Wrestlemania 28 - Review

The Good:

CM Punk vs Chris Jericho was a great match. I enjoyed it. It was the feud on the card I was most invested in and whilst it didn't quite meet its full potential (they didn't have that big moment in the match, y'know?), it was a quality match, particularly towards the end, which had so many close calls. Punk came away with the win and whilst I'd have probably preferred to see Jericho win, it was awesome for Punk (and hey, Jericho got points the following night on Raw!).

I wasn't looking forward to The Undertaker's match against Triple H. HBK's involvement as the special guest referee did little to sway me but the match itself? Amazing. Highlight of the night (though based on pure wrestling, Punk/Jericho would win). The atmosphere was intense. It was emotional. When Shawn Michaels interfered in favour of Triple H, that really got my attention and again, there were so many nearfalls. The pace was quicker than I anticipated it would be, which, in my opinion, made the match stronger. The ending was... quite overwhelming when the trio departed together, Taker and HBK holding up Triple H. It was really different to their match last year and I preferred it this time around. The reaction to The Undertaker's hair (or lack of) when he removed the hood was also quality, haha.

Whilst I wasn't pleased to see Cody Rhodes drop the title (I really wanted him to hold it for a year), Big Show's reaction when he won was perfect. It put over the IC title and made it look that much better because he was so happy to have finally won it. The match itself was nothing special or particularly memorable. I was disappointed that it got so little time.

I enjoyed the pre-show tag title match. We saw the current champions, obviously, The Usos and Tyson Kidd & Justin Gabriel so we were pretty much guaranteed a decent match, at least. I'd have rather seen Reks & Hawkins compete than Kidd & Gabriel (yes, I just said that) but I can see why they had the newer team on the card instead. In terms of styles too, these three teams would have better chemistry too. Of course, Epico/Primo came away with the win and retained their titles but the match itself was fairly good, depsite it being too short for my liking.

The countless "YES" signs at ringside also made my night.

Randy Orton lost against Kane on the grandest stage of them all on his birthday. 'Nuff said.

The Bad:

An injured celebrity pinned the current divas champion. Need I elaborate?

Sheamus won the Royal Rumble to earn himself a spot in the main event of Wrestlemania. Little did he know that he would be opening the show in an 18 second match, in which he would Brogue Kick Daniel Bryan and pin him. Absolutely awful. The crowd, thankfully, expressed their displeasure. I was furious. Maybe this match would have been appropriate on a Smackdown considering the presentation of their respective characters... But people have paid a lot of money to attend Wrestlemania. You just shouldn't do that on THE PPV of the year.

The 12-man tag team match, honestly, it felt like a train wreck to me. There was absolutely far too much going on at one time. There were 12 men in the ring. And around 8 additional people at ringside. We got the mandatory interfere-in-match-and-get-thrown-out-the-ring-only-to-have-someone-attack-you-by-jumping-over-ropes spot, which was too much. Then there was Eve screwing over Zack. It was just too much and unnecessary. On the bright side, Drew didn't get pinned (thank God) and the right team won.

The I-Don't-Even-Care-Anymore:

John Cena lost to The Rock. I didn't quite know what to expect from this match. There were some good moments, particularly towards the end, where I actually felt like I was into the match but a lot of it fell flat. I guess with these guys it's about the story rather than the match itself. There had been such a long, strong build-up to it, it wasn't going to quite meet expectations. It wasn't quite as bad as I thought it'd be and the Miami crowd were happy so that's cool.

The random backstage segments (I approve of the Hawkins/Reks sighting though, obviously) and the songs before Rock/Cena... It was frustrating because so much time was spent on those and yet so little time was given to Sheamus and Bryan. How is that Flo Rida song even relevant to The Rock? Cena's, I get it. But Rock's? I don't understand.

Randy Orton versus Kane. Did anyone care about this match? Really?

All in all, I can't even give a rating for Wrestlemania. It was all over the place. There were some strong segments but so much of it was so poorly executed, it hurt. Like, the tag title match wasn't even technically on the card! And the crowd wasn't as strong as I expected (hell, Raw the following night was stronger!). If I missed something out, well, that just goes to show how memorable it was, right?

Raw - 6th Feb 2012 - 6/10

When Lawler mentioned Big Show versus Daniel Bryan would be the opening match, I was shocked, thinking we would have a match to open the show for the first time in who knows how long on Raw! Then I heard HHH's theme hit and realised we were going to get a long ass promo instead. HHH cut a promo about The Undertaker's Wrestlemania challenge to him and said he has too much respect for him to accept it. Of course, this blatant rejection of this challenge is just going to feul this upcoming feud more, unfortunately.

Daniel Bryan loses to the Big Show via countout. AJ was at ringside, looking really cute, might I add. Bryan got sent to the outside, feigning a knee injury. AJ was concerned and tried to help him and tried to prevent Show from hurting him more. Bryan took advantage and Show almost flattened AJ yet again. Bryan, again, took advantage and began to taunt Big Show, leading AJ away from the ring to "protect" her whilst slating Show, saying how selfish he is. By the time he reached the top, Show had won the match. Bryan took the mic and said nothing would change after Elimination Chamber.

Bryan's heel character has really grown on me. I wasn't sure about it at first but every time I see that brilliant celebration of his and every time he drops the Vegan line, I can't help but love it. He's using what he's being given greatly and I'm a fan. However, I don't like that we had to see this match YET AGAIN. I don't think it really did much to build up to Elimination Chamber. I know he's facing Orton on Smackdown but putting Bryan against Rhodes or Barrett or even Khali would have been good to see to make it look like they actually have a shot at the title, you know?

David Otunga proceeded to bore us to death with his lawyer crap by attempting to convince us of John Laurinaitis' apparent perfection. Triple H informed Justin Roberts Otunga would be in a match next. Purpose? There was none.

Sheamus loses to David Otunga after some running around, trying to escape.

Chris Jericho came out and cut a promo about "plagiarism" and I loved this segment. He talked about how everyone is just trying to rip him off; Miz with his suits, Kofi Kingston with his high-flying spots, Dolph Ziggler coming out with Vickie like he did with Stephanie, CM Punk with his claim to being the "Best In The World"... He said he trolled us all. Yes, you did, you brilliant troll. He said it's the end of the world as we know it. He said he was going to reclaim what is rightfully his.

And then our WWE Champion, CM Punk came out. Punk had a microphone in his hand and Cole said how we have a pipebomb on its way. I was geared up for a great Battle of the Promos. Punk walked into that ring, dropped that pipebomb, raised that title and walked out. Like a pro.

And by dropping that pipebomb, I mean he literally dropped it. Onto the mat. And Jericho was calling after him like that annoying ex-girlfriend that just got her ass dumped. I thought it was great. Punk mimicked what Jericho had done to us for weeks. He worked the crowd. He worked up Jericho and he left. This is going to be a great feud.

We got a Smackdown tag team match where Randy Orton and The Great Khali took on Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett. Honestly, the highlight of this was Khali's brutal tags to Orton and when he tagged himself in to finish the match by pinning Cody Rhodes. I didn't care much for this match. In the end, it was all about putting Orton over even more (if that's possible) because he lays out Khali. Who cares?

We got a 4-on-4 diva's tag team match with Tamina, Eve Torres, Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox taking on Beth Phoenix, Natalya and The Bella Twins. A Bella got another brutal tag in from Beth. Eve tagged in Tamina, who landed the Superfly Splash for the win. They were essentially the only participants in the match. I'm just grateful Nattie didn't get pinned or fart... Sacrificing a Bella for Tamina sounds good to me. I'm guessing Tamina will challenge Beth for the title next. On a different note, Lawler should be banned from doing commentary during divas matches.

Triple H is backstage, on the phone to someone, talking about John Laurinaitis and what the Board of Directors plan on doing with him. Johnny Ace himself turns up and says Shawn Michaels will be on Raw next week! And yes, he actually will! This will obviously involve HHH/Taker in some form. This segment was actually pretty amusing with the responses HHH gave to Laurinaitis. That being said, this Ambulance match between Cena and Kane at Elimination Chamber? I'm not such a big fan of that.

Josh Matthews talks to John Laurinaitis, who argues Triple H is unfit for the role of General Manager of Rraw because he's short-tempered, egotistical and a coward.

I aww at Justin Roberts for messing up the rules for the 6 Pack Challenge main event. Bless him.

There was a horrible spot early on in the match where Miz failed to catch R-Truth. Truth's back smacked into the floor on the outside, landing on his tailbone and then his head and had to be helped out. Miz, reportedly, has a lot of backstage heat because of this. Truth really looked like he was in pain but apparently his health is fine, which is good to hear. This was just not Miz's night though. After that, he was pretty much all over the place. You could see him at one point in the match, in the ring, oh-so-discretely talking to Jericho whilst they were laying down... I think you could hear him calling a spot? I don't know. But not good, Miz!

The match was okay? There were some cool spots from Kofi Kingston, as expected and I'm sure he'll be a good contribution to the Elimination Chamber match. Jericho got in the Walls of Jericho on him but he escaped. There were some good moments between Punk and Kofi too. Ziggler got his moments of showing off in though I think if they seriously want to go with this gimmick, they need to REALLY exaggerate it and really make him show off and look good. The odd stall in the match is not nearly enough. Eventually, Punk hit the GTS on Ziggler but Jericho dragged Punk out of the ring and threw him into the barricade behind the announce table to cover Ziggler and pick up the win.

I think it was unfortunate that Ziggler had to be pinned when you've got Miz or Kofi there but I was glad to see Jericho win. There's a legitimate chance he could possibly win the title at Elimination Chamber, now being the last entry.

The show ended with Kane and Eve backstage, Kane threatening her. Who care?

Raw, overall, was okay. It was nothing special. I don't have much to say. Too much time was wasted with those constant Cena/Rock packages, which was unnecessary and I felt like matches like Bryan/Show and Orton&Khali/Barrett&Rhodes weren't exactly necessary. Slightly different matches would have been nicer. Also, no sign of our current United States Champion, Jack Swagger, nor our Tag Team Champions, Epico and Primo.

I didn't review Raw last week but I would have given it a 8.5/10. It was a great show, a massive improvement and it's a disappointment that they let us down this week after that. Bryan/Punk was the definite highlight, despite Jericho's interference and Taker returning was amazing.

Smackdown - 18/11/11 - 7/10

For the third week in a row, we’ve had a solid, if not very good, Smackdown show. A big contrast considering the utter disaster we were subjected to over the summer, in particular.

I’m a fan of the backstage segments we get now. They remind me more of the kind of thing we’d get “back in the day”. Less interviews, more action. The show opens with Mark Henry assaulting Daniel Bryan whilst Kaitlyn and AJ watch and do the usual screaming in protest. Bryan is dragged out to the ring and beaten up. He tries to fight back but Henry dominates. I predict Bryan cashes in his Money In The Bank contract on Sunday night after Mark Henry retains his title against Big Show.

Vickie Guerrero announces Dolph Ziggler’s Survivor Series opponent. It’s John Morrison. Interesting. For the second PPV in a row, Ziggler’s pulling double duty. Someone in the back obviously has faith in the guy. He faces off against Sin Cara. Ziggler dominates the early part of the match before Sin Cara lands a huricanrana and suicide dive to turn thing around. After an arm drag, a missed swanton bomb and a failed attempt to pin Ziggler, Ziggler reverses Sin Cara’s pin and makes the three-count rather messily, notably pulling his tights a little at the end.

Post-match, Ziggler starts the trash talking and Sin Cara retaliates. Jack Swagger comes in to the rescue following by Mason Ryan, who clears the heels out of the ring.

Then we get Jack Swagger versus Mason Ryan. I skipped this. I don’t care much for either guys and I can’t imagine this being a particularly entertaining match. Mason Ryan probably won, right? At least there’s focus on the traditional Survivor Series tag team match, which is good to see! We could really do without the constant Raw replays though.

Then we see an incredibly awkward backstage segment between Alicia Fox and Justin Gabriel in which they embark on some innocent (Awkward) flirting. We learn Fox has never met a South African before and she finds them rather “dreamy”. How cringe-worthy. Zack Ryder turns up, asking them to sign his petition, which, might I add, has already been rejected. Show turns up and learns about Henry’s assault on Bryan and goes to find him.

Christian cuts a promo in which explains why he won’t be competing at Survivor Series. This injury saddens me but I guess those in attendance were obviously pleased! He goes on about Teddy Long’s incompetence and that all he wants is “one more match” to wrestle. Just any match. Bless, haha.

Big Show finds Daniel Bryan being tended to by AJ. He apologizes and goes on to find Henry. I like the way Show/Henry is being built up without us being bored to death by watching them wrestle every week. I like that Daniel Bryan is being brought into the picture and being made the slightest bit relevant!

We see NXT’s Derrick Bateman and Maxine on Smackdown. Bateman essentially jobs to Ted DiBiase. Not much else to say, is there? Is it me or is the Survivor Series card looking pretty sparse? 6 matches if I counted right?

Big Show encounters Tyson Kidd and Jinder Mahal. Jinder says some stuff in Punjabi, which I can’t remember. Show asks him to say it in English and then knocks him out. Kidd leaves. Tyson Kidd is growing his hair. Yay! :D

Hunico takes on Kofi Kingston. I was disappointed to see Hunico wasn’t accompanied by Primo and Epico this time around. It would help to establish them as a stable, whilst also building up to Survivor Series. It was an alright match. It wasn’t particularly memorable, hence why I have little to say about it. I’ll say it’s good to see a guy of Hunico’s size, being slightly bigger, being able to  adapt his style rather effectively though. I’m a fan of this guy. The finish was pretty awkward with Kingston abruptly pinning Hunico.

Beth and Natalya take on AJ and Kaitlyn in a tag team match. Apparently, the only divas the Divas of Doom can defeat are newbies. You’re really making those girls look good, aren’t you, WWE? Kaitlyn showed some strength at the opening of the match against Beth, which was good. I don’t really mind Beth dropping a tad against Kaitlyn purely because of Kaitlyn’s size whereas with girls like K2, the Bellas, using force to bring Beth down just defies all logic in this world. Beth drops Kaitlyn, tags in Nattie and they take her out. Nattie holds her into a stretch, eventually letting go and AJ being tagged in. I like AJ. She uses her size to her advantage, being a lot more agile. However, Nattie puts her into the sharpshooter, completely bending AJ backwards, leaving her no choice but to tap out. Much better than the bullshit match we were given on Monday night.

Finally, we have this week’s Smackdown main event. Wade Barrett and Cody Rhodes take on Randy Orton and Sheamus. I’m all for Team Barrett winning at Survivor Series. The match starts out with Cody and Sheamus with Sheamus taking control. After forcing Rhodes into the corner, Sheamus lifts and drops Rhodes, who eventually makes the tag to Barrett. Barrett and Sheamus definitely make for more entertaining matches than your standard “big guy” matches. Sheamus isn’t in for very long before he tags in Orton. Barrett dominates Orton for the most of this, which is great to see and continues to after Christian turns up at ringside. This segment of the match is definitely working in favour of Team Barrett more and more. However, the match ends in disqualification following Christian hitting Sheamus with his crutches, which I thought was brilliant. The heels continue their assault on Sheamus and Orton before Sheamus counters and attacks Barrett with the crutches he was holding, ending with the babyfaces standing.

Hopefully, this means Team Barrett will be victorious on Sunday night.

But like I said, overall, a good show this week as have been the previous few weeks. Now if only they could work on those bloody divas segments… I give it 7/10?

There was something I was going to add to this. But I forgot. :|

RAW - 15/08/11 (6.5/10)

SummerSlam 2011 ended with a lot of questions we wanted answered on RAW. So there were high expectations out of the show this week. Did it live up to them?

The show opened with none other than Triple H. He talked about nothing important. He revealed that Kevin Nash would be making an appearance later on and that he had nothing to do with the incident that took place at SummerSlam. He also stated he made a mistake with his refereeing as John Cena’s foot was, in fact, on the ropes but he just failed to notice this. He says he’ll apologize to him and then introduces our new WWE Champion, Alberto del Rio. Alberto goes on about destiny and cuts a pretty lengthy promo. It felt pretty awkward to me but I think we can blame the crowd more for that. I though San Diego was very irresponsive and just… Generally sucked. He talks about how he’s gonna beat up their hometown boy, Rey Mysterio and they barely react.

In the first match, R-Truth faces John Morrison in a Falls Count Anywhere match. This should have been on the PPV. First thing I notice is that R-Truth has music again! Anyway, it was a good match but I think they should have taken advantage of the stipulation and moved further away from the ring rather than keeping to the ringside area. It could have given JoMo more of a chance to showcase his abilities. A longer match would have been nicer too. JoMo ended up finally winning. Had this been on SummerSlam, it would have been a nice culmination to their feud.

Miz is reduced to cutting a promo… For Subway. With “Jared from Subway”. It was great, don’t get me wrong. I loved it. It’s just… Reducing the former WWE Champion to this of all things?!

For some reason, The Bella Twins are back on our TV screens. Or, in my case, laptop screen. Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres defeats Brie and Nikki Bella in a tag team match. Eve pins one of the twins. Compared to the usual shit we see out of these four, it was a decent match, surprisingly enough. At the end, Natalya and Beth come out, stood at the top of the ramp and clap, mockingly, watching them. I’d have preferred to see Beth to cut a promo though. The girls need mic time. Screw this match. Pointless. Utterly pointless.

To follow, we have what I think was the highlight of the night. Kevin Nash enters the ring and explains he’s good friends with Triple H, who provided him with SummerSlam tickets upon request and how he doesn’t believe that his “best” friend didn’t know why he attacked Punk that night. He explains how he had a text message from a friend, telling him to take out the champion regardless of who it is. As he makes to leave, explaining he was just following orders, Punk comes out to a big pop. I thought he kind of slaughtered Nash in this. He was great, whereas I think Nash was a tad awkward. That and I guess, Punk did bury him, making him seem weaker… Punk explains how he’s pissed off at him, not Alberto because he understand how Money In The Bank works. He also reads out a text from his sister, “OMG. Kevin Nash. WTF. Thought he was dad. LOL”. Best ever. He then proceeds to say that it is, in fact, Nash’s career that’s dead. I loved it when Nash told Punk to watch his mouth and Punk said in response: “You need to watch the show. I do and say what I want to whomever I please”, as well as shooting down his statement about Triple H “shaking things up”, saying CM Punk, not Triple H is responsible for this”. I’ve already gone into more detail than I usually would. This was a great segment. Go watch it. It’ll be on Youtube. Punk’s about to fight Nash when security block him so he shrugs that off and says he’ll confront Triple H backstage instead. It’s kind of sad that Punk hasn’t been able to showcase his promo skills like this until now! After, what, 5-6 years?!

Backstage, Nash bumps into John Laurinaitis, who says Punk’s been very disrespectful and asks to speak with him privately. It sounded a bit dirty really, the way he suggested this… We’ve been seeing a lot of Johnny Ace. I feel like things are really stepping up on Raw. Not Smackdown. Raw.

We have a very strange match between Jack Swagger and Alex Riley with Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero at ringside. There was more attention on Dolph and Vickie than the match itself, which was pretty frustrating. I don’t know what Vickie was doing, putting JR’s hat on Justin King. I’m certain there were plenty of other ways to distract him. JUSTIN KING IS GREAT, OKAY, VICKIE. She and Dolph bickered a lot. Swagger ended up winning with a ridiculously botched finish, thanks to Vickie’s distraction. Backstage, it looks like she may have  a new “client” as Swagger requests her, uh, assistance. I’m hoping this means Ziggles is really close to leaving her, dammit!

Punk is backstage and walks into a room, to see Stephanie. I’m shipping these two right now, okay. There is some blatant sexual frustration in the air. Back on topic, she says how sorry she is that he lost at SummerSlam but there is that mocking tone to her voice. It’s pretty blatant she’s the one responsible for Nash’s attack, particularly once she says in a pretty dark tone that people always get what they deserve before leaving Punk. How brilliant would it be if Shane was responsible for Nash? I’d probably jizz and mark out so hard. That’ll never happen, unfortunately. Shane is doing great without his father’s company. Good on him. I just miss the guy.

Otunga and McGillicutty are thrown into a random tag team match against Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourne. There was a lack of chemistry so the match wasn’t particularly interesting. The highlight was basically Airbourne. No surprise there. Evan pins… One of the other two. I don’t know.

I pray to God these rumours on the dirt sheets about reviving the tag team division are true. The Young Bucks AKA Generation Me had a tryout match pre-Raw. If they get signed, that’ll be one step in the right direction. Triple H apparently has employed someone to especially look at working on the tag team division. There’s been word that they’re looking at Beer Money, once their TNA contract is up and various ROH teams like Kings of Wrestling & The Briscoe Brothers. Thrown in MCMG and we’re definitely improving by a hell of a lot. I’d watch either of those guys face off weekly, no problem. If any of these do get signed, I really hope they don’t get ruined.

Finally, we have the main event, which is Alberto del Rio versus Rey Mysterio for the Undisputed WWE Championship. Am I the only one who really wants Chris Jericho to turn up every time they say “Undisputed”. It was an okay match for me, nothing special. ADR won by pinfall, retaining his title. Pretty predictable. The crowd kinda sucked. Rey got a pretty good pop considering San Diego is his hometown.

ADR continued to attack him post-match, locking him into the cross arm breaker. Then Cena turns up and gets a bigger pop than Rey. Okay. Cena attacks ADR and says the opposite of Punk, saying ADR is no worthy champion and he sure as hell is pissed at him. Cena cuts a pretty good promo. I wish we could see this side of him more often! It would really keep me from getting pissed off him. I have respect for the guy though.

All in all, it was an okay show. I kind of expected more from it. The matches weren’t great. We didn’t get much answered though I don’t mind having a few questions… It’s like we didn’t get anything new properly revealed. The highlight of the show was the face-off between Nash and Punk. Aside from that, there wasn’t much to it. It was pretty awkward. San Diego were pretty crap as an audience. Whatever.

I give the show 6.5/10, a solid C.

SMACKDOWN - 05/08/11 - 8/10

Before I start, I’d like to say they really need to start airing Smackdown live.

So the show opens with a Mark Henry promo, pretty much showing his life this year. Yay… Then we see the bits with Sheamus and mark out! Their match at SummerSlam is announced.

We then get a rather random match between The Great Khali and Sheamus with Jinder Mahal, obviously at ring side. I’m not a fan of “Big Guy” matches so it wasn’t really that appealing to me. I found it to be pretty slow and choppy. I think they’re trying a tad too hard with Sheamus’ face turn, like, how he escapes Khali and knocks him out with a Brogue Kick, earning him the win. I understand they want to establish him as a babyface but just take it slowly, yes?

Now I was looking forward to this particular part of the show a lot. We got a two-minute match between AJ and Natalya. They shook hands at the beginning etc. It was great. I really liked it for such a short match. You could hear the crowd were responding well to it and both girls had great technique. Natalya ended up making AJ tap out with the Sharpshooter, naturally. It was the bit after I was looking forward to the most. Ever since I read Natalya’s tweet post-RAW about Beth winning, I felt this coming on. Then post-Smackdown taping, she basically said (after RT-ing my drawing & stuff :3 ) Smackdown would be very interesting. A heel turn. Hell fucking yes. She looks like she’s about to help AJ up but instead she grabs her by the hair and attacks her. She throws her out of the ring and just destroys the poor girl. Taking the mic, she says she’s siding with Beth Phoenix and she’s sick of the small divas.

Zack Ryder will have a “State of the Showski Address” later in the show. I can only look forward to this! :’)

God, Creative, I don’t mind you stealing my idea if it improves the show. Really. Just give us a huge revolution from under-utilized Superstars and Divas. CM Punk; the Voice of the Voiceless in the title picture. Beth crushing Kelly and other divas, joined by Natalya. Throw in Tamina, Melina & maybe Gail Kim, the latter 2, who apparently aren’t on managements good side. (EDIT: And have now been released. Nice fucking job, WWE. A women’s champion and a five-time champion released. Great(!) )And find some other guys like Wade Barrett, Drew McIntyre… Sort of like a WCW Invasion-esque angle.

Then we get a From The Vault match. You know I hate these. They’re a waste of time and I just skip them. Unless CM Punk’s in the match. I always watch it then because they’re actually good matches. This one was against Y2J. As much as I love the match though, it’s too long! If they’re gonna stick these in, it should be with shorter matches because it’s a complete waste of time. Punk wins and I will say, whether it’s intentional or not, keeping old Punk matches on Smackdown, which he wins is a good way of keeping his presence strong, to an extent, on both show.

Matt Striker interviews Randy Orton. Lol, let me guess, he’s gonna spout out the same rubbish about how he’s gonna pummel the crap out of Christian at SummerSlam and win back the title he was “cheated” out of in that dull monotonous voice of his? He says Christian has never beat him by pinfall or submission. You might wanna re-check that Randal.

We have another cute J-Gabe goes to South Africa segment.

Wade Barrett comes out. We get a recap of last week’s segment with Daniel Bryan. Looks like he’s on commentary. This pleases me. Daniel Bryan has a new entrance theme! I think it’s appropriate. It suits him well! He’s got a match against Tyson Kidd. I’m pleased to see Kidd on TV. I really, really liked this match. It was well-paced and both guys had their stronger moments. I’m glad Kidd didn’t have to do an outright job and got his chance to put on a great match with Daniel Bryan. Booker just needs to shut up though. Wade talks about how he doesn’t think Daniel Bryan will cash in at WM because he thinks he’s a back-stabber after what happened with Nexus. Daniel Bryan makes Tyson Kidd tap out. Great match. Wade looks so disgusted, haha.

Zack Ryder comes out but he’s interrupted by Zeke, who inquires about the handicap match. They’re interrupted by Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. They discuss the “Resurrection of DiBiase” and Cody suggests a match with Ted and Zeke. Zack says he’s cool with it but Teddy Long interrupts. Can I just point out Ted looks like Cody’s ho by being all naked whilst Cody’s in a suit. :’) Ryder’s thrown into a match with Zeke with DiBiase & Rhodes banned from ringside. Teddy Long steals his catchphrases. Poor guy. Ryder taps out… On Zeke’s head, hahaha. Bless him.

Aksana is backstage, flirting with Teddy Long. Lolkay

Mark Henry destroys Vladimir Kozlov, injuring his leg. Kozlov’s been released. Really disappointing to hear. Not too fussed about his match, especially after hearing about the release. What a nice way to take him out for his last match(!) Sheamus turns up and attacks Henry. Henry leaves. Kozlov’s taken out on a stretcher. Nice build-up of babyface Sheamus.

A very nice segment of John Morrison training backstage. Short and sweet. ;)

Sheamus is interviewed backstage. Quite possibly one of my favourite Sheamus segments, hahaha. So brilliant. So funny.

The Usos & Barretta V Otunga, McGillicutty, JTG. I couldn’t care less about this. JTG needs to get the fuck out. All this brutality with these releases should be for someone who does next to nothing. McGillicutty, Otunga & JTG win.

Johnny Curtis is backstage. His debut is next week.

Christian is backstage with Matt Striker. I’m just sat here agreeing with everything he says. R-Truth turns up and says the same thing he said to Miz. Conspiracies.

The match itself was actually pretty good! Made even better due to the fact that Christian pins Orton clean. Morrison was great. As much as it bothers me that both he and Truth were on both shows this week again, which will wear them out, it was great seeing him and he was in good form. It upset me a tad, having to choose between JoMo and Christian but my loyalties lie to Christian and, well, Randy Orton? Hell no. But like I said, it was a good match. It amused me, though, how when Orton and Christian both get tagged in, JoMo and Truth just disappear, nowhere near their corners until the end of the match, haha.

I’m really hoping to see Christian win at SummerSlam and put an end to the feud with Orton. Build up Sheamus as a babyface and have him feud with Christian instead. Drop Orton to the midcard and have him feud with someone else, preferably push a face by turning him officially as a heel because let’s be honest, he isn’t much of a face. Then if you really must, bring that feud up to the main event somehow. Just please keep things moving and changing.

Christian celebrates like a maniac at the end. Love it so much. I love how attached he is to his title and how much he loves it. :’)

Show gets an 8/10.

I end on this note:

Orton is the crappiest babyface ever.

Smackdown - 15/07/11 & Superstars - 14/07/11

I am going to briefly mention what happened on WWE Superstars this week because I think it deserves a mention, seeing as the matches on there are more solid than most of the crap we’re fed on Smackdown and RAW consistently. Zack Ryder beat Santino Marella in a decent opening match. The crowd were behind Ryder and hopefully, the WWE will realize that it’s not just the minority “internet fans” behind him. In the second match, I was shocked to see Wade Barrett. Wade fucking Barrett. Are you serious, bro? Why has he been put on this show?! He should be main-eventing on Smackdown. Through commentary, there was some build-up to Money In The Bank this Sunday. He beat Trent Barretta. I found this amusing because of the similarities in their names, haha. Another decent match. The Usos beat McGillicutty and Otunga. You think they’d give the tag team champions at least a bit of credibility, you know? In the final match, Beth Phoenix beat Maryse. As usual, this divas match was miles better than what we see on RAW and Smackdown but not up to usual Superstars standards.

Now for Smackdown.

The show starts off with Josh Matthews introducing Randy Boreton. He’s carrying that fake fucking title again. Hopefully it means it will be changing hands on Sunday night. They go on and on about Orton’s anger management issues, hinting he might lose it on Sunday and lose via DQ, thus leading to Christian winning the match. If this happen, this dull feud will probably extend even longer. I’m sick of it. The crowd eat out  of his hands like dumb sheep, as usual. Yeah, Randy Orton is so fucking intimidating, huh? He can’t even do that right. That and you’re a babyface. Fucking act like one!

Can I just say this whole “the reason Christian’s doing all this with the stipulation is because he can’t beat me fairly” crap is so illogical. The reason he’s doing it is because you can’t beat him fairly. You follow? I understand the babyface has to be portrayed in a positive way but they’re just not doing this! It’s not fucking hard! Christian, speak of the devil, appears on screen. He looks so good in blue. “I can see what you’re trying to do, loud and clear man.” That doesn’t make sense. You can’t see loud. For the love of God, Orton, please work on your mic skills. Christian shows a framed photograph of him holding the title over a knocked-out Orton, saying this will happen again on Sunday. Amen. Christian talks about Cowboy Bob Orton and how he may be in the Hall of Fame but he’s worth nothing and the only reason he was put there was because the company wants to keep Randal Keith Orton happy. I love the overlap with reality on these shows lately. Orton brings up Edge. FFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Next we have an Inter-Continental title match between Ted DiBiase and Ezekiel Jackson. Cody Rhodes doesn’t accompany DiBiase, which is saddening. Instead, he’s watching from backstage. DiBiase loses, he didn’t get squashed, per se, seeing as he did get some offense in there. There could have been more for him though. Zeke wins via submission, using the torture rack. It was an okay match. I’m guessing this will be one of those previously unannounced matches that will suddenly be added to the MITB card on the night.

We get a backstage segment between Rhodes and DiBiase. I love these. They’re much better than those boring ass interviews we’re often subjected to so it’s nice to see more of these. Rhodes tells DiBiase to put the paper bag on because it’s for losers and he’s a loser. He changes his mind and threatens DiBiase that if he loses one more time, he’ll bag him personally. Instead, he bags some random guy. I want a paper bag.

We get another match between Cody Rhodes and Daniel Bryan. Even though we’ve seen it a million times, I still quite like watching their matches though they should be much better considering how many times they’ve worked together. They’re still pretty good. It’d be nice if they got some mic time to build on the feud more and maybe even throw it into a PPV. At least it’s building up towards MITB because both of them are in the ladder match. In fact, almost every MITB competitor got a match! Almost. Anyway, Cody Rhodes win the match. I am pleased to see the paper bags, as usual and Daniel Bryan is so innovative, I love it. He’s easily one of my favourites, right now.

We see Teddy Long backstage and a referee appears. Is that Justin King?! He tells him that any physical conflict between Henry and Show during their “face-off” will result in their match at MITB being cancelled. Kane turns up and thanks him for the opportunity to face Orton and how he feels less like a monster.

I don’t feel Kane should be facing Orton. Kane’s in the MITB match. He’d be better off facing someone in that match, who hasn’t had a match yet tonight!

We then get a From The Vault match. I’m annoyed at this, as usual. I can fucking Youtube this shit, bro. Just stop it. I’m about to skip it but then I see it’s Rey Mysterio V CM Punk with Chris Jericho on commentary from June 2009 and I have to watch it. It’s a good way to kind of build Punk up for MITB whether it’s intentional or not. I doubt it was intentional though. WWE aren’t that smart.

Khali and Mahal are backstage. Mahal gets jealous that the photographer is focusing on Khali and not him. It emphasises the idea that Ranjin Singh expressed about Mahal wanting to be Khali. That aside, it was pointless though I always enjoy hearing him rant in Punjabi, haha.

We see Christian looking at Orton’s bus. He walks around it and we see it has been vandalised with graffiti. Christian’s reaction… Oh my God. So brilliant. I absolutely love this man. This is the Heel Christian I know and remember. He tells Randy he’s going to investigate and find out who did this! Back in the day, we would have had consistent 30 second to one minute segments of Christian undergoing this “investigation” and that would have been hilarious. We didn’t get that but hey, it’s a start!

Slam of the Week is by Sheamus when he interrupted Josh Matthews’ interview at the beginning of Smackdown last week.

There’s a match between Sheamus and Sin Cara with Wade Barrett on commentary! Wade being on commentary pleases me but it’s a tad annoying he doesn’t get a fucking match and Kane is in a bloody pointless match against Randy fucking Orton! Sin Cara wins his match, thankfully. Last week’s antics made it too obvious that Sheamus would win MITB but with him losing to Sin Cara this week, that’s been toned down a bit. Post-match, Barrett gets into the ring and hits Sheamus, imitating his Brogue Kick. This is followed by Wasteland and he stands, triumphantly, as he should. I’d love to see him win MITB because he deserves it and fucking needs it!

We are treated with another segment with Christian! It must be our lucky day! He makes jokes about Orton, whilst going through his wallet. He makes fun of his family and I’m just staring at my laptop screen thinking, “How could so much Christian goodness just suddenly be on one show?!” haha. He bets $1000 from Orton’s wallet, I think, on the number 1, saying his birthday is April 1st and there must be a joke in that. I can’t handle it, oh my God. He loses all the money, acts distressed and proceeds to say to the camera that it looks like Randy Orton’s luck is running out. See, these are the type of quality mic skills a champion should have.

Teddy’s in the ring. Big Show/Mark Henry segment. Does anyone care? No.

Kelly Kelly turns up and faces Rosa Mendes. Why the fuck is Kelly fucking Kelly taking up air time on both shows? And why the fuck is Rosa Mendes getting airtime? Fuck off. Apparently Kelly’s right arm is fucked. Why are you carrying the belt on that arm then? She can’t sell an injury for shit. To read more on Kelly Kelly and the diva’s division in general, just go here. A one-minute match with Kelly winning. Lol, fuck off. Something stemming off from Tamina and Alicia Fox’s little confrontation last week would have been nice but instead, we gets this choppy crap.

Johnny Curtis again. Facepalm. Poor elephant though. L

Justin Gabriel faces Heath Slater. They have different entrances. Have they split up?! Also, JGabe’s song is not right. Sort this shit out, WWE. Heath turns up with a mic. I hate the way he talks. Sorry.  It’s bloody annoying. Okay? So they’ve split up. Does this FINALLY mean a face turn for Justin?! Justin wins. Nice match. Good considering they don’t usually do singles matches and I’d say it was nicely paced. This should have been what led to The Corre’s official break-up, in my opinion with a face turn for Justin Gabriel. Nice build-up to MITB too.

Punk promo. Always watch.

The main event is fucking shit, as usual. Randy loses to Kane via count-out after being distracted by Christian, like, two minutes into this shitty, pointless match. Orton chases Christian, who attacks him with something or the other. Kane and Christian then beat him up. I don’t even remember the events in order, that’s how dull and repetitive it was. Kane turns on Christian, who legs it or something. Orton miraculously recovers and RKOs Kane. Yeah, that’s so fucking believable, Orton. I believe Christian escapes unscathed. Kane is victim to a billion chair shots from Orton. He makes a great babyface, huh(?)

THE SHOW ENDS. It should have ended with Christian raising the belt over Orton just to link back to the opening segment and make Christian seem as strong as he’s saying but fine, whatever.

It wasn’t as bad as it has been recently, thankfully.

If you agree, disagree, have any points in general, you’d like to make, feel free to do so! Thank you for reading! ^^

Listening to the Off The Ropes Show and Kelly Kelly is briefly mentioned...

And how she's trying to sell an injury to her right arm yet she carries and raises the belt with that arm.

As soon as that was mentioned, I could not stop laughing. :'D

RAW - 11/07/11

RAW. Where do I even begin?! At the beginning… Yes.

The show opens with a promo from none other than the Voice of the Voiceless, CM Punk. As soon as I saw the megaphone in his hand, I knew we’d be seeing some brilliance from him again. And that’s exactly what we got. He talked about how he brought back-up with him in case his mic got cut off again. My words won’t do it justice. You all know how brilliant it was. If not, well, go and watch it. Punk states how there will be an in-ring contract negotiation live, with VKM, for the main event. Of course, Creative couldn’t leave us to bask in the brilliance of Punk, they brought in Cena and Punk was brilliant, “Sir, sir, your music’s too loud”. Haha. The Anonymous RAW General Manager decided to interrupt and put Cena into a handicap match.

The handicap match was against David Otunga and Michael McGilicutty, The Tag Team Champions. Okay, fair enough. But why wasn’t CM Punk with them at ringside? It’s like he’s been cut off from the Nexus. They’re no longer like one unit. Mason Ryan’s out so it’s just them three right now and they’re technically still members so what the fuck is this? Hell, they even come out with Punk’s theme so why not?! How brilliant would it have been had Punk been ringside with that ridiculous megaphone, distracting the shit out of Cena? Also, the Super-Cena gimmick where he, not only beats 2 people, but he beats the Tag Team Champions. Come on, give them some credit if you’re gonna put the titles on them at least! Poor booking. Poor match.

We have a Big Show and Mark Henry promo. We should all already know my thoughts on this.

Then we had a segment I particularly enjoyed! Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero are talking backstage. I’d just like to point out that Dolph was looking very attractive on RAW this week. I wouldn’t have minded if that segment lasted the whole show. Vickie’s imitating Vincent Kennedy McMahon whilst Dolph tries to tell him why he’s the best. They start taking the piss out of him, only to be joined by... Wait for it… Drew McIntyre! Yes, that’s right. A Drew McIntyre sighting! He joins in with them. He and Dolph shut up and Vickie, who has no idea VKM is there, carries on. She shuts up. He says how Drew was once his chosen one and how they’re both rising stars, mocking them, obviously because he then throws them into a handicap match against Big Show. A pointless segment but entertaining!

A SCOTT STANFORD SIGHTING.

Melina jobs to Kelly Kelly. What the fuck? I realize K2 is the Divas Champion (for some unknown/ridiculous reason – I don’t care how much she’s “improved”, she’s shit.) but Melina of all people?! One of the few women in the company, who can fight?! Honestly, I’d prefer just being on Superstars than jobbing to K2. They’re supposed to make Kelly look strong, I get that but you can’t make someone with very limited talent look strong regardless of how you book her. It’s just no believable. You could see how slow and sloppy her technique was and how Melina had to set herself up for her. Kelly’s then attacked by both Bellas. Eve turns up, for some reason and helps Kelly, only to get squashed herself. Great match(!) And it did nothing to help the storyline.

The Miz entered the ring and sat on top of the ladder in the middle of the ring. The RAW briefcase was hanging in the middle. He sat there and talked about why he’s the best competitor and going to win because he’s actually won before and become a champion. He’s interrupted by Jack Swagger, who states he, too, has won and gone on to win a World Title from it. He’s followed by Evan Bourne, who is too cute. Then Kofi. Then R-Truth. All of them talking about how they’re going to win. Rey Mysterio makes no appearance but we do see Alberto del Rio turns up, complaining that Punk has his match back when technically, he’s the Number 1 contender. The RAW GM interrupts and schedules a Heel V Face 6-man tag team match next and that ADR’s problem will be addressed. Alex Riley wins the match. It was alright. He’s attacked by Miz, of course, and then everyone else attacks one by one. Evan Bourne is the last one standing, about to go Airbourne. Here’s me getting all excited because it’s such a beautiful move but then ADR turns up and attacks him. Ladder shots for all, courtesy of Alberto del Rio. It looked like Miz’s hand got seriously fucked up. I hope it’s nothing too bad… Now, the biggest problem with this was the same as with Smackdown’s last week. ADR was made to look too strong. They’ve made it look too obvious that he’ll win at MITB, though I’d much rather Truth won, cashed in and lost, hahaha.

This is followed by the handicap match of Drew & Dolph V Big Show. Dolph immediately tags in Drew, shitting it. Drew’s knocked out of the ring and receives a pummelling. Show throws him all over the place, destroying him. They’re at the top of the ramp and I believe Show’s about to chokeslam him when Mark Henry turns up yet AGAIN and dives into Show. Drew goes flying. I thought he’d been flattened and killed by those giants but luckily, we see from another angle, he was thrown aside. Poor Drew. We get nothing new in terms of storyline. I already didn’t care about this Show/Henry thing. Meanwhile, Dolph Ziggler is chilling at ringside. Like a boss.

Alas, it’s time for the main event! VKM enters, doing his walk and then retreats. He repeats this cycle until he feels he’s received an adequate response from the crowd. He stops at a Zack Ryder sign. We mark out. Cole’s on his feet, kissing ass. In short, it’s amusing. He talks about how this shouldn’t be done in public but he’ll go with it and he calls CM Punk out. Punk imitates VKM’s walk, being the legend he is. I’m going crazy, obviously. He does regular Punk things. You know, incredibly relaxed body language whilst Vince is really tense. I love it. Then Vince calls him Phil and I gasp. We all know what Punk is like about names so I was literally in shock, haha. Punk reads out what’s in the contract. He wants to be the face of the company. Literally. He wants his face everywhere. He wants to push Vince. It was too amusing the way he was shoving Vince with that smile on his face. He was just absolutely brilliant. Like the opening segment, there are no words to express just how amazing CM Punk is. He had everyone in that arena chanting “COLT CABANA”. Half of those kids won’t even know who he is! He had everyone chanting for “WWE ICE CREAM BARS”. He is the Voice of the Voiceless, as he put it. Cena interrupts, of course. Punk tears him down with his words. Just go find it on Youtube. Just awesome. It wasn't the best segment! Don't get me wrong, it could have been much better but considering the crap we've been fed recently... He says Cena is like the New York Yankees and Cena snaps and hits Punk, who rolls out of the ring, haha. Punk walks up the ramp and says he’s tired. He’s just tired and he’s leaving the company on July 17th with the title.

End of show.

I don’t know what’s going to happen on Sunday. I really don’t. Fuck school. I’m watching this. Don’t let us down, WWE. Do not fucking let us down.

Smackdown - 08/07/11

So I haven’t done one of these in a few weeks now. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad. I don’t know whether you like reading my thoughts but whatever. Here they are for this week’s Smackdown!

Opening promo. Josh Matthews is speaking to the Smackdown MITB competitors. Cody Rhodes interrupts Daniel Bryan, talking about… something or the other. As Josh speaks to Wade Barrett, Sheamus turns up with a steel chair and knocks everyone out, beating up Barrett the most. He talks about he’s going to destroy Randy Orton because he punted him in the head a few weeks ago. Now, before I move on, I need to make my usual bitchy comments. Why is it okay for Orton to punt someone for no reason at all yet when someone else does it to him with justification, it’s bad? I understand the whole “babyfaces get cheered, heels don’t” thing but the problem here is that Orton’s booking is not like a face’s so why are the audience so… Brainwashed? I don’t understand. Anyway, Christian turns up (looking rather lovely in that red shirt and black jacket) and tells him how the contracts been reworked so that if the referee screws up or if there’s any DQs or interruptions, he’ll automatically win the title and thanks Sheamus for giving him that opportunity. He winds Sheamus up, who proceeds to throw the chair at him and guess what? We get yet another interruption! This time from, wait for it… Teddy Long! Surprise, surprise… He announces the main event of Randy Orton V Sheamus, a non-title match. Uhh, okay, where exactly did that come from?

This segment is followed by (ignoring various, pointless, time-wasting packages) a tag-team match between Daniel Bryan/Ezekiel Jackson & Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase. Are they seriously just throwing in completely random people, i.e. Zeke, into this Rhodes/Bryan thing? Seriously? I expected a much better match. DiBiase pinned Zeke, which was the preferable outcome, thanks to an interference from Rhodes, who stalked off as DiBiase won. It wasn’t a great match but hey, the outcome could have been worse.

Then we hear some Mark Henry talk. Excuse me for a moment whilst I say this: SHURRUUUUPPPP! I DON’T CARE. And the bloody RAW recaps! Why?! Do RAW do Smackdown recaps?! NO. SO STOP IT. If we wanted to know, we’d be watching RAW. If we’re not watching RAW, we obviously don’t care, got it?

Backstage, Striker asks Henry about attacking the sound technician and the repercussions in addition to having to face Kane. Henry stares him down and Striker legs it. Okay. You know what I miss? Random backstage segments that aren’t interviews. They added to the value of the show a lot when they were done properly and we never get that anymore.

Jinder Mahal is facing Trent Barretta next. Last week, Ranjin Singh told us Mahal is their brother-in-law, threatening to divorce their sister, his wife, is they screw up. It makes sense, I guess, looking at the context but it’s so boring, standard and stereotypical. What happened to creativity? Oh, sorry, don’t answer that… Khali was on commentary, haha. What? The match was the length of a standard divas match on RAW. Mahal squashed Barretta.

Backstage, Josh asks Sheamus what this “recent rampage” thing is about. He responds with “It’s an Irish thing, fella. You wouldn’t understand”. No comment necessary.

AJ beats Tamina. I like the push she’s getting. She’s better than most of the shit on the divas roster. I’m just annoyed that Natalya lost to Alicia bloody Fox on Superstars. Sorry but the fact that Natalya is wrestling on Superstars and AJ is on Smackdown is enough to annoy me. I’m also a tad annoyed that AJ’s winning with a roll-up. Can we see her win in a different way? It makes sense because of her size but that makes her look weaker. If she pins her straight-up, you’ll do a better job of putting her over. Though that would suck for Tamina, who is actually talented in the ring. As is Natalya. But let’s not get back onto that. Alicia Fox and Tamina have an argument in the ring. Judging by Fox’s gestures, she’s mocking Tamina for losing to someone of AJ’s size. An okay match…

We get a bloody From The Vault match between Rey Mysterio and Kane. I skip. Bloody pointless. Do RAW do this? NO. SO STOP IT.

Kane faces Mark Henry and the temptation to skip this is ridiculous. I find giant vs giant matches incredibly boring. By those standards, it was an okay match. Thing is, I couldn’t care less about it! It was quite shameful the way Kane lost, in my opinion. Having 2 out of 3 chokeslams countered and then losing after that slam. Booker sounded like such a wuss afterwards when Henry confronted him though, haha.

Okay so Orton is being interviewed by Matthews backstage. The first thing I notice is the title on his shoulder. That is not the original. Firstly, it looks laminated! Secondly, it just looks fake. There is no way that is the actual title. It looks all wrong. I hate Orton’s “tough badass”, shitty persona. You’re a face. Not a heel. Act like one. This is why I hate hearing him talk… And watching him in the ring. Anyway, Orton says he’s going to beat Christian with an RKO. If this happens, I will actually start a riot. He does some tough guy speech, tells Matthews to wish Sheamus good luck and leaves. Matthews looks all intimidated and I’m thinking, “lolwot”.

It’s quite satisfying to watch the MITB promo, consisting of last year’s recap, seeing Miz beat Orton following that segment though. Yet I can’t help but wish JoMo should be in it this year.

Then, guess what? We see Tyson Kidd on Smackdown! I am genuinely shocked. Then I hear Sin Cara’s theme and realize he’s just here to job. Great(!) The match was pretty decent though! Some nice work from both Kidd and Cara. Cara screwed up his finisher a bit but at least he managed to pull it off properly this time! The match itself aside, I don’t understand why Sin Cara wasn’t facing another Money In The Bank competitor… You know, to build up towards the PPV?

Striker asks Teddy about Mark Henry, who’s doing this awkward “serious walk”. Striker asks if he’s intimidated by Sheamus. He’s ignored. Okay then.

I hate The Usos’ entrance. It’s ridiculous. Stop it. Justin Gabriel (who’s looking as attractive as ever) and Heath Slater lose to them yet again! What the fuck?! Why are the making them job like this?! It’s pointless. It’s so so pointless and predictive! Please stop this. I may just cry. A little bit of variety would be lovely, honestly. I understand they’re trying to put The Usos over but this is how it should be done: Get the title involved in some way (this is why I hate the tag titles being over both brands! Much harder to use!) Give both sides from mic time, enabling them to engage in a full feud. Have Slater and Gabriel win. Not cleanly because they’re heels but just have them win! Then at PPV, have The Usos beat them clean. You know, the good old-fashioned way? How things should be?

Anyway, the match itself: Standard. If Slater/Gabriel are breaking the pin every time the other is in danger of being pinned, surely it would make more sense to have them win? And the commentary, they’re just putting Slater over when Gabriel is, in my opinion, the better one! And guess who gets pinned YET AGAIN?! JUSTIN FUCKING GABRIEL. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HOW MANY TIME IS THIS GOING TO HAPPEN?! They’re probably going to split them up at MITB and put Slater over after that. Fuck you. Anyway, yeah, standard match.

Johnny Curtis is backstage again. They really need to stop giving him shitty rip-offs of Zack Ryder’s puns from Z!TLIS. Just please stop this.

RAW Rebound. Fuck off. I love the whole Punk thing. I could watch the recaps over and over again but just not on Smackdown. This show pisses me off enough. I don’t want to get more annoyed because half the airtime is taken up by RAW and shit.

Then we have the main event. I am telling you, there is no way that is the actual belt. No way. Anyway, it seems Orton’s laid off the baby oil this time around. Thank God. He’s nice to look at, don’t get me wrong, he’s just bloody annoying. And his entrance takes so fucking long. It’s as annoying as Cena’s but at least Cena doesn’t do this slow, long-ass walk and posing and shit. Anyway, Sheamus turns up. Blah blah blah. Then Christian turns up on commetary and I mark out. The boos they put are ridiculous and hurt my ears. Please stop this, WWE. THIS IS SUCH A POINTLESS MATCH THOUGH. WHAT ARE WE GETTING OUT OF IT IN TERMS OF STORYLINE?! NOTHING.

Then I mark out even more Christian repeats exactly what I said earlier on in this review about Orton’s punting (mind you, I’m writing each section as each segment happens so I don’t forget what happens!). The match is okay so far. Nothing special. Christian leaves commentary desk and Matthews says “Christian doesn’t have any business being out here”. EXCUSE ME, SILENCE FROM THE PEASANT, PLEASE. The booking really is terrible. Orton comes across as the whiny, manipulative heel, who thinks everything should go his way because he’s so great and Christian comes across as the screwed-over working guy. Sort this out. Christian made a badass heel when the booking was right! Just look at him in TNA and when he was feuding with Jericho around 8 years back.

Then we get another package and this time I’m not complaining. I’m just here staring at the screen in shock. Zack Ryder. Fuck yeah, bro. Though I really hope the rumours I’m hearing from the dirt sheets and shit isn’t true.

Back to the match, Sheamus is beating up Orton. Sheamus screws up a few moves and ends up landing on his face. Orton is watching, clutching his arm. If he manages to land an RKO with a fucked up arm, someone will get shot. There’s some guys who just can’t sell anything and Orton’s one of them. Not because he doesn’t act all hurt and shit but because he overdoes it. Nice move by Sheamus to get onto the top rope. I was praying we wouldn’t get another surprise RKO and thankfully, we didn’t.

I have a problem with the sequences leading to the ends of matches. They look so planned. I mean, obviously the ending has been planned but they could at least try to make it look natural, you know? So Orton’s doing his Viper crap, clutching his bad arm every now and then (please stop) and the Christian interferes and attacks him, leading to Orton winning by DQ. Sheamus gets pissed off and boots Christian in the face. Then Orton recovers and RKOs Sheamus. Fuck off. He’s there, posing and shit and his theme is getting really annoying (don’t get me wrong, I love Rev Theory and all).

All in all, a pointless episode of Smackdown, which had absolutely no purpose to it. We got nothing from it. If you missed it… You missed nothing. It sucked.

AND THAT TITLE IS FAKE, OKAY. THAT IS NOT THE REAL TITLE.