Raw - 25th June 2012

The actual content of Raw this week was pretty decent. Cena's Star Wars promo was actually pretty entertaining, followed by Jericho's interruption. Brodus vs Big Show almost felt pointless because Show then also turned up at the end and took out Cena. Sycho Sid turned up and despite not liking old guys coming out, we are nearing the 1000th Raw and since it was him, I don't mind so much. Santino defended his title against Swagger. Swagger shouldn't have been separated from Vickie.

They advertised Smackdown's main event with Ziggler, Sheamus and Alberto (though the scrambling for the contract was awkward to watch) and even though I'm not keen on Ziggler being thrown on that to essentially come out the worst, at least it's not just him and Sheamus this time. Also, L O L Heath Slater. AJ was awesome throughout, as usual and I think we're seeing more of the "crazy" side than the "ring rat" side now. Bryan won the triple threat match, pinning Punk and will face him at MiTB and I swear to God, if he doesn't win this time, I fucking give up.

My problem with Raw was the Raw MiTB ladder match. It's going to consist of 4 people; Kane, Big Show, John Cena and Chris Jericho. 4 people. That is it. It's exclusive to former WWE champions only. With Miz filming for The Marine and Orton suspended, we have 4 former champions, Alberto and Sheamus aside because they're in the WHC feud. It says a lot about your company and your ways of building up talent if that's all you have.

My biggest problem with this is isn't the whole purpose in Money in the Bank to give up-and-coming talent that final push into the main event? To make new stars? And yet we look at these four competitors and none of them even need the briefcase. Jericho will be gone by November the latest; Kane has just had a world title match at NWO; Big Show is already in the main event and a former world champion; John fucking Cena is a 10 time WWE champion. Why do any of these guys need this?

I was hoping our two Money in the Bank winners could be Wade Barrett and Dolph Ziggler but with this, there's no chance of that now. If Cena was to, say, cash in and become the first person to lose, that wouldn't be so bad if he was up against Daniel Bryan or someone but that's not going to happen and even then, that briefcase would have been better off with Ziggler or Barrett.

If this is their way of trying to "top" last year, it's awful.

Finally, Vickie Guerrero for General Manager! Fuck yeah!

but can Ziggler, like, abandon her already.

Booker T's Presents: The Fav 5 (Episode Two!)

An interesting selection this time. :') Good listen as before though.

Raw - 23rd Jan 2012 - 7/10

Raw opens with CM Punk cutting a promo on the Royal Rumble and John Laurinaitis, giving us a little recap on how Raw ended the previous week. He demands John Laurinaitis comes out and repeats what he said but to his face. After some waiting, he doesn’t turn up. Instead, shortly after, Cena’s music hits and he tells Punk he’s tired of hearing him rambling on and he has some issues he wants to settle with Lauriniaitis. I was entertained by the faces Punk pulled in the background whilst Cena called out Laurinaitis.

Laurinaitis comes out and sets up a tag team match. Who are you? Teddy Long?

CM Punk gets pinned by Dolph Ziggler, resulting in a victory for Ziggler and Swagger over Cena and Punk. The match wasn’t all too captivating, in my opinion. Towards the finish, Swagger and Ziggler started to brawl on the outside whilst Punk and Ziggler were the two legal men. Punk shoved the referee out of the way, who was obstructing his way to the corner whilst watching Cena and Swagger. Punk goes to the top rope and Laurinaitis, who had been entertained by his phone up until them, interferes because Punk shoved the official. Ziggler capitalises and picks up a win after pulling on Punk’s tights. The match wasn’t great but I’m glad to see Ziggler pick up yet another win over Punk, despite Laurinaitis’ interference. It makes Ziggler look like a legitimate contender for the title on Sunday in a match I’m looking forward to.

Punk takes the mic and demands the opportunity to knock out Laurinaitis’ teeth by taking him on in the main event that night. His challenge is accepted. Well… This should be interesting.

The Highlight Reel makes a return! I was hoping more than anything that we would get a silent Highlight Reel. That would have been absolutely brilliant and hilarious. When Jericho came out with the t-shirt and then didn’t give it to anyone… Quality. But Chris Jericho didn’t remain silent. He spoke. And on the fourth week of Raw of 2012, God, I mean, Jericho said, “This Sunday, at the Royal Rumble… It will be the end of the world as you know it.” And then he left. So we have another legitimate contender in the Royal Rumble!

That being said, I hate how lazy WWE have been with the Rumble itself. There are, what, 5 real contenders? Well, what’s the point in even having the other 25 there? Let’s just make it a battle royal! I hate how they’re showcased some guys so so so much that they’ve completely neglected even mentioning anyone else, showing how irrelevant they are, which is really disappointing. This whole “anyone can compete! Yay surprises!” thing is just pure laziness. Some ‘Royal Rumble Qualifier’ matches between mid-card/under-card talent would have been nice to actually give them TV time rather than putting on stupid gimmick matches like we had on Smackdown. Hopefully, we see something like this this Smackdown but I really strongly doubt it.

Eve is protesting against Ryder facing Kane that night but he insists he has to go out. Mick Foley turns up and Zack is still in pretty bad shape, despite being “medically cleared to compete”. Cena turns up to speak to Zack. In the opening segment, Laurinaitis had made it clear if Cena interfered at all in Ryder’s match, he would never receive another US title shot again. Zack tells Cena not to do anything and he leaves.

Zack takes on Kane in a Falls Count Anywhere match and gets absolutely destroyed. Kane targets his injured back consistently throughout the match. Most of the match takes place outside of the ring, making good use of the stipulation. They go through the crowd and up the ramp. Zack manages to get in some offense once or twice but Kane quickly retaliates brutally each time. At some point, Eve comes out to watch Zack, being all concerned. The “Let’s go Ryder! Woo Woo Woo!” chants were brilliant and in full force. Basically, Zack was the perfect babyface throughout this. He got beat down constantly and continued to kickout every time Kane covered him. You felt sorry for the guy. You wanted to see him win despite knowing full well he wouldn’t. Then Kane chokeslammed right through the stage and the match essentially came to an end. Eve watches on, apparently crying whilst her make up remains intact. Kane stalks her until Cena comes to the rescue. Ryder is taken out on a stretcher to the hospital as he’s not moving. Eve appears distraught, Cena looks pissed off and insists he’ll get back at Kane. Eve turns and tells him he’s done enough before leaving with Zack. You can’t not have Cena turn to the dark side now!

I feel suicidal upon seeing Jinder Mahal and Sheamus are having their 6152156th match in this pathetic excuse for a “feud” of theirs. I was sorely tempted to skip this, being confident Sheamus would win. If not the pattern of their recent matches, Jinder’s jobber entrance gave it away. However, Mr. Wade Barrett appeared to do some great commentary and I couldn’t bring myself to miss that. He talks about Orton’s return (yay…) and how he’s defeated both him and Sheamus on numerous occasions, making him the best contender in the Rumble. Post-match, Sheamus tries to lure him into the ring. Barrett avoids the cheap shot and exits via the ramp. Sheamus takes the mic and states Barrett should get used to the sight of him in the ring because that’s what the outcome of Sunday’s Rumble will be. Again, I’m glad they’re profiling both these guys as strong contenders and it’d be a real shame if neither of them won, Barrett especially but I’d have liked to see even the tiniest bit of emphasis on other guys.

The Miz is backstage when R-Truth turns up, listing some “facts” from Market Research. He insists his name is FLEICHER. FLEICHER. The loser of their match will be Number 1 entrant in the Royal Rumble, according to John Laurinaitis and I really want that Little Jimmy shirt. Actually, I’ve been saying for ages… Little Jimmy headbands, WWE. Get on it.

I am pleased to see William Regal come down to do some commentary! We see a clip of his dancing and assault from Brodus on Smackdown. Brodus Clay defeats Heath Slater. What more can I say?

The Miz loses to R-Truth and becomes the Number 1 entrant in the Royal Rumble. The match wasn’t memorable, hence why I’m struggling to make any type of creative comment on it… Miz being number 1 could be both a blessing and a curse, you never know. I think it’s interesting that they put in this stipulation and hopefully Miz does a good job to show there was a purpose to this on Sunday.

John Laurinaitis is backstage “preparing” for his match with CM Punk. David Otunga turns up with a fax. Apparently it’s not good news. That means it is good news guys!

Finally, we are treated with the main event. CM Punk makes his entrance and John Lauriniatis, after being announced by Justin Roberts three times, fails to turn up. Eventually, when he does with Otunga, he informs everyone there is bad news and that he’s essentially on probation because the board are unhappy with how he’s handling things. No, really(?) Triple H is going to be evaluating him. Well, whoop-de-fucking-doo(!) More of The Game(!) I’m sure you can guess how the show ended, right? Laurinaitis planned on having Otunga replace him in the match. He began to the assault on Punk, who quickly fought back and took him out. With Otunga out of the way, Laurinaitis cowered and offered a handshake. Punk took it and then hoisted him up into that firemans carry, landing his signature GTS and it was a beautiful sight.

But that wasn’t all. As Punk exerted his anger on Laurinaitis, who to turn up but Dolph Ziggler? Ziggler creeps up and lands his Zig Zag, taking Punk out and stands supremely in the middle of the ring.

I thought the ending was great. Ziggler looks like he has a legitimate chance at winning the title on Sunday, which is something we rarely see with WWE’s PPV/title match build-ups! Seeing Laurinaitis being knocked out by Punk was also rather satisfying as it had been a long time coming and you could just see Punk fuming the whole time, which was brilliant.

Overall, Raw gets a 7/10 from me. It felt a tiny bit repetitive with the same few faces on constantly but there was a decent amount of Rumble build-up, despite that. It would have been nice to see more and see something from some other competitors! I also felt maybe Brodus’ match was a little unnecessary because this was the final Raw before the Royal Rumble and I would have liked to see a more serious match in his and Slater’s place.

Superstars - 12th Jan / Smackdown - 13th Jan (6/10)

Superstars:

Superstars opens with Yoshi Tatsu taking on Wade Barrett. I don't know why Wade is on Superstars, especially since he's opening. The pair lock up with Wade backing Yoshi into a corner. Yoshi responds with a series of kicks and attempts to pin Wade. He heads for the top rope, only to have Wade pull him off and keep him down with multiple strikes to his head. Wade uses the ropes to suffocate Yoshi twice. Yoshi's head ends up on the receiving end of several knees, followed by a big boot sending him to the outside. Yoshi kicks out when Wade throws him back and tries to pin him. Yoshi gets to his feet and receives a few fists and a knee from wade. Wade ends up hitting the turnbuckle, which Yoshi takes advantage of with a series of strikes and kicks. He sends a knee to Wade whilst he's still in the corner, followed by a kick to chest and tries to cover. Wade kicks out. Yoshi goes in to finish off Wade with the roundhouse kick, who counters with a kick to the knee followed by another. He throws him into the ropes for his Winds of Change finisher, which I like a lot, to pin Yoshi. It was a pretty decent 6 minute match. Wade dominated most of it but Yoshi had some good moments. Their styles contrast quite a bit so it was interesting to see how this would turn out. We knew Wade would win but, as I said, decent match.

I thought Superstars is where we get the GOOD divas matches. Why are you giving us K2 v Brie? Can't Vince wank off to something else?

We get a Smackdown replay instead of a Raw replay! Miracles do happen!

We get Michael McGillicutty taking on... You thought I was going to say Alex Riley, didn't you? For once, it's not! Instead, it's Evan Bourne! This backstage heat Evan's apparently getting is bullshit. The match starts with Bourne being beat down by Mcgillicutty for a few seconds but Bourne soon retaliates with numerous kicks. He counters a sunset flip from McGillicutty and goes in for a cover, which McGillicutty kicks out of. Bourne takes a few fists and kicks, followed by a neckbreaker and then a cover, which he kicks out of. McGillicutty sends a fist to his head before giving him a bodyslam. He attempts to pin him once more after an elbow drop. Evan gets to his feet and lands several kicks, only to be granted a knee to his head and a strike to the back of his neck. McGillicutty goes in for another unsuccessful cover. Bourne lands a huricanrana from the ropes and a dropkick and enzuigiri, kicking out of the cover. Evan heads for the top rope but McGillciutty catches his ankle to stop him, sending him to the outside. The "let's go Evan" chants start as McGillicutty starts to beat down on Evan Bourne. He lands a knee to the back of Evan's head but Evan quickly gains the upperhand. McGillicutty surprisingly kicks out of a diving double knee drop. I thought he was done. Evan Bourne kicks out of a saito suplex and sends a kick to McGillciutty's head from the outside, whilst still on the ring apron. He eventually lands his Airbourne, shooting star press, finisher and picks up the win. I think the match went on too long though there was a nice contrast in style, like the opener. It was an okay match. The closing few exchanges were definitely stronger but all in all, it was just too long.

Maybe I spoke too soon. We get a Raw Rewind of the main event.

Kelly Kelly takes on Brie Bella (w/ Nikki Bella) in the main event. Looks like it'll only be around 5 minutes long, which is the same length as the opening match. That cements what I think of them. The catfight begins with a few pushes and shoves. Girls, you're not on the street. You're in a professional wrestling ring. Brie backs into the ropesquickly. Kelly grabs by hair and throws her, she's thrown into the Bellas' corner, knocking down Nikki and locking in the head scissors into the ropes. Kelly lets go, landing on the outside on her feet and grabbing Brie by the legs, dragging her down. Kelly sends Brie a clothesline. Brie holds onto Nikki, in the ropes, only to move out of the way and have her sister hit by a charging Kelly Kelly. Brie works on Kelly's left arm, to which we are treated with more screaming. Brie covers Kelly, who kicks out. Brie carries on working on Kelly's left arm... And now the right arm? D'you mean to sell both arms or am I just blind? Brie goes for three different consecutive pins, all of which fail. From here, Kelly takes control, taking to the top rope and landing on Brie to deliver some fists her way. Brie finds herself in the corner after one of Kelly's hurricanranas. Kelly gets a bit too aggressive~ with her kicks to Brie in the corner. Whilst the referee is distracted by her, Brie and Nikki switch places and Kelly Kelly is pinned by the roll-up. The finish was pretty pathetic. The match in general was better than the bullshit we usually get on TV. Unfortunately, Kelly Kelly sorely lacks technique. Even Brie showed some kind of half-decent offense. Then there's the confusion over which arm Kelly is selling damage to. Unless I wasn't watching carefully, Brie works on Kelly's left arm and then later, her right arm and Kelly's no longer selling the left arm? I don't get it. A poor excuse of a main event for Superstars. Superstars usually has the quality matches. I'd have rather seen Wade Barrett take on Yoshi Tatsu in a nice ten-minute bout in this position on the small card.

Smackdown:

I had an epic Smackdown review written and waiting, which I lost to the blue screen of death. So this is going to have to do!

Smackdown opened with Daniel Bryan, who received a mixed reaction from the crowd. There was also the addition of that pumped in noise WWE likes to add to increase the boos. He cut a promo about how much he hates the outcome of his match with Big Show last week because he'll have to tell his grandchildren that horrible ending. He says, as a fighting champion, he's more than happy to grant Show a rematch and last week, there was no one to blame but Mark Henry. Mark Henry comes out and announces he's been banned from ringside for the match and if he sticks to that, he will receive a world title match the following week against the victor of the main event.

We get a match between Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater as a continuation from Slater's loss to Hornswoggle last week where Gabriel turned up post-match. The match starts at a nice pace, consisting of head locks, arm drags and Gabriel landing a nice head scissors takedown. Gabriel makes good use a series of kicks throughout the match and honestly, Slater was pretty decent, especially considering the length of the match. Towards the end, Gabriel receives a spinebuster but kicks out when Slater covers him. After some arguing with the official, Slater takes to the top rope, only to have Hornswoggle interfere, distracting him long enough for Gabriel to deliver a boot to his head, knocking him down. One 450 splash later, Gabriel pins Slater for the win.

AJ and Daniel Bryan are backstage. She tells him she loves him. Am I the only one who feels incredibly awkward with their...thing going on? I think it's that beard. It makes Bryan look older and AJ looks young enough as it is and... I think you know where I'm going with this!

We get a Spanish-talking Cody Rhodes cutting a promo. He says he's surpassed the likes of Goldust, Pedro Morales, Tito Santana and Booker T with his Inter-Continental title reign of five months. He then proceeds to inform us he will pull an "Ultimate Warrior" and what he means by that is he will hold the Inter-Contintental title and the World Heavyweight Championship... at the same, after winning the Royal Rumble.

Cody defeats Ezekiel Jackson after escaping from his torture rack. He lands his Beautiful Disaster kick (following a missed one) and then his Cross Rhodes finisher. Does anyone even care about Zeke?

Santino is backstage with Teddy Long telling him about his Inception Cage Match idea. It sounds awesome, okay. Otunga turns up saying they need to discuss who will compete in the Royal Rumble and a match between himself and Santino is set up. Following the pair's departure, there's a knock at the door. Aksana, right? Wrong. Drew McIntyre. Much better than Aksana, wouldn't you agree? They have the usual "lose and you may be fired" discussion. Next!

Drew McIntyre loses his third match in a row on Smackdown to Ted DiBiase. It was a decent match. You could see the desperation to win through McIntyre's mannerisms and his aggressive behaviour. Post-match, he's literally begging the referee, who continues to insist that he did lose. This had better culminate with a big push for Drew. Otherwise, it'll have been worthless because no one will give a fuck as it will make no difference. Jobbing/not-being-on-TV and being released? What's the difference? Oh yeah... Some people would rather be released. It appears like DiBiase's being put into a program with Kamacho and Hunico, who were doing some pretty awkward commentary during the match, whilst eyeing Booker's ring. With them at ringside, really, it wouldn't hurt to give the win to Drew but hey, I'll be patient... But only for Drew.

Jinder Mahal loses to Sheamus. Well! There's a surprise(!) Sheamus hits him in the head with the Brogue Kick and pins him clean. This is the most pointless feud he could have ever been put in. Does it even qualify as a feud?! And what happened to Jinder/Ted? What is the use in having someone as low as Jinder Mahal feud with a future star in Sheamus? It doesn't do either guy any good and makes Sheamus' victories over him more and more meaningless.

Big Show is backstage discussing the main event match with a referee. AJ appears and tells Show she doesn't want to see Bryan get hurt. Everyone say "aww"! Awww- No. Bryan stops by and accuses Show of wanting not only his title but his girlfriend. Awkward. Show says he can't believe him and winning that title has really changed him but he won't have to worry about it because by the end of the night, there will be a new World Heavyweight Champion. AJ assures Bryan Show wasn't intimidating her. Bryan then asks her just how much she loves him. Have I over-used the word "awkward" yet?

David Otunga beats Santino Marella. Who fucking cares? Hudson doesn't want you in the WWE, Otunga. Maybe you should do that whiny moron and us a favour? I'm kidding. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't see him in a bow tie, sipping his coffee every week. T_T

Tyson Kidd is squashed by Brodus Clay in literally five seconds. Brodus' entrance and celebration were long and, uh, entertaining. Tyson Kidd's expression was hilarious. Now, Brodus... I love you and all right now but... You are nothing to me compared to Tyson Kidd. Got it? Good. :D

Teddy Long is singing Brodus' song and, well, so am I. Somebody call my moooomma! Somebody call my moooomma! Aksana turns up and, well, you know the rest! Next week, Smackdown is in Sin City, Las Vegas! Have fun, Teddy.

Following the theme of Canadian jobbers, we get a repeat of last week's divas match where Tamina defeats Natalya with the Superfly Splash. It was virtually identical to the previous match (except Tamina was a little less lost-looking) they had so I don't really see the purpose in seeing this yet again. It''s also sad because Nattie and Tyson are more talented than the vast majority of that roster.

Wade Barrett cuts a promo at the top of the ramp. He says he finds nothing impressive about an Irishman with a bad temper and that he himself is a man of class, dignity and civility instead. He announces the following week, he will be facing off against Sheamus. He thanks everyone for their time and "God Save the Queen" before departing to a chorus of boos.

In the main event, Daniel Bryan is accompanied to the ring by AJ. Bryan offers his hand to Show before the match starts. Show hesitantly shakes it evenutally before dropping him over his head and delivering a chop to his chest. Show dominates for most of the match with Bryan being buried on commentary. Isn't Michael Cole a heel commentator? So why... Why is he being anti-Bryan? Sort out your commentary, for God's sake, WWE! Show spears Bryan and covers him but Bryan is lying beneath the ropes. The match takes to the outside where Show begins to dismantle the ring but Bryan quickly retaliates with numerous chair shots to Big Show. Unfortunately, they don't have quite the desired effect. Back in the ring, Bryan makes good use of a dropkick to Show's knee and a kick to his head in an attempt to keep Show from getting to his feet. Bryan gets a nearfall but Show takes control of the match once again. He goes to chokeslam Bryan through the table but Bryan escapes and hits Show with the chair again. Bryan tries for a running knee off the apron but receives yet another chop. After realising his offense is having little to no effect, Bryan runs. Show follows and runs over AJ, who hits the floor, unmoving. The match appears to stop and Show looks like he's going to cry any minute now. Bryan watches in horror and moves to check on her as the medical staff take care of her. AJ is placed on a stretcher with Show crying and following with Bryan. Bryan lashes out at Show, saying he can have the title if he's going to be so reckless. He says he weighs 6 times more than AJ and that he's a bastard before leaving Show at the top of the ramp in tears.

A dramatic ending to say the least. I still don't understand how a no-countout, no-DQ match can end in a no-contest. It'll be interesting to see how a Mark Henry will respond to see as there was no victor in this match. The match itself was decent, again. Bryan was made to look very cowardly and weak though, which really frustrates me. We have enough cowardly heels. We do not need anymore.

Smackdown was okay. They need to build up to the Rumble better though. We have virtually four guys who have even mentioned they aim to win. A little bit more focus on other guys would be lovely.

Money In The Bank 2011 - Final Predictions.

These are my final, final predictions for this PPV! It has a lot of potential to be amazing but… So did Capitol Punishment and look at how shit that turned out to be. Anyway, here they are: 

Kelly Kelly will beat Brie Bella. Hopefully, this will mean the end of whatever pathetic “feud” they have going on. I’m using the word “feud” very loosely here. Kelly hopefully wins and room is made for a much more able diva to get involved. 

As for Mark Henry V Big Show… Could I really care less? Henry will win? I don't know. I haven’t been following it because it just sends me to sleep. No one cares.

I think they may slip in a title match between Ezekiel Jackson and Ted DiBiase at this point, if not at some other point during the PPV. If this does happen, DiBiase will have to win. I don’t think there’ll be one for the IC title considering any potential opponents for Dolph are in the ladder match. Unless WWE are getting smarter… Then we could see Drew getting revenge for Dolph abandoning him on Monday with a match? Maybe leading to that face turn we’ve been begging for? Yeah… No. Probably not.

At first, I was certain either Sheamus or Cody Rhodes would win the Smackdown MITB ladder but after Smackdown, I think Wade Barrett also has a good chance and he could really, really do with that win and he deserves it! Sheamus winning would be rather anti-climatic if you ask me, seeing as how they keep teasing him getting one over the WHC but he doesn’t. Rhodes booking had been pretty strong lately and since they’re going down the Miz/A-Ry route with he and DiBiase, there’s a chance he could win but I think they’re gonna stick to him feuding with Daniel Bryan. This leaves Wade Barrett. He is the guy I want to see win but like I said, it could be any of those three guys. If Barrett wins, I’d love for him to cash in that night, if, and only if, Orton wins his match. EDIT: Sin Cara, being Triple H’s Chosen One, has a tiny chance but I very highly doubt he’ll win. He’s just there to pull off some cool shit from the ladders.

Alberto del Rio seems like the only guy likely to win the RAW MITB and that sucks. I’d love it if R-Truth won, cashed in and lost his match. It’d be so brilliant, I’d be crying. Rey Mysterio won’t win. Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston… They’re only there for the high spots, Evan more so than Kofi. I’d love to see him go Airbourne from a ladder! Jack Swagger doesn’t seem like he’s going to win. The Miz is an unlikely choice. If Alex Riley won… It’d be almost too nice of Creative. It’d be so symbolic and shit though, haha. Nah, ADR seems like the most likely choice. It sucks that there’s not much suspense with this match and that ADR’s been booked so strong, it’s so likely he’ll win. I’d love it if R-Truth won and then lost though, haha. Aside from Truth, I’d hate to see anyone else cash in on the same night.

Hopefully Christian will defeat Randy Orton tonight. The chances are slim but we can hope, right? They’ve been hinting that Orton will lose his temper and end up losing via DQ, leading to Christian winning the title. If that means Christian regaining his title, so be it. A clean win would be great despite the fact Christian’s a heel but who the fuck cares? Looking at how atrocious the booking has been lately, it doesn’t make a fucking difference. Thankfully, Smackdown have a new head writer. Hopefully, this means there are better things to come for us rather than the bullshit we’ve been fed recently. Anyway, Christian winning via DQ seems like a likely choice. If Orton wins… I just can’t…

This angle will only be screwed up if CM Punk does not leave the WWE as the champion. This could lead to a big angle with whichever promotion he signs with, if any so soon. As someone else suggested, Cena would be fired and he could go to that promotion to win the title back for Vince? That would be brilliant. A lot of people seem to be content with Punk winning and the MITB winner cashing in? It’d be great to see Cena lose but I think with that scenario, it’d be too much of “so close, yet so far” from brilliance. If Punk leaves with the belt, they can continue this storyline and keep us all just as interested as we’ve been, if not more, recently. Cena winning or Punk losing to anyone would fuck it up and it would be so anti-climatic. I’m hoping Punk wins. I’m gonna give the WWE the benefit of the doubt (which doesn’t really get us anywhere usually) and say they’ll give Punk a win. Maybe Colt Cabana will get involved somehow seeing as he’s gonna be at the PPV…

Remember when we all went crazy over this? And then we ended up getting Big Show and Kane instead of Edge & Christian? Still gutted.

It could have been beautiful.

Smackdown - 08/07/11

So I haven’t done one of these in a few weeks now. I don’t know whether that’s good or bad. I don’t know whether you like reading my thoughts but whatever. Here they are for this week’s Smackdown!

Opening promo. Josh Matthews is speaking to the Smackdown MITB competitors. Cody Rhodes interrupts Daniel Bryan, talking about… something or the other. As Josh speaks to Wade Barrett, Sheamus turns up with a steel chair and knocks everyone out, beating up Barrett the most. He talks about he’s going to destroy Randy Orton because he punted him in the head a few weeks ago. Now, before I move on, I need to make my usual bitchy comments. Why is it okay for Orton to punt someone for no reason at all yet when someone else does it to him with justification, it’s bad? I understand the whole “babyfaces get cheered, heels don’t” thing but the problem here is that Orton’s booking is not like a face’s so why are the audience so… Brainwashed? I don’t understand. Anyway, Christian turns up (looking rather lovely in that red shirt and black jacket) and tells him how the contracts been reworked so that if the referee screws up or if there’s any DQs or interruptions, he’ll automatically win the title and thanks Sheamus for giving him that opportunity. He winds Sheamus up, who proceeds to throw the chair at him and guess what? We get yet another interruption! This time from, wait for it… Teddy Long! Surprise, surprise… He announces the main event of Randy Orton V Sheamus, a non-title match. Uhh, okay, where exactly did that come from?

This segment is followed by (ignoring various, pointless, time-wasting packages) a tag-team match between Daniel Bryan/Ezekiel Jackson & Cody Rhodes/Ted DiBiase. Are they seriously just throwing in completely random people, i.e. Zeke, into this Rhodes/Bryan thing? Seriously? I expected a much better match. DiBiase pinned Zeke, which was the preferable outcome, thanks to an interference from Rhodes, who stalked off as DiBiase won. It wasn’t a great match but hey, the outcome could have been worse.

Then we hear some Mark Henry talk. Excuse me for a moment whilst I say this: SHURRUUUUPPPP! I DON’T CARE. And the bloody RAW recaps! Why?! Do RAW do Smackdown recaps?! NO. SO STOP IT. If we wanted to know, we’d be watching RAW. If we’re not watching RAW, we obviously don’t care, got it?

Backstage, Striker asks Henry about attacking the sound technician and the repercussions in addition to having to face Kane. Henry stares him down and Striker legs it. Okay. You know what I miss? Random backstage segments that aren’t interviews. They added to the value of the show a lot when they were done properly and we never get that anymore.

Jinder Mahal is facing Trent Barretta next. Last week, Ranjin Singh told us Mahal is their brother-in-law, threatening to divorce their sister, his wife, is they screw up. It makes sense, I guess, looking at the context but it’s so boring, standard and stereotypical. What happened to creativity? Oh, sorry, don’t answer that… Khali was on commentary, haha. What? The match was the length of a standard divas match on RAW. Mahal squashed Barretta.

Backstage, Josh asks Sheamus what this “recent rampage” thing is about. He responds with “It’s an Irish thing, fella. You wouldn’t understand”. No comment necessary.

AJ beats Tamina. I like the push she’s getting. She’s better than most of the shit on the divas roster. I’m just annoyed that Natalya lost to Alicia bloody Fox on Superstars. Sorry but the fact that Natalya is wrestling on Superstars and AJ is on Smackdown is enough to annoy me. I’m also a tad annoyed that AJ’s winning with a roll-up. Can we see her win in a different way? It makes sense because of her size but that makes her look weaker. If she pins her straight-up, you’ll do a better job of putting her over. Though that would suck for Tamina, who is actually talented in the ring. As is Natalya. But let’s not get back onto that. Alicia Fox and Tamina have an argument in the ring. Judging by Fox’s gestures, she’s mocking Tamina for losing to someone of AJ’s size. An okay match…

We get a bloody From The Vault match between Rey Mysterio and Kane. I skip. Bloody pointless. Do RAW do this? NO. SO STOP IT.

Kane faces Mark Henry and the temptation to skip this is ridiculous. I find giant vs giant matches incredibly boring. By those standards, it was an okay match. Thing is, I couldn’t care less about it! It was quite shameful the way Kane lost, in my opinion. Having 2 out of 3 chokeslams countered and then losing after that slam. Booker sounded like such a wuss afterwards when Henry confronted him though, haha.

Okay so Orton is being interviewed by Matthews backstage. The first thing I notice is the title on his shoulder. That is not the original. Firstly, it looks laminated! Secondly, it just looks fake. There is no way that is the actual title. It looks all wrong. I hate Orton’s “tough badass”, shitty persona. You’re a face. Not a heel. Act like one. This is why I hate hearing him talk… And watching him in the ring. Anyway, Orton says he’s going to beat Christian with an RKO. If this happens, I will actually start a riot. He does some tough guy speech, tells Matthews to wish Sheamus good luck and leaves. Matthews looks all intimidated and I’m thinking, “lolwot”.

It’s quite satisfying to watch the MITB promo, consisting of last year’s recap, seeing Miz beat Orton following that segment though. Yet I can’t help but wish JoMo should be in it this year.

Then, guess what? We see Tyson Kidd on Smackdown! I am genuinely shocked. Then I hear Sin Cara’s theme and realize he’s just here to job. Great(!) The match was pretty decent though! Some nice work from both Kidd and Cara. Cara screwed up his finisher a bit but at least he managed to pull it off properly this time! The match itself aside, I don’t understand why Sin Cara wasn’t facing another Money In The Bank competitor… You know, to build up towards the PPV?

Striker asks Teddy about Mark Henry, who’s doing this awkward “serious walk”. Striker asks if he’s intimidated by Sheamus. He’s ignored. Okay then.

I hate The Usos’ entrance. It’s ridiculous. Stop it. Justin Gabriel (who’s looking as attractive as ever) and Heath Slater lose to them yet again! What the fuck?! Why are the making them job like this?! It’s pointless. It’s so so pointless and predictive! Please stop this. I may just cry. A little bit of variety would be lovely, honestly. I understand they’re trying to put The Usos over but this is how it should be done: Get the title involved in some way (this is why I hate the tag titles being over both brands! Much harder to use!) Give both sides from mic time, enabling them to engage in a full feud. Have Slater and Gabriel win. Not cleanly because they’re heels but just have them win! Then at PPV, have The Usos beat them clean. You know, the good old-fashioned way? How things should be?

Anyway, the match itself: Standard. If Slater/Gabriel are breaking the pin every time the other is in danger of being pinned, surely it would make more sense to have them win? And the commentary, they’re just putting Slater over when Gabriel is, in my opinion, the better one! And guess who gets pinned YET AGAIN?! JUSTIN FUCKING GABRIEL. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HOW MANY TIME IS THIS GOING TO HAPPEN?! They’re probably going to split them up at MITB and put Slater over after that. Fuck you. Anyway, yeah, standard match.

Johnny Curtis is backstage again. They really need to stop giving him shitty rip-offs of Zack Ryder’s puns from Z!TLIS. Just please stop this.

RAW Rebound. Fuck off. I love the whole Punk thing. I could watch the recaps over and over again but just not on Smackdown. This show pisses me off enough. I don’t want to get more annoyed because half the airtime is taken up by RAW and shit.

Then we have the main event. I am telling you, there is no way that is the actual belt. No way. Anyway, it seems Orton’s laid off the baby oil this time around. Thank God. He’s nice to look at, don’t get me wrong, he’s just bloody annoying. And his entrance takes so fucking long. It’s as annoying as Cena’s but at least Cena doesn’t do this slow, long-ass walk and posing and shit. Anyway, Sheamus turns up. Blah blah blah. Then Christian turns up on commetary and I mark out. The boos they put are ridiculous and hurt my ears. Please stop this, WWE. THIS IS SUCH A POINTLESS MATCH THOUGH. WHAT ARE WE GETTING OUT OF IT IN TERMS OF STORYLINE?! NOTHING.

Then I mark out even more Christian repeats exactly what I said earlier on in this review about Orton’s punting (mind you, I’m writing each section as each segment happens so I don’t forget what happens!). The match is okay so far. Nothing special. Christian leaves commentary desk and Matthews says “Christian doesn’t have any business being out here”. EXCUSE ME, SILENCE FROM THE PEASANT, PLEASE. The booking really is terrible. Orton comes across as the whiny, manipulative heel, who thinks everything should go his way because he’s so great and Christian comes across as the screwed-over working guy. Sort this out. Christian made a badass heel when the booking was right! Just look at him in TNA and when he was feuding with Jericho around 8 years back.

Then we get another package and this time I’m not complaining. I’m just here staring at the screen in shock. Zack Ryder. Fuck yeah, bro. Though I really hope the rumours I’m hearing from the dirt sheets and shit isn’t true.

Back to the match, Sheamus is beating up Orton. Sheamus screws up a few moves and ends up landing on his face. Orton is watching, clutching his arm. If he manages to land an RKO with a fucked up arm, someone will get shot. There’s some guys who just can’t sell anything and Orton’s one of them. Not because he doesn’t act all hurt and shit but because he overdoes it. Nice move by Sheamus to get onto the top rope. I was praying we wouldn’t get another surprise RKO and thankfully, we didn’t.

I have a problem with the sequences leading to the ends of matches. They look so planned. I mean, obviously the ending has been planned but they could at least try to make it look natural, you know? So Orton’s doing his Viper crap, clutching his bad arm every now and then (please stop) and the Christian interferes and attacks him, leading to Orton winning by DQ. Sheamus gets pissed off and boots Christian in the face. Then Orton recovers and RKOs Sheamus. Fuck off. He’s there, posing and shit and his theme is getting really annoying (don’t get me wrong, I love Rev Theory and all).

All in all, a pointless episode of Smackdown, which had absolutely no purpose to it. We got nothing from it. If you missed it… You missed nothing. It sucked.

AND THAT TITLE IS FAKE, OKAY. THAT IS NOT THE REAL TITLE.

Smackdown - 10/06/11

The order I tell everything may be awkward. Struggling to remember some of the shittier things and all…

The opening promo was great. Christian came out, got a mixed reaction from the crowd and said everything we’ve been ranting about on the internet. It felt good to hear that. It genuinely saddens me that people feel the need to follow Orton like blind sheep though. Since Christian got a mixed reaction though, we safely infer that he is the better one. If you fail to understand my logic behind this, just ask. I’ll be more than happy to explain. ;)

The promo was awesome. Obviously, Cole was going to be Team Christian with this heel turn and I’ve always loved Heel Christian though he’s different this time round, being more dismissive of the Peeps, I love the guy. He’s amazing at what he does and I’ll always be Team Christian, Peep For Life.

The rest of Smackdown was not so good.

The Corre finally split up. Bittersweet moment for me. I loved The Corre. I was hoping Wade would get a main event push, Justin would turn face and feud with Heath after a big falling out but alas, that is not the case. I think Zeke will win at Capitol Punishment just to really take away everything Wade had. The 6-man tag match with the Usos was… Meh. It was alright. Barrett walking out was hurtful. L And poor Justin! Why is he always victimised and put into that brutal whatsit hold Zeke uses?!

Trent Barretta lost to Jinder Mahal. Match wasn’t great. Mahal needs to work on selling shots. Every time Barretta hit him, it just looked shit. He’s got potential though. This Khali storyline needs work. It needs more depth. It needs a reason as to why he’s behind Mahal. I think a caste storyline would work well. Mahal could be higher than Khali, leaving Khali no choice but to treat him as his superior. Just a thought.

AJ got her “welcome” to Smackdown. Bad jokes, in addition to Johnny Curtis’ random appearances.. Please stop this Smackdown. AJ beat Tamina in a boring match. Better than the divas matches currently on RAW though. As a side note, Michael Cole, say one more thing about Natalya and I may just have to fistpump your face off. Nice to see AJ on Smackdown though.

Teddy and Sheamus backstage. I don’t even know what that was. Completely pointless as was Orton.

Oh. Orton in the ring, calling Christian out. So ironic. You know, Orton playing Mr. Hero and all when all he is is an incredibly attractive over-rated, annoying twat. Christian pleased me with his words again. Fuck Teddy, the audience, Orton. S’all about Christian now and it’s about bloody time. I think he’ll lose at Capitol Punishment because the WWE are fucking dumb though him winning would bring much more depth to the storyline unlike the “ONE MORE REMATCH” bullshit they currently have going on.

Oh yeah. Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes backstage. I say this all the time but I want a paper bag so badly. DiBiase’s match with Sin Cara became a tag team match with Rhodes and Daniel Bryan after their interference. Boring match. The ending was clever, I guess but it was badly executed. What the hell are they doing with Sin Cara though? Sort it out.

Then there was about 15 minutes of a match from “The Vault”. Usually I’d want to smash the screen in every time they do this but it was a match between Edge and John Morrison, both of whom I adore and miss seeing every week so I didn’t mind so much.

The main event was alright. Glad to see Sheamus win the No-DQ match. What annoys me is the fact that it was a No-DQ match. It’s as though they’re just saying “hahaha no one can beat fuck-face orton in a normal, clean match”. Get the fuck out. They’re pushing the Orton Show so much, especially with Christian’s heel turn now and I didn’t even think that was possible. Initially, I wanted Orton to turn heel because, well, he actually makes a good heel but no. Anyway, going off topic. After Christian hits Orton with the belt again, Sheamus manages to pin him. Sheamus leaves the ring and Christian holds the belt, as though taunting Orton, which was a beautiful note to finish on.