i lied about my HIV status and all aspects of my identity (marital status, trafficking past, family, etc.) on this blog and i truly apologize.
a) why is this tagged hamilton
b) what the fuck is going on
there’s no place on the internet like tumblr
Sony: Easy…. EASY….
Microsoft: Over a bit… now a little to the riiiight…
Nintendo: THREE HANDLES! NO! FOUR! MOTION DETECTOR STICK! A SCREEN A FUCKING SCREEN ON YOUR CONTROLLER
TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!
WHAT THE FUCK IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE WHY DID SOMEONE REBLOG THIS
TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!
🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃
TOMMORROW IS HALLOWEEN
🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃🎃
TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN
i don’t even get what’s wrong with this gif
i mean she pours the soda perfectly why do they all shit their pants
she’s been dead for 10 years
when she says she doesn’t send nudes
when guys objectify women and expect them to send nudes
when someone asks you about your nuclear plans for russia
When Russia sends you nudes
This is my favorite post in all of tumblr
reminder that this post is now illegal in Russia
reblog it, because Russia can´t
Thanks Obama
When Russia makes this post illegal
I HAVE ONLY SEEN THIS IN SCREENSHOTS
World Population : 7,810,521,683
just in case somebody start feelin too important
7,810,521,682 and me
This is my absolute favorite post ever i even saved the image on my laptop under the name of “and me” in a special folder with nothing but this image
It’s time to activate it…
Bites The Dust! now this entire post will be reversed!
Am I having a fucking stroke
yes
I am going to eat this entire candy cane.
You’re going to get a cavity
good
30 min later, not much progress.
Its been an hour. I bit my tongue, my teeth hurts and I’m almost halfway done…
One hour and half done. That’s impressive That takes real skill and perseverance
an hour and a half. my grandma called and I didnt take it so i could eat this… i hate everything
i’d rather be eating anything but this
two and a half hours…. my mouth will never taste normal again
3 fucking hours
I’ve tasted Satans asshole and it tastes like 3 hours of mint.
Please. Please don’t bring this back.
‘Tis the season.
its almost the season again
Hey y’all. Just an update almost 6 years later, one of my teeth broke off and had to be removed this week. The doctors weren’t sure why but I fucking know.
You guys won’t fucking believe what @hollymim got me for Christmas.
I can’t believe it turned her hair pink.
its that time of year
so my family went to the tulip fields and my little sister didn’t have a good time at all
WHY IS THAT ONE FUCKING TULIP A DIFFERENT COLOR I WOULD BE UPSET TOO
it is the chosen one
it must be the main character in the anime
It got funnier when I realized just how many tulips are in this picture.
“In a world where tulips were yellow, one dared to be different…”
Every spring this picture comes back around and every spring I crack up
at first you just see the row of tulips in the foreground, and it’s funny
then you see the rows stretching back for yards and yards, and it’s even funnier
Heyo so I’m throwing a big ol party after quarantine if this hits 1 mill so uh if anyone’s out there pls help embarrass my sister even more 7 years later
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
I always need this on my blog.
I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.
Yes
I FOUND IT GUYS I SPENT HALF AN HOUR LOOKING FOR THIS VIDEO AND ITS HERE
Always reblog peent.
*before clicking play*: IS THIS WHAT i THINK IT IS???
*clicks play*: IT ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Peent!
why are people even questioning obesity in america
why is your tea liquidised?
….. Where exactly do you live that the tea isn’t liquid?!?
ENGLAND. WHERE IT IS IN A BAG AND YOU MAKE IT YOURSELF.
like what do you do with already liquid tea? Microwave it?
No it’s sweet tea you drink it cold
WHO DRINKS COLD TEA???
HAVE YOU NEVER HAD ICED/SWEET TEA BEFORE?!?
so i reblogged this from a british person and i’ve been laughing at their tags for 600 years
England, you stole tea from China. You’ve had it a mere 4 centuries compared to their 30+. Don’t play like you’re some kind of authority.
[skeletons ooh-ing]
Shots fired. World War Tea has officially begun.
Englad doesn’t own anything
except that time we owned most of the world
If I stop reblogging this, I’ve gone to the other side.
I have only seen this legendary post in screenshots, so today is a blessed day.
HAH
BOSTON TEA PARTY PART 2
HOLY HELL I FOUND IT
And this is why I love Tumblr
Drinking cold tea is like drinking cold hot chocolate. Sure, you *can* do it, but you *really shouldn’t*
Behold concerned Brit. Chocolate Milk
I only see this on pinterest omg….
OMFG
BEHOLD THE GREATEST TUMBLR POST
“world war tea” is the best play on words i’ve heard in weeks
this post is a wild ride from start to finish
I haven’t seen this since chocolate milk was added. Is that really just an American thing? You’re missing out guys!
😂😂😂
Cold tea
Cold hot chocolate aka chocolate milk
Cold coffee
I mean, do yall even know about cold water or is that an American thing too???
YOU GUYS DRINK COFFEE COLD AS WELL???
Does the rest of the world not use ice cubes? Do y'all not have freezers? What is going on?
Just thought I’d put my 2 cents in this post, it’s iced tea and not sweet tea. Idk what Americans r smoking 💀
I’m relatively new to Tumblr but it seems like sort of a big deal that I found this post so I’m gonna reblog
Imagine not liking iced tea- actually im gonna go drink some now
I don’t even know what to say…
i drink iced tea every day >:)
Iced tea is brilliant but hot tea is nice too
Behold concerned Brit
World War Tea Situation
This post is a relic
Me seeing this for the 14th time in my 5 years on tumblr and seeing more notes and comments but still reblogging it since it’s literally a World Heritage Post
date of origin: November 5th, 2013
The legend has crossed my dash.
Sometimes Brits forget that a massive portion of America has A LOT OF HEAT. There is no question if you live in the south you need cold drinks, and I know the weather is getting hotter over there too- maybe try the iced tea my good dudes.
BITCH I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU
YOU’VE ANGERED THE WRONG FANDOM
You’re going down punk, just you FUCKNG WAIT!! You will learn that this fandom is far worse than you will ever want to know. We may seem soft and shy, but we’re just being NICE! We can be cold, cruel, mean, and make you suffer and wish you had never said what you said. We can send you into the farthest most empty reaches of the galaxy, summon demons to our disposal to make you suffer, and make you feel the feelings that we experience, and don’t fucking think for a single goddamn second that’s easy! The amount of emotions that would boil inside of you would literally kill you. So keep your motherfucking distance and we won’t hurt you, so stay the hell back, asshole. If you so much as insult us one more time, we will bring firey hell upon you and bitch slap you into oblivion. Your move, dildo.
We know how to kill a human and hide the evidence. Your body will never be found, and that is a promise.
You do realize a majority of the fandom are 20 somethings right? or at least in college. We can find you, kill you, and make it look like you killed yourself. Don’t try us :)
Shut up. We can exorcise a demon from you faster than Dean and Sam, believe me you need it. We can toss you into a supernova, never to be seen again, or banish you to the end of the universe where you would explode to create a new one. We can murder you and destroy all evidence of you ever existing. Basically- D-O-N-T-C-R-O-S-S-U-S
This is like finding a lost family heirloom you’ve been hearing about
THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN
I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS FOR SEVEN YEARS
DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS TO ?????
That last fatal scream tho
THE TERROR IN HIS SCREAM OH GOSH
i’m crying
WAAA-
I will always reblog this on the off chance some other poor soul has been searching for it
IT’S BACK
HOYL SHIT ITS B A CK
IT’S BACK?? ON MY DASH?
re-blogging again xD
what was that we were just saying about still having posts circulating from ridiculous numbers of years ago? 😂
I feel like it’s a duty to reblog such a natural treasure
I feel like it’s a
duty to reblog such a
natural treasure
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
its christmas eve and look whos on tumblr
all of us
Jesus also spent Christmas in a barn full of animals
I HAVE WAITED ALL YEAR TO POST THIS
