Honestly the entire Minato/Kushina experience feels like a fucking FEVER DREAM like what the FUCK. Baby Minato full on saw Kushina the new immigrant who hasn’t even been in the village for a hot second long enough to be fucking naturalized screaming at the top of her lungs that she’s gonna be president of their country, then looked at her while she screamed at his face ‘WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT U PICKING A FIGHT LIL BOY’
AND HE WENT
Thats her. That’s it. She’s the one.
And then proceeds to take his Nana monthly subscription WAAAAY too fucking seriously and what. Did he just STALK HER AROUND THE VILLAGE FOR LIKE YEARS WAITING FOR THE PERFECT MOMENT TO RE-ENACT HIS FAVOURITE SHOUJO. Like WHAT THE FUCK??????? Kushina gets kidnapped and Minato just so happens to be THE ONLY ONE who noticed she was gone?????? The JINCHURIKI!???? THE SINGULARLY MOST VALUABLE ASSET IN THE ENTIRE COUNTRY????? And then his GENIN ASS proceeds to ignore everything he’s ever learned about the dangers of foreign-nin (which WHAT is the likelihood of THAT in a FACIST MILITARY STATE), safety, procedure, DIALING 911, AND WAS LIKE ‘I’m going to swoop in and dramatically save her and then princess carry her RIGHT ACROSS THE PALE MOON LIGHT and then finally she WILL fall in love with me’
Like can you CHILL TF OUT. It’s time to delete 1D and GO STUDY TF UR 12??
I’m almost half convinced Minato orchestrated this whole thing like the CONVENIENCE OF ALL THIS IS JUST TOO????????????? Like who were the Kumo-nins?????? Did he just fucking pay Fugaku and Shikaku to like dress up as Kumo-nin and stage this whole ass kidnapping????? Like did Minato’s little wipe-out-1000-soldiers-zoom psycho ass stage this whole thing???????? Kushina just so happens to be alone that night? And absolutely NO anbu noticed she was missing? And somehow obviously low level foreign nins were able to successfully sneak into the village (A MILITARY FORTRESS) without anyone noticing except ONE LOWLY GENIN. He full ass binged Kaichou wa maid one weekend and was like. I see.
All the other boys his age are like clan duties and betrothals from birth and Minato, one whole ass Aquarius, is like rip to Fugaku but I’m different.
12 yr old Minato rly did that to make sure Kushina falls in love with him. No wonder Naruto’s dumb ass spits shit like ‘I'll bear the burden of your hatred, and I'll die with you.’ ITS GENETIC. THE HYPERFIXATION AND INCLINATION FOR UNREASONABLE GRAND ROMANTIC GESTURES. Kushina caved before Minato can get to the amputation stage.
AND THE BEST PART. IS THE FACT THAT KUSHINA. SHE JUST. SHE JUST FUCKING BOUGHT IT. ZERO QUESTIONS ASKED.
And if Minato was Kakashi’s primary parental figure during puberty like Kakashi is probably dying alone rn bc after seeing Minato’s definition of love, his standards for #TRUELOVE GOT SO WARPED HES LIKE ok then I guess I’m just gonna go die alone.