@phil-dwyer-stan-account / phil-dwyer-stan-account.tumblr.com
Au where Jasper can’t find anyone to make the Cullens their fake IDs so all of them walk around with Hannah Montana licenses to rock
Caius when the Cullens do anything
What brand of toothpaste would other vampires use?
If you’ve seen the ad you’ll know that according to a 2008 study 9/10 vampires used Colgate products, but it’s been over a decade. Times have changed and there’s a lot more toothpaste on the market. A lot of them still use Colgate(like how @cullensmidnight said Edward uses Colgate effervescent mint), but some found they prefer other brands.
Carlisle: for @whyrweheretwilight2020 sake Carlisle actually uses crest. But he wanted to get that sponsorship money (you’d think being a literal billionaire would be enough for him). But he is legally obligated to say he uses Colgate.
Emmett: uses orajel little bear training toothpaste. He also watches the commercial every single time he brushes his teeth. Edward would sell his left hand if it meant never having to hear “Little bear! I got your toothpaste!” ever again.
Rosalie: doesn’t care very much about her toothpaste but she uses this expensive fancy rose flavored mouth wash. I looked up the ingredients it’s pretty much just perfume but it costs about $55
The Volturi: they were into the whole black charcoal toothpaste for the aesthetics. However, they found they prefer luxurious Theodent 300 which costs $100-150 per tube. But they make Jane and Alec use Theodent kids chocolate chip flavored toothpaste
The Denali coven: without a doubt in my mind they use the Trader Joe’s brand toothpaste but the purple one that tastes like perfume and baking soda
Alistair: did you really think I was going to get through this post without including Alistair? C’mon. Alistair seems to care about the environment so he uses battle green mineral-rich toothpowder
Maggie: her built in bullshit detector power helped her realize that the whitening agent in whitening strips is just hydrogen peroxide. Since she’s immortal she gets the most concentrated one she can find and doesn’t even dilute it. She just carries it around at all times and chugs from it whenever she feels like it. *PLEASE do not consume hydrogen peroxide! And don’t use it to whiten your teeth without proper research. You are not an immortal vampire*
James: He doesn’t use any brand. In fact, he’s never even brushed his teeth. Nasty. His breath smells like actual death because there’s a build up of old blood on his tongue.
Colgate toothpaste (and mouthwash) national print ad. featuring Dr. Carlisle Cullen
Inspired by @itstwilight and @whyrweheretwilight2020
I know some people haven’t seen this bit of extra footage from breaking dawn
And I need all of you to watch it because it has in character interviews as if it was a real wedding video! I’ve been crying about it for like 15 minutes
(Someone needs to tell Mike to STOP but it won’t be me because I’m laughing too hard)
I got an ask saying “If twilight was remade in 2020 who would be in the cast? Cursed answers only” I figured I’d just make it into a post. I can only put in ten photos as a time so bare with me. There’s 46 people in the new cast (instead of making separate posts I’m just going to add each addition as a reblog I would recommend waiting to see the full cast)
Directed by: Taika Waititi
Edward: John Mulaney (improvising all of his own lines and wearing full khaki)
Bella: Debby Ryan
Carlisle: Owen Wilson wearing this outfit
Esme: Martha Stewart
Rosalie: Jenna Marbles
Emmett: Julien Solomita
Alice: James Charles
Jasper: Robert Pattinson but how he looked in Good Time (yeah I’m casting Robert Pattinson in this)
Check the reblogs for the rest of the cast :)
9 for the ask thing :)
9. Astrology sign headcanons for the Cullens?
I’ll do my best, but forgive me if I mess up. I’m not super into astrology I just know enough to kind of chime in a little bit when my friends who are SUPER into it talk
Carlisle: Capricorn
Esme: cancer (also Jacob is a cancer dont @ me)
Emmett: Aries
Edward: Gemini(honestly smeyer making him a Gemini/cancer cusp was the only smart thing she did and it probably happened on accident)
Bella: Virgo
Rosalie: Libra
Charlie he’s not a Cullen but let me have this: Taurus
Jasper: Scorpio or Gemini??? I’m not too sure
Alice: Sagittarius (don’t @ me)
3. Fave headcanon brotps?
Jacob and Rosalie should have been friends and I stand by that!! But a canon one I love is Carlisle & Alistair (okay I know I love everything to do with Alistair) it’s just such an interesting friendship. Like Carlisle just followed around this grumpy loner vampire like “are you ready to talk to me now?????”. And now he’s the only person Alistair let’s get even remotely close to him. And even though he complained the whole time and ended up dipping, deep down Alistair sees Carlisle as his best friend and thats why he bothered to show up in the first place and ultimately he left because he knew if it came down to a fight he’d stand with the volturi to save his own life but he didnt want to betray carlisle so leaving was the best option for him and I’m so emotional
24. Which coven would be the best fit for you?
I’d like to say the Volturi. But probably the Denali coven
The twilight saga twitter just tweeted this and I knew it was rigged from the start because Alec is one of the most powerful vampires AND THEY JUST HAD TO PUT HIM AGAINST THE VAMPIRE AVATAR??????
Also YOU FOOLS
I like Carlisle more but Aro is clearly more powerful
(All of these will be from the John Mulaney episode of dressing funny on youtube)
Edward when Alice tells him that Bella will find it sexy if he rolls up to save her wearing an all cream ensemble
Bella taking pictures of her friends instead of being the in photo
Jasper pretending he doesn’t notice Alice checking him out in the diner
Carlisle realizing he didn’t use his one brain cell when Rosalie explains that she didn’t want to be a vampire, let alone marry his weird emo son
The Cullen kids trying to keep up with modern teenage trends
Bella having her 18th birthday dream
Alice coming back just in time to save the day in Breaking Dawn
Edward showing up to school after getting a girlfriend for the first time in his 108 year existence
Bella being confused about literally all of the clothes Alice gives her
Bella trying to remember how to slouch and be human
Charlie, Renee, and Bella
Edward stepping into the sun in Volterra
Edward when Bella tells the Volturi to kill her instead
Emmett pretending to be 13 when they move to a new town
What Bella thought she looked like on her 18th birthday
Charlie and Sue with Renesmee on her first birthday
The Cullen kids pretending to be happy about graduating from high school for the 42nd time
Demetri watching Felix kick Edward’s ass
Rosalie, Esme, Edward, and Carlisle trying to be a family in the 1930s
Jessica telling everyone that Bella is definitely getting married because she’s pregnant
(Tumblr will only let me post 10 photos per post)
Edward taking a bite of pizza in twilight
Jacob anytime he sees Edward
Demetri trying to give off the vibe of “professional, but still likes to fuck”
Edward reading Alice’s mind whenever she has a vision
Bella is her green sweater that Edward HATES
Carlisle revealing to Esme that he turned her into his vampire wife (1921, colorized)
Mike Newton flirting with Bella in class
Alistair (plus any of the nomads they all dress like this)
Bella’s hallucination of Edward in New Moon
Emmett and Carlisle
So, we’ve all been talking about how different vampires are reacting to the pandemic. And I haven’t seen anyone talk about one specific love of my life character.
What if the Irish coven wasn’t able to find Alistair after the trial (like they promised Carlisle they would). It’s 2020 and Alistair figures if the Volturi were going to hunt him down and kill him they would have already. So, he digs him self out from under the rock he was hiding beneath. He notices it’s a little too quiet, but he likes that it means there’s nobody around to bother him. He hasn’t eaten in years so he waits til nightfall and decides to go to the nearest town, only to find it deserted. The streets are absolutely empty and he’s just wandering around like
F/M/K ? Demetri, Vladimir, Carlisle ?
Oooh
Fuck: Demetri (duh)
Marry: Carlisle (I could write a whole essay in support of this answer, but it’s not a hot take so I don’t need to)
Kill: Vladimir (sorry I just don’t like that the Romanians treated humans like slaves)
carlisle doesn't have any sperm,,,edward had been saving that sperm for 90 years
Nahuel’s father Joham has multiple hybrid children insinuating that vampires create more sperm just like a human. Since the venom replaces all of body fluids maybe it replaces the sperm??? Idk nothing smeyer wrote about vampire/human pregnancy made sense
But yes Edward was definitely saving his sperm for 90 years
Carlisle:
Me and my need for encouragement and validation from every compassionate man I come across:
