I’ll search the universe

he presses jongin down into the soft mattress beneath them, fingers tracing patterns into his skin. they are shrouded in the darkness of a moonless night, a single candle stayed lit in the privacy of minseok's room. they didn't necessarily need the light, not when they were both so well versed with each other and themselves.

“i love you, i love you, i love you,” minseok punctuates each statement with a kiss down jongin's neck. jongin chuckles, squirming under the older male due to the ticklish sensation from minseok's fingers running down his side.

jongin tugs at the hem of the minseok’s shirt, a whine escaping his lips. the prince was taking his time today, knowing that it would push the younger male into taking charge. afterall, jongin was never the patient type, not when it came to minseok. the prince chuckles as he’s flipped, jongin nuzzling into his neck, lips brushing against the prince’s skin as he speaks. “and i love you.”

“I'm getting married,” minseok's words were soft, almost too soft but in the silence that wraps around both jongin and him, it was as though the elder had shouted. the weight of his statement carrying through the space between then, laying down on jongin's shoulders. they stay unmoving in the prince’s study, jongin staring at the older male in shock and minseok staring down at the papers on his table. there was nothing left for the prince to say, there was no need for explanation, not when it comes to duty.

“congratulations, your highness,” his words lack sincerity, empty words recited out of diplomatic expectations. the crown prince was getting married, the nation should rejoice. he takes a step back when minseok finally looks at him, a frown tugging at the end of his lips. he doesn’t want the pity, he doesn’t want minseok to look at him like he was a puppy who was to be abandoned.

“jongin–” the soldier shakes his head, he doesn’t want anything more from the prince and minseok doesn’t speak because he knows there’s nothing more he can offer the younger boy. which is why there was no objection when jongin excuses himself for the night.

jongin wants to scream, he wants to beg, he wants to point a finger at minseok and accuse him of betrayal, of promises forgotten. but he doesn't because minseok has a duty to his family, a duty to his nation and the people. jongin is nothing more than a soldier whose only obligation was to ensure that the royal family lives to fulfill their duty and he lives to serve. even if that meant losing the one thing, the one person, he loved.

minseok waits with his hands clasped underneath the sleeves of his ceremonial robes as his partner walks down the aisle, in between a trail of ranking military officers. he spies jongin within the men, eyes staring ahead into the back of officer before him. perhaps one day, minseok muses, jongin would be able to look at him without flinching. the music and applause soars around the hall, festivities and cheers spread across the nation, his wedding made into a national affair.

the guards take their place a distance away from the king and queen as minseok stands beside his consort. time passes slowly to minseok as the wedding goes on, constantly aware of jongin standing one man down from his father. how much it must hurt the younger male to be present, to watch him tie himself to someone else.

his eyes meet jongin's, taking in the sorrow that the younger male failed to hide. jongin has never been very good at keeping his emotions tucked away, he wasn't required to. he doesn't break the eye contact as he seals the marriage to someone he hardly knows, much less love. “i do.” he watches as jongin stiffens, eyes blinking shut and minseok can only hope that the young soldier he loved (loves) had understood the message he was trying to convey: ‘I'm sorry, I’m so so sorry for making you mine only to have to give you up.’