The yassification of the volturi
Something I've always found hilarious that was criminally glossed over is Marcus. So he's St. Marcus right? Well St. Marcus aka St. Mark aka John Mark aka THE GUY WHO FUCKING WROTE THE GOSPEL OF MARK??? Like yeah they talk about him being St. Marcus but they really ignore the fact that this means that he wrote a really important book of the BIBLE. There has to be so much there that smeyer doesn't cover. Do I only care about this because of my heavily indoctrinated religious upbringing? Yes.
Part of me believes that Carlisle learned about this and that's the whole reason he hung out with the Volturi for a hot minute.
Imagine Carlisle just sitting at the foot of Marcuses throne everyday like "PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT WRITING THE BIBLE AND HANGING OUT WITH PAUL" and Marcus just sighs and looks off into the distance and says "not today I'm too sad" and Carlisles getting really frustrated like "that's what you've said every day for the past seven years!"
The real reason Carlisle left the volturi is because he wanted to learn about his lord and savior Jesus Christ straight from the source and got rejected. Also because he asked about the biblical story that mentions Mark running away naked and that pissed Marcus off.
#this is so dumb but im so mad that its not fully acknowledged who marcus is#but also that means theres a story about marcus running away naked in the bible so thats fun#twilight#twilight renaissance#twilight revival#volturi#marcus volturi#carlisle cullen#john mark#st mark#st marcus#gospel of mark#bible#shut up addison nobody cares#mine
Smeyer: okay I've done it! I've made the volturi as unattractive as possible. They're pretty much sewer rats.
Me:
#sorry smeyer im not into khakis#heidis literal power is being atractive cmon#twilight#twilight renaissance#twilight revival#the twilight saga#volturi#volturi guard#demetri volturi#felix volturi#aro volturi#caius volturi#marcus volturi#heidi volturi#these arent necesarily the ones i love im just trying to include popular ones for the tags#i will not be tagging the twins#stephanie meyer#smeyer#phil
Aro: I have solved my problems by murdering Didyme so that Marcus doesn’t leave
Me: you fucked up a perfectly good Marcus is what you did. Look at it. It’s got depression.
My brain decided to betray me and imagine something
Imagine the volturi showing up in breaking dawn doing the Heathers tik tok thing.
Aro: Edward Dumptruck, in the flesh
Caius: Here comes the cootie squad. We should-
Aro: shut up, Caius
Caius: sorry, Aro
Marcus seeing the witnesses: look who’s with him oh my god
Volturi + Guard: *doing the hand motions* dang dang diggety dang a dang! Dang dang diggety dang a dang!
Decisions, decisions.
The Volturi guard are quaking over this decision
Felix showed this to the rest of the guard and chaos erupted. Most of the guard is engaged in heavy debates, but some -*cough* Afton- are rocking back and forth letting out confused sounds every once in a while. Caius reminded them that they cannot physically use the restroom so it doesn't matter. However, they don’t care, they need to get to the bottom of this. Aro chimes in opinions every once in a while. Marcus never even looks up once and nobody is sure if he even realized anything was happening. It finally ends after a full 72 hours when a low level guard attempts to rip off Alec’s arm during a sub-debate and Jane (who didn't even care about this debate in the first place but stayed to watch the drama) uses her power on everyone except Alec and the masters in response.
But I don't know, I haven't thought much about it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Aro: *trying to read Edwards mind*
Aro: Marcus, brother, PLEASE stop internally screaming
Marcus: you aren’t even reading my mind
Aro: No, but Edward is. Trying to read his mind while both of your are constantly internally screaming is really distracting. Just for a few moments please.
Aro: Thank you... NO ALEC THAT WASNT AN EXCUSE TO START INTERNALLY SCREAMING AS WELL.
phil-dwyer-stan-account reblogged
May I add a few?
Aro:
Caius:
Marcus/Alistair:
Eleazar:
Alice showing up to the trial in BD:
Every vampire/shapeshifter in the series:
