All About the Fanboy

Summary: Yuri’s desperate (and, in hindsight, hopeless) attempt to hide his skate-crush on Yuuri Katsuki.

Note: Halfway through, at the ‘’Four months later’’ part, All About Yuuri takes place.

FF.net | AO3

You can find my fic master list here.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Yuri!!! On Ice. 

It began as a game.

Yuri had been forced to accompany Yakov and Georgi to a skating competition. The old hag had cracked up when she’d helped them force him through the airport. ‘’You’re like an angry kitten, it’s no wonder Yakov doesn’t leave you alone, you’d slash the furniture to shreds the minute you’d be left alone.’’

‘’I AM NOT AN ANGRY KITTEN AND WOULDN’T DESTROY THE FURNITURE IF YOU WOULD’T DO SHIT LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME’!’’

Mila had laughed. ‘’Pettiness rules in this family, Yura!’’

He hadn’t been able to argue that. Didn’t mean that he didn’t post those pictures of her in drag anyway.

Mila’s reply made him nearly smash his phone again.

Fuck her and her stupid confidence!

He was in the crowd, watching Georgi. Which was really not all that bad, if it wasn’t for Anya painting her nails next to him while Georgi threw kisses at her. Her beaming smile was creepy and Yuuri had problems enough already. Like the fact that he was planning to go seniors next year, and that somebody dared to have the same name as him. There couldn’t be two Yuri’s in the same competition! He’d have to deal with that before next season. Preferably today, because Yuuri Katsuki was performing, so what better opportunity would he get?

The problem was: how?

There was this adorable kid sitting on his left (Not that Yuri liked children or something. All brats were evil, with their cute chubby cheeks and small hands!) throwing plushies onto the ice. Ha! That one bounced right off the skater! Bullseye! It was just too swee- hitting the skater, that was it!

The perfect solution! Yuri would throw stuffed animals and flowers directly at Yuuri Katsuki’s face after his performances, so he would fall over and injure himself! The injury would no doubt be so severe he would have to sit out the next season and Yuri couldn’t be arrested for sabotage because he wasn’t in the senior division yet and… He hated that people called his physique ‘’dainty’’ and shit, but it would definitely help play the innocent kid card. He’d only have to blink, flutter his lashes like Victor (wait, not Victor, never like Victor- he’d adjust that part of the plan later) and they would all fall over their feet to free him from the clutches of the terrible police!

Oh, yes, Russia’s ice tiger was on a roll!

The Japanese skater would rue sharing his name! There could be only one Yuri on ice, and it certainly wasn’t Katsuki!

It was Katsuki’s turn and Yuri could see his legs were shaking from all the way over here. Damn wimp. Pathetic.

Katsuki took a deep breath and assumed his opening position. The crowd went quiet.

The music started and Yuri had to admit that Katsuki wasn’t all that bad. He wasn’t one for the mushy (he was Russia’s Ice Tiger, not the fucking sugarplum fairy), but the way Katsuki managed to involve emotions in his skating was masterful. Hmm… That jump was sloppy.

A flawless layback Ina Bauer and- Yuri dropped the plushies.

Fuckity, fuckity, fuck.

The step sequence.

Yuri couldn’t for the life of him sabotage someone who did step sequences that beautiful. He didn’t want to admire Katsuki’s skating, but the stupid jerk left him no choice. That graceful footwork, that divine turn! ‘

Fuck. He was in way too deep. (He was never going to hear the end of it if anyone found out).

Four months later, the Viktor Nikiforov Protection Squad had moved out, there had been identity issues and Yuri (who was NOT their mascot) had embarrassed himself terribly in front of Katsuki. Worse, Victor had succeeded in seducing Yuri’s idol (tch, more like Katsuki had seduced Victor) and was now going to coach him. Which meant that Yuuri moved to Russia to be taught in the same rink as Yuri (!!!!) and that would have been awesome (the end of Yuri’s little fanboy heart!) if it had not been for the fact that he needed to HIDE HIS POSTERS.

Not only to stop embarrassing himself any further in front of Katsuki but also to stop the old hag from teasing him to death when she would inevitably go into his room in search of blackmail material.

God fucking damn it.

There was one place in the world where Yuri was sure Mila would never find it. Not even if the building was broken down. In that case, it would be because Yuri had removed them beforehand, because there was no way he would allow his precious Yuuri Katsuki posters be taken from him. He needed them for his Yuuri shrine!

The perfect hiding place was the boy’s locker room at the rink. Why? Well, not only was there a deep, hollow space behind the lockers, just narrow enough to hold a poster container, but it also was (did he mention that already?) the boy’s locker room.

No, it was not the nudity that would deter Mila, nor was it the fact that it was an invasion of privacy. Mila did not know the meaning of privacy, as was evident in her grand blackmail collection and the huge nose she stuck in everybody’s business. It was another, more natural defense.

The smell of sweaty teenage boys and the stinky feet of men.

(Yuri had worried it would eat away at his posters, so just to be sure, he’d put them in an airtight container this time. Nobody and nothing was going to damage his babies)

‘’I found a treasure!’’ Victor stormed into the rink, waving around a- god fucking damn it- familiar container. ‘’There were Yuuri Katsuki posters hidden behind the boy’s lockers! I can’t believe my luck! My lovely cinnamon roll! I wanted these so badly, but they were sold out! Can you believe it? Mila, Mila! Look!’’

Opening the container, Victor presented the posters like Simba.

Yuri grid his teeth. ‘’Sudden exposure to light is bad for them, you fucking idiot!’’

Quickly, Victor lowered them, protectively placing the lid back on, frantically looking from side to side as if sunlight was an enemy that would sneak up on him.

Yuri wanted to throttle him. What if the posters had gotten caught on the lid?!

‘’Vitya, darling, we can’t look at them like that.’’ Anya sighed from the rink.

‘’Oh, right!’’ Reaching inside, Victor-

‘’OH NO YOU DON’T!’’

Blackmail material be damned, Victor’s grubby paws were NOT touching Yuri’s limited edition Yuuri Katsuki catboy posters!

“That's mine, stupid! Give it back! It’s a limited edition and it completes my collection! Take your dirty hands off it!" 

Too late. Victor had taken them out of the box and Yuri’s favourite poster- the one of Katsuki in a cute kitty skirt- had been revealed to the world at large.

Or, well, the skating rink.

A choking sound came from the entrance. ‘’Oh my god. I had no idea those were still in circulation. Just-‘’ Yuuri Katsuki swallowed, looking pale, ‘’Let me sit down  for a minute.’’

Yuri was ready to die. Just let it come. Bury him alive.

His idol had found out about his obsession. ‘’If someone could kill me now, it would be greatly appreciated.’’

Victor cocked his head, tapping his bottom lip. ‘’If I slit your throat, can I have the posters?’’

Mila was cackling in the background.

Oh, no. He didn’t.

Snatching the box out of Victor’s hands, Yuri stole the poster and put it back in. Without ceremony, he grabbed Victor’s shirt next. ‘’Over my dead body, you idol defiling jerk!’’

Victor gasped. ‘’Yuuri is a Japanese idol too?!’’ With wide eyes, he looked past Yuri at his boyfriend, ‘’Where can I get the merchandise?!’’

Katsuki, for his part, sank his red face into his hands.

Anya rolled with her eyes, skating towards the barrier. Tapping her nails on it, she got their attention. ‘’I think we’d know if Katsuki had been an idol.’’

Mila, still sitting on top of the barrier, nodded. ‘’Yuri would’ve known. Vitya too, for that matter, and the second he found out, it would’ve been on the billboards.’’ And cackled on like the utter devil she was.

Fuck this. If they were going to tease him further about this instead of giving him a mercy kill, then Yuri was going to rock this shit like nobody had ever rocked it before.

He would show them fanboy.

Beginning with establishing his freaking seniority over Victor, because you did not just happily skip into a fandom and take it over. Not with veterans like Yuri present.

‘’I’m your Yuuri fangirl senpai. Bow to me, peasant! You shall worship me like a proper kohai!’’

Victor dropped to his knees faster than the speed of light.

Okay, Yuri had not anticipated that, but he sure could roll with it. Sliding his sunglasses onto his face, he smiled. Finally some damn respect in this place.

From below (the dirty dregs where shipping trash like Victor belonged. Because seriously? A self-insert fanfiction brought to life? Victor should’ve done better. Yuri expected a fast learning rate from his fan-slaves, and Victor had to catch the fuck up), Victor squeaked. ‘’My hair is on the ground and so is my Armani suit, but here! Bow! Now give me the poster, fangirl-senpai!’’

Yuri spluttered. ‘’That was too easy!’’

Katsuki made dying animal noises in the background. …Yuri should get him something to drink. And take a picture. And ask for more autographs.

Actually, why the hell hadn’t he thought of rolling with the fandom in the open before? It obviously was an A+ life choice.

Mila might be laughing at him, but Yuri was living the life.

Of a fanboy, that is.

‘’Wait-‘’ Katsuki whispered, looking up with eyes glistening as if he had just heard angel choirs, ‘’Does this mean I can put up my Victor posters too?’’

Yuri should’ve KNOWN a divine creature like Katsuki would have fanboy seniority over him!

Treasure Hunt

Fandom: Yuri on Ice

Summary: ‘’The rascal! That debaucher! That- That- Lolly gagging playboy!’’ He covered Mila’s eyes. ‘’’Don’t look! If a primordial like me almost fainted looking at this, I don’t want to know what this will do to your systems!’’ ‘’…An extreme reaction to a simple cuddle, but I like your style.’’ 

Phichit finds out his treasure (Yuuri) has been stolen. By Victor. Time to stalk the couple!

Disclaimer: I don’t own Yuri on Ice

FF.net | AO3 | Tumblr (my other entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

You can find my writing progress here.  If you can’t keep straight who’s what kind of creature anymore, here’s a list, plus some extra background information for those who’d like to read it!

My fic master list here.

This was written for yoifantasyweek ( @yoifantasyweek for those interested in checking out the other authors) 11/18/17- Day Six: Gold. I used the prompts ‘’Dragon,’’ and ‘’Treasure’’.  

This is part of the Land of Gods and Monsters ‘verse, but can be read as a standalone fic.  You can find a note on the chronology of this ‘verse here.

Day 1

‘’You don’t get it. I’m his mother.’’

‘’I was present when Hiroko birthed him.’’

‘’Yuuri’s my treasure!’’ Phichit does some jazz hands around his face for the sparkle effect.

Mila somersaults through the air, wings beating. ‘’And V-boy is my charge, darling.’’

Phichit pouts. ‘’I’m not going to ship them!’’

‘’Chuchu, ‘shipping’ is never going to be a thing.’’

‘’Don’t worry, I’ll make it happen!’’

Day 5

Big News! Dragon Crashes Wedding Party!

‘’I’m a Phaya Naga! Oh-are my eyes deceiving me? ‘Our eyewitness reports the dragon ran in screaming: ‘’You ain’t never gonna get my baby- Oooooooh- I like that song!’’’ I didn’t do that!’’

‘’No, you ran in screaming: ‘You ain’t never gonna get my baby- SOMEbody once told me the world is gonna-‘’

‘’roll me, I ain’t the sharpest tool in the shed! She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead…’’

Day 6

‘’I never realized how chipmunk-y Victor’s cheeks were.’’

“His ass is nothing compared to Yuuri’s.” “A. You are so right. B. MY SON! You are rightfully worshipping him. C. I MEANT HIS FACE.” “…I blame your butt jokes, Chuchu.”

Day 8

‘’Oh my dragon scale. The rascal! That debaucher! That- That- Lolly gagging playboy!’’ He covers Mila’s eyes. ‘’’Don’t look! If a primordial like me almost fainted looking at this, I don’t want to know what this will do to your systems!’’

‘’…An extreme reaction to a simple cuddle, but I like your style.’’

Phichit gasps. ‘’HE- Victor just nuzzled Yuuri’s hair- Why are we not crystal shotting this? We should be crystal shotting this! Evidence, Mila, evidence!’’

‘’You know, taking a crystal shot of you right now would be perfect blackmail material.’’

‘’Giant snakes in hula outfits are common and a great disguise, I’ll have you know! Besides, why ever would I be embarrassed about wearing a coconut bra? It’d be blackmail against other people. Can you imagine it? If I show you this shot of me being the hottest thing ever, you’ll die!’’

Mila taps her lips. ‘’A vision- but do be sure to include your furbie cosplay, m’kay.’’

Phichit cackles. ‘’Furbie-licious to the max! Wait- where did they go now?!’’

Day 9

A rendezvous in the Niagara Falls.

Mila has the time of her life, Phichit flails and befriends the local hamsters.

Day 10

Tracking down Victor and Yuuri isn’t hard. What takes up time is the information gathering needed to help Victor find the place where he belongs. Behind the bars, that is.

The criminal in question is currently smiling softly as he uses Phichit’s cinnamon son as his slave. He has deceived Yuuri so thoroughly the poor boy is smiling while brushing his captor’s hair!

‘’I will take all of his Armani suits. Not to cut them apart- oh no, that would be too kind. I’ll paint them with daisies and roses and rice, and then I’ll make it smell so nice he’ll die from pleasure the next time he puts it on! Positivity will kill him!’’

‘’Savage, Chuchu.’’

‘’Hush, Millikins, they’ll hear us!’’

‘’Oh yes, a fairy and a Phaya Naga hovering in the air in front of a tower window. The height of stealth! Also, did you put on a few pounds?’’

‘’Are you implying you can’t lift me?’’

‘’Please, I could lift you in your true form while being five centimeters tall!’’

‘’Let’s try it out!’’

‘’You are so on!’’

Day 11

Peering over the hedge, Phichit sighs ‘’Why can’t they just stay in one place? I need my beauty sleep!’’

‘’Maybe if someone stopped announcing their presence…’’

‘’You were the one tipping them off?!’’

‘’…Sure. Yeah. Let’s go with that.’’

Yuuri sticks his head over the hedgerow. ‘’She didn’t need to, with the amount of noise you made.’’

‘’Yuuri!’’ Phichit smooshes his face against his chest. ‘’Ma baby boy! Don’t worry, mama’s here, he’ll protect you from the big bad angel!’’

Yuuri just sighs, remarkably fond for someone whose glasses were just ruined. ‘’Nice to see you too, Phichit.’’ 

Mila eddies through the air in the direction of the garden, ruffling Yuuri’s hair in passing. ‘’Atta, boy!’’

Phichit runs after her. ‘’Hey, if you’re pinching Victor’s cheeks I want in!’’

‘’The squishy-squish is all mineeeeeeeeeee, Chuchu!’’

‘’I… Might be convinced to let Victor into the family.’’

The Russian’s eyes lit up.

‘’But only if I get your conditioner, because oh my gosh, your hair is silky. I mean- you’ve been feeding Yuuri katsudon, you can’t be that bad.’’ Phichit inches forwards. ‘’Also, squuuuuuuish!’’

Victor doesn’t even try to get away, far too busy beaming at Yuuri, rainbows appearing all around him. ‘’I have been blessed!’’

‘’Me too,’’ Mila cackles, ‘’Blackmail material for the next millennium at the least!’’

Yuuri pales, Victor wails, and Phichit? Phichit beams.

Yeah. He can see it. He ships it! (Yes, Mila, shipping is totally gonna happen).

Author’s Note

The song Phichit and Mila sing on Day 8 is All-Star by Smash mouth!

…The butt joke exchange was actually inspired by M-chan blaming me for corrupting her with my butt jokes *cackles*

For a post~~

In the Name of Love

Fandom: Yuri on Ice

Summary: There is a child in Mila’s court, and it is definitely not an elf. It’s got black hair, chubby cheeks, curious brown eyes and a habit of trying to hide behind Mila even when she’s five centimetres tall.   …It squeals when it sees Phichit, and keeps touching his horns.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Yuri on Ice

FF.net | AO3 | Tumblr (my other entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

You can find my writing progress here.  If you can’t keep straight who’s what kind of creature anymore, here’s a list, plus some extra background information for those who’d like to read it!

My fic master list here.

This was written for the Yuri on Ice Fantasy week ( @yoifantasyweek for those interested in checking out the other authors) 11/17/17- Day Five: Pink/Silver. I used the prompts from both colours, ‘’Love,’’ from pink and ‘’Moon,’’ from Silver.

This is part of the Land of Gods and Monsters ‘verse. It’s not strictly necessary, but probably handy if you read Fathoms Deep (My Heart Resides) before this story. But if you’re here for the cute only, by all means, proceed.  You can find a note on the chronology of this ‘verse here.

Phichit is a Phaya Naga, a dragon-like deity.

Sound in the world above is strange. Phichit could throw a rock into the valley right now, and the sound would echo against the mountains endlessly- contained to this valley only. Who knows how far down it would go?

…Not farther than the ground. The world above is strange like that. It has a bottom.

Does the sea have a bottom? Logically, Phichit knows it has, but he has never liked logic much, and he’d rather not think about it.

There are so many wonderful things to see here! The sun is so bright, one moves so fast! And air! Not even Phichit’s wildest dreams had prepared him for breathing air!

It doesn’t matter that sound is strange above, because Phichit is itching to find someone to talk to, and the world is a beautiful place!

There are, to Phichit’s surprise, bodies of waters which do not belong to Seung-gil. They lie in the cradle of the earth as if embraced by Hiroko herself. Humanity- the short-lived, funny creatures they are- live along its shores. But even they have smothered their fires by now, and the only light left is the moon. Humanity, all of it, sleeps.

The night is the colour of ink, the trees dipped in silver, and it swallows all sound.

It is silent.

It wrenches at him. Even here, staring at the reflection of a round orb in space, he is reminded of Seung-gil. Was the moon painted with the Lightgiver’s melancholy? Because it’s all Phichit can feel as he stares at it.

It looks like Seung-gil, pale as it is. A face, staring back at him, not speaking a word. Never changing.

The water ripples and the image distorts.  

Perhaps it was Phichit who gazed up at the surface for such a long time that he never saw the depths.

Fathoms Deep (My Heart Resides)

Fandom: Yuri on Ice

Summary: On his throne of light, made of monstrous fishes, he sits, a deep-sea snake curling around his shoulders. Seung-gil Ship-sinker. Sara’s breath hitches. He is awe-inspiring and terrifying, all her dreams and nightmares. 

‘’Chop, chop, girl! I don’t have all day!’’

Sara takes a deep breath, her foundations shuddering. ‘’I want a pair of legs.’’

Disclaimer: I don’t own Yuri on Ice

FF.net | AO3 | Tumblr  (my other entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)  

You can find my writing progress here.  If you can’t keep straight who’s what kind of creature anymore, here’s a list, plus some extra background information for those who’d like to read it!

My fic master list here. 

This was written for the Yuri on Ice Fantasy week ( @yoifantasyweek for those interested in checking out the other authors) 11/16/17- Day Four: Aquamarine. I used the two prompts ‘’Mermaid,’’ and ‘’Ocean’’.

Dedicated to @curiousbecuriousblueram! Happy birthday, Silver-chan!

This is part of the Land of Gods and Monsters ‘verse, but can be read as a standalone fic.  You can find a note on the chronology of this ‘verse here.

It’s not that Sara doesn’t want to live in the sea- it’s that her brother won’t ever let her go if she doesn’t flee it.  He drowns men whenever they come too close- you’re not stealing my sister, he says.

It is natural, then, to visit Seung-gil Ship-sinker.

Seung-gil is utterly silent, but his visage drowns them all. His tail possesses the power of a thousand mer. His force curls around him like a curtain and he hides secrets behind stormy eyes- the kind you would dare to enter the depths for.

Like Sara is, now.

- Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon, my day three entry for @yoifantasyweek ! 

My exams are done and I had to celebrate by making an illustration! 

Never Tickle A Sleeping Dragon

Fandom: Yuri on Ice

Summary:  The last thing Phichit expected to find lying around in the woods was a slumbering Fairy Queen. A pink elephant? The forest had plenty. The Holy Grail? Run-of-the-mill. Polka-dotted school teachers with forked tongues in samba costumes? Puh-lease, those flies came over every five seconds!

A Fairy Queen, however, was a rarity.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Yuri on Ice

FF.net | AO3 | Tumblr  (my other entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

You can find my writing progress here.

My fic master list here.

This was written for the Yuri on Ice Fantasy week ( @yoifantasyweek for those interested in checking out the other authors) 11/15/17- Day Three: Mint Green. I used two of the prompts: ‘’Fairy,’’ and ‘’Mischief’’.

This is part of the Land of Gods and Monsters ‘verse, but can be read as a standalone fic.  You can find a note on the chronology of this ‘verse here.

The last thing Phichit expected to find lying around in the woods was a slumbering Fairy Queen. A pink elephant? The forest had plenty. The Holy Grail? Run-of-the-mill. Polka-dotted school teachers with forked tongues in samba costumes? Puh-lease, those flies came over every five seconds!

A Fairy Queen, however, was a rarity.

For a post~~

For a post~~

Yurio skated ‘’Woman’’ by Kesha and nobody will tell me otherwise

Mila dared him to do it and Yuri, of course, did it so fucking well that they had to make it his short program. 

Elven Oath

Fandom: Yuri on Ice

Summary:  The first time Minami sees the Spring God, he is decidedly unimpressed. But with every step Yuuri takes, flowers bloom, and slowly, slowly, awe begins to spill from Minami’s soul until he is a flowing river of happiness, ooh-ing and aah-ing over each newborn flower. Lohengrin, Minami wants to belong to Yuuri’s court.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Yuri on Ice

FF.net | AO3 | Tumblr   (my other entries: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

You can find my writing progress here.  If you can’t keep straight who’s what anymore, here’s a list, plus some extra background information for those who’d like to read it!

My fic master list here.

This was written for the Yuri on Ice Fantasy week ( @yoifantasyweek for those interested in checking out the other authors) 11/14/17- yoifantasyweek Day Two: Yellow. I used all three prompts: ‘’Elf’’, ‘’Sunflower,’’ and ‘’’Happiness’’. 

This is part of the Land of Gods and Monsters ‘verse, but can be read as a standalone fic.  You can find a note on the chronology of this ‘verse here.

Sunbeams trail over the forest floor, dew drops gleaming in the first light of day. Flowers curl open, petals unfurling.

Minami rolls out of his comfortable flower cradle, opens his eyes mid-flight and screams.

No, not the usual ‘’Goodmoooooooooooooorning!’’ – indeed, what leaves his mouth is a terrified scream of the likes you’ve scarcely heard. 

Ouch. Dust-speckled and limbs aching, Minami picks himself up and comes face to face with- a foot?

Big folk dancing in the Fairy Meadow? Minami clenches his teeth.

He shakes a fist at it, craning his neck to see more. ‘’Hey, bigfoot! I oughta teach you a lesson!’’

The foot disappears behind two knees carefully lowered to the ground. It results in a thwack hard enough to make Minami stumble, and oh, by Lohengrin! The God’s face is so close! Minami eyes him nervously. He’s the size of the giant’s nose, and he has never wished more he wasn’t an elf anymore!  Oh, if he hadn’t been so foolish and chosen a court already, he could’ve fled from this enormous God with his monstrously big mouth!

But Minami has no wings, so this is it. He swallows, heart pounding. ‘’I’m not afraid of you!’’ He squeaks, jabbing a finger toward the eye, jumping up and down.

‘’I apologize,’’ The vibrations knock Minami off his feet.

He bristles. ‘’You’re gonna have to do better than that, buddy!’’ He sizes him up, jumping from one leg to the other, fists raised. ‘’Come at me, bro!’’

Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have imitated the Fairy Queen, but this God is clearly out of line and Minami is putting him back in his place! Atta, boy!

The God flinches, drawing back a few meters- considerable length for someone who is only five centimetres tall. ‘’Hah, saving your own skin!’’

The God blinks. ‘’I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I’m Yuuri, the Spring God. I came to pay my respects to Mila.’’

Minami’s mouth drops. ‘’You’re the one she’s always going on about?’’ Yuuri turns beet red. Minami flails. ‘’You’re not nearly cool enough to have my Fairy Queen in your court!’’

Yuuri’s eyes widen. ‘’No, no, no! Mila’s part of my mother’s court!’’

‘’Then you’re an imposter!’’

‘’No, I’m not!’’

‘’Yes, you are! And even if you were who you say you are, you’d still be my rival!’’

‘’What?!’’

Minami crosses his arms as the God splutters. This, the Spring God? Ha!

They’ll see about that!