Citizens of Tomorrow, Be Forewarned

That day you realized you can just beat the shit out of people until they pass out or die.

hey is it okay if i eat my nature valley oats and honey granola bar here. yeah its the kind that comes as a two pack and immediately disintegrates into millions of annoying crumbs. its okay my ants that follow me everywhere will eat them. youll have ants now though.

magical girl but the person you become when you transform is not you. it is something else. and the line between you and your magical form is drawing ever closer and yet so far away

working at a bakery is infinitely better than working in the legal field but sometimes you do get customers who would benefit from an hour in the stocks, or perhaps a public whipping

we bake everything fresh and from scratch. if we’re out for the day, we’re out.

no, i cannot fire up the oven and make you two cinnamon buns.

yes, i know i am a cunt who has ruined your life. feel free to put me down like the mad dog i am.

most people who come in are lovely but we occasionally get customers who ask the dumbest questions or are just unhinged.

note: we are known locally for being a traditional bakery. all of our recipes are OLD. our mince pie recipe is CENTURIES old.

customer: which dessert is sugar free?

me: none of them.

customer: which ones can you take the sugar out of?

me: none of them.

customer: why not?

me: baking is a science and removing sugar would make it taste bad.

customer: i don’t care how it tastes. i just want it without sugar.

——

customer: your gingerbread isn’t soft. i almost broke a tooth on it

me: i’m so sorry—it’s a traditional recipe that’s harder, but i’d be happy to refund you.

customer: seemingly confused to be offered a solution, she proceeds to angrily it slam it on our glass countertop, sending pieces flying all over the place.

——

customer: i bought a palmier from you yesterday. when i soaked it in my coffee, it fell apart.

me: yes, that would happen.

customer: well i should be refunded then?

customer: you need to cut up your cakes and sell them by the slice.

me: we don’t do that, but we have lots of small pastries that—

customer, matter-of-factly: you have to.

Scream

"I completely changed the recipe and it turned bad. This means the recipe is bad. Two stars."

Please I'm begging you all to follow r/ididnthavetheeggs it's all just posts like this please

r/ididn'thaveeggs link for the interested:

Adding some more quality replies from the rbs so they're all in one chain

my personal favorite:

making egg tarts without eggs is....a choice. sometimes one just has to acknowledge that a banana isn't an egg, indeed.

I'm not even kidding I think food service jobs are the hardest customer service jobs that exist and if you have them on your resume long enough that it's clear you could maintain them people should be begging on their hands and fucking knees for you to work for them.

Do you have any idea how much goes into any given food service job. Not only is it customer service, it's usually heavy machinery operation and maintaining, sanitation work, handling of money, awareness of allergens and chemicals and EXACTLY where they are and where they go, intense memory games for menu items and all of their ingredients... You deal with some of the absolute worst rushes doing multiple tasks, you can basically never sit down, most of your cooking equipment is extremely dangerous and can hurt you very badly if you lose focus for any amount of time, you deal with insane temperature fluctuations constantly, food service is always understaffed because it's less expensive to pay you to do the jobs of four people, everyone is incredibly mean to you all the time, and you get paid like absolute fucking shit because people think it's "unskilled" entry level labor anyway.

Average sixteen year old working minimum wage at McDonald's is actually a more respectable and skilled worker than any person working a salaried desk job on the planet.

there's something so freeing about saying "i hope they die" and just moving on

customer: ... and honestly it's kind of shitty that you guys close at 4 when it said online that --

my zweihander i keep underneath the counter beckoning to me: MY BROTHER/COME JOIN ME/IN BATTLE WE ARE STRONGER

my hand: [involuntarily twitches toward the hilt of my blade]

I'm using this as a reaction pic now btw

🦇Service Mindset🦇

Don’t be rude to whoever has the midnight shift at McDonalds

@girlpire

haha