Why does my family think I have to tell them all about my mental health issues???? Why does that fucking worry them that I don't talk about it with them.
I talk about it with friends. I talk about it occasionally with the internet and I talk about it to MY THERAPIST.
YOU KNOW
THE PERSON I PAY
SO I CAN TALK ABOUT MY MENTAL HEALTH TO THEM
AND THEY CAN HELP
I don't know what my family expects! Particularly what my sisters expect! My sisters have never been my sisters. Jill more so than Sage, but still.
Growing up we didn't hug each other. We didn't tell each other we loved one another. We didn't share secrets or give advice. I was too young for them to care about. They were 5 and 6 years older than me and they had each other.
And I had no one.
I grew up an only child, except I grew up believing my relationship with my sisters was how family was. My friends became my family. My friends became my sisters who I shared things with.
And now my sisters suddenly want relationships with me??? As if they've earned some window into my life???
When? When did they earn that? When they ignored me and left me alone during the financial grief my entire family suffered? When they complained about watching me during the summer I had a fucking psychotic break down at the age of 12?
When in all of that time did they earn the right to give me advice and to help me with my problems? They didn't. And maybe that's why i have such a hard time opening up now. They weren't my sisters. They were strangers I lived with and now?? They're strangers who insist they're my closest friends. They're not. They don't get that privilege They have to earn it like everyone else did: with years of friendship and hard work. And I'm not sure they're willing to do that. Jill is certainly. But not Sage.
I'm just so tired of people wanting me to open up to them, like something's wrong with me. I was an open book for years and it destroyed me. I was an open book when they wanted nothing to do with me. And now I've set boundaries. They have walls separating them from me now and finally, finally, they see. Finally they want to be my sisters.
Well tough shit.
Get in line.