this shit series made me emotional plenty of times

does anyone else feel like….idk how to explain it….like completely disconnected from life around them? constantly going “these are my friends” and “this is my home” and “this is my life” and “this is my body” to remind yourself that you’re not just some timeless floating essence and even those mantras are completely useless and you almost never come down from it and you’re feeling like….everything is real but also completely fake at the same time

you know that feeling of like…you’re grateful for what you’re given, and you’re not giving it up, but you often think, “man, it’s a real fucking shame this fortune went to me instead of to a much less apathetic/more ambitious person with a virtuous moral character. maybe i should give it away. maybe i should lie in the grass and let it grow through my ribcage. i could do that. i could do anything, as long as it’s lying down. i won’t, but i could. keeping up with radon levels sounds so tedious, doesn’t it?”

sometimes i can remember that there is no reason at all i should want or expect the universe to be in any way “fair”, let alone “fair” in a way that lines up with my own intuitive sense of what would be right or appropriate or just or kind. that’s nice, because then i neither feel this odd sort of guilt/regret, nor any self-pity or particular angst when something kinda shitty happens to me (or anyone)

a lot of the time, though, i’m not very good at remembering that. i mean, i remember it enough not to fall into the just world fallacy, but i think “oh, dammit, things SHOULD be fair! it’s super upsetting that they aren’t,” even though the concept of fairness is variable and, outside of the human mind, meaningless, and even though things have never been “fair”, things will never be “fair”, it’s folly to try and make them so, etc. etc. etc. etc. ( “ex-edra”, as i always say, and as it drives pip up the wall to hear people say– i only recently figured out that the “correct” pronunciation is “et-cet-era”, but the idea of correct pronunciation, or even the idea of words in general, is itself made up. ephemeral ultimately, right?)

I remastered this artwork and made it quicker and smoother 

Untitled by Brendan Monroe | Motion Effects by rexisky 

ok so i made the mistake of standing on the beach in the dark and listen…….. listen. there is nothing that cares about you less than the ocean in the dead of night. it is tangible. you can’t fuckin see a thing. there is no horizon. it’s a ceaseless void and she cares for no one and loves nothing. you have to respect her bcs she clearly has no fuckin love for you and if she wanted she could take you and NO ONE WOULD KNOW

me: (has super negative thought)

me: thank you Captain Edge Lord can we please hear from someone else today

For Sharing: Long-ways | Square-ways

if ur feeling desperately sad this summer, wait until it gets dark and half quiet and then open a window. cool air and passing cars are gonna heal ur heart. i promise

I’ll take “things people who don’t understand clinical depression say” for $500,Alec.

hmmm interesting theory considering how I’m on 40 mg of Prozac daily & see a therapist regularly bcuz I’m actively suicidal the majority of the time but sure, go ahead & be a dick on my light hearted post about something small u can do to momentarily relieve some of the crushing burden on ur life lol

Just abuse things

- “IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY!!” - “you arent mad at me right? Oh my god you are! IM SORRY” - “is this my for me? Can I use this? Can I drink this? Can I-” - “pls help me make this decision for me” - “do what you please!!!” “What if that makes everyone mad at me” -studying people intensely because you are afraid you might do something that will make them mad - Saying something in a tone louder than usual and feeling like this is your last day alive - low self stem - feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted after expressing any sort of feeling and crying right after that - when someone talks or does something in an attitude thats not usual from them and Knowing That It’s Your Fault - “i dont deserve this why are you doing this for me” - not knowing the difference between a joke, sarcasm, and passive aggressive speech - unhealthily clinging to anyone who’s remotely nice to you - not knowing what to say NEVER - not knowing how to react to compliments, nice words, genuine care or anything like that and feeling incredibly sick at the thought of someone genuinely loving you - Crying. - having to explain every single movement and word you do and say to literally anyone - being really good at lying and pretending as a survival strategy - Not living, surviving. - calculating and overthinking everything you do and say, the time you say it, how you say it, the expression you have when you say it, your voice tone…everything - getting panic attacks over the tiniest things - unhealthily clinging to fictional characters and shows - lack of energy to do anything because you use a lot of effort in every single movement you do - “im useless” - when someone compliments you on something and you needing to be Perfect at it because then you dont have any reason to live - intrusive thoughts - Perfectionism - Over sensitiveness - “It’s my fault.” - not knowing how to react about criticism - Isolation - getting startled when someone touches you - being hyperaware of your surroundings and at the same time having no time and space perception - believing everything everyone says - Feeling like any day is your last day

anyone else get a fuzzy-restless feeling when you need to do something but your brain won’t focus on anything and you’re silently begging yourself to just do one thing but instead you’re scrolling tumblr even though you don’t even want to be … it’s like your head is filled with heavy electric cotton like you’re both uncomfy and unable to stop

This is the best damn description of executive dysfunction I have ever heard

Void Juice®

I’m a lot more introverted than you i think but i communicate that way, too and hit up against the same issues a lot. For people i talk with a lot, explaining this tends to be my go to. Like. I tell them explicitly to just say “i’m not actually listening to you anymore.” or “I’m trying to hint that i’d like to stop talking about this.” or “okay we (you) are going on a huge tangent there, i’d rather talk about what we were talking about before.” Often, this helps, though just as often people will ignore this request and proceed with their strange non-verbal signaling and then get annoyed about me missing it. But even that often goes over better after I’ve explained this because im just like “see i told you already, you gotta tell me or I’ll miss that. I warned you bro.”

The harder one for me is interrupting bc my brain works on wonky time i can can never actually tell when someone is done talking and when they are just like - between words? I mentally extrapolate other people’s points as they talk, too, which i get lectured about all the time by family like “dont assume you know what im gonna say” which is annoying because its not like im doing this intentionally because i dont want to listen. And if I jump in at the wrong time or too quickly I get “see, that means you arent really listening - just thinking about what you wanted to say.” Which might... be true of how people with more organized brains think? Or it might just be another sort of passive aggressive thing my family does i don’t know. But like anon said, i find it really enjoyable to find other people who communicate like me if only because its a nice feeling to realize im not the only one being really loud and interrupting all the time. 

(for what it’s worth one of the people i’ve found who talks like me when she’s excited is not actually otherwise neuroatypical, which means she’s gotten some very different feed back over time on the same exact traits)

from which comes life

by Denny Bitte

By Anders Røkkum

More: https://www.facebook.com/AndersRokkum/

this rock is very wet