Conversation I Had With Myself This Morning
Me: I'M SICK. I'M DYING. I'M NOT LEAVING MY BED.
Brain: You have a slightly sore throat and some chills. Get up and go the fuck to class.
Me: But this the the third time I've been sick this month! Maybe I have a suppressed immune system. Maybe I have cancer! MAYBE I HAVE AIDS! OH GOD I HAVE AIDS DON'T I?!?!?!
Brain: Let's see, are you sexually active?
Me: ...No
Brain: Do you have a drug addiction that has caused you to share needles? Have you recently gotten a tattoo in an unclean environment?
Me: No and no...
Brain: Have you allowed anyone to stab themselves in the arm, scream "I HAVE AIDS," and then stab you with the same bloody knife?
Me: No....
Brain: you don't have AIDS. Go to class you fucking psycho.
Me: ... Thanks brain.
Brain: Anytime nutbag.