Me: I wonder what time it is.

The humble analog clock:

I read an AITA post a few weeks back about a woman who liked having snacks in the bath when she's had a long day (a result of residual trauma iirc - the bath was her safe space). Her brand new husband of three weeks, a man twice her age who had no job, made her pay all of his bills and do all housework, and spent all day every day gaming because he wanted to make it as a Twitch streamer, had always been fine with this; but, on the day in question, had whisked her bath snacks out of her hands as she was on her way to the bathroom and tried to bin them, telling her it was time to 'break her of that filthy habit in his home'. She told him if he ever actually paid anything towards the house she owns outright he might get a say, took her snacks back, and had her lovely bath. He was since giving her the silent treatment.

(Obviously the judgement was an avalanche of 'NTA and also he's abusing you', which she agreed with, and decided to kick him out, so happy ending.)

Anyway I told my husband about this and he was outraged. "I would never do that!" he told me, furious. "I would find it adorable if you had bath snacks!"

Since then, every time I try to have a bath (which I only do as a rare treat) after about ten minutes there has been an anxious scrabbling at the bathroom door.

"Elanor!" he says. "Do you have bath snacks? Do you need anything?"

My answer is irrelevant. He brings me wine and poptarts. Now I have bath snacks. I'm a bath snacks person. Last time he was literally sleeping on the sofa when I went for the bath. Somehow this still happened. I now have an eager bathroom butler. How did this happen. I have never been so decadent yet bewildered.

some asshole: tries to control his wife by withholding bath snacks

op's husband:

Tim: You know how you worry about me constantly?

Bruce: … Yes?

Tim, trying to ease Bruce into the "i don't have a spleen talk" and failing: Well now you have a reason to

this is a typo in a textbook written by the professor of this class, it cost me $105, i will be sharing with the world

Bastille was right. How am I gonna be an optimist about this. Also right about eh eho eho.

Please never forget that ēheu, what the background chorus is repeating in Pompeii, just means ‘alas’ or ‘oh no’ or perhaps ‘shucks’ in Latin, which is of course the correct response to realizing you’re right next to where a volcano is exploding.

mutuals do this

I can’t believe you cropped out the best part

I don't know if it's because I'm autistic, I'm not American or because there's a special gun telepathy... But I don't understand how mirroring would infer you're a liar here?

Okay, so this is a very particular Thing that happens largely in the American south. It's the shotgun wielding dad "what are your intentions with my daughter touch her and I kill you I'm the head of the household" trope irl. My father has never actually done it, but he was given a gun by another man when my sister and I were very small to be prepared.

So to the dad, anon just challenged his authority and his manhood. Dad is already threatened by his daughter having a boyfriend (and potentially eventually moving out due to that boyfriend/marriage), now anon is saying "I don't give a shit about you or your threat" as far as the dad is concerned. So anon saying he didn't mean it that way is what's triggering the "liar" comment.

It's a very patriarchal woman as property thing that crops up especially among white Southern Christians. I would lay money based on this story and my own experiences that anon is the girl's first boyfriend and that she's in the kind of family environment where she will live with her parents until marriage, a very literal dad giving daughter away at the altar situation.

Anon probably does not have sisters and didn't have all of this subtext made text constantly throughout his life, even though him carrying on a daily basis suggests some level of immersion in gun culture

Tl: Dr the American south is a very weird place, he's violating some established power lines and then "acting clueless" when the dad reacts to the social transgression

Ooooooooh!!!.... It is in fact special gun telepathy, but you must be THIS misogynistic to ride. I think I got it.

This was actually very helpful, and disturbing.

I think there's also a level of, like:

Dad shows gun = "If you hurt her, I will kill you."

Boyfriend shows gun as well = "I also suspect you of being capable of hurting her and anticipate having to defend her."

And "hurt" in a dating context (or at least this specific gun related one) usually just means heartbreak, but "hurt" in a father/daughter context would more often be abuse.

So there's an implicit accusation he could read into it that turns the conversation into:

Dad: I think this relationship might not work out, and you will hurt my daughter's feelings.

Boyfriend: Well, I think you are physically harming your daughter, and brought this gun to show you I mean to rescue her.

Dad: How dare you! At least accuse me outright, for such a strong claim as this.

Boyfriend: I shall never say it outright, and therefore you have no evidence against me to use to kick me out right now.

Dad: So you plan to play ignorant if I bring your accusations to my daughter, and make me look crazy?

Shakespearean level shenanigans

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

★∻∹⋰⋰ ☆∻∹⋰⋰ ★∻∹⋰⋰ ☆∻∹⋰⋰★∻∹⋰⋰

★★★★✩

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Complete 💯

MATURE

Words:76,785

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✨SHIPS✨

Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne

Batman/Bruce Wayne

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DESCRIPTION

Clark, in an attempt to make some spare cash, unintentionally stumbles into the world of superhero fanfiction, becomes a prolific writer for Gotham's OTP, and tries his best to fend off rival fans who want him to convert to superbat instead.

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Call your senators and tell them to kill themselves!!

sometimes bad things happen to you but the manner in which they're inflicted is so indistinguishable from the sorts of cruel and unusual misfortunes that befall a character in a sitcom created for the sole purpose of suffering for other people's entertainment that it's impossible to even begin to get upset about it

i was already having what can only be described as a pretty fucking bad day and my coworkers noticed and were kind enough to offer me the last of the freshly baked limited edition cookies we've recently started selling that i cannot get enough of, and just as i'd finished thanking them sincerely for such a thoughtful and touching gesture of goodwill a customer walked in, pointed at the single cookie in the display case, ordered it and absolutely nothing else, and left

god i've seen what you've done for others and you are doing some straight up looney tunes shit to me

*in a Situation* okay which blorbo can I use to get through this

being ugly and untalented with no money is CRAZY. like the world is not built for me