"Just remember - you can always be a pirate"

So. Um.

Him.

...he multiplies. God, he really MULTIPLIES.

I mean, I made a joke once that Westergaards are reproducing by fission, but... jeez.

(just to inform - he is not Westergaard. But he looks like one.)

Well, Mr. Thord. Welcome in my fanfic. I have someone who would love to meet you.

I can't believe it, but my fanfic crew has finally reached the Republic of Pirates, allowing Anna, Elsa, Kristoff, Olaf and Sven to take a look on Hans' new homeland. It only took them 259 155 words.

...also, Order of the Phoenix is 257 045 words long.

That was a long journey.

Episode 3036 of "Hans bringing random things on his ship"

Anna: ...Hans, what do you have?

Hans: ...well. That's pretty self-explainatory, I think.

Anna: <deep inhale>

Anna: ...boi.

Hans: I know.

Anna: I know you like bringing random critters on your deck. A cat is normal. A parrot is... well, can be considered as such. A monkey... eh, within a pirate norm.

Hans: <quietly> that's an ape.

Anna: I can even understand a lion, a camel and a donkey, but seriously, where did you find a baby?!

Elsa: And why did you bring it there?!

Kristoff: And where are its parents?!

Olaf: Oooh, is it a boy or a girl?! Does it like warm hugs?! What is his or hers name?!

Baby: <looking at Sven> ...ooooo :O

Hans: *sleeping peacefully*

Anna: *standing right next to him, staring*

Anna: *staring hard*

Anna: *absolutely irritated*

Hans: *smiles cutely in his sleep, absolutely unaware of the approaching danger*

Anna: ...ugh!

Anna: *smack*

Hans: ouch! ...why this time?!

Anna: You could at least have a common decency to snore! Damn it! *leaves, fuming*

Hans: ...

Hans: ...

Hans: ...I gotta repair that lock.

Erish, soon

Anna: ...that host of us, though. Plainly rude.

Elsa: Seriously, such impertinance.

Anna: Do you know he said that my husband smells? And behind his back, too!

Elsa: He stared at me. A lot. Creepy.

Anna: He called him "a savage"! "He looks like a savage"!

Elsa: And "if that's their diplomat, I wonder how the rest looks?"

Anna: He insulted Sven! He stated he must have fleas!

Elsa: ...I am pretty sure he also called Arendelle "a backwater kingdom full of witches".

Anna: ...he also said that tribe from the south is just "not civilized enough" to be considered people. Sounds like our dear grandpa.

Elsa: And I think I heard him calling you "a goose".

Anna: ...

Elsa: ...

Anna: But we are mature adults :)

Elsa: And sophisticated, well-educated ladies.

Anna: Queens!

Elsa: Taking actions would be inappropriate.

Anna: Especially this kind of actions.

Elsa: And Kristoff is perfectly capable of defending himself.

Anna: He would hate to see me - us! - doing something stupid.

Elsa: And reckless.

Anna: And dangerous.

Elsa: We are queens, we must behave as such.

Anna: Exactly my thoughts!

Elsa: ...

Anna: ...

Anna: Thank God I am also a wife of a savage.

Elsa: We are savages.

Anna: <taking something heavy> Shall we?

Elsa: <taking something blunt> We shall!

Erish, soon

Kristoff: This guy who hosted us wasn't so nice, though.

Hans: He insulted both my family and my homeland, so, aye, not so nice.

Kristoff: He called Sven "a beast" and made snarky remarks about my... smell.

Hans: Good we are on our way, then.

Hans: ...also, he stated that your wife is "just beautiful" in comparasion to your "angelic, divine being" of a sister-in-law.

Kristoff: ...so I did hear him right, when he said Anna is... simple.

Hans: ...

Kristoff: ...

Hans: But we are mature adults.

Kristoff: Exactly.

Hans: Mature adults are above that.

Kristoff: Of course. We are simply too old to care about comments like it.

Hans: Because we know our worth and don't need to prove anything.

Kristoff: And Anna doesn't need our protection, she can handle herself just fine.

Hans: I know that best.

Kristoff: Besides, you really shouldn't be the one fighting in her honor.

Hans: I lost that privilege long ago. She would be furious.

Kristoff: She would call it "immature", "stupid" and "reckless".

Hans: And "pathetic". And "unnecessary". And, well, my ship is ready to set sails, then we can forget all about it, so...

Kristoff: ...

Hans: ...

Kristoff: <cracking his fists> You coming with me?

Hans: <pulling cutlass out> Right behind ya!

"Do you even know where to look for this so-called-compass?!" Anna pillowed her cheek against the palm, her fingers rubbing the temple.

"More or less".

"So you have no idea".

"Not even the slightest".

He he he

SCORE

Anna: I'd say you should be kept under lock and key, but obviously that's how this story started in the first place, so I am really at a loss here

Hans: <fighting off three krakens he tried to fish>