pepper

Chapters: 8/8 Summary: Eight chapters and an epilogue! All finished now, thanks to everyone who commented or kudos’d, you the mvps.

Chapters: 7/8

Summary: Chapter 7 is up! In which a long overdue conversation is finally had.

Chapters: 5/8 Summary: Chapter 5 is up! And although for probably most people reading this it’s just afternoon/evening, for anyone in this hemisphere it’s gone 10pm, so, sorry!

Chapters: 4/8 Summary: Chapter 4 is up! This one is for everyone who wanted kissing. :)

Chapters: 3/8 Summary: Chapter 3 is up! And I decided that the whole thing is actually 8 chapters in total, sry.

Chapters: 2/5 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts, Stan (Umbrella Academy) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Cheesy Hallmark Romance, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Foster Family, Found Family, Diego thinks gym class is cool, no one is siblings (adoptive or otherwise) in this one, I skirted the name issue by just not mentioning last names, except for Allison for whom we conveniently have Chestnut as an option Summary: Chapter 2 is up!

Chapters: 1/5 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts, Stan (Umbrella Academy) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Cheesy Hallmark Romance, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Foster Family, Found Family, Diego thinks gym class is cool, no one is siblings (adoptive or otherwise) in this one, I skirted the name issue by just not mentioning last names, except for Allison for whom we conveniently have Chestnut as an option Summary:

Diego gets into a shouting match with Stan's guardian within thirty seconds of meeting her.

It isn't entirely unprecedented, of course—parents are some of his least favorite people. But usually there's more warning, some building of resentment and/or irrational, pigheaded opinions about how he ought to be educating their children in the fine art of gym class, before they truly get down to it. So he kind of thinks he isn't the only one to blame, this time.

Of course, Allison doesn't agree with this kind of rationalization. When word gets back to her (he's blaming Luther, that snitch), he's called to the principal’s office, read the familiar riot act, and told that he needs to apologize. Yes, Diego, in person. No, he can't send a note home with Stan. Yes, as soon as possible.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts Additional Tags: PWP, Smut, AU in which I have not really sketched in any of the details, they live in Chicago?, Diego has a job that takes him out of town sometimes?, Lila is doing unspecified studies?, Luther has a lot of G-strings?, that's about it, enjoy Summary:

Okay, so maybe there's an argument for taking a little longer to plan this one, but sue him if he's spontaneous. He's not seen Lila in weeks, and they're both getting a little desperate—he knows from the phone calls every night—so when he found he could get an earlier flight back, he jumped at the chance. He stopped at his place to drop off his bags, and then was hit by sudden inspiration: she'd been talking about what she wanted to do to him, and what she wanted him to do to her, as soon as humanly possible when he got back. So what if he showed up on her doorstep all ready to go? That'd be sexy as fuck, right?

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts Additional Tags: did someone say 'fix-it fic'?, technically I'm not sure this counts, it's not my attempt to fix canon, it's my take on what would actually happen if Diego and Lila took a break in their marriage, hint: none of his siblings are involved in a carnal fashion, I've basically ignored what happens in the show, other than the initial premise of the universe they're now living in Summary:

"Well I don't know, Lila, one of us decided to take a step back from this family and it wasn't—!" He cuts himself off.

There's an angry, awkward silence.

"Goodnight, Diego."

"Lila, I—"

The dial tone answers him.

Please come home.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts Additional Tags: I Will Go Down With This Ship, Fluff, boxing au Series: Part 3 of never let 'em break you down Summary:

She broke his nose the first time they met, so of course he fell for her like a rock—and a decade later, they're still both stubborn, hotheaded, physical—and terribly, desperately, voraciously in love.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts Additional Tags: due South AU, anyone remember the ep with Benton and Thatcher on the train?, :D, so this is my cute sfw one to go with the very nsfw one I posted earlier, my D/L peeps need a hug and this is my way of doing that, this was written for Lochrann's birthday last year, and I only realised recently that I'd not posted it Summary:

It's not fun. It's not. But he's been in a hell of a lot of difficult situations with bad people, and he's got to admit, being handcuffed chest-to-chest with Agent Lila Pitts isn't exactly the worst thing that's ever happened to him—even if the runaway train they're on is packing high explosives, and they're on a countdown to approximately ten minutes before the only funeral service they'll need will be delivered with a hose and a broom.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts Additional Tags: so wow who feels in need of a palate cleanser rn? yes? yes?, have 4k words of Diego and Lila fucking each other's brains out, Tattoo AU Series: Part 2 of Skin and Ink Summary:

On his own, he usually slept in boxers and a T-shirt, in case of emergencies—but with Lila, he'd gotten in the habit of going to bed naked: why add to the laundry when they'd usually ended up that way by morning anyhow?

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts Additional Tags: Smut, Shameless Smut, PWP, kind of a vague scifi AU, like think maybe Murderbot levels of tech, there is politics and space and Things With Teeth, that's about all you need to know, that's about all I know tbf Summary:

He's never been so angry in his life. He stalks after Lila, not paying attention to what doors she's slipping through, blinded by a rage so all-consuming that it's probably visible from space.

He can't quite catch up, so she's either evading or ignoring him—most likely the latter, because she's never been scared of him or anything else.

Even when she should be.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, based on that one tumblr post I cannot now find, you'll recognise it if you've seen it tho Summary:

It started as a joke: he got rid of a spider for his neighbor in 63F, and the next day he'd seen a poster on the notice board in the lobby: 'The Spider Man in 62F. Deals with spiders so you don't have to! $2 a spider.' It had clearly been drawn by her kid, with a little cartoon of him holding a spider the size of his head, and it was cute, so he'd left it up.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Lila Pitts, Diego Hargreeves Additional Tags: smutfic, Smutsmutsmut, Shameless Smut, PWP, for reals Summary:

Sometimes Lila needs to be overwhelmed. To be powerless in all the best ways—to be held down and filled up—to be small and fragile and breakable in Diego's arms, and know that he'll take care of her. That she's safe to let go.

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts, Vanya Hargreeves | Viktor Hargreeves Additional Tags: superhero au, um...because this is an alternate version of them but they're still superheroes, (or in lila's case a supervillain), think X-Men basically, descends into smut super fast, smutfic, I'm basing these off porn gifs so that's not exactly a surprise Summary:

Diego flings himself after her, and catches her in an inelegant but effective grip by the hips as she's trying to scramble back out. He tumbles them both down on the bed, landing on top and trapping her beneath him.

And then he sucks in a sharp breath, forgetting whatever accusation he'd been about to throw at her. "That's my mask!"

She grins perkily up at him, dark eyes glinting through the holes in the stiff fabric. "So it is."

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts Characters: Diego Hargreeves, Lila Pitts Additional Tags: bad JCVD movies, kissing (and more) in the back row, Exhibitionist Streak, uh what else..., Unabashed Porn, this was inspired by a porn gif natch, Don't @ me I'm having fun, Don't Try This At Home, or do try this at home - just don't try this in a cinema, you'd be amazed what they can see Summary:

He'd never realized that Lila's taste in movies is abysmal.

She'd been so keen to see this knockoff Van Damme screening, and he went along with it, because action movie, right—how bad could it be? So bad, it turns out. He knows better than to hope for good acting in one of these things, but the script is abysmal, the plot makes no sense, the effects are shoddy, and, to add insult to injury, the fight scenes are boring.

She's been antsy since the title sequence, and he can understand why. He's bored out of his goddamn mind, and he's going to give it maybe five more minutes before he suggests they duck out early and go get ice cream. They've given it a fair shot. They can take this date elsewhere.