Sometime I get really mad

Because when I open up to People about poly and how I think it’s for me they think I’m selfish or shitty and the truth is in my ideal situation I want to be open with my partners and I’m capable of truly loving and communicating with my partners about various things I want them to be friendly , communicating and comfortable. I have a lot of love to give and I doubt any of it would even vaguely affect my love for them , it’s not lazy it’s actually way harder to be truly involved with multiple partners, honestly I just think people just accept “monogamy” without actually thinking about it too. I know so many monogamous people who even do that wrong. I don’t pretend I won’t be jealous or scared or whatever the points are. I just know I'm willing to work through and talk about it, not enough people are though. It just gets frustrating. Like the communication on its own is way more complicated and I'd rather than the just going through the motions.

I wish my mom really understood that i’m a smart person and i would not just marry the first person that walked by Henry does not even register compared to most men hence why i’m marrying him, also how many people are aware enough to realize a psychotic episode has nothing to do with them? I don’t need to list his characteristics i don’t need to prove it to anyone i’m marrying this man noo matter what so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

and idgaf what people think i’m crazy for the most part but not with him.

I broke down crying because zoloft has killed my sex drive and ability for intimacy and i feel so sad because I want that so bad with henry and i’m just dead in that sense. and i can’t do anything about it. I hate anti-depressants.

I'm learning more and more

That the reason good friendships and relationships are celebrated so much in society isn't cause we love them as a society but rather that they are rare. Few people will give you the respect and decency you deserve , so it makes sense to cherish those that will. It makes me sad because I always saw more in people :/

Tbh one of my pet peeves about being a young engaged woman is boys my age literally have no respect for my commitment, like people are straight up like i don’t care or say horrible things, or ask me if i’m pregnant or say demeaning shit. Yes I am engaged, yes we are open on and off but that doesn’t mean a) i’m every ever going to disrespect my fiance for your lame ass and b) that this is a decision made lightly. 4 months ago I agreed to share my life ( not half a year but my life) with the only man I want as a long term partner, just ‘caus you haven’t found a partner, don’t want one does not mean you can disrespect my relationship, i don’t do that to other people ever. I would never tell a single friend they need to date, or say of well your relationship isn’t valid because you’re just dating, fucking, whatever.

stay in your lane.

The more I come into my own the more I realize

Triads make me really happy, can't really describe it yet but that energy of people sharing love and their lives it just makes my heart glow. Basically the older I get the more I feel really connected with my poly identities.

i am blessed to have a partner who stays up all night holding or waking me up everytime I have a nightmare, especially tonight when I had a lot of screaming ones. He keeps me safe, talks me through everything. I am so thankful.