doing this shit anymore” years and they look like they want to die. Blown lines are not laughed at, it’s basically always a sigh of utter, soul-crushed defeat and one of them consoling the other because this means this shoot will take MORE time.

We’ll put them in with Britney in the “man they completely didn’t deserve all the jokes we made about them personally” category.

I worry we’re going to see that same hollowed-out look on the face of so many content kids in the coming years. Hollywood needs to be severely reigned-in with kid performer regulations, and that needs to cover the ones being tormented by Mom & Pop as well as Disney & Nick.

I’m not even sure you can even run a Hanna-Montana style show in a way that’s ethical. They have a hard enough time on sitcoms where the kids aren’t in every scene and aren’t the dominant portion of the cast. Kids who love acting should be acting in theater class and school plays and their own self-made home movie projects. Everything else is labor, and while excising children from live-action representation in film is untenable, minimizing it is best for everyone.

I mean, there are reasons that teenagers on TV are in their 20s (in their 30s in my day). Make 90210 or Riverdale with actual teenagers and not only will they age out in two seasons, the FBI is going to be kicking down your door. Youthful adults and audience suspension of disbelief is way easier and less ethically fraught.

And along those same lines, there are reasons animation has been a central aspect of kidvid since kidvid became a thing. Many of them are the same as the ones driving the 90210 16-going-on-35 solution: Nancy Cartwright/Ian Corlett style voices don’t age, you don’t have to deal with child labor laws, etc.

But the big advantage to not using actual kids to make kids content for the audience is a matter of peer-age parasocial pitchmen. The sheer amount of sell-it-sell-it-sell-it in the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen material would make 1985 Hasbro blush, but with the unregulated content-free-for-all of the web, now its all delivered by kids the audience’s own age, using their own name, talking to the audience directly through the camera while making eye contact.

Abusive family YT channels and the live-action TV kid-trauma mills happen for the same reason. Kidcentric sitcoms are cheap to produce and create a trifecta of media-fandom, celebrity-culture and and parasocial pseudo-peer trust that makes for a very effective path to the ‘rents pocketbooks.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for awesome merch-driven kidvid, but there’s a number of huge differences between an action comedy featuring a bunch of cartoonized action figures trying to be as awesome and fun as it can to move some plastic and an exploited kid the same age as the audience talking to them directly through the camera while unwrapping a birthday party’s worth of that selfsame plastic every day as their parents prompt them from behind the camera.

Seriously, if the FCC and the FTC applied the television kidvid rules to online content you could fund the space program with the fines to a single channel.

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reblogging SPECIFICALLY for the End Note which is widely applicable

For any trans (or really any queer) kids who are struggling through this right now, I want you to know

This is not your fault,

you are not wrong,

it wouldn’t be fixed if you were just somehow a different person

Because this guy is right, love is unconditional and this type of parent only loves you on the condition that you are exactly what they want you to be

Reblogging this because it definitely didn't make me cry.

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Something that literally changed my life was working with a friend on a coding thing. He was helping me create an auto rig script and was trying to explain something to me but his words were just turning into static in my brain. I was tired and confused and there was so many new concepts happening.

I could feel myself working toward a crying meltdown and was getting preemptively ashamed of what was about to happen when he said, “Hey, are you someone who benefits from breaks?”

It broke me.

Did I benefit from breaks? I didn’t know. I’d never taken them.

When a problem frustrated or upset me I just gritted my teeth and plowed through the emotional distress because eventually if you batter and flail at something long enough you figure it out. So what if you get bruised on the way.

I viscerally remembered in that moment being forced to sit at the table late into the night with my dad screaming at me, trying to understand math. I remembered taking that with me into adulthood and having breakdowns every week trying to understand coding. I could have taken a break? Would it help? I didn’t know! I’d never taken one!

“Yes,” I told him. We paused our call. I ate lunch. I focused on other stuff for half an hour. I came back in a significantly better state of mind, and the thing he’d been trying to explain had been gently cooking in the back of my head and seemed easier to understand.

Now when I find myself gritting my teeth at problems I can hear his gentle voice asking if I benefit from breaks. Yes, dear god, yes why did I never get taught breaks? Why was the only way I knew to keep suffering until something worked?

I was relating to this same friend recently my roadtrip to the redwoods with my wife. “We stopped every hour or so to get out and stretch our legs and switch drivers. It was really nice. When I was a kid we’d just drive twelve hours straight and not stop for anything, just gas. We’d eat in the car and power through.”

He gave a wry smile, immediately connecting the mindset of my parents on a road trip to what they’d instilled in me about brute forcing through discomfort. “Do you benefit from breaks?” he echoed, drawing my attention to it, making me smile with the same sad acknowledgement.

Take breaks. You’re allowed. You don’t have to slam into problems over and over and over, let yourself rest. It will get easier. Take. Breaks.

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missmentelle
Anonymous asked:

How do you think we can make the foster care system better?

Honestly, by making sure as few kids end up in it as possible.

Contrary to popular belief, physical abuse is not the most common reason that kids end up in foster care. Only 13% of kids taken into foster care are there because their parents physically abused them. The biggest reason that kids end up in foster care is actually neglect - neglect is the primary cause of 62% of foster care referrals.

When you look at those numbers, though, it's important to remember that "neglect" doesn't necessarily mean that parents withheld food and necessities from their children because they were careless or lazy or cruel - it often includes parents who desperately want to provide the necessities to their children, but can't afford to do so. Many jurisdictions don’t really make a distinction between kids whose parents purposely starved them and kids whose working parent left them home alone because she couldn’t afford daycare - that makes it hard to really know what we’re dealing with here. 

And you might be surprised to learn what child protective services considers to be "necessary" for children. In most parts of Canada, for instance, it is legally required that children over the age of 5 not share a bedroom with opposite-sex siblings. Having six-year-old fraternal twins share a bedroom would be categorized as neglect; technically, the parent is failing to provide the children with adequate housing. But of course, the genders of your children don't influence how much money you get from your employer or from public assistance. In my area, a mother with a boy and a girl is legally required to rent a larger apartment for her family than a mother with two boys - but it's up to her to find the money to afford that. Partitioning one room or co-sleeping with the children is not allowed, and is also considered neglect. It might sound ridiculous, but I have worked with multiple families that have faced the potential removal of their children because of this, even if family co-sleeping is the norm in their culture.

1 in 10 children in the US foster care system are there at least partially because their parents don’t have adequate housing. Keep in mind, there are 424,000 children in the US foster care system on an average day - that means that housing was a major factor for more than 42,000 of them. Before we can truly reform the system, we need to understand what it is, exactly, that we’ve created - and what we’ve created is an incredibly expensive, inefficient and culturally insensitive system that is stretched so thin by the task of “solving child poverty” that it can’t do what it was actually designed to do, which is protecting abused children. Instead of a child protective system, we have an intergenerational meat grinder that effectively turns traumatized children into traumatized adults who create more traumatized children to go back into the system. Around and around we go. 

The question of how to “fix” foster care could be a doctoral thesis, and it’s a far bigger problem than any one person can solve. But my few cents as someone who has worked with at-risk and homeless youth for nearly a decade now would be:

  • Dramatically increase affordable housing. Trying to fix child homelessness with foster care is like trying to put out a grease fire with a sledgehammer - it’s not solving the problem, and it’s only causing more damage. Truly affordable housing would keep many families off CPS radar - if affordable housing was available, many victims of family violence would be better able to flee their violent partner with their children. Calls to CPS because families are living in cars or shelters would cease to exist. “Fixing housing” is easier said than done, but I don’t think we’ll ever solve foster care without also addressing this.
  • Decolonize child welfare standards. In most parts of the US and Canada, child welfare standards adhere closely to Western European parenting practices. Things that other cultures have been doing for generations - like co-sleeping - can land non-white families in trouble with CPS. And there are huge discrepancies in how child welfare standards are applied - wealthy white families can homeschool, deny their children medical treatment and co-sleep without CPS knocking on their doors, but Indigenous families cannot say the same
  • Create universal affordable childcare. Many families needlessly end up on CPS’s radar because their parents cannot afford childcare. Single working moms of colour have found themselves losing their children - or even facing prison time - after leaving their children unsupervised to work or attend job interviews. Compounding the issue is the fact that many working-class parents have shiftwork jobs, making it even harder to secure childcare.
  • Improve access to free and confidential family planning education and services. People who find themselves with unplanned pregnancies that they are not financially or emotionally ready for are at greater risk of ending up on CPS’s radar. When people are given access to family planning resources, they are better able to delay pregnancy until they feel more prepared. 
  • Improve wraparound supports and early intervention. Removing a child from a home is - and should always be - a last resort. CPS are often alerted to at-risk families before they reach the point where removal is required. To truly do their job of protecting children, CPS needs more resources to offer these families in order to help them stay together in a healthier way. Culturally sensitive in-home and community-based supports, including mental health supports, addictions supports, and material supports, should be immediately available to all families who are potentially at risk. 
  • Offer greater support for placements within families or communities of origin. Sometimes parents unfortunately just aren’t a healthy or safe option for their children. There are always going to be cases where that’s simply the reality of the situation. Many of these children, though, may have a family member who would be willing to take them in with the proper supports - which they can’t afford on their own. Offering more resources to family placements could help a lot of children stay within their families of origin instead of being sent to live with strangers. Likewise, many children from small communities - particularly Indigenous communities - end up being sent hundreds of miles away for foster care placements because the resources for them simply don’t exist in their communities. Ending this practice and committing to caring for children in their own community would help children grow up more connected to their roots and culture.
  • Decrease CPS worker caseloads. Many of the systemic issues with the foster care system stem, at least in part, from how abysmally and unbelievably overburdened the system is. There are too few workers and placements for far too many kids. In the US, the average CPS caseworker has 67 children on their caseload - in six states, the average is over 100. Nobody can provide adequate care to a caseload of 67 children, many of whom may have complicated cases. It’s just not possible. The workload contributes to the immense amounts of burnout and high turnover within child services - the average turnover rate (how many staff quit every year) for most agencies is 23-60%, with some agencies actually exceeding 90% annual turnover. We have a system of new, inexperienced workers burning out and passing on their enormous caseloads to newer, even less experienced workers and everyone is worse for it.
  • Provide more training, resources and support for foster parents. Many of the children entering foster care have complex trauma, as well as complex mental or physical health needs. Some areas do a better job of preparing foster parents for this reality than others - and everyone suffers when foster parents don’t have the resources and education that they need to meet children’s needs. 
  • Extend aftercare supports well into adulthood. Many youth make an abrupt exit from foster care - at some point between age 18-21 they suddenly “age out” of supports. Some areas do offer supports that extend into a youth’s early 20s, but many of these areas require youth to be full-time post-secondary students to continue receiving support - youth who aren’t able to take that step often have no support, despite perhaps needing it the most. Outcomes for former foster children are bleak; only around 55% finish high school (compared to 87% of their peers), and in Canada, as many as 90% are on welfare within 6 months of aging out of care. Realistically, as it becomes more difficult for young people to achieve financial independence, many of these kids may need support that extends well into their late 20s and beyond. 

This is just barely skimming the surface of what needs to change - there is so much that’s wrong, and I’ve barely touched on how to fix it. But when it comes to foster care, I really believe that an ounce of prevention is worth 100lbs of cure.

MM

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I read an article once about a social services program in parts of Baltimore, MD in the 70s (I could be wrong about some of the details, it's been a while since I read it). But basically, this program went around to childcare facilities, preschools, babysitters, and kindergartens and looked for the kids with behavior problems. Then they went to the families of those kids and asked how they could help.

Did the parents need parenting classes? Did the kid need medical help? Did the kid need additional childcare the family couldn't afford? Did the family need a larger support network of friends and family? Was there domestic violence going on, and if so, could it be stopped and/or could the abusive partner be separated from the family? Did one or both parents need addiction counseling or medical support? Did they need better housing? Did they need a better job? Did they need job training? What did the family need, and how could the social worker help them get it?

It was an expensive program to run; it required a lot of social worker time and a lot of wrap-around services. So it was cancelled in the 80s.

But the thing is, someone did a study comparing the neighborhoods where the program was run, and found that for every dollar you spent supporting that family when the child was young, you saved seven dollars by the time the kid was 18. The kid was more likely to graduate high school, less likely to commit vandalism and shoplifting and other petty crimes as an adolescent, less likely to join a gang, less likely to be removed from the family and placed in foster care.

For every $1 spent serving/helping families when the kids were young, the government saved $7 by the time the kid was 18. (And that doesn't count things like "businesses and residents saving money because there's less vandalism to fix")

But the program was closed because "it was too expensive."

It is much more expensive to put kids in foster care than it is to provide affordable housing. It is much more expensive to put kids in foster care than it is to provide food stamps/SNAP benefits. It is much more expensive to put kids in foster care than it is to do pretty much any of the things that will help keep them out of foster care.

Yet people will claim those things are "too expensive."

It's a lie. When you actually compare the costs, not only is keeping the kid out of foster care almost universally better for the kid, it is also cheaper for the government.

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Is it about butchering black girls’ hair to keep white people comfortable? Is it about a woman visiting the same violence on her daughter as was done to her by her mother a generation prior? Is this girl just too… “different” to go into the world unaltered? Does she need to be toned down so she can succeed? Does she need to be defenseless before she is deemed safe by powerful people who would do her harm if given half a reason? Is one of those people holding those scissors?

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lemondoddle

[I.D. digital art of a young girl medusa sitting in a chair in a kitchen, crying as a woman cuts the heads off of medusa’s snakes. the woman’s head is out of frame, but her blonde hair is visible as she pulls three snakes taught, beginning to chop them with scissors as blood spurts. four snakes have been cut already, their remains lying dead on the floor as the rest of the snakes, all sporting pink bows around their necks, cower in fear. the majority of the illustration has been colored in black and deep saturated yellows and oranges, while medusa’s skin and hair are green. her pinafore has the same color palette as the background. her knees are also scuffed, bruised with orange and one of them bandaged. her cut strands of snake hair are not bandaged and continue to bleed. end I.D.]

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endlessly stopping myself to ask "are you behaving like your father? are you behaving in a way that would make your younger self afraid? is this anger constructive? are you working toward solutions that are not centered around immediate relief? are you engaging in recklessness or negligence? are your reactions to anger justifiable to the level of anger you're experiencing?"

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