Day Twelve brings you the lovely Alice from Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann!

If you haven’t already read this AMAZING book about an awesome black, biromantic ace woman, you gotta go check it out because it’s INCREDIBLE (and very cute)! 🏳️‍🌈

I can tell it's Ace Week because this is getting reblogged a lot again! 💜🖤💜

One reason that I am so passionate about aromantic and asexual people being included in discussions about the queer community is because we are so few in number.

It is so gosh darn difficult to find other ace and aro people irl. We’re a small community that mostly connects through the internet because we are a small percentage of the population and not that many people know about us yet. So, most of the support we get irl is from gay, bi/pan, and trans people. Not other ace and aro people.

I have two irl asexual friends now, but for the first six years I was out as ace I had none. Maybe an online person here or there, but no physical presence. Nobody to eat lunch with or vent to or hug when things got bad. Instead, the support I got was from my gay and bi friends. They supported me, and I supported them in return. The very first person I ever came out as asexual to was a gay guy I was friends with at the time.

He was there for me and I was there for him in return. He was relieved to find out I was ace actually, because that made me another queer person he could talk to. And soon after I connected with several bi and pan people at my high school. We were able to stand up for each other, get things done, relate to each other.

Including ace and aro people in the queer community means giving ace and aro people a support system. A safe space. An opportunity to relate and be related to. To love and be loved. To protect and be protected. When you’re already included by default it’s easy to sit in your leather wing backed chair in your ivory tower and say “Well these people should just form their own community.” but in reality that just doesn’t work.

Ace and aro people will always have their own community, yes. But also lesbians will have their own community. Trans people will have their own community. Gay men will have their own community, bi people, pan people, non binary people, the list goes on. But all the people in those communities can form one super group that relates, that supports each other. That unites under the umbrella of “not totally cis and hetero at the same time”.

It’s a support system that ace and aro people desperately need. We have bad and good experiences because of our orientation, many of which other queer people can relate to. We see the rest of the community and go “Same hat!!!” and feel a little less alone. And yeah. That includes heteroromantic aces and heterosexual aros. They need that support too, because believe it or not, heteronormative society isn’t kind to them either. They understand a lot more than you think. They’re not trying to join because it’s trendy. They get that same hat feeling just like you and I.

Don’t be rude in the notes please. I won’t be debating.

What “cishet” is not:

What “cishet” actually is:

Stop misusing the term for your aphobic bullshit, especially during Pride Month, which is a month that most definitely includes aspecs!! And yes, that means cis het aces, cis het aros, and cis aroaces are included because they are not and literally cannot be cishet! It is 2019; this has been going on for years. We shouldn’t still have to make these kinds of posts, but unfortunately, some of y'all continue to be unnecessarily hateful and exclusionary.

Aspecs will always have a place in this community and at pride, and there’s nothing you can do or say to change that!

This pride month remember that yes! Autistic ace, aro, and aroace people exist!

And seeing your faves as autistic AND aspec, no matter which “a” it is, is absolutely fucking great. You’re not infantilizing them for it, SPECIFICALLY if you’re autistic, aro/ace, or both!

Just please, respect us, autistic people, when applying those headcanons. We, as people, have always been codified/stereotypes as “incapable of feeling compassion/love/attraction/etc”. I’ve heard the love thing from my own mom.

Don’t do it just because you see them as autistic. Don’t do it just because you see them as aro/ace. When we’re both, we simply are! And your headcanons should be like that too!

If your hc is that they’re autistic, then they simply are! If your hc is that they’re aspec, they simply are! Don’t connect them just because. That’s harmful, and it feels like a must, when it doesn’t work like that.

This has been a psa by your fellow ace autistic trans dude! I would die for my aro and aroace autistic siblings 💪✨🏳️‍🌈

Oh! And if you bring discourse to this post I’ll break your bones! This is abt autistic lgbt+ people feeling loved and I couldn’t give less of a shit!

(Image description: a white square background overlaid with a pale gray grid, gray centered text reads “protect asexual youth”.)

From what lmao

Protect asexual youth from:

Oh yeah, as a nonbinary lesbian ive neeweever expirienced ANY of that for sure. Ya got me there bucko

Wow. It’s almost like there are commonalities between the experiences of asexual people and the experiences of LGBT people!!

You know, the sort of commonalities that might bring communities together for the same causes!!! Especially given the high number of people who belong to both communities!!!

Much wow very amaze.

Anyway, this post is specifically about asexuality and the asexual community; make your own post if you wish to discuss other issues.

I will never understand people going ‘But other LGBT+ people experience this as well, not just aces!’

That’s literally an argument for inclusion. You’re literally admitting that aces and other LGBT+ groups share experiences. Experiences that make them LGBT+.

I woke up at 2 am, made this and fell back asleep

I need to rant.

The thing about being aromantic, asexual, or on the spectrums that a lot of people don’t seem to get is that compulsory sexuality exists.

Not just compulsory heterosexuality. Compulsory sexuality. Period. The idea that every person on the planet feels some kind of sexual and romantic attraction.

I grew up watching media, same as all of you, and how are people that are interested in purely sexual relationships depicted? As cold people. As cheaters. Usually it’s a straight man looking to use women. His character development almost always includes settling down. And people that don’t experience sexual attraction? Characters like Data from Star Trek or Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. Androids and characters coded as having a very specific type of autism. And even they have sexuality forced upon them by the writers at least once. With Data it happens in the second episode.

And then we try to explain this to people. Why we hurt ourselves and put ourselves in dangerous and uncomfortable situations trying to fix ourselves. Make ourselves feel sexual and/or romantic attraction. We bring up the bullying we endured. The things our therapists tried to fix about us. We talk about our trauma related to compulsory sexuality and you all just don’t hear us.

I’m so tired of it. I’ve been fighting the fight to be seen since I was fourteen! I’ve given talks in GSAs. I’ve written essays to educate. I’ve comforted other asexual people on the internet and irl. I’ve scraped and grabbed for community. I’ve done my very best to fight to be seen. I’ve healed from the trauma I put myself through in trying to fix myself. I’ve realized that I don’t need to be fixed. I’ve been as goddamned involved as an asexual person can be with the resources we have. I may be young but I have been fighting longer than most and I am so protective of the people just realizing that they’re aro or ace or demi or anything else. No matter how much older or younger they are than me.

And then some people on the internet decide that they get to undo everything I and so many other asexual and aromantic people have done. They get to decide that their trauma is more real than mine. They get to push me and my brothers and sisters and siblings out the door because they don’t see invisibility as oppression. They’ve held up their little sign that says “must be this oppressed to enter” and then held it up higher so that we didn’t fit.

Some of them told me “oh you can come in because you tick these boxes but that other box doesn’t count”

No. That box definitely counts. That box is just as much a part of me as any of the others and it is the one I have fought for the longest. Our community won’t be made invisible again. Invisibility is crushing. It is suffocating. Abuse and hatred of all kinds thrive in silence.

I feel alone sometimes. Like I am the only soldier holding a banner in front of a stone wall. But I am not alone, and you aren’t either. I’m tired of being casual. I’m tired of being seen as a rarity. A novelty. An android. A nuisance. I am none of these things. I, like every other arospec or aspec person, am a friend of dragons. Something that was hidden for so long, protecting itself and what it loves, but has the ability to be loud, dangerous, firey.

Asexual and aromantic people have been polite. Quiet. Because that’s what we feel we have to be. We can’t protest by kissing someone in front of a picket line. What can we do then? Talk. Write. Wear our colors. If we have to keep being polite and quiet about it, fine. That’s how we do. But let’s not be invisible. I will continue to let everyone that knows me understand under no uncertain terms that I am asexual. I will point to our aromantic siblings, sisters, brothers. I will tell you to look at them. Look at us. We exist. We are wonderful. We belong. In queer spaces, in the media, in the public eye.

If you are aro or ace people will tell you that they don’t care. They will ask why they need to know. But being yourself is a radical act. I know it is. We are often polite in this community. We don’t rally. We don’t look to change the world. We don’t depict ourselves as radical or challenging the establishment, but we are. We are. We have been from the moment we realized we exist. Our history is small. We are creating the early stages of it as we speak, but it is still rich. It is still beautiful. Even if we are spread out, I love this community so deeply. So completely. I probably won’t ever be a leader in this community or any other one. That’s not where my talents lie. But I will continue to push for us to be seen. I will write literature for us. I will talk. I will be as visible as someone like me can be. I will fight to make the words ace and aro and demi and grey just as well known as gay, ace, lesbian, bi, trans.

And there are so many of us out there doing the same. We are not alone. We have never been alone. And these people trying to make us alone won’t succeed. I know this. I feel it in my gut.

Thanks for listening to me rant.

Allo people can reblog this.

tbh ur argument against “[group] can’t be ace/headcanoned as ace because it’s infantilizing” shouldn’t be “but people from [group] can be ace!” it should be “why the hell do you see ‘ace’ and immediately think infantilized”

Find more info @AspecApril or #AspecApril! 

Are you ready for some reading challenges? Choose your level!

🖤 Level 1 - complete 4 challenges 🖤 Level 2 - complete 8 challenges 🖤 Level 3 - complete 12 challenges 🖤 Readathon master - complete all 16 challenges

Rose’s Rec List + Disclaimers: Books may fit other bingo challenges slots but it’s either an unknown factor to me or I didn’t think it was about the subject enough. With your card do whatever you think is best. Books that aren’t “recommended” mean I haven’t read but they are in my tbr pile. I also tried to give a wide variety of genres in hopes everyone could at least find one new thing.

Hello World by Tiffany Rose and Alexander Tauber

How To Be a Movie Star by TJ Klune

Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann

The Captain’s Men by TJ Land

Hullmetal Girls by Emily Skrutskie

The Diviners by Libba Bray

That’s six books and surely one of these authors are new to you making every box checked off besides Group Book and when it’s announced that would make seven books for your very last blank! 

Sandry’s book by Tamora pierce

Banner of the Damned by Sherwood Smith

A lady’s guide to petticoats and piracy by mackenzi lee

Clariel by Garth Nix

Hey cool!

Here’s some more:

Princeless: Raven The Pirate Princess

🖤Purple On Cover

🖤A-spec character of color

🖤Released over a year ago (the trade actually come out on my bday)

🖤New-To-You Author

🖤Fantasy

Soft on Soft

🖤Released in the past 12

🖤 I heard there was 2 aces but not sure

🖤A-spec character of color

🖤 One of the few books personally suggested to me

🖤 New-To-You Author (atleast to me again)

It must be so painful being a closeted ace on tumblr nowadays. We fought hard to make asexual resources more widespread, because young aces deserve answers. The alternative is daunting. And I lived it.

When I was a teenager, I destroyed my body by forcing myself into sexual situations because I didn’t know about asexuality. Well, I knew about it, but of course I wasn’t asexual. No one in their right mind would be.

I was young, Asian, depressed, and a closet ace. All my access to basic human decency relied on sex. I didn’t know how to address sexual intimacy, or romantic relationships. I didn’t have any asexual vocabulary or knowledge of what it meant to be ace.

I’ll never be able to regain a whole chunk of my life. That’s all been tainted by years of neglect and abuse.

So I’m part of a movement that’s trying to prevent such a thing from happening again. And this bullshit pushback that I’m seeing? This claim that our attempts to save ace youth is somehow a detriment to people who aren’t ace? That our readiness to offer options is to blame for the actions of our mutual oppressors?

My closeted, confused young self was on the road to death. That’s inarguable. That’s what happens when aces have no options.

Even now, I struggle with asexual explicitry and how to embrace sex as a queer survivor. I NEED asexual visibility. And I need others like me to find a community with.

This shitty trend of trying to erase asexual growth is flat out violence.

unpopular opinion but

its not really “ace discourse” you just. don’t like ace people and are trying to “discourse” them all into identifying as something else

It’s not ace discourse, exclusionists are just bigots. Discourse is a discussion, and there isn’t a discussion to be had here. Exclusionists are assholes, and they’re WRONG. End of story. It’s not discourse, it’s bullshit.

this! like. we dont call homophobia “gay discourse” we shouldnt call aphobia “ace discourse”

The true ace symbol is a cake shaped like a dragon

Reasons why I am pro cake:

1. You can eat cake

2. You cannot eat dragons

Important Take on TUA Aces!

Five is a dragon ace.

Diego pretends to be a dragon ace but is actually a cake ace.

Grace is a cake ace.

Ben pretends to be a cake ace but is actually a dragon ace.