HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HARRY POTTER (July 31st, 1980)

just remembered ginny’s 17th birthday present to harry was just …….. full-on snogging his brains out. like that was the whole present. she was like i’m going to kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before and you’re going to THANK me. the sheer audacity that that has ……. queen shit. legend behaviour. BIGGEST dick energy.

My favorite thing ever is how Ron just sent Charlie a random letter like “hey yo there’s an illegal dragon at hogwarts, could you come and smuggle it out of here, please?” and Charlie was just like “yeah sure, I’ll trespass into the castle and steal a dangerous magical creature, of course, lemme just hit up my friends”

It’s better if you imagine Charlie and co as a group of Grad Students trying to avoid their other responsibilities.

Charlie is drunkenly revising the third draft of his thesis on proper care and feeding of greenhorns when his family owl slams into the window. 

Three of his friends jump and look around. Glinda doesn’t raise her head from her folded arms; only groans, “Is that Baines coming to do me in?” 

Charlie totters to the window and fetches Errol from the window pane. “No such luck,” he says. “You’re still going to have to take the exam.” After some consideration, Charlie lays him on a clear patch of floor to recover. “Do owls take firewhiskey?” he asks the room at large. 

“It’s not fair,” Glinda wails into the tabletop. “I swear he didn’t say anything about Bridgewort’s handling practices when we did the review in class.” 

“Oh, Merlin,” says Ali, freezing over their notes like a Medusa wyvern had bitten them. “Oh, Merlin’s sweet saggy socks. Is he covering Bridgewort?” 

“That’s what he said when I went to his office hours.” Glinda sits up. “You know his lapdragon singed my new sweater?!” 

Charlie decides not to give Errol a nip of whiskey. Flying under the influence is really not done. He unties the letter from Errol’s leg. Ron’s childish spiky handwriting spells out Charlie’s name on the front. Inside is a hastily scrawled message. 

“Yes, we know it ruined your sweater,” snaps Ysabelle. “You told us twenty times. Why didn’t you tell us Baines told you we’re going to be tested on Bridgewort?” 

“I meant to,” says Glinda. “Sorry.” She flicks her pile of notes. “I was lost in the miasma of gloom and desperation.” 

Ali puts their head back and groans. “I’m gonna die. I’m gonna say ‘fuck it’ and just fucking walk into a dragon’s mouth so I don’t have to do this.” 

“Hey,” says Charlie. They don’t hear him. 

“How much is this worth again?” Glinda asks her bottle of butterbeer. 

“Twenty-five percent,” Ali and Ysabelle chorus. Ysabelle adds, “and the thesis is fifty percent of our total grade.” 

“Hey!” Charlie repeats. They look at him. He waves Ron’s letter. “My littlest brother at Hogwarts has an illegal dragon he needs to get off campus. Anybody up for a midnight flight?” 

Ali slams their hands down on the table and stands up. “Fuck yes,” they say decisively. “Maybe I’ll fly into the Whomping Willow and die a quick death.” 

Welcome to grad school

reasons i think harry potter is indian

can we just talk about the time that Lupin was recovering from a full moon and Snape taught the DADA class and made all the students write essays on how to kill werewolves for Lupin to read when he got back I hate Snape so much it’s not funny

Lupin gets back and he feels like crap and suddenly his best friend’s son is writing an essay about how to kill him like that is so fucked up

Bear in mind that an ex-Death Eater does this to someone who was in the Order, risked his life fighting against said Death Eaters and lost his best friends to the Death Eater’s genocidal leader, for the sole purpose of screwing him over, and as far as we know he experiences no consequences whatsoever for doing so.

And if that wasn’t enough, he made them write those essays hoping some of them would realize Lupin’s a werewolf. And one did, but Hermione is a fucking DECENT HUMAN BEING and said nothing. Apparently the ‘insufferable know-it-all' can keep her mouth closed, when it’s for something important. Just like Snape didn’t do at the end of the book.

I’m getting mad, so here’s something I’ve realized while reading The Order of the Phoenix again. (Please keep in mind that my books are in Italian and some concepts might be hard to explain, I apologize for my English mistakes)

In chapter 14, when The Trio talked with Sirius, he said that two years before Dolores Umbridge had written a law against werewolves that made it almost impossible for Lupin to find a job.

Now ask yourself this question. Why two years?

What had happened two years before? During Harry’s third year? Oh, right. The Magical World had discovered that one of Hogwarts’ teachers (someone who was in constant conctat with their children) was a werewolf. Does that ring any bell?

But that’s not all! If we take a look at chapter 15, in the Daily Prophet article we can see a familiar name: Remus Lupin. In a newspaper. Where everyone can read it. “The werewolf Remus Lupin”. No wonder he couldn’t find a job! And it’s not the first time the Daily Prophet has written about him, as it’s stated in the article itself. There must have been a huge scandal when it had all come out.

So basically, when Snape decided he couldn’t bear not having what he wanted (for example, SIRIUS BLACK GETTING KISSED BY A DEMENTOR) and spilled the secret, he didn’t only tell the whole school. He didn’t only tell the kids’ parents. The told the whole Magical World.

He told the whole Magical World that a man who had kept his condition secret all his life was a werewolf.

And the Magical World responded with a law against werewolves.

So, basically, Snape didn’t only ruin Remus Lupin’s life. He ruined the life of every single werewolf in the UK.

But, you know. Bravest man I ever knew.

FUCKING HIT THAT REBLOG SO FAST THANK YOU

Minerva Mcgongall pulled out her notebook and turned to the page that listed the names and details of that years Gryffindor Quidditch team. Her heart swelling with pride she jotted down the name “Harry Potter” next to the position “Seeker” before closing the book and opening a second drawer. She took out a small, wooden box and rummaged in it for a few seconds before withdrawing a worn out envelope, inside of which was a short letter and a photograph.

“Dearest Minnie,

Hope you’re doing well! I’m the same of course, driving Lily up the wall as usual, she sends you her love by the way!

Now I know I told you that you’ll never find a chaser as good as me ever again, but it just goes to show that even the brilliant are sometimes mistaken. I’ve found you (made you!) a replacement who will one day outshine his old man by leagues! Enclosed is a photograph of your new Quidditch prodigy so that you may assess his skills for yourself. We have him chasing the cat for practice. He’ll be unbeatable by the time he starts at Hogwarts! The youngest Quidditch player in a century!

I guarantee it, Minnie. And you know I’m never wrong, though you’ll never admit it!

Missing you and Hogwarts terribly,

Lots of love,

James

P.S. Sirius says his marriage proposal still stands.”

Wiping away a single tear that ran down her cheek and chuckling to herself, she smiled down at the photograph of a small, gleeful, black haired boy zooming along in a toy broom, a pair of legs chasing after him and a young woman laughing hysterically in a corner.

“Right again, Mr. Potter.”

Tbh no I don’t think Slytherin house needed to be developed further or shown as multifaceted or “not all bigots” or whatever because in the real world, nobody is hurt by “bias against Slytherin,” and in the world of the books, it’s made VERY CLEAR that bigotry and supremacy are some of the core founding principles of the house, which is not kept a secret from children, many of whom still want to be a part of Slytherin House even knowing what it stands for (one of the earliest things we’re shown is that you can say no to being in Slytherin, you’re absolutely given that option)

Whatever whatever I get that kids are brainwashed and conditioned to be racist by racist parents but to be honest at a certain point, them deciding to be bigoted or part of an inherently bigoted club being met with disdain and hostility which can only be avoided by Not Being Bigoted and Combating The Bigotry In Slytherin House is not a BAD thing, it’s making the consequences of their actions clear.

But it’s all a moot point because Slytherins are about as oppressed as unicorns and leprechauns, as they do not actually exist and literally no one can be hurt by saying “all Slytherins are blood supremacists” except perhaps the people they’re a direct analogue for, rich white trust fund kids who are upset that people assume they’re racist just because they’re part of a country club that still unofficially enforces a whites only policy

On May 3, 1998, a bruised and bloodied Neville Longbottom walks into St. Mugos hospital with his head, which is somehow still on his shoulders, held high. He makes his way to his parents’ room in the permanent ward and sits between their beds. 

He tells them everything about his 6th year at Hogwarts. About Luna Lovegood (I’m so mad about her I want to save the world just so she can keeping being in it). About Dumbledore’s Army (My first friends, my best friends, the bravest people I will ever know). About the Order of the Phoenix (I know how it feels now, to be part of something bigger, so much bigger than yourself). About the Battle of Hogwarts (It’s strange, it seemed like it was over before it even started, but it also felt like it lasted a life time). About destroying the last horocrux (I swear I have never been so terrified in my entire life). 

After Neville finishes his story he takes a deep breath. He knows his parents haven’t understood a thing he said, but it has been so much for so long and he just can’t keep it all in anymore. He had to tell someone, and it felt right, to tell them first (it was all for them, after all). He looks up to see both his parents staring at him intently. 

Alice Longbottom is smiling, she has tears in her eyes, her hands are clasped over her heart. 

Frank Longbottom places his hand on his son’s shoulder, he nods and utters the first word he has spoken in years… “Proud.”

if you ever feel left out just remember that you weren’t the fifth gryffindor guy in the marauders’ dormitory

I don’t know if the timeline works even a little bit but my headcanon was always that that fifth dude was Kingsley Shacklebolt and that he immediately made a conscious decision to stay the hell away from whatever those four idiots were up to and everyone was like “Yeah, good kid, studies hard, probably gonna be Minister one day if he manages to last his entire school career without committing four murders”.

Kingley Shacklebolt is probably the best roommate ever. The reason he never gets mentioned as the fifth is because he doesn’t ask questions. The other five start disappearing all night every full moon during fifth year? He doesn’t care and doesn’t want to know. Walked in to find Sirius talking to a fucking deer in the dorm like it was James? Just keep moving and don’t make eye contact. James, Sirius and Peter leaving shit all over the floor? Combine forces with Remus to politely yet firmly remind them that we’re not living in a goddamn barn and your dirty underwear shouldn’t spend three weeks straight on the floor James.

Kingsley was, naturally, invited to the Potter-Evans wedding. The invitation was accompanied with a formal apology for the Everything, signed by the Marauders. Enclosed was a little trophy, with the plaque reading ‘best roomie ever’

It may or may not permanently live on his mantle. Kingsley Shacklebolt does not inform Harry Potter of any of this. He has enough people that knew his parents, Kingsley’s not going to make it weird. Keep moving and don’t make eye contact. Besides, he already gave copies of all his pictures of them to Hagrid to go into a photo album for Harry back in first year.

I have this theory that Neville is supposed to represent everything that Peter could have been. You know, both of them were the weak link in the friend group, the guy easily influenced. But instead, Rowling made Neville weak to prove the two paths an individual could take. How each of our weaknesses manifest in different ways. Peter’s weakness made him a villain, ultimately worse than Voldemort because he betrayed his friends, while Neville’s weakness made him work harder and in the end made him Harry’s strongest ally.

Harry = James, Ron = Sirius, Hermione = Remus, Neville = Peter, Ginny = Lily, Luna = Snape. 

You will notice that none of the six from the old generation survived. The kids each have traits from the old generation but they’re here to fix the past, and thus must survive the series to metaphorically right the past. Some may raise their eyebrows at Luna as Snape, but just as Harry represents James (the popular kid who was good at quidditch, but didn’t become arrogant like his father) or like Peter and Neville (two people who could have been cowards, but Neville rises to life’s challenges) Luna mirrors Snape in being mocked, a pariah, Looney Lovegood and Snivellus. Instead of being resentful, she rose above it, and loved herself regardless. 

If you went with Harry to the Ministry of Magic in book 5, you mattered beyond just backing him up against Voldemort. This core six represented the loss and failure of the Marauders generation, and the hopes of a post-Voldemort future.  

Holy shit

Ok I see where you’re going with this but no. To offer an alternate reading:

To start out with, Harry isn’t James; beyond basic physical similarity, no one (except Snape, who has a stag-sized chip on his shoulder) who interacts with him at any length and who knew his parents fails to notice that he’s a lot more like Lily. Academically bright but not inclined to overtly draw attention to it except in a few cases where the subject matter particularly interests him, protective of others, feels a bit of an outsider and with a deep need to carve out his place in wizarding society on his own terms and his own merits. None of those are James traits. They’re Lily traits.

James was comfortable enough in his pureblood status and in his wizarding-moderate politics not to engage in a great deal of self-examination; he was brusque and aggressive and show-offish; he professed a deep disgust with “dark” wizards while simultaneously hexing anyone with the poor sense or bad luck to get in his way. He was popular and enjoyed it, while keeping his closest friends nearer and deeper in his confidence than anyone outside the group guessed. That’s not Harry. You know who that is, in Harry’s generation? That’s Ginny.

I’d argue that if anyone is a Peter figure, it’s Ron.  A school career of being second best, of being in the shadows, of being told he’s appreciated by his friends but never quite being able to break into the limelight. Of knowing his value to the group but not being certain that the rest of the group knows. Of the nagging certainty that his friends like each other more than they like him, even when that’s obviously untrue to everyone but him. And it’s Ron who was stronger and overcame the pitfalls that destroyed Peter. Ron was able to face up to his own jealousy and resentment and rejoin the friends he’d abandoned before he’d done any real lasting damage; Ron was able to overcome his jealousy even when it was presented to him in too-convincing detail by (a fragment of) Voldemort.

Sirius was James’ equal in the eyes of the school and the faculty, recognized for his own magical and academic excellence. He found his preferred lifestyle incompatible with that of his parents, and by the time he came of age, he’d completely cut ties with them. He was reckless and thoughtless and had very little regard for rules imposed on him by others; he knew just how far on the other side of the law he could tread before it alarmed and disgusted his friends - usually. And yet he was willing to be reined in, most of the time; he loved his chosen family dearly not because he had no one else to love but because he had chosen them. In Harry’s generation, though differing blood status muddles the politics a bit, that role is carried by Hermione.

Luna, I think, is our Remus figure: a lonely kid, used to loneliness and gratified and a little mystified when taken under the wing of a more popular classmate. Both are a little odd and out of touch with their peers because of a traumatic event in early childhood and subsequent social isolation - Remus’s lycantrophy, obviously, but also Luna’s witnessing her mother’s death and being subsequently raised by her father, who was a bit of a pariah in his own right. They both have intimate knowledge of a side of wizarding reality that most witches and wizards consider on an academic level if they think it’s worth understanding at all, and may have their perceptions a little clouded by being too near this esoteric truth. The difference comes in how Luna is comfortable and confident in the value of her weirdness, whereas even when Remus’s “furry little problem” was the justification for the greatest, longest-standing escapade of the marauders, he was never in a position to accept himself.

Which brings us to Neville, and Snape. Both initially find themselves in positions that seem wholly unsuited to living up to their families’ legacy: the half-blood Prince and the near-squib Longbottom. Both spend their early school days on the edges of social groups that occasionally deign to acknowledge them, and are encouraged to think of that as friendship. And then, in their fifth year, they somewhat abruptly come into their own, solidifying allegiances they’d not fully committed to before and finding strength in the ideals of their allies. Neville chose wisely. Snape did not.

i don’t understand what people don’t understand about harry becoming an auror. he spent his whole adolescence not being able to trust the ministry to do their jobs properly and having no power to change things for the better. do you really think he’d just be able to kick back and live a normal life, putting his trust in the government after all he went through? do you think there are any lengths he wouldn’t go to to make sure his friends and family were safe? if you want things done right, do them yourself. did you all read the same books as me? because i’m pretty sure that the harry potter who i read about would never just stand back and watch other people run things when he could be directly involves in making positive changes for making the world a safer place.

#also he… *wanted* to be an auror#as in that is the job that he wanted for himself#he heard about them and immediately thought ‘yes that sounds like the job for me’#regardless of what he had been through or what was going to happen he just liked the sound of it#does that count for nothing?#he never expressed any desire to be a teacher#yes he was good at it in the DA but he was browbeaten into that position by ron and hermione#plus… there is a lot more to being a teacher than giving practical lessons#and harry never demonstrates any interest in any of that other stuff - essays and theory work and… you know… teaching in a classroom#it’s almost like he has an affinity for the practical side of defence against the dark arts#if only there was a job where he could put that practical ability to good use………….. (via @theabsentear)

He’s always been a doer, not a speaker - he’s got a saving people thing - he hates being stared at (unless he’s playing Quidditch) - he would want to actively help take down evil, not stand in a classroom every day. It’s so obvious to me, IDK.

whaaaaaat’s up youtube my name is lee jordan and today we’re going to see how much magic i can do in front of muggles before they catch on, check this out

he goes by dadfoot or dogfather. bonus based on this exchange:

Lupin/Tonks, Coffee Shop AU

for @nurselaney

A/n: Muggle AU as well.  

He was too old for her.  He had hair graying at his temples and she had…well…she had a different hair color every time he came into the shop.  Remus knew he was barking up a tree he had no business sniffing around to begin with.  

Tonks, as she preferred to be called, didn’t seem to care.  She’d make his coffee, slide the cup across the counter.  Call him by his first name.  

She had tattoos snaking up her arms.  Brightly colored works of art.  They disappeared into the sleeves of her blouse, making him wonder where they ended.  If they ended.  Or if her entire body was a canvas she’d let someone paint all over.

He had no business asking her what he was asking her.  Asking her to dinner.  Where was he, a middle-aged professor, going to take her? Nowhere seemed good enough.  

Tonk could tell he was struggling, so she threw him a bone (to continue with the dog metaphors).  “How about…you cook me dinner?” she asked, her lips pulling up into a sly grin.  “At your flat? I’ll bring the dessert.”  

He was speechless for a moment before he nodded.  “Yes, yes, that sounds–Yes.”  

“It does sound ‘yes’, doesn’t it?” she teased.  

Friendly reminder that Oliver Wood and Percy Weasley were in the same year at Hogwarts.

And they were roommates.

oh my god they were roomates

Can someone please fic this? Or better yet make a sitcom out of it?

concept: instead of 4 more Fantastic Beasts movies, Comedy Central takes over and produces 50 episodes of Drunk History: Wizarding World Edition

historian, holding his 5th glass of firewhiskey: I’m here to talk to you about…. about Claudius Cleansweep, the goddamn founder of modern Quidditch.

[cut to Gilderoy Lockhart in period attire]