Part three of the Deborah/Chaz story (picking up from when Newsies on tour closed)

Huge step forward for me today

Okay so we all know I LOVE all things related to both RMS Titanic and the James Cameron film. One thing that's come to my attention is the amount of fat-shaming Kate Winslet received as Rose Dewitt-Bukkater, even back in the nineties when it was released.

Guys, the dresses she wore in that movie were a size four. FOUR. I saw a handful of those dresses today in a special exhibit at the Titanic Museum Attraction in Branson Missouri, they are TINY. And yet she was and still is fat shamed across the board.

AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY WOMEN HAVE SUCH A HARD TIME NOT ONLY IN ENTERTAINMENT BUT DAY TO DAY LIFE.

That being said, the fact that the movie is still such a cultural land mark and so many people DO still love her in that role gives a person such as myself with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, an eating disorder, and has experienced a great deal of fat shaming herself so much hope.

IDK if this will help any other non-neurotypical folks out there...

But sometimes, I picture my mental disorder(s) as a person, and I sing @taylorswift‘s song “Mean” to it.

I find it really empowering/applicable personally, thought I’d share.

Fat shamed by my own Grandma...that’s a new low even for me

I feel so trapped

It’s back to college for senior year in a week and a half and I’m terrified

I always thought I’d look forward to senior year

Boy was I wrong

I’ve had such a SPECTACULAR summer of adventure and relaxation

All the homework, all the bullshit, all the stress, all the sleepless nights

All the rejection and worry

I don’t want to go back

But what other choice do I have

I’ve put in WAY too much time/money to not finish

It would be counterproductive to uproot to some other school this late

And time off would just delay the inevitable

But just thinking about going back there is horrifying

My mental health has been wrecked by school

All summer I felt great

My issues under control, managable

But school will bring it all back I’m sure

The binge eating, stress vomiting, crying spells, migranes, panic attacks

I feel it coming back just thinking about it

Plus all the therapy, all the doctor visits

And scraping together the money for eat

Please

No

NO

GOD NO

HELP ME 

SAVE ME

Seeing my new nutritionist tomorrow for the first time

My shrink and I thought she would be a good way to help with my eating disorder

TBH I’m super nervous although I suppose it is just a first evaluation, the therapy equivalent to syllabus week

But I guess maybe I’m a little hopeful too that I’m making progress to beating this thing?