I sure am seeing a lot of people talking shit to Xbox One fans and you know, I feel kind of bad for these people. Here they are spending all this time and effort into coming up with the best zingers, even missing out on eating and sleeping; spending countless hours asking their mothers, fathers, sisters, grandmothers, teachers, etc. for clever insults to use against people solely for their preference of gaming consoles, only for it to fall on deaf ears.
The Xbox One fans really don't seem to give a shit. They're all too busy enjoying their new console. Poor Xbox One haters! The nerve of those Xbox fans! I truly feel your pain, haters, really I do! It's a hard life you live; hating on a console you've never even played before and working so hard on ways to bring down the spirits of people just because their opinions aren't the exact same as yours, just for them to ignore it and take for granted the hard work you put into personally attacking them.
Well, I'll tell you what. I feel so bad for you guys that I'll pencil you into my busy schedule to pretend to give a shit about all the nasty things you have to say to me just because I bought an Xbox One! Just promise me you won't get offended and slit your wrists if I fall asleep in the middle of your ranting or if I get sidetracked while wasting zombies with a sledge saw on Dead Rising 3!