NXT - 28/06/12

Or is it 27th? I don't even know anymore.

Wasn't Bray Wyatt supposed to debut on this episode? I felt really cheated when all we got was another one of those promos.

Seth Rollins beat Jiro in a short match to open. For a 2-3 minute match, it was good. Rollins pinned Jiro after landing the neck stomp... Which he actually landed on Jiro's back but never mind. Then someone had the clever idea to give him mic time. The best thing about that was seeing Briley Pierce.

Jinder Mahal came out before Rollins could leave and beat Jason Jordan in another short match with the camel clutch. Slightly irrelevant but am I the only one who thinks of Cena when I see Jason Jordan? Mahal cut a short promo afterwards and whilst I'd rather not listen to it, at least guys are getting promo time so new viewers can familiarise themselves with them more.

We got a promo for Leo Kruger, which made him seem like Tarzan... Or something along those lines, which was followed by his match against Aiden English. It was okay; not much to say. Kruger obviously picked up the win here.

There was another promo vignette thing, this time for Richie Steamboat, which covered his heritage with Ricky Steamboat being his father. That was good because it gives the audience an idea as to who he is and what he's about.

The Ascension beat The Usos, which was awesome. I get this urge during The Ascension's entrance to close the curtains so the room's completely dark, put a torch in my face and growl at my laptop with them... Can I join them, please? Anyway. I'm liking The Ascension. They're like a legitimate tag team rather than the lazily thrown together ones we frequently see on WWE TV. They have a great gimmick and really stand out, especially with their entrance and their intensity. It's a bit of a throwback to when we had more dramatic characters like vampires, a "dead man" etc and WWE have been sorely missing characters like this from their programming.

It hurts to see Rick Victor jobbing for the second week in a row. I understand you need to put some talent in that position to make other talent look good especially since this show is so new but Rick Victor is too talented to be put in that position. He loses to Richie Steamboat. Ricky Steamboat was at ringside watching and this match did a pretty good job at putting Richie over with the crowd.

Derrick Bateman beat Johnny Curtis in the main event and the match was far too short, especially for a main event match. We had 6 matches on this show. Six entire matches; that's around how much we get on Raw, if not more. The difference being, Raw is twice as long! Despite it only being episode 2, I'm slightly worried they might be rushing the way they're introducing talent and with a show under an hour long, it'll be difficult to feature them all frequently enough. The vignettes are taking up TV time so hopefully once most debuts have been made, the matches should be slightly longer. I don't think there's any need for more than four matches, if I'm honest, considering you want some reasonable promo time to build storylines more effectively but like I said, hopefully once they're past the "introductory episodes", the show should feel less choppy and take a stronger direction with longer matches.

So it was another solid episode, being the second one and all. I can't wait for Ohno's debut next week. They're giving up something to look forward to each time and that's awesome. On a final note, I'd much rather have Byron Saxton on commentary than Lawler or Cole.

NXT - 07th March 2012

Since I’m going until Wrestlemania 28 without being negative about WWE, I’m not going to be rating shows out of 10 either. So here’s Madi’s 100% Positive NXT “Review”!

NXT opened with Matt Striker introducing William Regal. Maxine turns up and they get pretty, uh, cosy. Regal announces she has a match with Tamina Snuka. Maxine doesn't seem particularly phased by this.

Tamina beats Maxine. The match was an okay length and it was alright. Maxine got off to a reasonably good start but after missing Tamina from the top rope, she was given the Samoan Drop and pinned following the Superfly Splash.

Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks cut an in-ring promo, mocking William Regal and saying he's just like Matt Striker; he couldn't get it done in the ring so here he is now. Regal takes the mic and says if the pair want to be booked next week, they're going to work as toilet cleaners for the rest of the night. They reluctantly take the mops and leave, haha.

Just as they leave, Yoshi Tatsu makes his entrance and Hawkins does a great impression of him, haha. Yoshi takes on Johnny Curtis. I enjoyed this match. Curtis looked pretty good and did some nice work on destroying Yoshi's arm. I liked it when Yoshi backed Curtis into the corner and unleashed a series of kicks and chops. We don't really see that vicious a side of Yoshi usually. Curtis won the match after Yoshi missed a kick off the top rope, landing on his side. Curtis takes advantage and lands a sitout suplex slam to win the match.

We get a recap of the great match Tyson Kidd and Michael McGillicutty had last week. Backstage, McGillicutty is bragging about his win to Matt Striker before Tyson Kidd shows up, insisting he gets a rematch. When McGillicutty declines and shoves him, he receives a nice blow from Kidd, who leaves after a leaving a message that may leave McGillicutty wanting to reconsider.

Maxine approaches Curtis and decides to get intimate with him in an attempt to make Derrick Bateman, who appears quickly after, jealous. Or something. Apparently there's a mixed tag team match next week; Kaitlyn & Derrick Bateman vs Maxine & Johnny Curtis. Derrick Bateman's face turn has been perfect. It was done well rather than rushed and he's so much better in this role. I love his character. Curtis took advantage and started touching Maxine, much to her displeasure, which I found hilarious. He plays that lecherous character so well, it's a little worrying! Bateman is amused and it's news to him that Maxine has broken up with him... again. Reks and Hawkins make an appearance, decked out in their cleaning gear and Bateman and Percy Watson mock them, which was amusing.

Jey Usos lost to Darren Young. The match wasn't bad and that's all I have to say. Jimmy was on commentary with Regal and Josh Matthews, which was good because he actually had something to do then!

The main event is a match between Percy Watson and Titus O'Neil. The pair have been at each other for a few weeks now, ever since Titus turned heel so it makes sense to finally have them face off, I guess. There was this hilarious moment where Titus takes down Watson with a forearm and does that barking thing and you can hear a woman in the background shout, "Shut up, Titus!", hahahaha. I think Titus definitely fits this heel role much better, despite his lacking promo ability. Watson eats turnbuckle. Titus goes to take hold of him, elevating him but Watson quickly lands a double foot stomp to his chest before landing on his feet. He lands his "Percycution" and wins the match. It'll be interesting to see where this goes now that Watson has beaten Titus.

Watching the Triple Threat Tag Team Match,

And this has just pissed me the fuck off.

So fucking dumb.

So The Usos have been a legitimate team since they turned up. Reks and Hawkins have been teaming up for a few months now.

Ziggler/Swagger are on. Then off. Then on again. Also, Swagger's the United States Champion and we never see him in that role. Sort this shit out, for fuck's sake. Kofi/Truth start teaming for a week and get booked to beat Epico/Primo. Whose genius idea was that?! Reks/Hawkins get absolutely no TV time. The Usos get little to no TV time despite how over they are.

What the fuck is this shit?

So now we get this triple threat tag team match.

Hey WWE, here are a few ideas to help your tag team division:

Superstars - 19th Jan / Smackdown - 20th Jan (7/10)

Superstars:

Natalya takes on Tamina in the opening match, which lasts a nice seven-minute. Tamina is, of course, triumphant but I'm glad Nattie was able to get in a decent amount of offence. The crowd actually responded to the match a bit! Nattie made great use of the ropes and turnbuckle. It was generally a pretty aggressive bout and the kind of thing I'd like to see more in divas matches, especially on TV! Less ass, more wrestling. Nattie locks in her Pinup Strong submission hold, which Tamina manages to work out of. She rolls up Nattie just as she attempts to lock in the Sharpshooter but Nattie kicks out. I was looking forward to a suplex from the middle rope but Tamina countered, knocking Nattie off and landing her Superfly Splash to pick up the third win in a row.

We get a tag team match of Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks facing off against the team of Santino Marella and Mason Ryan. God, can Hawkins and Reks please win this? We really need some legitimate tag teams on TV. STOP FOOLIN' AROUND REKS HAHAHA. 

Alex Riley beats Jinder Mahal in the main event in a match I don't care about. GREAT JOB WITH JINDER MAHAL, WWE(!) Real consistent(!) Losing to Seth Rollins on FCW... Losing to A-Ry on Superstars... Losing to Sheamus on Smackdown/Raw... Get real.

Smackdown:

Daniel Bryan cuts a promo, degrading Big Show about last week and says he should just quit. The usual stuff then.

Aksana is backstage, flaunting her costume, saying it was especially for Teddy. Something to do with pillow fights? It looks like they’re using the roulette wheel to determine match stipulations. Cody Rhodes turns up and with regards to Aksana’s costume, he says Goldust once was in a Vegas Showgirls match and that he himself is the last hope for the Rhodes family name. The roulette wheel lands on a “player’s choice match”. Does he pick Ezekiel Jackson? Nope. Santino? Nah. He picks Hornswoggle, who is visibly dreading it.

Rhodes shoves around Hornswoggle on the outside before the match can even start. Justin Gabriel comes in for the save and takes the mic. In that beautiful accent of his, he demands he replaces Hornswoggle and Cody accepts the match, insisting it’s “non-title”. The match is short but decent. Gabriel looked pretty good throughout most of the match, getting two nearfalls and landing a reasonable amount of offense. Rhodes managed to avoid his 450 splash the one time he was set up for him. Rhodes eventually won using his finisher, Cross Rhodes.

Mark Henry is backstage with the roulette wheel. He doesn’t seem at all impressed with the concept of “Sin City Smackdown”. He says it’s Teddy’s fault AJ got hurt and this week, it’ll be his fault when Bryan gets hurt. He makes Teddy spin the wheel. Basically, Henry is brilliant. The stipulation ends up being a lumberjack match. I love Mark Henry’s promos. He’s there being all serious and shit and yet he’s amusing.

We get a replay of Air Boom dropping the tag titles to Epico and Primo.

Primo and Epico defeat The Usos in a tornado tag team match! We don’t see many of those these days, do we? Despite it being a rather short match, I enjoyed it. If anything, it looked good. By that, I mean, there was a slight sense of nostalgia in that it was reminiscent of when we would have a legitimate tag team division. I couldn’t tell who was wrestling with whom because The Usos are twins and Primo and Epico look so alike! They have the matching ring gear, the multiple double team moves. I enjoyed it and I just wish it had gone on maybe five more minutes. Epico and Primo were victorious after one of them hit an Uso with the backstabber and pinned him.

Aksana informs Teddy Long she enjoys pulling and yanking until the all the money comes out. I guess it really is Teddy’s lucky night, huh? Sheamus turns up and he’s facing Wade Barrett in a tables match.

The following is a dance-off! Vickie Guerrero, in the words of Michael Cole, appears to be having a seizure. Brodus Clay, Naomi and Arianne show what they’ve got and are victorious. Then Mr. William Regal makes an appearance, coming to the aid of Vickie. He was pretty hilarious on the mic, calling Vickie a “wench” whilst comforting her, haha. Brodus goads him into dancing and it was brilliant. The crowd are cheering Regal on and then Brodus takes him out, much to everyone’s displeasure. That all changes when he says everyone’s favourite line, “Somebody call his momma” and the cheering takes over.

Wade Barrett takes on Sheamus in a tables match! I liked this match a lot! They were really close to the tables throughout the match and there were a number of moments where either men were close to winning. I’m not a fan of bigger guys in matches against each other but the combination of Barrett and Sheamus is one of the few that I genuinely find entertaining. They made good use of the tables and there were quite a few close calls, which maintained my interest. The ending was a little underwhelming with Jinder Mahal making an appearance to distract Sheamus, providing Barrett with the opportunity to throw him into the table. It would have been nice to place a little more emphasis on Barrett’s win by maybe having him put Sheamus through the table using a signature move? After Barrett leaves, Mahal starts to beat down Sheamus. Sheamus miraculously gets to his feet after that brutal brawl with Barrett, brogue kicks Mahal and sends him through a table. Just stop this Mahal/Sheamus thing. It’s fucking shit and stupid. This was pointless and made me feel like Sheamus was being molded into the next Cena. Yay(!)

Ted DiBiase beats Hunico in a flag match. This is another one of those gimmick matches I absolutely hate. It’s also really annoying how patriotic WWE are. You are a global company. Stop shoving this “USA” shit down our throats. A recorded promo from Ted pre-show is shown where he says Hunico and Camacho can have their own “pity party” after they lose. The match was awkward. They really had to oversell because honestly, it’s not hard to climb to the top rope. There was a great moment where Ted literally went flying out of the ring though.

Santino is still brilliant. After Teddy fires Drew, Santino insists he can have one more match to prove him beating “Drew Macintosh” wasn’t a fluke. Drew is all grateful and beautiful. Can you just turn him face already? We get a stupid blindfold match, which is another stupid gimmick match I can’t stand. Drew gets a jobber entrance, in other words, no entrance at all. However, Santino blindfolding his cobra was brilliant, haha. There’s next to no physical contact between the pair throughout the match. At one point, Drew’s arm meets steel post, which looked painful. Despite Drew peeking from the blindfold at one point, Santino uses the crowd reaction to target Drew and hits him with the cobra in order to pick up a win. A stupid match. The comedic value from Santino made it somewhat bearable but this bullshit with Drew had better go somewhere big, for fuck’s sake.

Why are they announcing Orton’s return in advance? Stupid.

It’s main event time! Mark Henry takes on Daniel Bryan for the World Heavyweight Championship in a Lumberjack match! Bryan tries to intimidate the lumberjacks, demanding they don’t touch him. Barrett is not impressed. Reks is not impressed either. That’s Tyler Reks in case you forgot who he is and I wouldn’t blame you really! Sort it out, WWE! Anyway, Henry dominates the match and Bryan tries to escape the ring but each time the lumberjacks send him back in there. At one point, he manages to get Henry onto his knees and land a nice kick to the head, covering him. Henry throws Bryan out onto the lumberjacks! Once Henry lands on the outside though, it’s like pandemonium. The lumberjacks go crazy, trying to beat up Bryan, Henry, each other… Bryan manages to escape the match, heading backstage, where Teddy Long closes the show, announcing Bryan will take on Show and Henry in a triple threat match at the Royal Rumble. I liked the ending with that announcement. Hopefully the Smackdown before the Rumble, there will be some elaboration on this to build-up a little bit. The lumberjacks invading the ring was very reminiscent of the Rumble itself, which was a great way of almost promoting the PPV.

All in all, Smackdown was decent. I’m not a fan of these ridiculous gimmick matches though. The matches were okay. Barrett/Sheamus was good and like the tag team match, they could have been better had they been a few minutes longer. We got some Rumble build-up. I give it a 7/10.

Smackdown - 08/07/11

So I haven’t done one of these in a few weeks now. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad. I don’t know whether you like reading my thoughts but whatever. Here they are for this week’s Smackdown!

Opening promo. Josh Matthews is speaking to the Smackdown MITB competitors. Cody Rhodes interrupts Daniel Bryan, talking about… something or the other. As Josh speaks to Wade Barrett, Sheamus turns up with a steel chair and knocks everyone out, beating up Barrett the most. He talks about he’s going to destroy Randy Orton because he punted him in the head a few weeks ago. Now, before I move on, I need to make my usual bitchy comments. Why is it okay for Orton to punt someone for no reason at all yet when someone else does it to him with justification, it’s bad? I understand the whole “babyfaces get cheered, heels don’t” thing but the problem here is that Orton’s booking is not like a face’s so why are the audience so… Brainwashed? I don’t understand. Anyway, Christian turns up (looking rather lovely in that red shirt and black jacket) and tells him how the contracts been reworked so that if the referee screws up or if there’s any DQs or interruptions, he’ll automatically win the title and thanks Sheamus for giving him that opportunity. He winds Sheamus up, who proceeds to throw the chair at him and guess what? We get yet another interruption! This time from, wait for it… Teddy Long! Surprise, surprise… He announces the main event of Randy Orton V Sheamus, a non-title match. Uhh, okay, where exactly did that come from?

This segment is followed by (ignoring various, pointless, time-wasting packages) a tag-team match between Daniel Bryan/Ezekiel Jackson & Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase. Are they seriously just throwing in completely random people, i.e. Zeke, into this Rhodes/Bryan thing? Seriously? I expected a much better match. DiBiase pinned Zeke, which was the preferable outcome, thanks to an interference from Rhodes, who stalked off as DiBiase won. It wasn’t a great match but hey, the outcome could have been worse.

Then we hear some Mark Henry talk. Excuse me for a moment whilst I say this: SHURRUUUUPPPP! I DON’T CARE. And the bloody RAW recaps! Why?! Do RAW do Smackdown recaps?! NO. SO STOP IT. If we wanted to know, we’d be watching RAW. If we’re not watching RAW, we obviously don’t care, got it?

Backstage, Striker asks Henry about attacking the sound technician and the repercussions in addition to having to face Kane. Henry stares him down and Striker legs it. Okay. You know what I miss? Random backstage segments that aren’t interviews. They added to the value of the show a lot when they were done properly and we never get that anymore.

Jinder Mahal is facing Trent Barretta next. Last week, Ranjin Singh told us Mahal is their brother-in-law, threatening to divorce their sister, his wife, is they screw up. It makes sense, I guess, looking at the context but it’s so boring, standard and stereotypical. What happened to creativity? Oh, sorry, don’t answer that… Khali was on commentary, haha. What? The match was the length of a standard divas match on RAW. Mahal squashed Barretta.

Backstage, Josh asks Sheamus what this “recent rampage” thing is about. He responds with “It’s an Irish thing, fella. You wouldn’t understand”. No comment necessary.

AJ beats Tamina. I like the push she’s getting. She’s better than most of the shit on the divas roster. I’m just annoyed that Natalya lost to Alicia bloody Fox on Superstars. Sorry but the fact that Natalya is wrestling on Superstars and AJ is on Smackdown is enough to annoy me. I’m also a tad annoyed that AJ’s winning with a roll-up. Can we see her win in a different way? It makes sense because of her size but that makes her look weaker. If she pins her straight-up, you’ll do a better job of putting her over. Though that would suck for Tamina, who is actually talented in the ring. As is Natalya. But let’s not get back onto that. Alicia Fox and Tamina have an argument in the ring. Judging by Fox’s gestures, she’s mocking Tamina for losing to someone of AJ’s size. An okay match…

We get a bloody From The Vault match between Rey Mysterio and Kane. I skip. Bloody pointless. Do RAW do this? NO. SO STOP IT.

Kane faces Mark Henry and the temptation to skip this is ridiculous. I find giant vs giant matches incredibly boring. By those standards, it was an okay match. Thing is, I couldn’t care less about it! It was quite shameful the way Kane lost, in my opinion. Having 2 out of 3 chokeslams countered and then losing after that slam. Booker sounded like such a wuss afterwards when Henry confronted him though, haha.

Okay so Orton is being interviewed by Matthews backstage. The first thing I notice is the title on his shoulder. That is not the original. Firstly, it looks laminated! Secondly, it just looks fake. There is no way that is the actual title. It looks all wrong. I hate Orton’s “tough badass”, shitty persona. You’re a face. Not a heel. Act like one. This is why I hate hearing him talk… And watching him in the ring. Anyway, Orton says he’s going to beat Christian with an RKO. If this happens, I will actually start a riot. He does some tough guy speech, tells Matthews to wish Sheamus good luck and leaves. Matthews looks all intimidated and I’m thinking, “lolwot”.

It’s quite satisfying to watch the MITB promo, consisting of last year’s recap, seeing Miz beat Orton following that segment though. Yet I can’t help but wish JoMo should be in it this year.

Then, guess what? We see Tyson Kidd on Smackdown! I am genuinely shocked. Then I hear Sin Cara’s theme and realize he’s just here to job. Great(!) The match was pretty decent though! Some nice work from both Kidd and Cara. Cara screwed up his finisher a bit but at least he managed to pull it off properly this time! The match itself aside, I don’t understand why Sin Cara wasn’t facing another Money In The Bank competitor… You know, to build up towards the PPV?

Striker asks Teddy about Mark Henry, who’s doing this awkward “serious walk”. Striker asks if he’s intimidated by Sheamus. He’s ignored. Okay then.

I hate The Usos’ entrance. It’s ridiculous. Stop it. Justin Gabriel (who’s looking as attractive as ever) and Heath Slater lose to them yet again! What the fuck?! Why are the making them job like this?! It’s pointless. It’s so so pointless and predictive! Please stop this. I may just cry. A little bit of variety would be lovely, honestly. I understand they’re trying to put The Usos over but this is how it should be done: Get the title involved in some way (this is why I hate the tag titles being over both brands! Much harder to use!) Give both sides from mic time, enabling them to engage in a full feud. Have Slater and Gabriel win. Not cleanly because they’re heels but just have them win! Then at PPV, have The Usos beat them clean. You know, the good old-fashioned way? How things should be?

Anyway, the match itself: Standard. If Slater/Gabriel are breaking the pin every time the other is in danger of being pinned, surely it would make more sense to have them win? And the commentary, they’re just putting Slater over when Gabriel is, in my opinion, the better one! And guess who gets pinned YET AGAIN?! JUSTIN FUCKING GABRIEL. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HOW MANY TIME IS THIS GOING TO HAPPEN?! They’re probably going to split them up at MITB and put Slater over after that. Fuck you. Anyway, yeah, standard match.

Johnny Curtis is backstage again. They really need to stop giving him shitty rip-offs of Zack Ryder’s puns from Z!TLIS. Just please stop this.

RAW Rebound. Fuck off. I love the whole Punk thing. I could watch the recaps over and over again but just not on Smackdown. This show pisses me off enough. I don’t want to get more annoyed because half the airtime is taken up by RAW and shit.

Then we have the main event. I am telling you, there is no way that is the actual belt. No way. Anyway, it seems Orton’s laid off the baby oil this time around. Thank God. He’s nice to look at, don’t get me wrong, he’s just bloody annoying. And his entrance takes so fucking long. It’s as annoying as Cena’s but at least Cena doesn’t do this slow, long-ass walk and posing and shit. Anyway, Sheamus turns up. Blah blah blah. Then Christian turns up on commetary and I mark out. The boos they put are ridiculous and hurt my ears. Please stop this, WWE. THIS IS SUCH A POINTLESS MATCH THOUGH. WHAT ARE WE GETTING OUT OF IT IN TERMS OF STORYLINE?! NOTHING.

Then I mark out even more Christian repeats exactly what I said earlier on in this review about Orton’s punting (mind you, I’m writing each section as each segment happens so I don’t forget what happens!). The match is okay so far. Nothing special. Christian leaves commentary desk and Matthews says “Christian doesn’t have any business being out here”. EXCUSE ME, SILENCE FROM THE PEASANT, PLEASE. The booking really is terrible. Orton comes across as the whiny, manipulative heel, who thinks everything should go his way because he’s so great and Christian comes across as the screwed-over working guy. Sort this out. Christian made a badass heel when the booking was right! Just look at him in TNA and when he was feuding with Jericho around 8 years back.

Then we get another package and this time I’m not complaining. I’m just here staring at the screen in shock. Zack Ryder. Fuck yeah, bro. Though I really hope the rumours I’m hearing from the dirt sheets and shit isn’t true.

Back to the match, Sheamus is beating up Orton. Sheamus screws up a few moves and ends up landing on his face. Orton is watching, clutching his arm. If he manages to land an RKO with a fucked up arm, someone will get shot. There’s some guys who just can’t sell anything and Orton’s one of them. Not because he doesn’t act all hurt and shit but because he overdoes it. Nice move by Sheamus to get onto the top rope. I was praying we wouldn’t get another surprise RKO and thankfully, we didn’t.

I have a problem with the sequences leading to the ends of matches. They look so planned. I mean, obviously the ending has been planned but they could at least try to make it look natural, you know? So Orton’s doing his Viper crap, clutching his bad arm every now and then (please stop) and the Christian interferes and attacks him, leading to Orton winning by DQ. Sheamus gets pissed off and boots Christian in the face. Then Orton recovers and RKOs Sheamus. Fuck off. He’s there, posing and shit and his theme is getting really annoying (don’t get me wrong, I love Rev Theory and all).

All in all, a pointless episode of Smackdown, which had absolutely no purpose to it. We got nothing from it. If you missed it… You missed nothing. It sucked.

AND THAT TITLE IS FAKE, OKAY. THAT IS NOT THE REAL TITLE.