#da:i fic – @onesparrow on Tumblr

ghosts that we knew

Cullen Rutherford/Ariadne Lavellan | Chapter 1 | Rated M

When he remembers falling out of the wardrobe, it doesn’t feel like he’s returned anywhere. Cullen sees it as a second birth; both times, he had not asked for it to happen. Things started the same way both times too; he opened his eyes and started screaming.

-

His siblings take to being forced back into their younger bodies and their former world with different levels of grace. Mia barely stumbles. She takes it in stride, just like she’s taken to everything in the past twenty years, with her head held high and an authority that can only come from ruling. Her shoulders are heavier than they were before, but she doesn’t lose any of her authority. Mia adapts, keeps her head held high. She may have lost her kingdom, but she’s not going to let that stop her.

There are new kingdoms to be won.

Branson becomes sullen and angry, frustrated by his weak limbs and small stature. He wants nothing more than to be strong again. In time, his anger subsides, as do his memories. Secretly, he’s glad. He always hated the attention, that everyone knew his face and had expectations of who he was and who he should be. Now he’s entirely anonymous, and it’s a relief. He’s still homesick, at times, but copes by never speaking of it. As if pretending it never happened will dull the pain.

Rosalie misses the Kingdom the most, spends her days writing down everything she can remember in notebook after notebook in frustratingly childish handwriting. It takes her the better part of the year. When she’s finished, she locks the notebooks in a trunk at the base of her bed and doesn’t mention them again. She builds herself a new court, a following of people who she’s picked off of the ground and healed as best as she could. As the years pass, she thinks of it less, and when she finds the notebooks in the trunk years later it’ll all feels like a dream to her.

Cullen falls out of the wardrobe and straight into disbelief. He’s so deeply convinced that this world is a lie that he refuses to accept that this is now their reality. He sneaks back into the room that night only to find a wall at the back of the wardrobe, and it takes out any hope he had. Mia finds him there later with the wardrobe knocked over, beating against the wall with bloodied palms. She holds his too small body against hers, crying as Cullen sinks into his grief.

“You promised,” he sobs, clinging onto her nightgown with bloody hands. “You promised.”

They both know that she couldn’t promise anyones safety, even when she’d made the promise, days and weeks and another world ago. It doesn’t stop Mia’s heart from breaking for him, watching as he gets so entrenched in his grief that he doesn’t know how to start climbing out, unsure of how to live in this new old world.

I’ve finally posted chapter 1 of the Narnia AU that I’ve been working on. Read the rest of it over here on AO3. Will be updating once a week!

onesparrow

cheer-up-sleepy-jaycie asked:

A request where Cullen and Ari discover they love each other? :)

Thanks so much for this @cheer-up-sleepy-jaycie! This is just Ari’s part, since things escalated and it’s probably a fair bit more angsty/a lot longer than you were expecting. I’ll write Cullen’s part as well if you like, since that’s much cuter.

Ariadne Lavellan/Cullen Rutherford. PG-13 for themes and angst, but SFW.

Ariadne has always known how this was going to go, and she was fine with that. Until she wasn’t. Ariadne realises that she’s in love with Cullen, amongst other things.

Ariadne starts to get a bad feeling about where things are going when she wakes up shackled to the floor of a dungeon with two angry women standing over her. Pain drags through her left hand as it spits green sparks as she’s accused of murder and trying to end the world. She wants to laugh, but instead she bares her teeth like a cornered animal, a mimicry of a smile, and lets the anger bubble through her. In that moment, she vows that she will not die chained to the floor in the dark.

The first time that Ariadne knows exactly how her story is going to end is after she closes the first rift. She knows all too well what happened to the last Dalish hero, and judging from the mark that’s sending shooting pains up her arm and the air of hostility around her, Ari doubts that she’ll be getting a better fate than the Warden did. It’s not a pretty fate, but it’s not worth fighting. At least she’ll be doing some good in the world.

She’s taken to Haven, where she starts her slow march towards the final chapter, where she’ll be pitted against the breach. The Chantry tries to rally against her, shouting that she’s everything that they stand against, but that’s not much different then it was before. It’s just targeted at her specifically, this time, instead of the Dalish and apostates in general. But this time she has backup when she fights back, has companions and advisors who make sure she comes back from every battle. Ari decides she likes them because they don’t treat her as if she is made of glass, while everyone else calls her the Herald of Andraste and stare up at her as if just being in her presence is a gift. I am not holy, she wants to scream, Just doomed to try and save you.

She tries not to think about what will happen if she fails, and instead throws herself into battle with a recklessness that worries her advisors. The Commander in particular seems concerned for her safety, and she responds with a level of flirtation she usually reserves for people she’ll never see again. It turns out that when one is a holy figure people are too afraid to speak with you, let alone try anything more, so she makes do with flirting with those who will even speak to her in the first place. Well, the Commander tries to speak to her, but whenever she even as much as smirks at him he blushes furiously and starts stuttering. It’s her favourite reaction out of all of her companions, and she makes sure to flirt with him as often as possible. They have to forgive a doomed woman this, Ariadne thinks when she winks at the Commander as she sets off to meet with the mages.

It isn’t until Redcliffe that Ariadne realises the true weight of what will happen if she fails. She doesn’t stop seeing red every time she shuts her eyes until weeks afterwards, and the nightmares last for much longer than that. You have make it until the end, she keeps telling herself, as she watches her companions laughing and tries not to think of what she saw in the future. You can’t die before then. They deserve a better ending than that.

Standing before the breach, she’s calm. There are demons raging around her, and the mark feels like it’s trying to claw itself out of her skin, but Ariadne isn’t concerned. I won’t let that be their fate, she thinks as she raises her palm to the Breach. The mark sparks, and the pain increases exponentially. They’re going to be fine. This will be worth it because they’re going to be fine. The pain forces her to her knees. She thinks she might be screaming, but after a moment everything is consumed by the bright green light of the fade.

It’s not until Cassandra’s hand clasps her shoulder that Ariadne comes back to herself, on her knees in the remains of the Conclave. She’s shaking and exhausted, but alive. Oh, she thinks as she looks up at the healed sky. This is unexpected. And for a moment, she entertains the idea that she made it through alive.

It’s not an idea Ariadne entertains for long. The red templars attack, and while the strange boy with the large hat comes up with a solution for the people she’s taken responsibility for somewhere along the way, he does not have a solution for her. She can see how hard it is for Cullen to send her to her death, but while she feels some regret she’s not surprised. I saw this coming from miles away, she wants to tell him. This was always how it was going to end. I was foolish to think otherwise.

Instead, she tells him to keep her people safe. That’s the only thing that matters, now. Every cause needs a good martyr, she thinks, staring down a dragon and a self proclaimed god.

But she doesn’t become a martyr, and makes it through to the other side with a new title. While Inquisitor is more comfortable than Herald of Andraste, it still carries the same ending as before. She carries on as she can, holding her ending close to her chest. Ariadne won’t let herself forget it, won’t let herself be surprised. With that in mind, she lets herself be a little selfish. I deserve this, she thinks as she kisses Cullen on the battlements. For the time I have left.

Ariadne throws herself into their relationship the same way she’s been throwing herself into battle. There isn’t enough time for lasting consequences, so she holds him close and doesn’t run when she realises that this could be more than a crush. She doesn’t have the time to run from her feelings, already too busy running towards the end. And she’s fine with the ending she’s headed towards. It seems a small price to pay, she thinks as she runs her hands through Cullen’s hair as he sleeps. My life in return for you and all of Thedas being safe. I’ll gladly pay that.

And she continues to think that she’ll pay that price without hesitating, up until she goes looking for Cullen before the final battle. She finds him praying to his Maker that she’ll be returned to him safely. Ariadne goes to tell him that it’ll be okay, that she’s accepted her fate and that she’s alright with the ending that’s been written for her. That she’s known all along. But when she tries to tell him this, the calm acceptance that she’s been carrying for months flees and she’s struck with the realisation that that isn’t true anymore. I don’t want to die, she realises as she stares up at him, holding onto his hand tightly. I don’t want to die. That revelation is quickly followed by another, which hurts nearly more than the first; I love him. I can’t let him go.

#ariadne lavellan #cullen rutherford #commander cullen #cullenmance #cullen x lavellan #da:i #da:i fic #my fic #until lambs become lions #cheer-up-sleepy-jaycie #sparrow speaks #my writing #mine