“i feel like everyone’s miles away from me.” For Ari
Ari/Kate, set before the mages have been recruited.
After tossing and turning for hours, it was becoming abundantly clear that sleep wasn’t coming to her any time soon. With a sigh, Ari sat up, rubbing a hand over her face. She got up quietly, careful not to jostle Kate enough to wake her, but ended up kicking the nightstand and hissing loudly.
“Ari…?” Kate said, voice thick with sleep, and she winced. “The fuck was that?”
“Yeah, kicked the nightstand. Go back to sleep.”
Kate rolled over, and rubbed her eyes. “It’s still fucking dark out. Why are you awake?”
“Can’t sleep,” Ari said quietly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and brushing a loose lock of hair out of Kate’s face. “It’s nothing, just a lot of thoughts.”
Kate yawned and moved backwards, making space for her again. “Doesn’t sound like nothing if it’s keeping you up. Tell me about it. I’m awake anyways.”
She sighed and sat with her head in her hands until Kate poked her in the back, prompting her to lay back down. She got back under the blankets, curling up close to her and putting her head on her chest so she didn’t have to look her in the eye. They lay in silence for a few moments, Kate running her hand over her hair.
“It’s just that,” Ari said, hesitating, “Just sometimes-“
She stopped herself again, clenching her fists, frustrated, glad that Kate stayed silent as she sorted out her thoughts.
“I feel like everyone’s miles away from me,” she finally confessed into the darkness, voice barely above a whisper. “It feels like no one will let me near them, even when I try,” she let out a shaky breath, drawing shaky circles on Kate’s arm. “I’m just not used to being alone.”
“Well I’m right here,” she murmured. “And your companions seem to like you just fine.”
Ari laughed. “Cassandra just stopped glowering at me last week, Sera still thinks I’m ’too elfy’, and Dorian and I banter but haven’t had a proper conversation. I don’t think any of them would consider me a friend.”
“And what about the Commander? He seems to be fond of you.” Ari groaned in response, hiding her face.
“Each time I try to talk to him I seem to embarrass him horribly in the process,” she grumbled into Kate’s collarbone. “He probably thinks I’m teasing him.”
“Well, aren’t you?”
“…just sometimes. You’ve seen him when he blushes, it’s adorable. But I don’t mean to scare him off entirely!”
“And what about me? Hell, we’re naked together on a regular basis. I’d say we’re pretty bloody familiar with one another by this point.”
Ari crossed her arm across Kate’s chest so she could prop her chin up on it and make eye contact.
“We may be naked, but this is also the most personal conversation we’ve had outside of our doctors appointments, if not more so.” Ari pointed out and Kate laughed.
“You’ve got me there. But what about it? Would you like to be friends?” Kate wrinkled her nose after she asked the question. “Ugh, that makes it sound like we’re in fucking primary school.”
Ari laughed, mood lightened, and leaned up for a quick kiss. “As long as I still get to see you naked.”
“What, just see me naked? That’s not very exciting,” Kate said skeptically, which earned her a glare. “Alright, friends with benefits it is. Now go the fuck to sleep, you angsty bastard. We can talk at a more reasonable time. Like when it’s fucking light out.”
“So charming,” Ari laughed, settling back down.
“I’m a fucking delight. Now sleep.”