@onceabluemoonwrites / onceabluemoonwrites.tumblr.com
Because WHERE IS SAKURA and now Naruto can be a human handcuff
So why did they have to blow off each others’ arms again
I love this. Imagine the awkwardness. The attempts at synchronized fighting. The feeding. The issue with getting through doors. The fact that single person baths and showers will be their bane. Say goodbye to sleeping on your side. The beauty of this concept is endless.
I’ve been having this headcanon that Frigga isn’t Hela’s mother, but rather her stepmother. Two reasons. Partly it’s age: Anthony Hopkins (Odin) is 80 and Rene Russo (Frigga) is 63 (as of Feb, 2018). I mean, Asgardian aging seems to be kind of weird? Tessa Thompson’s Valkyrie was a valkyrie before Thor was even born (oh my gosh, she was probably a baby valkyrie, a young optimistic warrior who was so happy to have become a valkyrie alongside her lover, oh nooo). But I want to acknowledge that age gap. It’s a 17 yr age gap and I will not ignore it (even if it’s pretty clear Frigga was aging hella fine (ha) bc she was great, and Odin has been old from stress and lies and murder forever).
The other half is that I am very sure that Frigga is the only reason that Thor and Loki didn’t turn out to be total disasters (partial disasters, first class hot mess dramatic rich boys who have killed a lot of people, but not complete wrecks like their sister). Shout out to Frigga for shaping Odin up into some semblance (facade) of a competent not-conqueror and guy who can somehow give advice.
Anyway, I just really like the picture of Hela being super pissed at her dad for falling in love with some hot (inappropriately) young witch (Hela: “SHE’S NEARLY MY AGE, DAD.”) who believes in peace (ick) and compassion (ugh) and, idk, kale smoothies and nature yoga and not killing everybody and everything. (Hela: “Oh, like my hobbies are the worse ones there.”)
Hela (shouting on the phone at her Dad, pacing the Bifrost chamber as Heimdall breaks his Eternal Watch to repeatedly roll his eyes): “WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN’T CONQUER THIS PLANET WITH ME?” (*pause, then disbelievingly*) “A couple’s retreat to support endangered animals? WE WERE THE ONES TO MAKE THOSE ANIMALS ENDANGERED.” (*another pause*) WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU THREW OUT ALL MY HUNTING TROPHIES SO YOUR GIRLFRIEND WOULDN’T SEE THEM?!”
(*Cue royal Asgardian fit* *Heimdall yawning*)
Odin (later, in the throne room, thoughtfully): “I’ve decided to become a kind and benevolent ruler of the Nine Realms, and a semi-decent person.”
Hela (flatly): “Is this some kind of middle-age crisis.”
Odin (looking around the room, ignoring her): “We should redecorate in here. Make it less… bloody. Frigga doesn’t like blood, you know.”
Hela (throwing up her hands): “Frigga doesn’t live here!”
Odin: “We’ve decided to move in together.”
Because Odin and Frigga would definitely have some courtship that only lasted, like, ten years, which is probably the Asgardian equivalent of, like, a month.
Hela (on the phone in the Bifrost chamber again): “Well? We were supposed to quash a rebellious colony electing their own leader today, don’t tell me you ‘forgot’ again.” (*pause*) “Well, where are you now?” (*longer pause*) “What honeymoon? You’re not…” (*longest pause*) “What do you mean you eloped.”
(Note: Heimdall is live-texting this encounter to the Only Competent Asgardians group-chat. It’s just him and, idk, five other people, like the deeply and permanently frazzled stage manager at the Asgardian Royal Theatre.)
Kid Thor (centuries later, chubby as per Taika Watiti’s WoG, tugging on Frigga’s dress): “Are we ever gonna have more siblings?”
Frigga (thinking about the extremely murderous, Goddess of Death stepdaughter that her husband threw into a timeless coma hole bc banishment is still how he solves all his problems): “…Maybe someday.”
I’d say the only problem here is that this hc means I was robbed of some golden Frigga-Hela interaction but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, I was robbed of that anyway.
so i improved this part a bit
I thought this show couldn’t get better, and then someone did this
