if you ask someone to stop doing/saying something that makes you uncomfortable and they respond by making it all about their own hurt feelings until YOU end up apologising to THEM, that’s manipulation. shut it down.
“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”
“oh, so i’m a horrible person? i’m a bad friend? is that what you’re saying? maybe i should just leave you alone for good since everything i do seems to upset you.”
no. no. stop that. stop talking go to jail.
“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”
“i’m so fucking sorry, i’m sorry, oh my god, i don’t deserve to be alive, all i ever do is screw up and hurt people, i’m a terrible person, please don’t hate me - ”
nope. that’s not it either. (also, please go to therapy.)
“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”
“why does it make you uncomfortable? that seems like a weird thing to be uncomfortable about. please explain in minute detail and don’t forget to excavate the entirety of your tragic backstory so i can decide if it’s bad enough to justify your discomfort.”
this is very bad. please do not do this.
“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”
“i mean, sure, but free speech - “
free speech means you can’t be legally sanctioned or imprisoned for saying certain things. it is not a “get out of jail free” card for being an asshole. next!
“hey, this thing you do kinda makes me uncomfortable. i’d rather you didn’t do it.”
“okay, thank you for telling me. i may not fully understand why this thing is upsetting for you, but i will stop doing it because i care about your feelings.“
yes! YES!!!! this is it! well done! full marks! gold star!
