you cannot tell me that Crowley, at his most vengeful, doesn’t follow Aziraphale around the bookshop annoying the ever-loving fuck out of him like a petulant toddler.
If Aziraphale were to cut off the wine supplies or decide to skip out on dinner in favor of translating the new stack of bibles that came through, Crowley would absolutely use every demonic trick in the book to make his existence a living hell. After all, he wasn’t just the demon of Earthly Temptations and Small Inconveniences. He was the department head. He’s a first class demon, and he’s got one or two tricks up his sleeve to create pandemonium.
He could make Aziraphale rue the day he’d ever chosen Heaven over Earth.
And I don’t mean he’d ruin any books.
And I don’t mean he’d set anything aflame.
And I don’t even mean he’d threaten or bribe or torture or main or hurl cruel insults towards the heavenly shopkeeper.
No.
Crowley would just fan out his wings and wind them around Aziraphale, blocking out all the best book reading light, and do this.
In case no one knows what I’m talking about, here’s the video.
Please watch it.
Watch it, and imagine the despair Aziraphale will endure as he’s subjected to true demonic wiles.
Crowley: You’ve insulted me beyond mercy.
Aziraphale: Crowley…
Crowley: [extending his wings] There will be no forgiveness.
Aziraphale: Crowley, no…
Crowley: [holding his wings over the Angel] you give me no choice!
Aziraphale: Crowley, please…
Crowley: Prepare to endure the ultimate demonic punishment!
Aziraphale: -_-
Crowley: nighttime
Crowley: DAYTIME!
Aziraphale: Crowley I swear to God-
God: [somewhere up in Heaven, behind door three, munching on popcorn] he’s your problem now, fam.
Crowley: nighttime
Crowley: DAYTIME!
I feel like we are possibly not giving Principality “That Means I’m The Dad-Bastard” Aziraphale due credit. Crowley might get away with this once, for about five minutes, but the absolute second that Aziraphale loses his patience or his place in his book it’s game-over for AJ “Evil Contains The Seeds Of Its Own Inconvenience” Crowley.
Crowley: nighttime
Crowley: DAYTIME!
Crowley: nighttime –
Aziraphale: *manifests a halo so bright that it singes Crowley’s primaries while simultaneously lifting a book over his head to smack Crowley in the forehead with it.*
Crowley: *stumbling backwards and patting out the flames on his wings* Angel what the fuck
Aziraphale: Daytime. *sips tea*
I’m practically weeping with laughter. 😂