at a lesbian bar wearing a vampire costume: I vish to eat your puvsy *my plastic fangs slip out of my mouth and into someone’s drink* *I cry and pull the fire alarm before running out*

don’t worry everyone the doctor who wiki has everything under control

was??

me after bottom surgery

WAIT WAIT WAIT WRONG ACCOUNT DONT REBLOG THIS

I can't explain how much I love baguette child. I would protect them with my life.

At first I was amazed and delighted and then I realized this is exactly the level of wit you should expect from a child who chose to dress as a baguette for trick or treating and I was even further delighted

New York public school system makes all their students learn the recorder because they're secretly looking for the one kid that will solve their rat problem

we could be dunking bread in the same little bowl of olive oil, do you ever think of that?

Make sure you say "I wonder what they're doing right now..." about your comic relief friends every now and then so the episode can cut to their B plot

this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen

guys this post is a big hit on the adolescent psych ward

costco weed had me traveling to kirk land

when you split up parts of yourself between your ocs

Sighs..

:3

if it’s raining and it’s pouring, you KNOWWWWW that old man is snoring

let's fuck him

Yes

and of course biden is doing nothing about this

Just because the media isn't reporting on their achievements doesn't mean that the Biden administration isn't doing anything. Biden issued an executive order in 2023 that specifically forbids any state from using more than $1M of federally-provided funds to build highway deathtraps, and established the Office of Slapstick Transportation to ensure that no new giant hammers or spinning baseball bats would be installed on any American highway or interstate without first getting certification from the Board of Harlequinade that smashing cars in that particular location would objectively be pretty funny.