Peregrine Vision

[ID: A photograph of my kitchen counter, showing a 1.5 pound box of mushrooms and a 4.5 pound box of tomato paste, each topped with a 2.5 pound bag of shredded mozzarella. It's a lot of food.]

I'm fortunate to live within walking distance of multiple grocery stores, but, well, I don't drive. So, every three months I put in a delivery order to stock up on goods I use a lot of.

Behold: Three months of pizzas, in an 11 pound heap. Minus a few things, mainly the crust ingredients, which I already had.

The mushrooms will be sauteed and then frozen in small containers, with the leftover oil and liquid going into a vegetable broth to add to the tomato paste, which will also be simmered with seasoning and tomato pesto before going into half pints for freezing. The cheese is broken into half-pound packages and frozen as well. To make two pizzas, you grab one package of each, mushrooms-sauce-cheese, and thaw while your pizza crust ferments overnight.

I don't eat all the pizzas I make; I sometimes gift them to friends (hence no meat) or bring them to parties. Some of this will go to other things too, like quesadillas. It just amused me to present it as a pile of pizzas. I'll cook the mushrooms tonight; I still have sauce in the freezer so I won't make more until I'm close to out.

(I also bought six pounds of ground beef, a rotisserie chicken, and a 36-count of babybel cheese. My ancestors are so proud of the luxury on which I dine!)

You are an inspiration.

At long last, The Chosen One has been discovered. Working as a cashier. With no interest in doing anything even slightly more difficult.

yeah because there is nothing more difficult than retail

tbh anyone who works/has worked retail would see the chance to go around saving the world in ways that could potentially kill them as a welcome vacation

“Does the position of Chosen One offer health benefits of any kind?” 

“Well, our ragtag gang of world-saving underdogs has a doctor on-team.”

“Do I have to pay her out of pocket, is what I’m asking.”

“Gosh no! She’s an idealist, you don’t pay her at all!”

“Oh! That’s nice. But then I guess there’s no paycheck.”

“I mean, the secret cabal that dispenses our orders does make sure we have enough money to feed ourselves and keep a roof over our secret lair and such.”

“Hourly?”

“Hourly what?”

“Like have you guys ever had to punch a time clock?”

“We once had to dismantle a sinister time-freezing device in the shape of a clock….otherwise no.”

“Sold. Off we go.” 

I’m laugh-sobbing because I work at a bookstore and it’s Back to School month...the second craziest month of the year.

coppersunshine replied to your post “Me: You know it sucks, I only took up a musical instrument after my…”

What

the actual facial fuck. 

I can kind of work out how they’d be played, and I thought maybe they were a bit like the theremin, you know, otherworldly but beautiful. 

Oh wait no they sound like kazoos being murdered by a midi file. 

I feel like maybe I need to have one. 

How about the Otomatone Jumbo:

I have so many varied reactions to this. So many.

1. These women are awesome

2. I would have liked more of a demo of the actual jumbos, though, I feel like they were more props than actual instruments? Maybe they are making some of the music but I can’t tell

3. The fact that you use a GIANT METAL CLAMP to make them move is sensible and yet still hilarious. 

‘I thought maybe they were a bit like the theremin, you know, otherworldly but beautiful.’ *plays video* ‘Oh wait no they sound like kazoos being murdered by a midi file.’

I had an exhausting week, constantly so tired I could cry, and I was tired and wanted to smile so I came to your blog, and Mr Badge you did not disappoint. I went from sad noodle to dancing maniacally in bed, and I feel like a hundred pounds just dropped off my shoulders. I am going to play that Take On Me video again and then go to bed, thank you

Okay everyone, deep breath, fingers crossed, just emailed my landlord about buying the place I’m currently leasing. 

A) Please let him want to sell

B) Please let him want to sell for what I can afford

Best of luck Sam!!!!!

Aw, my cap statue broke! :(

Mind’s done the same, like it’s a void is space-time. 

Don’t look into the void, folks, that shit will look back at you

*patiently awaits AvAc/Night Vale crossover fic*

@shinyblackbird sent me an ask during the promptfest about this post, where they said:

If you’re still taking prompts for your June cue, I’d love to see something come of this. Portal of some sort? Misplaced chunk of the Dog Park? I dunno, I feel like there’s something good there but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Anyway, here’s hoping it sparks an idea for you. :D Thanks for all your fic, I’m greatly looking forward to your posts next month!

Fortunately we just got some dogs!

“We should have a dog park,” Jan said, over breakfast in the dorm one morning. Everyone was there but Steve, who was wrapping up a dance marathon, and Natasha, who was pretending to spy on him instead of watching his ass.

“Why?” Loki asked.

“Well, we have two dogs now,” she said. “And, okay, Cosmo seems to be happy just to float around – ”

“I think his suit takes care of his, you know. Business,” Tony remarked, and everyone with a mouthful of food looked a little grossed out.

Keep reading

*’HAPPY’ SCREAM*

“Michelin has gone to extraordinary lengths to maintain the anonymity of its inspectors. Many of the company’s top executives have never met an inspector; inspectors themselves are advised not to disclose their line of work, even to their parents (who might be tempted to boast about it); and, in all the years that it has been putting out the guide, Michelin has refused to allow its inspectors to speak to journalists. The inspectors write reports that are distilled, in annual “stars meetings” at the guide’s various national offices, into the ranking of three stars, two stars, or one star—or no stars. (Establishments that Michelin deems unworthy of a visit are not included in the guide.)“ [x]

Okay but Michelin inspector AU where they use all the cheesy spy lines and dodgy excuses and their SO is convinced they work for the CIA or something

but actually they just really secretly review restaurants

@copperbadge I don’t know who fits the bill for this job but my first thought was FOODIEVERSE

This was going to be part of the June Fic Fest but I needed a little pick-me-up this afternoon so I am POSTING IT NOW. :D

It’s not quite what OP suggested but the whole thing gave me an idea. From the Foodieverse…

The banging on Steve’s apartment door woke him from a dead sleep at six in the morning, and he was fairly unsurprised to find Tony Stark on the other side of it when he opened it. Slightly more surprising was Bucky Barnes behind Tony, but Tony and Bucky were pretty much the only two assholes who would wake him at six am. 

What was really strange was Thor looming over Tony’s shoulder, Sam Wilson leaning on the door frame, and Natasha Romanoff leaning on Sam Wilson.

“Am I wearing underwear?” Steve asked Tony. He’d assumed it would be Tony, alone, and hadn’t bothered putting on clothes.

“Yes,” Sam said, and “But only your underwear,” Natasha added, right before Tony shoved a book in his face. 

“How does it feel to own the first Michelin-star food truck in the world?” he asked. 

Steve blinked. 

Keep reading

I just had dinner but I’m really hungry again. Wonderful work, Sam! Not just with the Michelin review, which also had me drooling - I want to try that breakfast they whip up together practically without thinking. What a seamless team, and you write that seamlessness so well.

Saving this for the next argument I get into with people whose opinions are different from mine. I really enjoyed Kingsman and love Harry/Eggsy fic but I also considered Sam’s opinion and arguments perfectly valid - not just in a ‘mmmkay sweetie, that’s nice, play in your corner’ way. The fact that the film has issues which put Sam off it does not remove my right to enjoy it myself. How is that difficult for some people to understand?