Challenge accepted.
(Translation notes at the bottom.)
Suzuki: So now Dojo (Maeno)— let’s see, this housewife has a problem, right? So uh, this is the moment where he will advise— give advice to win her husband’s heart back. So let’s go! Three two one! (“Yeah!” sound effect.)
Dojo (Maeno): *echo*…Lick my earlobe…
Suzuki: (Can’t stop laughing.)
Maeno: Ahh.. I mean, why do we— it’s fine though! Even I… well—
Suzuki: You! You’re mixing this up with your personal preference!
Maeno: I’m not!
Suzuki: You’re mixing it up!
Maeno: I’m not!
Suzuki: You read the extra story and you’re obviously mixing it up!
Maeno: I’m not I’m not I’m not!
Suzuki: Aren’t you?
Maeno: Well—- I dunno…
Suzuki: What is this?!
Maeno: What what?
Suzuki: Sports bra?!
Maeno: (Laughing.)
Suzuki: Is this sports bra (Maeno)?!
Maeno: (Laughing.) Well… well..
Suzuki: Isn’t it?
Maeno: (Laughing.) Yeah it is…
Suzuki: (Laughing.)
Maeno: Just now— just now, as a little image, the sports bra might have just happened to have been in it.
Suzuki: (Still laughing and clapping.)
Maeno: … since I read the extra story, it might’ve been in there, ok?
(Sound byte is edited and cut to later in the conversation.)
Maeno: No, that’s not good…
Suzuki: (Laughing.)
Maeno: That’s obviously terrible…
Suzuki: It’s not good?
Maeno: (Troubled.) Normally, like, something that graphic, it’s a little.. I mean, that’s just— I don’t—
Suzuki: (Laughing.)
Maeno: Yeah, I mean, oppositely, she’d be in trouble if it was said, even if you say it’s advice!
Suzuki: Then Maeno! Maeno, how about that! Maeno, try and give the listener advice in a way you would say it if it were you, ok? Hai ok let’s go. Three two one.
(“Yeah!” sound effect.)
Maeno: *echo*…What if you tried saying,”You can do me from behind…”?
Suzuki: (Laughing really hard.)
Maeno: Ahh I mean, this is all I can think up! I’m terrible! Ahh…
Suzuki: AH— What? Wait— I’m sorry! It’s just.. UGHHHH!
Maeno: (Laughing.) No no!
Suzuki: No! Listen! It’s just— Right now, ok? I’m feeling conflicted! Inside me I’m thinking “Could I be turned on by this? Or should I not be turned on by this?”
Maeno: You shouldn’t you shouldn’t!
Suzuki: But my mind went blank, so it means that works (for me)!
Maeno: (Laughing.) Why? What’s that mean “work for you”? I don’t get it.
Suzuki: What should she do?
Maeno: No no look, I mean, well… so… It means exactly that.
Suzuki: “From behind” means what?
Maeno: Well, if you say “from behind”… right?
Suzuki: So what exactly…?
Maeno: Ahh— I don’t know! Please just insert a bleep sound for what I said!
Suzuki: (Laughing.) It’s ABSOLUTELY gonna air just like that!
Maeno: No no…
Suzuki: ABSOLUTELY gonna air just like that. I mean what is this!? Ah! What IS this?! My imagination is going crazy!
Maeno: Ok ok. We’re done now, right?
Suzuki: This?! No way!
Maeno: No, it’s just-
Suzuki: Wait wait, ok, since we both did it, we can’t judge (who was best). So we’ll go by direction of the buzzer sound. Is this ok? No good?
Maeno: I was ok, right? The last one.
Suzuki: (Laughing.)
Maeno: Hmm? What? What?
Suzuki: They’re chōkō-ing (deliberating).
Maeno: (Bursts out laughing.)
Suzuki: Chōkō. Written as “long” (長) and “thinking” (考). It’s “chōkō”.
Maeno: That’s bad. I might’ve mixed up the author…
Suzuki: (Bursts out laughing.)
Maeno: Was the name given?
(Suzuki’s not listening because the results came in.)
Suzuki: Ummm… It (the result) might be out (no good).
Maeno: So it’s out…
Suzuki: Hmm..
Maeno: Seems like it’ll be out.
(Buzzer sound.)
Suzuki: Awww this is the worst…
Maeno: It’s out?
Suzuki: Yeah but, I—
Maeno: (It should be.) Your Tezuka was fine but—
Suzuki: Why?!
Maeno: It was ok but at the end—
Suzuki: Your “DOGGY STYLE” was what was WEIRD!
Maeno: (Laughing.) I did’t say anything like “doggy style”. All I said was “from behind”.
(Both laugh.)
Maeno: All I said was “from behind”. But yeah..
Suzuki: Ehhhh? Wait— eh? But, that means I’m drinking blend tea again today?
Maeno: Ahhh… But..
Suzuki: It’s only me? Today?
(Laughing.)
Suzuki: Wait a minute. Maeno doesn’t get a penalty?!
Maeno: I already have a penalty.
Suzuki: We’re leaving out Maeno?!?
Maeno: Dojo was dropped—
Suzuki: What?! NO WAY!! I’m dropping Tezuka and if anything Dojo was definitely OUT!!!
Maeno: Dojo’s been dropped for today. (Laughing.)
Suzuki: LIAR! You were definitely out!!!
Maeno: Today I was only half Dojo—
Suzuki: YOU! DRINK!
Maeno: WHY?
Suzuki: (YOU WILL DRINK) TODAY. ABSOLUTELY. Look— I got it I got it, and I’ll drink. But I’m used to semburi tea.
Maeno: Well, w-well, let’s make him drink something different.
Suzuki: (Laughs.)
Maeno: Do we have anything? Something different?
Suzuki: Do we?
Maeno: Ah! Earlier they said like, they could mix kampo powder in, and it would be brutal— I mean, you were just saying how you’ve been feeling tired-
Suzuki: Yeah, I did.
Maeno: And how you can’t get rid of your fatigue.
Suzuki: Mmm…
Maeno: So how about mixing some kampo in your semburi tea?
Suzuki: Wait a minute…
Maeno: Since it’s semburi you’re used to, you’ve had it a million times—
Suzuki: Yeah, I’m used to it.
Maeno: Right?
Suzuki: I’m used it.
Maeno: So it won’t be much of a penalty, semburi by itself.
Suzuki: Thats true…
Maeno: So we add kampo, right? And the kampo dissolves in the drink…
Suzuki: WAIT a minute— Eh?! Are you serious? Eh?! Are you seriously bringing it out?! NO WAY! IS THIS FOR REALLLLLLLL?! AWWWWWW!… This is the worst…
Maeno: I’d hate this…
Suzuki: Why do I…
Maeno: Hai!
Suzuki: Ughh.. This is just…
Maeno: This is it, right? It’s ready it’s ready.
Suzuki: … You say “ready”, but can’t you blend it some more? It’s like—
Maeno: (Laughing.)
Suzuki: It’s like all kinds of kampo is probably mixed in, but, to describe it in words, it’s like, the powder is all lumpy. It’s sunk to the bottom. The powder isn’t even dissolved. Eh, what is this… EHHHH? Is this for real?
Maeno: Oowah! Here! Here! The bottom is really sick looking.
Suzuki: Isn’t it?!
Maeno: It’s sick.
Suzuki: I mean, what should I say, it’s like some kampo medicine, just sunk just the way it is.
Maeno: It’s not dissolving… Not dissolving at all…
Suzuki: This is… It’s gonna be tough…
Maeno: But you can really drink it. After all…
Suzuki: Then you drink it too! This lumpy semburi thing! —-Ahh ok let’s go. Let’s go.
Maeno: Hai.
Suzuki: Ok. Ready set.
(Gulping.)
(Maeno and Suzuki moan.)
Suzuki: Ohhhhhh! OHHHHH what the hell is this?!?
Maeno: (Laughs and coughs.) I’m done… This is like, lots of cupfuls in one…
Suzuki: Ahhhh… (Maeno laughs.) Ahhh… Ah.
Maeno: Here’s some tea. (Suzuki coughs.) Are you ok?
Suzuki: Its like… It’s like…
Maeno: Ganbare! Ganbare, Tezuka! Tezuka! Drink it up!
Suzuki: I did drink it all. All of it! REALLY DRANK IT…
Maeno: Drinking the powder… (Laughing.)
Suzuki: After all, since there was so much powder there’s a straight line of it left over! Ughhhh! I mean, with this, what did I just do? Ahhh it’s so bitter…
Maeno: Ahh…
Suzuki: It’s so bitter, and the bitterness of the kampo is fine but, the powder is still in my mouth— ahhjaja this drink—
Maeno: It burns…
Suzuki: Ahh, it really hurts…
Maeno: Yeah, that was pretty bad…
Suzuki: Ugh.. Then do you wanna try some? (Maeno: Ehhh?) We have some more.
Maeno: *quietly* Seriously seriously? Ok, well maybe just a sip…
Suzuki: Just a little. (Maeno drinks it.) It’s really tough to—
Maeno: Ooowah it’s bitter!
Suzuki: Isn’t it worse than semburi?
Maeno: (Coughing.)
Suzuki: (Laughing.)
Maeno: Ahh.. (Suzuki: Ahh…) Ahh, it’s disgusting…
Suzuki: Ahhhh! This is so bad!
Maeno: It’s like- (Suzuki bursts out laughing.) Wait a minute! The sub-writer—!
Suzuki: It looks like our sub-writer is trying it too!
Maeno: (The sub-writer) keeps burping…
Suzuki: Ahh, I can’t stop burping.
Maeno: Wait a minute- ("Tezuka?" sound effect.) Hahahaha! That’s censored! What you did just now is censored!
Suzuki: Ahh, I’m sorry.
Maeno: This is terrible, this is.
Suzuki: Ah, it’s bad.
Maeno: It’s no good. When we finish this section (of the show), let’s take a break.
(They both laugh.)
Suzuki: You’re right… Ahh it hurts.
Maeno: Ah, it’s getting hot.
Suzuki: I can’t stop sweating cuz of that… (Maeno: It’s hot.) Ah, it’s so hot! I’m really sweating. Ahh… Ahh.. (Maeno: Ahh..) Aw crap— We need to do the section close. (Maeno laughs.) So uh, everyone, if there are things you want Dojo Kyokan to tell you. (Maeno sighs.) Or (Maeno says this with him:) things you want Tezuka to tell you— (Maeno laughs.) Ah, this (section) this..
(They both laugh.)
Maeno: Well that’s what this is, right?
Suzuki: Let’s just both do our best from now on.
Maeno: Let’s do our best.
Suzuki: Eh, examples of things you want to see too, we’ll be waiting for lots of questions. Please send lots, ok? That’s all for the Dojo Kyokan and Ganbare Tezuka-kun Corner!
Notes:
1. Some people may not know this, but since this is a radio show for Library Wars, the seiyuus are pretending to be their characters from the show. (Maeno=Dojo and Suzuki=Tezuka, but his part was edited out.)
2. “Sports Bra” is a reference to a Library Wars extra story when Dojo and Kasahara first made love… It’s kind of a long story but the sex ended with a funny joke so the whole incident is referred to at “sports bra”.
3. Suzuki says “kiku” which can mean “listen”, as in “I can’t listen to this!” or “work for me”, as in “This can’t be working for me!”. I chose to interpret it as “working” because I want to think he’s turned on by Maeno and Maeno sounds confused by his meaning of “kiku”.
4. Kampo is a popular vitamin/medicinal supplement in Japan that comes in lots of forms, but it’s most famous for smelling and tasting bad.
5. Towards the end, they both start laughing when Suzuki says “things you want Tezuka to tell you” because the whole purpose of this part of the show is supposed to be about Tezuka, not Dojo.
This web radio show was good. And I love translating interesting things. So if you have any requests, please send them. Maybe we can both learn something new. :)