I’ve seen the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where hamlet has no idea he’s being spied on and just goes off on ophelia because he’s hangry. I’ve seen the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where hamlet knows he’s being watched from the start and the whole thing’s an act. I’ve seen the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where hamlet figures out he’s being watched half way through and gets super mad at ophelia for betraying him. now I want to see the “get thee to a nunnery” scene done where ophelia covertly nods at where polonius and claudius are hiding, hamlet gets the idea, and they’re both in on the performance the whole time. I want classically trained shakespearean actors to give us their best best show of bad acting. I want ophelia to mouth some of the most cutting lines to hamlet before he says them. I want hamlet to frown exaggeratedly at her and for her to take this as a cue to start crying. I want hamlet to go grab her by the wrist, her to wince, and him to automatically loosen his grip. I want them to stage hamlet dragging her around by the ear using classic stage-fight techniques. I want them to be aggressively in cahoots with one another because they know each of their bastard father-figures are watching.
I want this for the lols of seeing them trying to fake-fight on the spot, to give ophelia more to do than just be the victim, and so it never crosses ophelia’s mind that hamlet’s actually losing it a little bit.
that is, until she hears how her father died.
Oh my GOD.
…
OPHELIA [talking just a bit too loudly and clearly] Good my lord, How does your honour for this many a day?
HAMLET [distracted, not quite getting it yet] I humbly thank you; well, well, well.
OPHELIA [even louder, pointedly so] My lord, I have remembrances of yours, That I have longed long to re-deliver; I pray you, now receive them.
HAMLET [caught off guard and genuinely perplexed] No, not I; I never gave you aught.
OPHELIA [exasperated silent sigh, meaningful stare] My honour’d lord, you know right well you did; And, with them, words of so sweet breath composed As made the things more rich: their perfume lost, Take these again; for to the noble mind Rich gifts wax poor when givers prove unkind. [in an undertone, gesturing with her head to where her father and his uncle are hiding:] There, my lord.
HAMLET [after a second or two of silent realization, loud and theatrical] Ha, ha! are you honest?
OPHELIA [exaggeratedly startled] My lord?
… and so on.
You’re a genius
