Random Thought Before Bed: An Eminem-Style Rap About Working in Film/TV Production

Work so hard it makes my penis look soft.

They steal hours off my life like they’re Lara Croft.

Fall one second behind and they get all furious,

But they’re in such a rush it’d make The Flash delirious.

When they talk about “safety” they just sound ridiculous;

Their attention to protocol is anything but meticulous.

They act like they’re making a guaranteed classic,

But this shitshow’s a disaster on par with The Titanic.

And if you get injured, don’t be afraid;

You’ll get a week off—just don’t ask to be paid.

[Note: This was not written in response to any specific production; rather, it was intended as a general statement on a few of the more toxic practices that I’ve encountered on the job. Overall, my experience as a P.A. has been positive... but, as recent events have clearly shown, the industry is far from perfect. Hopefully, increased public awareness in the aftermath of the IATSE negotiations and the Rust tragedy will inspire the powers-that-be to improve working conditions on set.]

[Also: My primary motivation while creating this was to parody Eminem. Don’t read too much farther into it.]