Raw - 16th Jan 2012 - 7/10

This week's Raw review is going to be a little different. Because it's apparently "heelface" Day (courtesy of veomunn) today and I am a face, I intend on writing this review from exactly that perspective. Yep. That's right. In this review, I'm going to praise the babyfaces and bash the heels. I tend to generally do the opposite. See how I fared!Mick Foley opens the show and talks about the awesome holiday edition of Smackdown with Santa Foley! He also talked about the WWE's top man, none other than Mr. Hustle Loyalty and Respect, John Cena. Foley proceeds to explain how he wants to compete in this year's Royal Rumble! Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero interrupt and make a mockery of him. Foley states he intends to win the Rumble. Ziggler clearly can't keep his mouth shut and he continues with his babbling which no one cares about, regarding how he apparently "beat" John Cena the previous week as well as CM Punk the two weeks preceeding that. He calls Foley some long name, which no one understood and says how he'd be disappointed if he had to face him at Mania after he defeats Punk again at the Royal Rumble. Keep dreaming, Ziggler. If I were you, I'd be glad Foley was even giving me the time of day. CM Punk makes his mighty presence known and puts Vickie Guerrero in her presence, exposing Ziggler as the coward he is. Vickie Guerrero, for whatever reasons, claims Foley and Punk suffer from eating disorders and Punk promptly informs her she's not really one to talk and let's be honest, who's going to disagree with him? Punk says he would love to face Mick Foley for the title at Wrestlemania. John Laurinaitis also appears and says he has considered Mick Foley's request to compete in the Royal Rumble. His answer is no. BOOOOO! Vickie Guerrero continues to cause damage to our eardrums with her never-ending screeching, which could be interpreted as being laughing.

Air Boom take on new Tag Team champions, Epico and Primo (w/ Rosa Mendes) in a rematch for the title, which they lost at a house show the previous night. We get a nice headscissors takedown from Bourne and later an awesome hurricanrana to take down Epico who was on the turnbuckle! Tagging in Kofi, Kofi lands the Boom Drop and sets up Epico for Trouble In Paradise. Primo interferes and Epico rolls up Kofi, only to have him kick out after Evan Bourne makes the save. Kofi lands Trouble In Paradise and Evan prepares to go Airbourne. Unfortunately, he's distracted by Primo who throws Kofi into the ringpost. Epico capitalises, hitting him with the backstabber, pinning Evan to retain the titles. It's a pity, considering Epico and Primo had barely established themselves as legitimate contenders and Air Boom clearly had the best tag title reign in a long time!

John Laurinaitis is texting backstage. David Otunga appears and slurps his coffee. A faceless man is being put into the main event. This faceless man is known as none other than Chris Jericho! He's teaming up with CM Punk and Daniel Bryan and they are going to kick Sexual Chocolate, Dolph Ziggler and David Hudson, I mean, Otunga's asses.

Zack Ryder and Eve Torres are backstage being cute. Josh Matthews asks how Zack feels about being put into a US title match against Jack Swagger. Here's two words: not impressed.

Jack Swagger (w/ Vickie Guerrero) faces Zack Ryder (w/ Eve Torres). Jack Swagger might be the All-American American but he is not worthy of this title, not when someone like Ryder has worked their ass off to get where they are. It's completely unfair that he was put in this match in the first place! Of course he was going to lose! No offence, Zack. Swagger, being the coward he is, quickly gets to work on Ryder's injuries. Zack tries to retaliate with a set of knees to Swagger's face. Hey, maybe it made a few improvements there? The Zack Ryder chants fill the arena but Swagger take control once again. After a backbreaker and a gutwrench powerbomb, he covers Zack and there's a kickout. Vickie refuses to shut up and give us a break from her irritating voice. After another gutwrench powerbomb, Zack, being the champion he is, kicks out again. However, we meet an unfortunate end when Swagger lands an elbow and another gutwrench powerbomb. Despite the Ryder chants, Zack is pinned and loses his title. It's pathetic. What did Jack Swagger ever do to earn that title shot? He couldn't beat Zack if Zack was in a healthy condition and frankly, I don't see him holding onto that title for long once Zack has recovered! Michael Cole insists Zack could have forfeited the title. This is an illogical argument, Cole. Your input is annoying. Shut up. Zack's a fighting champion.

John Laurinaitis, being the boring, inconsiderate, bitter jerk he is, "apologises" to Zack and proceeds to tell Eve to shut her mouth. Wow. You could only dream about having a mouth like hers... Y'know. S'all I'm saying, brother.

Perez Hilton comes out as the ring announcer for the following match to a chorus of boos. Everyone's favourite divas come out, none other than Kelly Kelly and Alicia Fox and they take on the Bella Twins. After a failed attempt for some cheap twin magic, Kelly Kelly rolls up a distracted Bella and rightfully claims her victory!

R-Truth was about to treat us to what I am sure would be a brilliant and entertaining promo. Instead he's interrupted by that arrogant Englishman, Wade Barrett. What kind of name even is that?! He calls Mick Foley an old git. Well, that's cemented your arrogance. Truth cuts a brilliant promo about Disney Land. Pinnochio's nose grew when he said Wade Barrett would win the Royal Rumble. Why does that not surprise me? It's in St. Louis, Missouri. D'you really think WWE's Apex Predator is going to let his rival get away with a victory like that?! Oh, Truth says the best line of the night, "I don't even know if that's PG!" only to be ambushed by that wannabe-wrestler, glorified reality tv personanlity, The Miz. Can I get a "Miz is awful" chant? Wade Barrett sees an opportunity and contributes to the R-Truth beatdown until the Great White Sheamus comes to the rescue! Is Teddy Long going to make a tag team match?! NO. It's an Over The Top Rope challenge! Barrett immediately targets Sheamus whereas Miz targets Truth. Barrett is eventually sent over the top rope by Miz, Truth and Sheamus. Good luck winning the Rumble like that, Barrett! Miz and Truth go at each other because Sheamus takes them both out. Truth tries to take out Sheamus and fails. Miz delivers a knee to Truth's face and tries to eliminate him but Truth stays on the ring apron. He receives a few forearms, courtesy of Sheamus. Sheamus pulls him into the ropes and sends him ten chops to the chest and clotheslines him. He goes for his Brogue Kick but Miz avoids it, causing Sheamus to get tangled in the ropes. Miz tries to take advantage and both of them are caught up in the ropes. One shove from Truth later and they're both out, leaving Truth as the victor. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Miz outside the ring. Good riddance.

John Cena storms into John Laurinaitis' office and rages over Zack Ryder's match. Rightfully so, John! Rightfully so! John Cena dominates Jack Swagger in a pleasing "match". Kane appears on the titantron and says he's pleased to see Cena embrace the hate. No Kane, there's no hate. There's only justice.

Brodus Clay shakes dat ass with Naomi and Arianne. He squashes JTG.

We get a replay of the tragic happening on Smackdown, regarding Big Show's accidental collision with AJ. Her poor excuse of a careless boyfriend Daniel Bryan cuts a promo; an "update on AJ". He criminalises Show. He says Show should never show his face on Smackdown again because he'll make him pay. He has a match against Mark Henry this week and he's dedicating the match to AJ. The crowd boos in response and I boo too! He appreciates AJ's love for him. Oh, that's it? You just appreciate it, do you? Well, that's all fine then, isn't it? Bryan, AJ wouldn't be hurt if it wasn't for you!

It's main event time. I can see Ray Toro, Mikey Way, Zacky Vengeance and Johnny Christ at ringside! Jericho is obviously still overwhelmed by the response he receives as he continues to celebrate through and after everyone's entrances. Until CM Punk turns up. I have to say, the wrestling fans must be jizzing everywhere; a team of CM Punk, Daniel Bryan and Chris Jericho. Things start off with the WWE Champion CM Punk and the Number 1 Contender, Dolph Ziggler. One suplex from Punk, a cover and a kickout later, Bryan is tagged in.He sends a kick to Ziggler's midsection and an uppercut to his head. Ziggler tags in Otunga, who continues the work on Bryan's right leg. The Y2J chants fill the arena and Michael Cole has the nerve to try to attempt to bury Daniel Bryan, haha. Bryan tags in Punk, who delivers some nice kicks to Otunga.  He puts him into a headlock and the "you can't wrestle" chants start. Targetted to Otunga, I'd presume? Since, you know, he can't wrestle... Otunga kicks Punk in the head and tags in ziggler. Ziggler makes sure Punk can't tag in Jericho, who desparately wants to get involved in the match. Ziggler tags Otunga back in. Why do you insist on torturing us with his "wrestling"? Otunga backs Punk into a corner. Punk headbutts him off himself and lands an elbow from the top rope. Y2J gets what he wants, all fired up and playing the crowd, who are going crazy for him! Then the jackass tags in Bryan and leaves with that stupid smile on his face. Here's the rest of us, working our asses off, hoping we'll get that big break and some day land a spot on the WWE roster and main event. He gets to main event Raw and he just blows it like that. That could have been my spot! Moving on, a great kick to ziggler from Bryan. Ziggler tries to hold onto Bryan's leg but he manages to tag in Punk regardless. Punk delivers a high knee going into a running bulldog, followed by a springboard clothesline and a cover. Mark Henry interferes because these guys clearly can't win a match competely clean, can they? Bryan and he start to fight and Bryan limps out with Henry following, abandoning the ring. They fight on ramp, which is brutal. Foley's music hits and he talks his way into being Punk's partner hahaha. Ziggler lands a neckbreaker and the Foley chants erupt. Punk gets another neckbreaker and Ziggler covers him, only to have Punk kickout. The champion sends a kick to Ziggler's jaw and tags in Foley just as Ziggler tags in Otunga. Foley delivers numerous fists to Otunga's head. In the words of Michael Cole, we get "VINTAGE FOLEY". One kick and DDT later... MR. SOCKO makes an appearance, resulting in a brilliant victory for Team Foley/Punk! :D 

Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, I guess.Mr. John Laurinaitis reverses the decision as he did not say Foley could compete. Oh yeah? Why didn't you do that with Ryder? Punk says John's going to do absolutely nothing. He tells him to shut his mouth. HAHAHA. GO PUNK. He says Johnny Ace sucked in the ring. Fact. He said he's jealous of how his brother was legendary and he was "roadkill". Boring? Fact. Not charismatic? Fact. Vanilla? Fact. BORING? CORRECT. Punk states Laurinaitis used to sucked but now he just sucks up. He says he's jealous of guys like Punk, which couldn't be closer to the truth. He says he knows he's going to try to screw him over because he's jealous. HE'S THE CHAMP. JOHNNY'S NOT. He says it doesn't matter because he'll still be better than Johnny. If you screw him, everyone's going to be talking about how "John Laurinaitis, Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and Interim General Manager of Monday Night Raw looks like he went through a meatgrinder because CM Punk kicked his pathetic ass". CM Punk chants fill the arena and Punk threatens him with a fist, where Laurinaitis comically cowers away. "You're pathetic" are Punk's last words before he jumps out of the ring. 

Punk's music cuts and Johnny looks annoyed. He repeats that annoying tagline of his, which no one really cares about. Hey, did you hear that? He will not be intimidated! Foley says, "ADMIT IT. YOU INTEND TO SCREW OVER PUNK. YOU'RE A KISS ASS." Laurinaitis asks Foley who the hell he thinks he is. Well... Unlike you, he's a respected legend. Lautinaitis admits he will screw over Punk. He says he's sick and tired of being bullied, despite putting on the most entertaining show. Aw, well, isn't that sad? It's not very entertaining if we're treating you like crap now, is it? He hits Foley in the head with the mic and exits the ring.

Overall, I liked Raw. It was great to see Foley and I'm hoping he competes in the Rumble! I'm going a little off Daniel Bryan because he's being such a whiny jerk and Jericho is just messing with our heads to the point where it's disrespectful. Punk was great for putting John Lauriniaitis in his place. We got another beautiful victoy for Kelly Kelly and the interaction concerning Cena, Ryder and Eve was great. It was really irritating to see Ryder lose to Swagger and be put into a match like that! Overall, I give Raw 7/10.

WWE Vengeance 2011 - Review

So Vengeance 2011 was surprisingly a decent PPV, particularly for a filler PPV. However, there were no title changes at all and I think that really let it down and kind of exposed the PPV for the filler it is...

Air Boom (c) v Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero - Tag Team Championship:

I didn't get a good look at this match due to the lagging stream so this may not be the most accurate review. There was some good teamwork between Air Boom. I think they're doing a pretty good job as a tag team and they're much better established as an official team now they've got the new entrance theme, matching gear and the double-team moves. I think that's where Ziggler and Swagger are lacking but at least we saw interferences with near falls from both guys. Air Boom retained. I think it would have been better to have Swagger/Ziggler win the titles, mainly because of the following match.

Dolph Ziggler (c) v Zack Ryder - United States Championship:

This match was confirmed on Friday night's Smackdown and I'm pretty sure the internet nerds would be wanking off to just the thought of their Internet Hero Zack Ryder finally getting this title shot, after months of perserverence with his Youtube show; Z! True Long Island Story. I'm a fan of Zack Ryder but... The opening of this PPV had some bad booking. Dolph Ziggler has just been in a tag team match. You're making Ryder look like shit by having him lose here. In fact, it's completely contradictory to have Zack lose since he has pinned him twice already when Ziggles was fresh. Surely logic would state that the obvious, and rightful, victor here should be Zack Ryder. I am by no means slating Dolph Ziggler's ability here. I'm a huge Ziggler mark but I think they should take that title off him. Not only has he rarely defended it but he's just better than it. He and Swagger should have won the previous match and Zack Ryder should now be our new United States Champion. It's just sad because Zack's basically been used to give Mason Ryan a US title push. Nice one, Vince... The match itself was decent. Some pretty closecalls in there but I think we all knew Ziggler would retain. It was good to see some interference from Jack Swagger. If Zack was going to lose, at least it wasn't clean.

Beth Phoenix (c) v Eve Torres - Divas Championship:

I was genuinely worried for the outcome of this match. Thankfully, the right woman won. It was actually a good match. Pre-show, there'd been a bit of a fight backstage whilst Kelly Kelly was being interviewed. For some reason, The Bellas were also there. Okay. Daniel Bryan and the Usos broke it up. Oh. Anyway, this resulted in both Kelly Kelly and Natalya being banned from ringside. There was some good work from both women. I won't lie, when Eve had Beth in that submission hold, I worried a bit, ha. Beth's first attempt at the Glam Slam was reversed by Eve but thankfully didn't result in her being pinned. The second time around, Eve wasn't so lucky. Despite the fact I really dislike Eve, I'm glad this was a decent match and far better than the countless bouts between Kelly Kelly and Beth Phoenix. I just wonder who'll be next in line to take on the Glamazon.

Christian v Sheamus:

I don't know how to feel about this match. I wasn't quite sure who would win and I'm really disappointed with how Sheamus won. If anything, you'll know whether I like the wrestler or not, one thing I cannot stand is Moves of Doom, adopted from John Cena's lethal finishing sequence, which hasn't changed in God knows how many years. Sheamus won after landing a Brogue Kick. Alright, it looks pretty brutal but... It's not that brutal! All bias as a devoted Peep aside, Christian should have won. Why? Sheamus won at Hell In A Cell. Why not give us something new? I get that Christian has been screwing over Sheamus on Raw and Smackdown but that barely accounts for anything. Sheamus getting up after two spears previously was almost foreshadowing he would win. I just think it was a bad call on WWE Creative's part. It was a good match, I guess. I think Sheamus being as big as he is took away a bit of interest from me and the predictability of it due to this massive push Sheamus is getting ruined it a bit. It was a decent, back and forth match. Christian got some good heat the way he'd slap Sheamus etc. There were a few good bits but the rest wasn't all too memorable. I don't have much else to say really.

Cody Rhodes v Randy Orton:

This was the match I was most looking forward to. If you're unaware, I'm not allowed to be mean about Randy Orton for a month. It's currently Day 9. Just so you know. I enjoyed this match. It wasn't quite as good as I expected it to be but both guys did a great job here. Since it was a non-title match, we knew Randy Orton would win. I hope this leads to a feud for the Inter-Continental Championship, particularly if WWE are being serious about making that title prestigous again, and result in Cody Rhodes going over and retaining. I thought Cody Rhodes was brilliant. The two moonsaults from him look great. His imitation of Randy Orton was perfect and I think him hitting that RKO would have been a quality finish for the match. The PPV is called Vengeance. It would have been more apt to give Cody the win. I'm disappointed that it only took Orton his finisher to keep Cody down whereas he kicked out of Cross Rhodes. Things like that will always bug me, particularly when it's in favour of the "main event" guy. In any case, it was a good match and kept my interest throughout. Cody Rhodes is definitely one of my favourite Midcard/Upper-midcarders. Hopefully he holds that title for a long time and eventually gets that main event push in a year or so.

Awesome Truth v CM Punk & Triple H:

I was dreading this match. I hate the team of CM Punk and Triple H. As soon as that was announced, I just cringed. I was hoping, really, really hoping Punk would screw over Triple H and Awesome Truth would pick up a win. Awesome Truth did win but not the way I would have liked them too. Guess who got pinned? CM Punk. Obviously, because The Game couldn't even possibly be beaten by those two! Oh and guess who else turned up? If you guessed Kevin Nash, you would be correct. He came out of the crowd and beat up Triple H. Yay. No. This is getting old. If WWE screw up with this Nash angle again... That's it. The match was alright. Punk and Triple H actually made a pretty entertaining team. They didn't play clean and it was pretty amusing to see Truth get worked up over that, haha. Truth was pretty hilarious actually. His little celebration after he avoided a lunge from HHH and then HHH telling him to suck it? Quality, haha. The match was alright overall. It wasn't particularly memorable... Or maybe I'm just struggling to remember since it was nearing 3am here... I'm glad Awesome Truth won. I just wish it had been done differently. Oh and R-Truth has a move called the "Lil Jimmy Finale". Awesome Truth get 7587608664 awesome points for that one.

Mark Henry (c) v Big Show - World Heavyweight Championship:

I was not looking forward to this at all. For some insane reason, my kid brother prefers "Big Guys" wrestling. I can't stand it. I'd rather be watching "Cruiserweights" or whatever you want to call them. I didn't watch most of this match. I could hear everything though. Throughout the whole match, I'd occassionally look at the screen and get bored. Why did I bother checking? I was waiting for one moment. I was waiting for that ring to break. Big Show once chokeslammed Undertaker right through the canvas of the ring. Brock Lesnar also superplexed Big Show, resulting in the ring collapsing. There was no way this match could go without a similar incident. And it happened. Mark Henry superplexed the Big Show from the very same corner as Brock Lesnar and that ring (and the referee) just collapsed and the match ended in a No-Contest. That dry crowd were finally fucking awake and I think it's safe to say this moment got the biggest pop of the night. John Laurinaitis came out with Teddy Long. They checked the condition of Show and Henry. Show had to be carried out. No idea if there are any legit serious injuries. Henry attempted to leave on his own, being the big monster heel he is. John Laurinaitis then announced that the main event would still be taking place. This makes me wonder if they planned for the ring to collapse...

Alberto del Rio (c) v John Cena - WWE Championship:

This was yet another match I was dreading. If Alberto del Rio were to fail to retain his title, John Cena would win it for the fourth time this year. I think that would put it in a worse position than the IC title! Cena turned up in this "Rise Above Hate" t-shirt. If I were a fan of his, I'd buy it. Damn. It was a Last Man Standing match and it was really pretty good. There were frequent interferences from Ricardo and whilst that was good... It was annoying. Despite Cena losing, he retained his Superman status and that really bugged me. He kept getting up even after ADR put him through everything he could find backstage, the sets, the big V for Vengeance, the sleeperhold and fuck knows what else. I'm glad they did end up taking it backstage. What really ruined it for me was Awesome Truth interfering. Sorry but... Didn't we already see something like this, oh, I don't know... On the last PPV?! Geez, be a bit more original, Creative! It took two Skull Crushing Finales in the end and Truth using...whatever he used and Cena was out. Prior to this, Cena FU-ed ADR through the announce table. The referee was distracted though so the count didn't start until Awesome Truth stopped their assault. In the end, ADR got up. The fans at ringside were literally holding him up! Hahaha. And he retained his title. Thank God. It was a good match though.

Overall, an okay PPV. I give it a 6.5/10. It was entertaining though I think there were some bad booking decisions, particularly regarding the opening and the ending of the main event. I look forward to Raw though (or do I? Creative will probably just drop the ball... Again.) and Survivor Series (so long as they don't bum the shit out of Rock and Cena too much).

PUNK/ADR FEUD PLZ.

RAW – 03/10/11 – (6/10)

Show opens with Randy Orton... vs Drew McIntyre. Drew, who doesn’t even get an entrance. Dumb match. Stupid. Pointless. Now had Rhodes come in and cost Orton the match, I’d be saying differently... Instead, as Orton celebrates, Henry turns up. Sorry but Orton lost his rematch. He’s out of the world title picture. So why are they doing this again..? Anyway, Orton gets one over Henry and has to be restrained by Henry. LOLOLOLOLOL. Blates.

Big Show is returning on Friday. Hopefully he has a mini-feud with Henry.

Mark Henry defeats John Morrison. Poor JoMo. It was his birthday too. He had some good moments though, bless him. WWE need to get over themselves and push the guy. The match was good for what it was. Mark Henry then cuts a promo, talking about Big Show’s return and teasing that mini-feud after saying he’s done with Orton. Thank God!

Backstage, John Laurinaitis is with Vickie, Ziggler, Swagger, Christian, Cody and Otunga. Laurinaitis asks Otunga whether he helped Miz and Truth with their lawsuit. Everyone bar Laurinaitis heads down to the ring. Alberto del Rio turns up and joins them, cutting a short promo. Everyone else manages to get a bit of mic time, which was nice. Otunga bangs on about doing Law at Harvard. Omg. Shush. Triple H comes out and talks. Lol, go away. He forgets to mention Mason Ryan. Nice one. Haha, if I want to see quality wrestling, sorry bro, I wouldn’t be watching WWE.

Kelly Kelly and Eve lose to Beth and Natalya via DQ after K2 goes nuts and continuously hits Beth onto the announce table. Michael Cole calls the divas title “prestigious”. HAHAHAHAHA. Dumb booking. Also, her constant screaming has destroyed my ears. You know how everyone defends K2’s booking with the whole “make your champion look strong” bullshit? Well, what happened to making Beth look strong, huh?!

Johnny Ace is backstage. He says Triple H ought to get a vote of confidence from the locker room. Triple H threatens him. Yay...

Jinder Mahal is cutting a promo in Punjabi in the ring. Santino returns! Yay! He does a pretty good impression of Punjabi, haha. Have to give it to him! Mahal is offended saying how dare Santino make a mockery of him and challenges him to a match. The match was dumb and short though with Santino winning. If this leads to full-on feud that plays out well, cool.

Brodus Clay thingy. Kay. Bye.

We see the Miz/Truth video on Youtube. The awkward moment when the top comment whilst this is on Raw reads “Kayfabe lives!” hahaha!

Then we get the 12-man tag team match consisting of CM Punk, John Cena, Air Boom, Sheamus and Mason Ryan V Alberto del Rio, Christian, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger,Dolph Ziggler and David Otunga. Ziggles gets pinned by Sheamus after a brogue kick. Dumb match. Some good moments but a dumb match. It should have been ADR pinning someone.

Then the entire locker room, including referees etc. Come out for this “vote of confidence”.

Who isn’t present?

John Cena. Randy Orton. CM Punk.

There had bloody well be a good reason for this because frankly, I don’t want to clump Punk together with those elite ones... Wade Barrett, Christian, a referee called Mark, Beth Phoenix and Jerry Lawler all get mic times, voting on behalf of their colleagues with no confidence in Triple H. Except King, I think, who just walked out, the locker room slowly following. Michael Cole follows. Booker T follows. The cameramen near the ring leave. JR eventually leaves. Johnny Ace turns up, shaking his head for a moment and leaves whilst everyone’s cheering for HHH.

Not a bad show.

I give it 6/10. Thoughts?