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#I had a dream I killed myself last night#God was warning me. He gave me a plan He told me how much it would hurt and what I needed to do#and of course I wont bc im a pansy little pissbaby who hasnt succeeded bc im always too scared#will fear of what this country will put me and every other queer poc like me override it this time?#or am I just going to condemn myself to an existence that I am quite literally not allowed to have?#why do I keep forcing myself to live on borrowed time?#I was dead when I was born I should have been dead#why am I still here