So I’ve pretty much decided that im gonna take a break from socials for a while. I’ve already pretty much abandoned insta and I deleted my Twitter ages ago, and I thought that maybe this experience would be different but if im honest it’s not.
I think that fandom and posting my art online is kind of rotting my brain. I don’t regret any of the art I’ve made or the fic I’ve read or written, but I just can’t ignore that it’s stunting me. When I look back on what I created as a kid, what motivated the compulsion I had to make art, it was my interactions with the world and nature and the magic I found in it. I can feel that in me still, but it’s hard for me to reach and one of the reasons is that I let making fan art for online spaces get in the way. I’ve let that be my crutch, I’ve let it be the easy way out. I think I really needed that while I was dealing with my PTSD untreated, but now that I’m going to therapy I think it’s just holding me back.
I really don’t regret the time I’ve spent focusing on this kind of artwork and I’ve learned and grown a lot from it. Right now, I don’t intend on deleting this page or getting rid of what I’ve made. I just think it’s time for me to move on and figure out why adult me wants to make art, and I can tell that this isn’t it.
