I’ve been watching Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life. I’ve laughed, cried, felt my heart soar and ache, and wondered how it is that fiction can be so deeply touching. I keep coming back to something Emily Gilmore says; I wonder how this character, this fiction, has struck me so thoroughly in the heart. She says that, since Richard’s death, she can’t remember which side of the bed is hers. (more…)

This has been the song on constant repeat. The soundtrack to my coming out of hibernation. The tune that I have reached for as I feel myself turning into a ball of stress. Winter has come and gone. Spring has bobbed ever closer; no longer a speck on the horizon, but a season that has come ashore with no particular idea what it wants to do besides being a little warmer. (more…)

The idea of a Christmas made up of beautiful homemade gifts, cards, decorations, and food is so enticing. Social networks are covered in ideas shared and tried. It is the season for giving, and the thought that counts seems to count more when the gifts are handmade. Banquets big and small ought to be labours of handcrafted love. Yeah, it isn’t happening that way here. Not this year. (more…)

There comes a time to surrender. I can’t see how I will ever make my peace with it, but I endeavour to achieve acceptance. (more…)

October seems to be the month of awareness. I feel very aware of mental illness. I watch it drag him down, bring him to his knees, smack him around for good measure. It’s interesting to see the manifestations of mental illness when personified or anthropomorphised. What kind of monster will it be? If I’m honest, I see mental illness less as a monster and more like a piece of furniture. (more…)

Except it’s been there all along: his diagnosis. (more…)

It is easy to get lost in jargon when talking about mental health. I endeavour to keep conversation comfortable; I talk about my husband’s mental health issues. Issues. It is such a delightfully benign word to use. Issues. It suggests an easy to read pamphlet. Bullet points, perhaps? Issues. In my attempt to be delicate, I fear I am being misleading. (more…)

Wearing his shirt isn’t meant to be dramatic. It’s soft and comfortable. It was in reach as I tumbled out of bed, bleary-eyed. All would be well by the afternoon. A hospital admission just to be on the safe side, that was all. Not his doing. Doctors who care. Gratitude for that helps to balance out the panic. (more…)

This post originally appeared on July 30, 2012. 

Or: “Juniper reads Fifty Shades of Grey and was utterly appalled.”

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Wishes are something I have always been cautious of. I can’t offer one singular reason. It isn’t a fear of the supernatural, I don’t believe wishes are real. I don’t believe that by uttering the words, some force may impose good or ill upon me. I’m uncomfortable with them, nonetheless. (more…)

It’s been too long. Cushions everywhere and wrapped up in a blanket, I feel like I could sink into sleep far too easily. Come, it’s late, there are more blankets. Quilt, comforter, fleece, wool. Cushions and pillows, too. The blinds are down and curtains are drawn. There’s the patter of three sets of paws looking for supper. The hour is late and I can’t bring myself to climb the stairs to go to…

Dear Hogfather, (more…)

Winter is coming. The nights are drawing in. The cold descends and creeps through our home. Maybe it wasn’t inevitable. It’s easier to think that it was. (more…)

Learn something new every day, right? I was hoping for cake recipes, not sexual abuse. (more…)

The signs were there all along. How could I have missed them?

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Where would I be without Terry Pratchett? (more…)

There is a tub of coconut oil sitting on the kitchen table that I eye with suspicion whenever I pass, as if it might spontaneously start singing the virtues of a paleo diet or its virgin status. Why spontaneously, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to deny the bananas nearby their chance as a warm-up act.

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