i’ll look for you in the waves

asked my gc to give me a prompt bc i was itching to write and this is it:

warnings: drowning (kind of???), female ocs, sapphic, mermaids, supernatural, deep ocean, mentions of drinking (i can’t think of anything else fr) lowercase intended!!!

playlist

hope u guys like it i haven’t posted writing on tumblr in like 6 and a half years omfg

before

they knew they shouldn’t be out here. they knew the tide was too high, knew their parents would be mad. but the way the wind whipped against the bedroom door was too inviting.

they’d been laying in the same twin bed as always, tiny bodies pressed tight, talking about the future when it happened. when they shoved their feet in their flip-flops and snuck out to the sea.

they’d always loved the ocean. growing up with the beach in their backyard had made them addicted to it. the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the feeling of floating and feeling like such a small, weightless thing in a vast ocean— even the way they could feel every single granule of sand between their toes. It was magical.

“I wish we could stay right here forever.” says sloane, arms wrapped around her legs, cheek pressed to her knee.

“we’re always here, anyway.” celia says, looking at her best friend a little funny.

“that’s not what I mean.” sloane, the slender, tall girl with deep brown hair and dark skin explains. “I mean right here. In this moment.”

“you big sap.” celia says, auburn hair falling down in ringlets around her chubby face. even with those words, she slides closer to her friend, her best friend, and puts her head on sloane’s tiny shoulder.

they watch the moon with peaked interest. they’d been friends all their life. since the moment they’d come into this world, it’s been them; celia and sloane. sloane and celia.

“the moon is extra bright tonight.” sloane observes in awe. she’s entranced by it. something about it is pulling her in.

“extra full too.” celia replies. they stay there a little longer.

suddenly, sloane watches as her friend jumps up, kicking up sand with the movements. celia laughs her signature laugh, loud and bright, before taking off toward the water.

“celia!” sloane calls her best friend, voice being swallowed by the wind. “we can’t swim! the tide!”

“oh come on, berry,” the nickname only celia could use sounds so convincing to sloane’s ears. “nobody knows the beach like we do. we’ll be fine.” there’s no pause in her movements. just the sound of maniacal laughter and splashes.

sloane feels her skin prick with nervousness. their parents had always told them to watch the tide. to be careful, because as beautiful as it is, the ocean knows no bounds, and takes no prisoners.

before she knew what was happening, the girl is chasing her best friend fast and deep through the water, trying to catch up as quick as she can. she calls celia as she sees her dove under, over and over again, but can see and hear nothing except the roar of the waves in her ears.

she starts to panic.

“celia! cee, where are you?” she’s sifting through the water with fervor, thinking it’s been a little too long since she’d seen her friend.

just as she’s about to scream again, she feels arms around her back, and someone pulling her up and slightly out of the water.

“gotcha!” celia says as sloane turns when she’s dropped. celia’s ringlets cling to her pale face haphazardly, and her mouth is open in a wide grin. with sparkling eyes, she says, “you were totally scared.”

sloane doesn’t know why, but tears prick at her eyes. she’d always been the softer, shyer one. always been the one that took things a little more seriously. which was a concept that never affected celia.

sloane shoves her best friend, eyes wide. “that’s not funny! I thought you fucking died!” it’s frantic, from the way sloane’s breathing to the way that she keeps pushing. “i couldn’t see you, I couldn’t hear you! I mean god, celia I couldn’t find you. what is your problem?!”

celia didn’t think she’d react like this. she almost makes a joke about how much she thinks sloane is overreacting, but the way the girl’s bottom lip quivers stops her. she really scared her.

“i’m sorry, berry.” she swims forward, wrapping her arms around the most important person in her world. “i didn’t mean it. i’m okay. don’t cry. i’m right here.”

they float there for a second, water to their shoulders, waiting for sloane’s racing heart to slow.

“i’ll kill you myself if you ever do that to me again, shells.” the girl mumbles. celia pulls back and smiles. sloane could never stay mad at her. especially if she used her nickname.

“celia! sloane! get in here now!” the girls look over across the beach, seeing celia’s now open door, her mom standing with a cardigan wrapped around her to shield herself from the harsh winds.

they groaned in unison. they were so grounded.

then, the inexplicable happens. one moment, they’re moving towards the shore to their inevitable punishment, the next, sloane is screaming celia’s name.

a wave, bigger than the girls had ever seen in their entire lives, barrels through the water, coming right toward them.

“sloane! sloane we need to swim right now!” celia grabs her arm, yanking her through the water. but sloane had always been a little slower in the water than celia, and celia still can’t touch the floor.

so when the wave finally reaches them and slams them under water, their hands are ripped apart and their bodies sent tumbling.

celia feels the water filling her lungs, feels the tide pulling her under, but she doesn’t care. all she can think about is where sloane is. if she’s come up for air yet. if she’s okay.

celia kicks her legs, clawing to get back to the surface. when she breaks it, she coughs and sputters. “sloane!” she screams. “help! please sloane, where are you?”

there’s nothing but high pitched frequency, then a pained, terrified plea. she sees sloane further back, flailing her arms rapidly. her eyes look haunted, like she’d seen a ghost. “shells, i can’t stay up anymore. i’m so scared.”

celia is crying now, “i’m coming, berry. i swear i’m coming. just keep floating.”

but just as fast as the last wave, another comes. and no matter how fast she is, how much she wants to get to her friend, the ocean doesn’t wait for anyone.

the wave hits.

then there’s nothing.

celia wakes up a little bit later, soaking wet and freezing cold, in her father’s arms, right there on the beach.

her mother’s crying on the phone and sloane is no where to be seen. she feels the pit form in her stomach. one look at her dad and she knows.

the beach would never be the same again.

now

the wind is unrelenting as she drives through town. she pushes her hair out of her face, for maybe the sixteenth time in the last ten minutes, fingers anxiously tapping the wheel.

the music is a low hum, not nearly loud enough to drown out the thoughts in her head. she wants to turn it up, but she deserves to drown today. so she doesn’t.

ten years. ten years to the day she lost her best friend to the ocean. ten years, and celia can feel the pain all the same.

her life changed that day. it’s funny, really. the way that she’s spent the entire first twelve years of her life at the beach every day. soaking up the sun, playing in the sand and wading the water.

now, she can barely look at it without her insides trying to come up.

for the first year, she went outside every day. searching. when the water would still, she would walk the expanse of the shore, until there was no where left to look. she’d even take her surfboard out and sit, in the middle of the ocean and wait. wait for sloane. for her sweet laugh to sound through the air or her pretty hair to pop up from under the water. she’d sit out there and call to her.

there was always nothing. the police looked. the coast guard was called. helicopters, search boats, the whole nine. she knew it was unrealistic, but something in her heart was convinced that if anyone was going to find sloane, it’d be celia. it was always like that. they’d find each other anywhere.

despite the facts, nobody blamed her. they were curious kids in love with the ocean. sloane’s parents, who’d basically raised celia too, still loved her to bits. they still sent cards and gifts on her birthday. still called on sloane’s. they came to her graduation.

but celia could barely face them. no matter how many times they’d talked about it. their love was unwavering. celia wished they hated her. she told her mom, a little after her seventeenth birthday, when celia was a little too drunk to stand.

“i’m fine, theo.” celia slurs, feet shuffling on the floor. her older brother held her up as her head rolled side to side.

they’d seen each other at some party. celia usually controlled herself better in public, especially since the incident. gone was the wild child that threw caution into the wind. she was careful, concise. she planned everything out to the last detail. recklessness did not equate to freedom, and since that day she lived by that.

but one thing since then that had not changed was her unrelenting stubbornness. she tried not to let the whispers get to her. after the first year, they’d mostly stopped. she’d learned to fold the looks and wicked jabs down until they were tiny enough to store in her heart for later. and only until she was in the quiet of her room, would she unpack them and fall apart. it’d been five years now. she wasn’t naive. she knew that what happened to her best friend was the biggest news to happen in their small beach town. she knew that even if she didn’t hear it, people still talked.

what she didn’t know, is that the words of some drunk bitch new to town would cut her deep enough to dissipate the iron clad resolve she’d built.

“that girl’s hot,” some guy said, as celia walked through the door of her lab partner’s house.

she didn’t pay him or the group, four guys and three girls, any mind as she searched for a friend anywhere.

one of the girls scoffed. another girl said, “i wonder if she’s okay. the anniversary just passed.”

celia felt her shoulders tense. she didn’t know if they knew she could hear everything. “what anniversary?” the last girl asked.

one of the guys interjected. “i always forget not everyone grew up here.” there’s a pause. and then, “five years ago last week, celia and her best friend sloane were swimming at the beach behind celia’s house. well, the tide was high, waves were gnarly and sloane got swept under. never seen again.”

“what the fuck?” the girl gasped, and celia could feel the eyes on her.

“yeah, it was wicked sad. they were close as close could be. basically girlfriends. celia used to be super crazy and loud and shit. and after that, she was always quiet.”

then he laughed. the fucker laughed. as if it was funny that celia’s days were haunted by the stupidest decision a person could make. as if she didn’t feel a sloane sized hole in her heart with every night she cried.

and because being stubborn came so easily to her, and so did drinking after the first three shots, she set herself on a vindicated mission of self destruction.

next thing she knew, theo is helping her up the steps of their house, and her mind is spinning. they walk past the living room and the last thing she expects to see is tamela baylor, sitting with a glass of wine next to her mother.

“celia? oh my god,” her mother scoops her from her son’s arms, arms on her waist to steady her. but celia could stand now. she was wide awake. too aware for her body.

she stared at sloane’s mom with wide, doe eyes. tamela stands, coming towards her with a gentle sadness in her eyes.

“some assholes were talking about her and sloane.” she hears theo say, and she wants to scream at him to shut up, but the words won’t come. “i found her on the floor of the kitchen like this.”

“celia, honey. it’s okay, let’s get you to bed-“ tammy says, but the girl is rooted to her spot. she’d seen her countless times since it happened. talked to her even. but she never said much. what could she say to the only other person who knew how badly this hurt?

“shells, i think-“ and that set her off. she doesn’t even know who said it, but it was too much. she rips herself from her mothers hold.

“do not fucking call me that.” her voice is loud, too loud for the room.

her grief is palpable. it spins through her stomach and clouds her eyes, making her blink rapidly. “i don’t deserve that name anymore.”

“oh celia.” someone is crying.

“it’s my fault. i was so stupid.” celia’s body shakes viciously.

“you were a child, honey.” her mother says. trying to reach to her. celia backs away. she didn’t deserve to be held.

“i was an idiot.”

“let me take you to your room, cee.” theo grabs her, and it feels like drowning all over again. she falls to the floor then, vision going slightly black again.

“no. no. no.” she’s hyperventilating now. “it should’ve been me. it’s my fault. she should be here. it should have been me.”

and then sloane’s mom is sinking to her knees in front of her, holding her as she sobs and sobs. as she kills herself in her mind over and over again. as she brokenly apologizes over and over for taking sloane from her. tamela only strokes her hair and tells her how much sloane loved her. how much she was loved.

it haunts her memories for the remainder of time.

celia doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting in front of the baylor house with her engine off. she can’t make her legs move as the memory comes and goes. she shouldn’t be here. and even though she knows they’d love to see her, she can’t be in the same room as her best friend’s parents without feeling like something akin to the grim reaper.

but today isn’t a day to feel sorry for herself, not when she’s in front of sloane’s parents house. so she grabs the flowers, and the two gift boxes and trudges out her car.

she has a key, but she never uses it. she knocks the same every time, three short raps, to let them know who’s here.

it’s a blur of pleasantries and soft sadness when they open the door. celia hugs them, a little tighter than normal, handing them the flowers that have become a bittersweet routine. she hands them their gift, because she always gets them and sloane a gift on anniversary days. teary eyed, they thank her and tell her they love her. she whispers it back, before heading to sloane’s room.

it’s completely untouched. the only new additions are the multiple gifts from celia over the years. birthdays, christmases, friendship anniversaries. the custom graduation sash and cap that celia made for her when she graduated high school.

a lot of people spend time at sloane’s grave. celia hasn’t been there since the funeral. she doesn’t remember her friend like that. she prefers to stay right here, holed up in this room.

celia sinks her now adult body in the small bed, holding the stuffed tiger shark plush she got sloane when she turned fourteen. most times she talks to her. but today, today celia’s body is so heavy that all she can do is cry.

-

she’s back in the ocean. the same wave, the same terror, the same weight in her chest.

“sloane!” she screams. “help! please sloane, where are you?”

it’s all painfully the same. the same defeat in sloane’s voice, same heart wrenching look in her eyes. “shells, i can’t stay up anymore. i’m so scared.”

celia is crying again, “i’m coming, berry. i swear i’m coming. just keep floating.”

this part is different now, though. cause when the last waves hits, and celia is pulled under, her eyes are now open. the water is so dark and she can’t get her eyes to adjust. she’s not the same kind of scared anymore. there’s something pulling her deeper, but her lungs aren’t burning like before.

there’s a faint shadow in the gloom of the water. a radiant, bright yellow and orange silhouette swimming towards her.

she can make out an arm reaching for her, and every bone in her body propels her forward to grab it. she’s fighting and clawing to swim forward, but she’s cemented in place.

“celia..” a voice says, and the girl swears her heart falls to her ass. she knows that voice. could pick that voice out anywhere.

celia tries to call for her. tries to scream sloane’s name, but only bubbles come out. her vision is starting to blur at the lack of oxygen.

she refuses to give up. she needs to see sloane, her berry, even if it’s the last time. just one more time.

the arm has reached her now, smooth, dark skin that she recognized. it pulls her slightly, and the last remaining air that celia has in her body is stolen from her as she sees sloane, several years older staring back her.

“i’m still here, shells. look for me in the waves.”

she’s been running since then. she ran out sloane’s house and to her car. drove twenty over the speed limit the short distance home. ran out her car. she’s running towards the ocean.

she’s glad her parents and her brother aren’t home. but it wouldn’t stop her if they were. she hasn’t been in here in nine years, but as she tears her jacket off and throws her phone down on the sand, she runs like she never left.

she knows it’s crazy. she knows the sun is close to setting and the tide is high and this is dangerous, but she felt it. she felt sloane. she’s here. she’s still here.

celia dives down, swimming out as far as she can. past the sandbar, past the dingy tower that tells you to be cautious, past the point any sane person would with waves like this.

she’s swimming, swimming, swimming. until her lungs burn and her head throbs but she doesn’t care. the waves are knocking her body around relentlessly but she’s still calling sloane’s name.

“sloane! i’m here!” she twists and turns her body in circles, whipping around to look in every direction. “sloane! please. please be here.”

there’s nothing but water and wind, not a soul but her. she dives down again, trying to open her eyes but there’s nothing. when she breaks the surface again, her sobs are wretched and heavy.

“berry please! i’m here. i came back for you!” she’s exhausted, and a particularly bad wave knocks her under the current again. she can feel the fight leaving her body. she can’t even swim back to her house. she’s much too far.

“sloane… i’m so sorry.” she sputters out water between words. “i didn’t save you then. and i couldn’t find you now. i’m so sorry.”

she’s done then. a wave similar to that night is racing towards her, and she doesn’t care to combat it. sloane still isn’t here and she’s still half a person.

she mumbles a sickly sweet and terribly sad declaration of love to her best friend before she’s swept under yet again.

-

for the second time in her life, celia can feel lips on hers and hands on her chest. she’s not conscious yet, teetering on that thin line in between. an orange haze is bleeding into her black vision, and she feels something clawing up her throat.

seconds later she’s convulsing, throwing up water, while her fingers grip the sand.

her eyes are barely open, and she squeezes them tighter. she can’t bear to see the look on her parents face.

“you always were one for dramatics, shells.”

no matter how warm the setting sun is, her body goes ice cold. time slows and stops. she wants to open her eyes, but she’s terrified to.

she’s hearing that voice, the one that is in all her earliest memories, speaks in her dreams at night and haunts her daily; the voice that kept her alive all these years.

if she opens her eyes and it’s not her, she doesn’t know what she’ll do.

“open your eyes, celia.”

and she does. her eyes fly open and connect with the most beautiful sight she’d ever seen. in all her soft, sweet glory, is sloane, ten years later.

immediately, the tears are falling. celia scrambles up to her knees, hands shooting out and running all over her face.

“sloane?” it’s the only word she can say. the only word that comes out over and over again like a mantra. like the holiest prayer from the most desperate man.

“it’s me.” she’s crying too. so hard.

and celia pounces then, because she still can’t quite believe it. she doesn’t know if she’s dead or if this is a dream or what. but she needs to hug her. and when sloane hugs her back just as hard, celia knows it’s real. because like any wretched thing, she only knows she’s real when she’s being touched.

“how-where- what- how the fuck are you here right now?” the words are a jumbled mess. tumbling out before celia can control them.

“it’s a hell of a story but-“ sloane starts.

celia sobs, “i thought you were dead-“

“-i’m here.” sloane is gripping onto celia so hard, if it was anyone else, it would hurt.

“-i’m so sorry, it’s my fault. i’m so fucking sorry-“

“celia, no. god no-“

“i’m sorry, berry. i’m so sorry.” she can’t control the flurry of emotions.

“you looked for me. you came back for me.”

celia nods. “every day for a year.”

sloane shakes her head. “longer than that. you came out here at night. talked to the ocean. looked for me in the moonlight. i saw you. you never stopped looking for me.”

another sob. “how could i ever stop looking for you? you’re everything to me.”

the girls hug again, for how long, nobody knows. celia feels everything in this moment. every ounce of guilt she’s felt in the last ten years. every grain of sand in her skin. the wet mats of hair stuck to her face. the drops of water on sloane’s skin. the scales on her waist. the way-

celia pauses.

“what the-“ she looks down at sloane’s entire body for the first time since she’s been awake. she blinks. once, twice, three times. she lets go of her friend and rubs her eyes.

“berry…?”

“yeah, shells?”

“why the fuck do you have a tail right now?”

sloane laughs, a sound that reverberates on loop in celia’s ribcage. a sound that breathes the life she lost so long ago back into her.

“well…”

and she tells her everything. from the moment she got lost in the waves. the last ten years and how she was saved by the full moon and the high tide. how there were more people, mermaids, just like her.

she tells celia about the price of the moon and tide. how the only reason she couldn’t let her know she was still alive, still right here, was because of her debt.

sloane looks up, pointing to the bright full moon. when celia lifts her head, it’s a carbon copy of the moon on the night sloane disappeared. celia’s skin breaks out in goosebumps.

“do you remember how mesmerized i was with the moon that night?” celia nods. “it was a blue super moon. extremely high tide. blue super moons are even rarer than regular blue moons. once every ten years. sometimes even twenty.”

“the day i went under, the moon was the only thing that guided me to find the others. they told me that i wouldn’t and couldn’t be seen until the cycle completed. called it the bittersweet blessing and curse of the moon and the tide.”

celia didn’t know what to say. her best friend, who she thought she basically killed, who’d been missing for ten years, was a mermaid.

“so what happens now?” the question terrified her. she couldn’t lose sloane again.

“now i’m free. now i’m back.” sloane smiles at celia like she built the sky for her. and celia’s heart calls sloane’s name with every beat.

“do you get to have your legs? is this an H20 situation where you can’t ever get wet again without your tail coming out?”

sloane laughs. “yes i get my legs, idiot. and no, it’s controllable.” she looks at the ocean. “well at midnight it will be. i can go between any time i like, except for super blue moons. then i have to be in the water.”

celia nods. the information sits in her head like a brick, but nothing matters. sloane is back. her sloane.

“i missed you so much.” celia whispers, thumb tracing sloane’s cheek in awe. “you’ve always been beautiful, but you’re breathtaking now.”

sloane puts her hand over celia’s. “i’m so sad i didn’t get to see you grow up. we lost so much time.”

celia shakes her head. “we have forever now. our second chance.”

all they do for the next minute is stare in each other’s eyes. there’s a charge between them, hopeful and tender, something that binds them. and maybe all celia wants to do is close the distance. maybe that’s part of the reason sloane’s disappearance hurt so much. not because she was in love with her, but because in the back of celia’s head, she always knew she could’ve fell. that they were closer than anyone and anything in the world. she was her best friend in the entire world. with time missing or not. her sloane, sweet as berries.

and maybe all sloane had thought about while she was away was celia’s face. celia’s laugh, her smile, her spirit. maybe her entire life, she had always paid more attention to her best friend than she should’ve. maybe not because she was in love with her, but because she wanted to be. she was everything to her. whether celia knew it or not. her celia, pretty as shells.

so, the girls sit and watch the sun and moon pass each other and the sky grow dark. watch the waves still roar and crash against the shoreline. they’re wrapped up so tightly in each other, nothing else matters.

tomorrow, they’ll have to explain to everyone how the fuck this was possible. they’ll have to spin a story so airtight and unbelievable. tomorrow will be stressful.

but tonight? tonight is for two girls to sit on their favorite beach, with their favorite person, and start to fall in love.

end