If Lawler wants to make dirty comments about the divas, he needs to get some advice from Regal.

Because when Regal's saying stuff, it's quality. Lawler's just annoying.

The awkward moment when Kelly Kelly gets booed at the Roster Reveal in the presence of Jerry Lawler.

Smackdown - 22/07/11 & Superstars 21/07/11

A bit disappointed I’d been too ill all week to write a RAW or Money In The Bank review seeing as they were awesome, MITB more than RAW and would have been nice to post. I’ve written reviews, more to keep a record but would have been nice to post them. L

Superstars this week was good. A bit weird to see Zack Ryder against Otunga (WHO HAS A NEXUS HOODIE, DESPITE THERE ONLY BEING 2 PEOPLE AND I WANT IT) and McGillicutty considering the rumours we’ve been hearing. Nice to see him and Santino win. I don’t know whether that’s the best combination for a team because aside from being rather comical characters… Natalya and Alicia Fox’s match was better than last week’s with Fox winning. If they keep this feud steady, I could warm to it more. Great match between Evan Bourne and Primo. I watched it three times. Nuff said. Superstars is the wrestling show.

Now onto Smackdown.

We get an opening promo. Big surprise(!) Randy Orton is in the ring. Thank God we don’t have to put up with a five-minute entrance. He talks about how the WWE is undergoing huge changes, referring to Triple H taking over Vince McMahon. He goes on to talk about how he wants to pummel the crap out of Christian and how he deserves to have the title. Christian comes out and tells him he has no one to blame but himself for breaking the rules. Christian was hilarious. He looked so gleeful throughout the course of the promo. He was slagging off the audience, Teddy Long and I was speechless. He says clever things that make sense, about Orton being a whiner etc. Orton gets even more pissed off and gets out of the ring to attack Christian, only to be held back by Teddy Long and a group of referees. Orton is denied his demand for a rematch because he’s facing Kane that night but he’ll get it at some point. Long asks him to leave. He attacks Christian. Christian yells at Teddy, who puts him into the opening match.

It was a good promo from both guys but correct me if I’m wrong: isn’t it the heel who’s supposed to do the attacking and ambushing? There are so many contradictions within this storyline. The ways in which Orton have won are no different to how Christian won on Sunday. If you’re going to bring in conflict with the method of winning, WWE, then please do it so it looks as though the face really has done nothing wrong and that the heel very blatantly did something wrong throughout the course of the feud because right now, Christian looks like the face and Orton the heel. Considering his psychotic antics as of late, they can’t be serious about booking him as the top babyface. It’s just wrong. If it means a switch in roles between the two then, sure, fine.

Also, Booker T is the most annoying commentator ever. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler take the piss a lot too. Josh Matthew for the fucking win. I like objectivity.

Christian defeats the Inter-Continental Champion, Ezekiel Jackson. That’s pretty dumb, if you ask me. Why have a champion V champion match? Surely the titles they possess have established that Christian is way out of Zeke’s league? Why not put Zeke in a match with DiBiase instead? In fact, we didn’t even get any of Rhodes and DiBiase! It was a good match. I’m really starting to dislike Christian’s finisher being called Killswitch. The Unprettier was a more creative and logical name. Anyway, he uses “Killswitch” to finish Zeke and win the match. I love how possessive he is of his title. I just love it.

Then we have Daniel Bryan comes out with his MITB briefcase, speaking to Michael Cole. I could feel him about to say “Wrestlemania” and then he said it. He said he wants to cash in his MITB contract at Wrestlemania. This could go three ways. He could cash in at WrestleMania and win. He could lose. Or he could have a heel turn and cash it in at an earlier date. I’d rather the first or the last. Daniel Bryan is then interrupted by Heath Slater, who should just not be allowed to have a mic in his hands. They have a good match with Bryan winning via submission. I love the different submission moves he’ll use. They definitely add interest to the match. Technically, he reminds me a bit of CM Punk when Punk debuted in ECW and we’d see the Anaconda Vice a lot. Another good match.

Big Show/Henry promo. SNORE. I was hoping that would be gone, done, buried, forgotten.

I was looking forward to this match a lot. Sheamus V Wade Barrett, which resulted in a double countout because both men just ignored the referee’s ten-count and continued to pummel each other in whatever way they could. It was a fun match to watch considering I’m not usually into big guy matches.

Then we get a Kane segment. Is he a heel or something because Smackdown really can’t afford losing more babyfaces…

It looked like there was half an hour or so left of the show so I was a tad confused but yeah, Randy Orton V Kane. The match wasn’t my cup of tea… Or rather coffee, seeing as I don’t like tea but that’s irrelevant! It was a streetfight so it was all over the place. Orton went psycho and I’m thinking why is he a babyface? It was a crazy match. Both guys sold the blow well. I felt the pain when Kane got his ankle crushed. A decent match, just not my thing. Orton wins with an RKO onto a chair, which looked a little botched to me but whatever.

I was confused by the handshake. I was just waiting for Kane to rip apart Orton and… It didn’t happen. So Kane’s a babyface… Killing, destroying monster, who wants no humanity..?

Mark Henry turns up and I am relieved we’re not getting a post-main event Orton fest. He attacks Kane. The show ends with Mark Henry.

There is a definite improvement in the quality of the show. Maybe this is because of the new Head Writer of Smackdown. It was okay. It could have been miles better and the Orton/Christian feud needs major sorting out.

Did King just say Orton got screwed over?

Shut up.

Christian bby

Capitol Punishment 2011

This PPV had the potential to be brilliant. I was looking forward to it. As usual... They fucked up.

Dolph Ziggler V Kofi Kingston - United States Championship Match

We've seen this match so many times. This time it was just over a different mid-card title. That being said... Who said there's anything wrong with that? I enjoyed the match. It got the PPV off to a good start and it was great to see Dolph pick up the win. There was the standard interference from Vickie (which bums me out a bit because I really want her to ditch Dolph or vice versa), the usual Kingston botch... But I don't even care. I'm not a fan of Kingston. I am a fan of Dolph Ziggler. Both of those 2 in the ring together don't tend to disappoint.

The ending was pretty awkward. I thought Kingston had won by DQ but Ziggler took the match. I'm not complaining but it was pretty weird... Like a few other matches tonight. :|

Miz V A-Ri

For some reasons unknown to mankind, this was the second match on the card. The Miz turned up and I lost all train of thought as he was looking really, really hot in that leather jacket. Then A-Ri turned up and everything got too emotional for me to physically handle. The chemistry between those two is absolutely beautiful.

However, that being said, the match could have been much better. It was predictable. They made Miz look like crap (his face at the end. creys). A-Ri was getting beaten down consistently yet always kicking out. After a few minutes for this, you'd have to be dumb to think Miz was going to pull out a win. And then considering the PPV was at A-Ri's home...

I'm both glad and pissed at the outcome of this. I'm happy A-Ri won.  It's great to see him getting this push. Yet I think this victory came far too soon. The smart thing to do would be to have Miz win this time around, which would only fuel A-Ri's fire further, increasing the intensity of the feud (if that's possible) and leading to A-Ri's first victory over Miz at SummerSlam.

Teacher/Student feuds are only good when the student gets destroyed for ages and has to really work at it to beat the teacher.

It was a decent match though. It told the story well and like I said, the chemistry between those two is brilliant. The promo preceding it was a bit too much for me to handle though. ;.;

Big Show V Alberto Del Rio

You want complete honesty? Once Show ambushed Del Rio and then Henry attacked Show... I completely zoned out... Something about the ref. calling off the match? Yeah. Another awkward ending. Stop trying to be unique, creative. These shitty endings do not qualify as unique nor do they do you any favours.

From this, I am going to infer the match wasn't worth watching.

Obama promos. These have been annoying me. They're funny at first. Then they're boring. I guess they had to include it in the PPV, what with all the build-up... It was pointless and boring though.

The Bellas did something. I don't know... NEXT.

Wade Barrett V Ezekiel Jackson - InterContinental Championship Match

Wade Barrett lost. Not only that but he tapped out. Wade Barrett does not tap out. What is this? Also, I've said it time and time before but the IC title is so below Barrett. He should be in the main event. The match was okay. Nothing particularly interesting. The 'We Want Ryder' chants mid-way made it more watchable though incredibly awkward. There was even more awkward-ness with the "USA" chants upon Zeke's entrance. O-Kay.

Punk V Mysterio

Easily the best match of the night with Punk winning. I'm really confused though. I'd have assumed he'd be losing a lot with all of this talk about him potentially not signing his contract. Still, I'm glad to see he's winning his matches!

It was a good match. I wasn't looking forward to it, thinking it was going to be really repetitive and it was, to an extent but that didn't keep it from being interesting to watch, similar to the Dolph/Kofi match, only better.

Bourne V Swagger

A "surprise" match. Really? Really? We saw this coming. Personally, I think because there was such a build-up towards this on RAW, it should have been announced rather than the WWE trying to be spontaneous and failing.

Another awkward match. I don't even know if awkward's the right word. I get that they want Bourne to do really well but... Don't make Swagger look crap because that makes the match look crap, which makes Bourne look crap. What happened to the days when the babyfaces were getting owned by the heels for ages before beating them down?

Airbourne is still the most beautiful thing ever.

Truth V Cena

AWKWARD. And pathetic. Rubbish main event. Major flop. Some piss poor decisions made on creative's side. Seriously. What the fuck.

Cena is apparently going to be out for around 6 months. Why not have him drop the title to Truth now, which could lead to a Truth/JoMo feud? Now most of you probably want to shoot me for even suggesting that but really, guys. Who else do we have? And JoMo is more than deserving of that title shot. And hey, since Zack Ryder's jealous that his dad prefers JoMo... He could easily slip into the title picture. ;)

I'm going off-topic. It was such a boring match. I didn't get to watch it last night. Just watched it now and I quite literally found myself drifting off to sleep. Aside from the occasional decent counter from Truth... It was horrible. And the fact he got pinned after one AA? I loved how he just stood there with the kid's hat and drink (I like to think that was legit rather than a plant, haha) but that was just... Ruined.

BORING.

Christian V Randy Orton

We all know why I've left this match until last to talk about.

I still love the fact Christian gets a mixed reaction when he comes out. His character also strengthens my belief that majority of people in the world are incredibly unintelligent. They hate him because he hit Orton. Big fucking whoop.

Anyway, I stated in an early post that we witnessed the birth of Super Orton. I take that back. It was Super-fucking-Saiyan Orton. Fuck off.

Does no one realize that Orton is rubbish without Christian there to make him look good? Orton can't do shit for himself or for anyone else, for that matter.

The match was just... Painful. I can't even explain how bad it was. The ending was absolute bullshit.

Christian goes for a spear. Orton counters. Orton goes for the RKO. Christian counters and his spear connects. Randy fucking Orton kicks out. Surprise RKO and 1, 2, 3. Except no. Christian's foot was under the fucking ropes. What the fuck are you playing at, you shitty ref.?

You're not getting off either, Lawler, Booker...

Now, before I get onto the aftermath of this match... How can anyone find this crap believable in the least? Seriously? Orton was cleared to wrestle but still recovering from his concussion. To have him still win his match after being dealt a number of blows to the head during it is un-fucking-believable. Congratulations on completely burying Christian, Vincent Kennedy McMahon. You happy? Christian being the more experience, the more talented one of the pair, you know? With this concussion shit going on, I thought for sure they'd give Christian the title but no, they went that extra step and fucked up even worse than before. I had no idea that was possible.

Now. Post-match. Orton decides he can't do his fucking job and be a decent fucking babyface and decides to hit Christian with the belt, whilst grinning like a creep. For fuck's sake. You are not a heel. Stop it now. Though I'd rather you were one... Because you're actually bearable then.

I said if Orton wins, this feud is dead. Whilst there's the glimmer of hope that given the circumstances, Christian will get a rematch, it's highly unlikely. Teddy won't give in again and Sheamus will get his title shot. Good for you, Sheamus! Fuck off, Orton. However, the way Booker & Lawler were talking about the rope issue, really emphasizing it, along with Cole, makes me think they might make something more of it? I don't know.

I can't not have Christian in the title picture.

So yeah. Capitol Punishment could have been brilliant and set for some really well-developed storylines. Instead, WWE fucked up as usual and it turned out incredibly dull. I think I'm going to start rating these out of 10.

I give it a 4/10. 5, maybe, purely because of the brilliant person in the front row with the amazing signs, such as, "Broski in a bottle". Legend.

RAW - 13/06/11

RAW was a 3-hour special in Long Island, New York this week. I was really looking forward to it. If the WWE played everything correctly, it could have been a brilliant show, especially considering Stone Cold Steve Austin was made the Special Guest General Manager. There were a few superstars from Smackdown on the show, which gave the show a lot of potential to be awesome. Unfortunately, it didn’t cut it.

This is a pretty long post but RAW was pretty long. Just so you know in advance.

We open with a promo from The Miz. He calls Stone Cold out for using the stunner on him in the main event last week after proclaiming himself as the Star of the supershow due to his win (which was via DQ) last week. SCSA shows up and basically shuts Miz up. Miz is visibly embarrassed and ends up leaving the ring. SCSA announced the return of Piper’s Pit, hosted by none other than Hall of Famer, Rowdy Roddy Piper, featuring The Miz and Alex Riley. I call this lovers’ counselling.

As soon as Miz leaves, SCSA is then graced with the presence of the “Mexican Aristocrat”, Alberto del Rio. I found this, like, most of del Rio’s promos, incredibly boring as he went on about his destiny. Stone Cold was owning the show with everyone who opened their mouth, del Rio being one of them. He was then immediately thrown into a match with Kane, which he lost by DQ after refusing to stop the cross-arm-breaker when Kane grabbed the ropes. Following this, Big Show turned up and attacked del Rio. He knocked out Roderiguez whilst del Rio ran. It wasn’t a particularly interesting match and Big Show’s bit at the end felt rather awkward as he was just there, looking at Roderiguez whilst Kane awkwardly restrained him.

We were then presented with a 6-man tag team match: Ezekiel Jackson/Sin Cara/Daniel Bryan V Wade Barrett/Ted DiBiase/Cody Rhodes, all Smackdown superstars. A pretty rushed match, in my opinion, particularly towards the ending where Sin Cara pinned Barrett. Did Zeke actually throw Bryan out of the ring onto… Whoever was outside?! On a side note, Sin Cara’s entrance – I was discussing this with a friend. He must have something to elevate him to get over the top rope. What is it?!

Hornswoggle was then shooting free t-shirts into the crowd. A few minutes in, R-Truth turns up, addressing Little Jimmys everywhere. He beats up poor Hornswoggle. SCSA turns up on the screen and presents to us… Wait for it… Wait for it… John Morrison. The Shaman of Sexy. Now, if you know me at all, you will currently be envisioning me flailing everywhere and screaming like a retard. It pleased me to see him. SCSA set up a match between R-Truth and JoMo for later on because, as we know, it was Morrison, once close friends with R-Truth, taking R-Truth’s Number 1 Contendership for the WWE Championship that put R-Truth into this state.

Another match. This one, I thought, was a strange choice. What on Earth possessed them to put these two together? Sheamus V Santino Marella. I can’t even remember who won. Sheamus, right? They wouldn’t have him lose to Marella, right? Someone correct me if I’m wrong. It was a pretty boring match, hence why I’ve forgotten the outcome… They need to sort Marella out though. I understand he’s supposed to be a comedic figure but I can’t take him seriously. Sheamus, on the other hand, has massively grown on me.

Randy Orton enters the ring to a huge pop, blah blah blah. No one cares, right? Well, he goes on and on and calls Christian out. Christian doesn’t come out. He calls him out again and lo and behold! Christian is on the screen and might I add, he was looking beautiful in that blue t-shirt that goes so nicely with his hair… Uhh… Yeah. He takes the piss out of Teddy Long’s little “What does the WWE universe want?!” thing again. Orton tells him to face him in the ring. Christian considers it and then decides against it. Then Orton delivers the final blow. He brings up Edge and says Edge was basically carrying Christian around and here’s me, “YOU M*****F**KING-”. Naturally, I was raging… At the screen of my laptop. Yes. So Christian has had enough and comes out and here’s me going crazy as soon as him entrance music hits. What I love about him as heel, aside from him being utterly brilliant, is the mixed response he always get. That can be good or bad – bad, in that, it could be perceived as him not doing his job as a heel correctly but good in that portrays a more realistic point of view of the situation at hand, rather than the standard good and bad, black and white, characters. As he walks down the ramp, he stops and begins to retreat. Orton charges to have security stop him. Christian taunts him, seeing him being restrained… LIKE A BOSS. The Anonymous RAW GM speaks. And here was me thinking we’d be rid of him for a show.

This is when I get pissed off. He mentions Orton is suffering from a concussion. Now, I like Orton’s face and all but I hate the way WWE use him, like many others. This is my take on this little “revelation”. Christian, maybe, wins at Capitol Punishment. I was assuming he’d lose and get dropped to the mid-card but I think they’ll have him win to keep some heat in this feud. Orton will claim Christian’s victory was meaningless because of his concussion and this shit will start over again. If this doesn’t happen, I’ll… I’ll set Cena’s theme as my ringtone.

Christian is then thrown into a match with Rey Mysterio. It was okay. Some aspects, you could see they were just waiting to be hit by the other… Christian lost by DQ after crushing Mysterio in the corner, letting go after the count of five. He argued with the referee but the decision wasn’t reversed. He then proceeded to beat down Mysterio until Mysterio got the upper hand. At this moment, CM Punk turns up and tries to interfere, which pleases me greatly. Mysterio kicks him and the rest of the Nexus turns up. Mason Ryan destroys Mysterio.

Oh, did you guys hear? Apparently, Michael Tarver was released over the weekend. What the fuck? Here was me waiting for a return and… Yeah. Gutted.

Then we go backstage to see Vickie Guerrero harassing SCSA. She asks for him to give Dolph Ziggler (who is all of a sudden rather attractive) a title shot against Kofi Kingston on Sunday. SCSA tells Ziggler he likes his work and he’ll give him the match under the condition he gets rid of Vickie as his consultant etc. I get all excited. He considers it and eventually gives in. Awkard for him. Then SCSA says he was messing with him. Oh. And I’m completely gutted. However, this could be a suggestion that they will part ways soon! Especially considering her body language during Ziggler’s tag team match later that night.

R-Truth is in the ring, waiting for John Morrison to turn up for their match. His entrance theme sounds twice but he doesn’t show up. Everyone’s wondering what the hell is going on, as am I. R-Truth calls him out and then decides to go backstage to find him. We see JoMo lying on the floor, clutching his neck in pain. Clearly, Truth attacked him prior to their match. He attacks him and crushes him with a bigass… Thing.

Now. Normally, I wouldn’t say much about shit like this but in JoMo’s case… I will. I think this is the WWE’s way of extending JoMo’s absence. This is just my gut feeling. He makes a sudden appearance on RAW, no warning (and as far as I know, he hadn’t fully recovered) and then gets attacked again. That can only mean he’s going to be out again. Fucking gutted. I hope I’m wrong though.

Next was the tag team match: Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger V Kofi Kingston & Evan Bourne. Personally, I think this was a very unrealistic match. Ziggler is a technically able wrestler and to me, he comes across as much stronger than Bourne & Kingston. Swagger is big and tough. Ziggler is also smart yet he did some stupid things, which got him into trouble. It was a decent match, I guess. I love Evan Bourne. Airbourne is just so beautiful, I love it. Can I just say though, if you haven’t seen already, when Bourne pins Swagger (was it?), you can just see Kingston in the background, kicking his legs in the air. Hilarious, oh my God. Vickie just looked so unimpressed for the duration of that match – I have hope for her and Dolph ditching each other permanently.

Piper’s Pit featuring Alex Riley and The Miz. Roddy Piper and The Miz exchange insults. He said A-Ri would be a greater champion than Miz etc. Miz was just getting buried by everyone today, haha. Then he said the line. “He did not dump me”. Dump, guys. Dump. He said dump. Naturally, I felt the need to over-speculate and flail. DUMP. Their love is eternal. This is symbolic through them having the same band doing their entrance themes. I’m going off-topic. Wait, I’m not. My theory was strengthened when A-Ri (or A-Ry) turned up. He gave this…heartfelt speech about what his relationship was Miz was like and how it was tainted and deteriorated. It saddened me a lot and they said all these hurtful things to each other. IT WAS SO EMOTIONAL. It was, okay.

Then SCSA decided The Miz and Roddy Piper would have a match with A-Ri as the special guest referee. The Miz lost after A-Ri counted for a quick pin. There was a lot of tension between them in the match and A-Ri became quite the physical referee. Like I said, it got all emotional. You could just feel it.

The Divas tag team match… Oh dear, oh dear… What do I say about this… First of all, why is Kelly Kelly the leading face? I get she’s hot (though her attractive-ness is wearing off) but she’s absolutely talentless. I mean, how many of the “techniques” she used in that match were actual wrestling techniques? Like, one and even that running bulldog was badly done. The Bellas leading the heels. What the fuck. These three bring next to nothing to the roster and if I was one of the other girls, I’d be bloody pissed off. Essentially, these matches are to give guys the chance to jerk off. That’s all and that is why I will always prefer TNA’s knockouts to the WWE divas. Just look at the names as well. Look at who else was in that match. Melina. Natalya. Beth Phoenix. Gail Kim. To name a few. Even Kaitlyn and AJ are better than those 3! Now if they’d be running the match, it would actually be, oh, I don’t know… Interesting to watch? And it barely lasted a few minutes! There are 14 divas in that match. Sort this shit the fuck out.

Next, in stark contrast, was one of my most favourite RAW moments ever. Andy was talking to SCSA, which pleased me. So good to see Andy there, bless him. They have a beer, as usual. CM Punk shows up and I go crazy. Those 3 on-screen together. Beautiful. CM Punk talks down to Andy, who is told to leave by SCSA. Then the genius begins. “You want a beer?” he says to Punk. By chance, I paused RAW at this point. Then what he said settled in and a literally had a laughing fit. So Punk says, “what” and SCSA carries on offering him various types of alcohol and I just could not handle it. Punk’s told he can’t have the Nexus ringside and he agrees to that.

SCSA comes into the ring to make an announcement. The Anon. RAW GM interrupts and Michael Cole shits it when he has to read the announcement out. SCSA attacks him and gives he laptop a beer bath after announcing that next week on RAW, the people get to decide the matches, stipulations etc. Fucking great. As if RAW wasn’t shit enough. It’ll be fixed anyway…

Then the Obama promo came on. I was gonna skip it but I saw they’d change it up a bit again so it featured different superstars. Love it.

Finally, the main event. John Cena V CM Punk. Now, I accidentally came across a spoiler whilst I was downloading RAW so I knew the outcome of this match beforehand. CM Punk wins (after R-Truth indirectly distracts the heroic John Cena) by kicking Cena and hitting him with the GTS before pinning him. This outcome pleased me very much. Now apparently Cena’s really worn out and in bad shape and may have to take time off for at least 6 months. I won’t elaborate with my thoughts in general on this until it’s officially announced but if this is true, you could really see it in the match. It was an okay match but the technique was a little sloppy and weak, which let it down. That’s all I really have to say about the main event. Whilst R-Truth did provide that small distraction, it wasn’t direct and the Nexus weren’t involved in any way, shape or form, which is great for a win for CM Punk. I’m really hoping he stays at the WWE, for my own selfish reasons. If he went to TNA, I wouldn’t mind so much but if it was any smaller like ROH… It’d be harder to watch. L

Now. I know this has been a really long post but it was an extra-long show!

Zack Ryder. This show was held in Long Island, the hometown of the Undisputed WWE Internet Champion, Zack Ryder. Last week, we went crazy when he actually had a match so for some stupid reason, we thought the WWE had developed common sense and would give him a match, or at least a little segment, on RAW at Long Island. And they didn’t. I hear he got the biggest pop of the night when he had his match on Superstars, which doesn’t surprise me at all but c’mon, not putting him on RAW? The fact he was at home aside, he deserves a push. His mic skills are brilliant and he’s actually pretty sound in the ring.

A lot of people don’t pay attention to superstars on the internet. My friend barely knows who Zack Ryder is and she dislikes him, purely because he doesn’t get any TV time. He gets no time so she doesn’t understand the hype and so, she dislikes him. We would not have this problem if he was getting matches and shit. Sort this out. I don’t care what excuses they may have, just get him on RAW.

Day 25 - Favorite Commentator or Announcer

Cole is great on RAW. Annoying as fuck but great. Lawler is hilarious, okay. Especially when he's heel-ish. However, because of the atrocious angle we were recently subjected to, I refuse to pick either of them.

Booker on Smackdown is too much. i can't even. Josh doesn't say much of interest... LOVE YOU, JOSH. The announcer's voices get annoying so...

But I've always loved JR, Jim Ross so:

PLUS HE HAS BBQ SAUCE, WHICH AIMEE AND I SHALL BUY AND EAT AS WE WEAR A CODY RHODES PAPER BAG AND JOMO SUNGLASSES WHILST USING THE PERV LENSE TO PERV.

RAW - 06/06/11

Yes, later than usual, I know. Anyway:

We learned Andy Leavine won this season of Tough Enough. WOOOOOO. GO ANDY. YAY. Read more on that here.

Ahem. A lot happened so I'll keep it as short as I can Vince and SCSA remained in the ring and then we were graced with the sheer brilliance that is R-Truth. If you didn't love his entrance and his promo, you must be insane. I found it utterly hilarious, his "apology" and all. It's amazing what a heel turn (given that it's done right *AHEM*) can do. He tried to convince Vince to give him a title shot, which was hilarious. SCSA had a few words to say himself. Miz turned up and told R-Truth, essentially, he was a dumbass and then talked about how much of a liability A-Ri was, which saddened me some more. Cole's comments about them having a Father/Son relationship (was it at this point? I don't remember) were not appreciated as I'm not a fan of incest. We need more Miz close-ups because his eyes are beautiful but that is irrelevant. Moving on. A-Ri turned up and everyone went crazy. I don't know where exactly I stand on this feud because I love the two of them. I've been Team Heel on RAW for a while now but what with A-Ri's face turn, JoMo's return at some point (and an apparent upcoming face turn, which I won't spoil for those who haven't heard), this may be changing. Then Cena turned up and it became the Cena show. Eventually,they decided the main event would be John Cena & Alex Riley V R-Truth & The Miz w/ Special Guest Referee Stone Cold Steve Austin. Personally, I think that sounded great, however, I was pretty certain who would win, particularly looking at who the ref. is.

Santino Marella w/ Kozlov V Michael McGillicutty (sp?) w/ Otunga. Boring match.I could have skipped but watched it purely because I love Nexus. I understand Santino is supposed to be a comical character but they need to sort out the way he wins to make it more realistic. Frankly, this "Cobra" may hurt the face but it won't harm their head, back or shoulders. Sort it out.

Divas tag team match. Kelly Kelly & Beth Phoenix V The Bellas. We all knew who was gonna win as soon as Beth Phoenix turned up. Why is Kelly Kelly getting a match, like, every week (The Bella too - WHY IS SHE CHAMPION?!) when there are better divas reduced to fucking Superstars?

Booker T and Trish are talking backstage. I was amused. Then Swagger turned up. I was amused. He challenged Booker to a match.

CM Punk w/ Mason Ryan turns up, sits down, the usual. Talks about how he'll beat Rey Mysterio like he's done 600 times, or whatever number. Now as soon as he said that, I knew he was booked to lose. It wasn't the best match but definitely better than the previous too. Whilst I wouldn't call myself a Mysterio fan (& I'm a huge Punk fan), it's nice to watch him in the ring because some of the stuff he does is just beautiful.

Then there was the Obama press conference thing. It was funny the first time around. Then it got boring but now, it had R-Truth in it and I couldn't not watch it. Oh Truth, how did you get so brilliant? :')

Cena and A-Ri are backstage. I can safely infer they do not like each other.

Then Alberto del Rio came down to the ring and cut a promo. I nearly fell asleep. Nuff said. The constant talk about Big Show and whatever the hell he was saying (as I said, I nearly fell asleep, it was so boring), I don't even know why. The highlight, if you can call it that, was Roderiguez turning up as Big Show but even that got boring.

Then we got a Kofi Kingston package. Fuck off. I don't like you. But then I forgave everything that had been shit on RAW so far upon seeing the glorious beings that are Dolph Ziggler and Zack Ryder in the ring. No, your eyes are not deceiving you. Zack Ryder actually got a match on RAW and it felt awesome. Despite the fact he lost to Kofi Kingston, who really needs a new gimmick, I loved it. Dolph on commentary was brilliant (notice how I don't mention Vickie because she's bloody annoying and needs to detach herself from him) as he just sat there, tweeting away. Oh Dolph. :') & his little, "You know it bro". Zack was just quality with his "ARE YOU SERIOUS, BRO?!"-isms, haha. Would have been nice to see the kind of reaction he got, entering the ring... I'm a tad confused about where he stands though. I always thought he was a heel, right but then he's, like, chummy with Cena? But he's buddies with Ziggler? Not that I'm complaining! This was probably the highlight of the night for me. Just beautiful.

Booker T defeats Jack Swagger by count-out. BORING. Swagger decided Booker wasn't worth his time and refused to get back in the ring. Booker used to be interesting to watch. Don't get me wrong, I loved him on Tough Enough and he's great on commentary but this match wasn't fun to watch. Then Evan Bourne turned up and attacked Swagger. Booker hits an axe kick followed by AirBourne from Evan Bourne. Like, Mysterio, Evan Bourne is just beautiful to watch.

The main event was just... Crazy. It was an okay match. I was too busy being a cr33p and desperately looking at underlying meanings of their actions... Okay, of Miz and A-Ri's actions. A-Ri gets tagged in by Cena. Miz legs it. Clearly he's too heartbroken to face him. And then I had this moment on foolish hope after the chair incidents with Truth, where it looked like A-Ri was going to attack Cena with the briefcase but he attacks Miz instead. DO YOU SEE THE SYMBOLISM?! (I'm sorry, cr33py Literature student writing here). Prior to this, Miz pisses off Stone Cold and they have an argument. This leads to Stone Cole landing the Stunner on him following the briefcase, enabling Cena to use the "Attitude Adjustment" (wtf?) and he and A-Ri pick up the win.

They celebrate with beers with SCSA. Don't you just love how there are always a million beers handy ringside? Haha. The GM interferes and says Miz and Truth win by DQ because the ref, "overstepped him boundaries" or something. Despite my love for A-Ri, this pleased me because it made the outcome less predictable though we all had a feeling SCSA would interfere in some shape or form. 

However, we learn that Stone Cole Steve Austin will be the RAW GM at the "All Stars", 3-hour show next week. I, for one, am looking forward to this!

Michael Cole gets a beer bath once A-Ri leaves, a Stunner and an FU. RAW becomes the Cena Show again as he has more beer with SCSA.

If it hadn't been so blatantly the Cena Show towards the end, I'd have appreciate this week's RAW more. However, Zack Ryder having a match saved them. Dolph Ziggler's brilliance on commentary saved them. R-Truth's promo skills definitely saved their asses. And A-Ri and Miz's heart-wrenching break-up, which I am not over, saved them.

So, overall, a huge improvement in comparison to the absolute crap we've been seeing for God knows how long. They really need to sort out the tag team division and the Divas. I love tag team matches but this shit is so dry these days and I can't even go to TNA to get my tag team fix with The Guns but this is irrelevant to this post so I shall leave this here!

Until Friday. ;) (Though I've already caved in and read the spoilers...)

WWE Tough Enough Final

Andy Leavine won.

YAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY.

But before we get onto that, there was a big ass recap of the entire series. It was annoying seeing some people and then just saddening seeing others (Matt & Martin :’( )

Then there was that cheesy little “go back home” segment with each of the guys. Andy’s kid is so cute, okay. When I look at his work ethic, I just think, “I want this guy to win. He deserves it”. Then there’s party boy Luke. I’m not keen on Luke. Personally, I don’t even think he’s that attractive. His body isn’t great either. If he spent more time working out and less time getting pissed, he could be better than he is and because of this work ethic, I prefer Andy.

Anyway, essentially, the guys got trained by Ricky ‘The Dragon’ Steamboat for a week before each of them had an exhibition match at FCW against Bill DeMott. I found this hilarious. Bill has just been quality on Tough Enough from the entertainment side so I was looking forward to seeing this.

There were loads of segments going to the RAW audience where Cole and Lawler were doing a bit of commentary on what was going to happen and doing a big build-up for it all. I was wondering if they were watching TE on the big-screen and then Ciaran said the same thing on Twitter, haha.

Then… Everything was ruined. They didn’t show the full matches. Why? Why would you do that to us? They should like a little montage and I’m sat here like, “FUCK YOU”. Anyone knows if they’ll be about anywhere?

Not much happened so it felt a tad like it was dragging on. Just a bit.

Then on RAW (or, well, before RAW), everyone who had been on TE that year came out. I saw Martin and of course, it saddened me to see him amongst those eliminated. TEAM CASAUS. Ahem. Anyway, Jeremiah got a great reaction from the crowd, which was great. Personally, I feel Martin should have gotten a bigger one but I am slightly biased in this. ;)

Then Luke and Andy came out. Bill and Trish both picked Andy to win, which pleased me very much. Luke’s face was amusing. I think it was from here that I started to feel a tad sorry for the guy. I mean, he’s a talented guy, he just really gets on my nerves and some of his traits just make me doubt whether he’s capable of being successful.

Then Vince turned up. He gave each of them the mic to talk about why they should win. Luke got booed like fuck all, hahaha. Natural heel or what? Then shit was going down. Shit between him and Stone Cole was hilarious. When Vince said he was going to pick the winner, well, SCSA basically owned him. It greatly amused me, okay. So Steve’s announcing the winner, “The winner of Tough Enough… Because I said so…”. Did you laugh at that? You didn’t? You mad? I did, haha. I sat there shitting it, just hoping it was Andy who won. I managed to avoid spoilers all day and now it was like, the big, fat moment. Why was I shitting it? It’s got nothing to do with me! Hahaha.

And then he said "Big Andy" and I’m screaming all over the place. And Luke’s face was a picture. It would be nice if he could be a bit more… respectful, you know. I don’t know.

So Andy’s being congratulated. Vince slaps him. SCSA helps him up and I just knew what was coming.

And there it was.

Stone Cold Stunner.

And it was brilliant.

And Andy Leavine is one hell of a lucky guy. ;)

One on RAW will be up later.

RAW - 30/05/11

Okay, the lack of sound at the beginning was bloody annoying. S'all I'm saying. At least, to an extent, my wishes for a shorter opening promo were fulfilled, haha. R-Truth was so great though. I can't even.

Let's see...

Divas match was rubbish. S'all I'm saying. Turns out the Kharma rumours are true. They won't be making a storyline about her pregnancy, it seems. Bummer. :(

Alberto del Rio. Fall asleep. Couldn't watch the Big Show segment again either. And Ricardo's announcement gives me a headache still!

Dolph Ziggler V Kofi Kingston. Obviously, we saw this coming after last week's 3-second segment. Dolph picked up a clean win. I really like this guy these days! He's great in the ring and I find I'm rooting for him much more than I used to! A pretty good match. Kingston was on top for most of it but Ziggler came out with a decent win. Of course, my brother spoiled the match for me as I was halfway through, which sucked. Aside from Cole's comments about Vickie, decent match. Why hasn't Ziggler gotten rid of Vickie yet?! I'm just noticing how great his abs are btw.

CM Punk V Rey Mysterio. CM Punk won. Mason Ryan was at ringside. I watched the match without skipping anything and that is evidence enough of it being good. So yeah, another decent match. To be honest, the earlier matches were much better than the main event! Quite pleased this week, in comparison to other weeks, if I'm going to be honest. Really hoping CM Punk gets into the title picture soon and that he isn't leaving!

Jack Swagger V Evan Bourne. Evan Bourne won! Yay! :D This was surprisingly good and a nice win, I think. It's always fun to see Swagger have a little tantrum. Aside from that, not much to say! I think I'm lost for words because this week was much better than the last few.

However, the main event, for me, ruined it all. John Cena V R-Truth. Great to see R-Truth win but the fact it was by count-out kinda sucked. I didn't even get what happened, to be honest. It was kind of boring... I just don't even know what happened! Excuse me whilst I watch that back... Or not because I couldn't care less and it'd just bore the shit out of me again. It felt like they were trying to cram too much of Truth's psychoticness into one, very short match and it was just crazy and... Pointless. The ending was lame with Cena chasing him. Truth is pretty great on the mic though.

Last but not least, Miz and A-Ri. Forget Cole. No one cares about him. We're talked enough about him for a few months. Miz and A-Ri. You know I love those 2 together but it was just heart-breaking seeing this huge rift develop. However, I did get some fun out of this promo. More on that here! This will be an interesting feud though. If they do this right, I can deal with it. However, the rolling around, trying to beat each other up was too much for me, hahaha. I love how A-Ri spends more time on RAW than on Smackdown though.

No idea what to expect next week though. A continuation of Kofi/Ziggler? More Swagger/Bourne? Can JoMo come back soon? :3 Can we have more divas who can actually wrestle getting airtime? Asking for too much with the last 2, aren't I?

RAW - 23/05/11

Opening promo was too long. Looks like CM Punk's getting back into the title picture though, which is great.

Nice to see Evan Bourne. A pity he basically had to job to Swagger but a decent match. Better than Drew McIntyre V Kofi Kingston.

Uh, what the hell was that backstage shit with Big Show? And Alberto del Rio? What was he on? I was just confused as heck and wtf-ing at Big Show screaming. Embarrassing, much? Glad to see him and Kane lose their titles. However, the originality of some of these storylines scares me... Sorry, originality? They've basically applies the feud with The Corre to The Nexus. How is that original in any way whatsoever? I thought they had a Creative Team? You know, key word in that title being creative. They're better off tearing everything apart and starting from scratch. Seriously.

Kharma. What was she doing? It was like something out of a bad soap. A really bad soap. WHAT WAS IT. And the little segment with Dolph Ziggler (who has thankfully dyed his hair back. May he never change it again. Amen.) & Vickie? LAME FILLERS. Though I can only infer that he plans on going after the United States Championship.

Moving onto the more positive things:

The Cole/Lawler feud has come to an end. Thank God.

A-Ri and The Miz. Naturally, I was bummed out that their beautiful bromance came to such a horrible end. But it was brilliant at the same time and to be fair, we saw it coming. A-Ri retaliating when Miz was telling him how pathetic and worthless he is... So great. It'd be great to see a feud between them (bittersweet moment, guys) but how would they do that, being on different brands...? It was heart-breaking though. :( Poor A-Ri. :(

The main event was decent. Obviously, the match would be in Cena & Mysterio's favour with Bret Hart as the referee. Punk's pants were great. Such a legend. Um, yeah, the match was decent. Predictable but decent. Punk hiding behind Hart was hilarious but then at the end with the sharpshooter... Ouch. :') I'd have liked it if Punk won because, well, Punk > Cena&Mysterio(&Truth too) so I was a bit SDFGHJKKJHGFVBNM over him losing and shit but... Yeah.

They've, what, 3 weeks til the next PPV? They'd better sort their shit out.

RAW - 16/5/11

Kay. Opening segment. Decent. Glad A-Ri cut off Cena when he did or I may have had to skip it all.

CM Punk's match against Kofi Kingston. I just don't like Kofi. Glad to see Punk win. For a while, I thought he'd lose and The Nexus would lose faith in him and abandon him. D: Glad they didn't.

Kharma turns up again. Surprise, surprise... When's she actually going to say anything though? I want to hear her TALK. I'm surprised a title match hasn't been set up for her for Sunday yet. I can't imagine what would happen once she got her hands on that, haha. And is she just cr33pin Kelly Kelly? Because as creepy as it seems, I wouldn't really blame her. ;)

What else happened?! Uhh, Mysterio and del Rio with R-Truth. A tad boring for my liking. I think that's more to do with my lack of interest in the storyline. I don't thiink R-Truth will win. Him losing will rile him up further etc etc

Cole and King. A kiss my foot match. Wow. Please tell me this will come to an end at Over The Limit? A permanent end? I just don't have the patience for these segments anymore as I'm sure most people don't.

Tag team match was great. Can't wait to see CM Punk and Mason Ryan against Big Show and Kane. S'gonna be awesome. Hopefully, they don't just try to repeat the feud they had with The Corre though. I mean, so far it seems similar to that but idk. IT'S GONNA BE GREAT ANYWAY.

Uhh, Cena's match. brb sleeping. Miz, seriously, you couldn't find anyone better than Jack Swagger? srsly. Obviously Cena was gonna win. It was incredibly boring though. The Miz's promo at the end was pretty decent though... (His command to Alex to find a weapon inspiring my dirty thoughts trololol). I get the feeling Miz will lose at Over The Limit. Apparently, Vince wants to do even bigger things with him this year so I can see him "quitting" and then making a huge return...

Unfortunately, I won't be watching Over The Limit live on Sunday/Monday. :( Exam the following morning. I will, however, catch up on Monday afternoon. :D Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to watch Tough Enough.

Remember this so well ahaha. :')