Well... Last time I updated this fanfiction it was 2013. But uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I have been sucked back into Supernatural hell and IDK I guess if any of my old followers are still here and were still holding out hope I would finished this, here you are. Have a new chapter.
I AM LEGIT LOSING MY SHIT OVER THIS
If you have that much of a problem with the show and it's actors quit watching. My honest opinion is just give it time to blow over. I don't think jared meant destiel would ruin spn because it's a gay couple, I think he meant adding romance on that scale in would change the show I to something it's not. The actors all say that the show is about love between brothers not lovers and that's all I believe he meant. I don't think he was trying to insult lgbtq people.
*sigh* Are we gonna do this? Okay we're gonna do this.
I don't think he meant adding romance of that scale would change the show into something it's not. I think he meant specifically adding destiel to the show would change it into something it's not. There have been romantic story lines before and they haven't taken over. And some of them have been great arcs. None of those relationships have "ruined" the show. So why would Destiel? People always assume that I want Destiel to overthrow everything else. I have said it many times before and I will say it again, I don't even need it to be a requited thing. Where it appeared they were going with Cas? That Cas had a thing for Dean? Would be literally all I need. Acknowledgment. I don't need a romance. I don't need Dean feeling the same way. Just the writers for once acknowledging what they've set up all on their fucking own. And not shoving it under the rug when the queer fans aren't in their vicinity.
And yeah yeah. I get it. The show is about "da brothers," about their abusive, unhealthily codependent relationship, and somehow this is "love." But more and more I hate how the boys treat each other. And their small moments of decency don't makeup for the shit of the past. The first seasons of the show actually involve a decent brother relationship. But shit has gotten twisted. So when people throw that excuse at me "it's just about the love between the brothers that's it," I roll my eyes. Because first of all, the show was really originally about American horror stories and the (shocker) SUPERNATURAL. And then they realized the potential they had with the brother's arc and MADE A SHIFT. They shifted the direction of the show. The have often shifted the directions of characters and story lines so that excuse is pretty dull and ineffective if we're honest here.
Also, you're right. I can just stop watching. I am toying with the idea of doing just that. But I'm caught up wishing the show could be what it was in the past or what I imagined it could be. I get attached to characters. I get attached to stories. And I love Supernatural. I truly do. I stick with stuff. Most of the time I stick with stuff til the very end. Hell I let Dexter drag me along for SEASONS just hoping it would get better again. (Hint: it didn't) The series finale of that show made me scream with anger. Because it was shit. But I loved Dexter. I loved the characters and the concept. I couldn't abandon it.
So it's a personality thing for me. I'm not the kind of person to let stuff go. I'm not. And I'm sorry if that bothers you, but -- actually no I'm not. I'm not sorry. Deal with it. If you don't like it, how about you don't go seeking posts in the Destiel tag or browsing through MY blog.
Also, considering I track the activity on my blog, you're not fooling me bucko. I know only one computer has logged onto my "ask" page in the past 24 hours. Only one. So I know you're the same person who sent me that, probably bogus, ask about crying yourself to sleep over Destiel. Go ahead and keep trying to fuck with me, but I'm not an idiot. You're a troll. You're trying to stir up trouble, and you have failed. Now move along. Better luck next time ya dip.
I cried myself to sleep last night over what Jared and Jensen said. I had nightmares about Destiel all night and they were so fucked up. I can't stop thinking about how the comments hurt. I know what you mean about getting too tired to ship Destiel. I am so emotionally drained right now. It feels like being in an emotionally abusive relationship (I have been in one before and this is exactly what it feels like).
I'm very sorry, dear. I'd be lying through my teeth if I said I hadn't cried over something the actors/writers have said about Destiel or implied about queer fans and shippers. I've been there. It blows. And to a certain extent they are absolutely abusing their fans' trust and dedication. Queerbaiting and shitty actions that resemble it are grounded in the exploitation of queer fans hopes, desires, and encouraged expectations. They keep trying to quell the cries of the fans when shit goes wrong and if it works those fans are likely only in for more pain. I definitely understand why you feel the way you do.
It's awful. It's an awful way to treat people, especially when those people support you.
So you're not alone and I'm glad I'm not.
I keep going back and forth about whether I'm actually quiting supernatural or not.
Because though Season 9 was a pile of shit, Demon!Dean offers up so many OPPORTUNITIES.
But Jared Padalecki makes me want to punch walls. Honestly. I need to just not follow the conventions anymore. Like there's this part of me that hopes I run into him in Austin so I can be like:
"Oh, Mr. Padalecki, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ruin your sidewalk with my queerness. I wouldn't want to make this sidewalk about something unrelated to your heteronormative world view. Obviously my queerness just complete takes over everything I touch. It's not like I exist outside of your perception of me as a queer person. I definitely don't. All I do is gay all day. Nothing else."
Because I'm passive aggressive and an asshole but just really tired.
I don't know why I'm obsessed with Destiel. I don't know why it hurts me and has a hold on me the way it does. I honestly wish I could just move onto some other ship or show. I don't know why I keep engaging in this bullshit cycle of Annoyance -- Anger -- Hurt -- Blind Hope and back again.
It's just so dumb. I hate it. I hate that I care. I hate that it bothers me. I hate that I feel so much for stupid fucking fictional characters. I don't know why this means so much to me. I don't know. I can't totally explain it. I just. I don't know. Part of me just feels like it's not worth it anymore. It's not worth it if I have to go through this stupid and obnoxiously over-reactive cycle of despair every time some two-bit cishet TV actor says something shitty.
I still don't know.
I just.
I want something better.
Because I think a lot of people have been waiting for an exact quote on this…
Sarah: My question is about the most recent episode, 22, so spoilers if anyone hasn’t seen it.
Misha: Okay. I haven’t, so.
Sarah: My question is about something that Metatron said about Cas. He said he’s in love with humanity, and… okay, other than a certain special someone, I’m wondering what it is about humanity that you think he’s so enamoured with?
Misha: Um. [pause] He, um. [pause] I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but I’m going to. Um, I think the writers, um… I really shouldn’t be telling you this. Um. Metatron— So when we—when I go into the room that was heaven, that was the heaven trap… ‘cause this has aired, right?
[audience agrees]
Metatron sort of made Cas’ version of heaven, but it was like a joke version of heaven, like, rainbows and unicorns kind of heaven. Um, but in the original script, it was, uh— [laughs] it was photos— it was photos of uh… naked men, with uh, with Jensen’s face.
[audience cheers]
I read it… I read it and I was like, oh, are you fucking kidding me? This is what’s going on—really? And then someone up the ladder was like, no, you can’t do that, so they didn’t do it, but it was written in the script, so, um.
HOW COME NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS.
deans gonna see castiel’s tru form. i wonder what its going to be like. holy shit
"uh, nice animal heads" "Thank you Dean. The dark, writhing void that now occupies your face is certainly an improvement." "fuck off cas"
So, what do you think about the times the writers have said that bisexual Dean (and particularly Destiel) is not the direction that they're going with? The one--his name escapes me--confirmed it, saying something like "that is not the route we are taking with this show", then had to backtrack when the Fandom exploded. Plus, Jensen has expressed at multiple cons how uncomfortable he is with the idea. He hates fans bringing it up. At the latest con, a fan almost asked a question and...
[2] and he immediately told her not to ruin it for everybody. Although, now I think about it, it wasn’t the /most/ recent—but sometime in the past year or so. And I’m with him. As a bisexual woman, I would feel rather uncomfortable with a character who’s been confirmed as straight numerous times (by writers, the actor himself, AND the character), SUDDENLY being bi… I mean, just because you’re straight doesn’t mean you can’t look at other people. I’ve seen plenty of that w/ my friends… [3] You have all this meta, all this ‘proof’, and talk about it like it’s obvious. But the only people who see the ‘obviousness’ of it all are the hardcore Destiel shippers. The non-shippers and other shippers don’t see any canon pairings coming true *at all* because we realize it’s all in our heads. It’s just so confusing and odd to me because I cannot comprehend how you see ‘true love’ out of things that happen between regular people on a daily basis. Especially as Dean is turning darkside and…[4] …has had NO romantic story line this season? In fact, Supernatural is, like, the *opposite* from a romantic show. The romance plots last for 8 episodes, at maximum. And that’s happened in two different seasons. All the other girls have been one-offs. It’s all about monster hunting, and more importantly—it’s all about Sam and Dean. That’s literally the point of the show: the fact that they would destroy anything and everything for each other. “The Epic Love Story of Sam and Dean”, remember?
As far as I can tell, there are three possible reasons why you would decide to send me this message. You’re either, a) hoping to convince me that I’m delusional, b) genuinely interested in knowing the answers to the questions you’ve asked, or c) a troll attempting to stir up unnecessary fandom wank.
I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume it’s not option c.
That leaves us with options a or b, and to be perfectly frank with you, option a just ain’t gonna happen.
So.
Option b it is.
the whole fucking cast ships it
Osric I love you and I miss you come back into my life
This is actually the wikipedia page right now. Oh my god… ROTFLMAO.
With humanity one man.
I'm really kind of confused and angry and don't know how to feel about what Metatron said Cas's weakness was.
When Metraton started "he's in love," my stomach dropped out of my body. Because holy shit. Were they really. Were they actually. Had they done it? Had they made it explicit? And then came the second part of that sentence
"with humanity."
But there was such a huge fucking pause there. And whether that was just Curtis or the script itself, who the fuck knows. But it was all so deliberate and ridiculous. Dean being clueless "you gave up an entire army for one man."
And Cas's face there. You can see it. You can see the unspoken "you're more than just a man, Dean." Because he is. He always has been. This is not the first nor the second time Cas has given up everything for Dean. Metraton says he cares about "The Hardy Boys," and that's true. I fully believe Cas cares about Sam. Much more so than he ever has in the past. Cas has grown. And if they had asked him to kill Sam I think he would have refused just the same. But that's not what they showed. They showed Cas refusing to kill Dean. and then they said the words "in love" to explain those actions.
What else do they expect us to take from that?
If they're genuinely planning to reveal Cas is in love with Dean, fine.
But if they're not?
If this is them playing with us? And riding that line? It's queer baiting. It's unbridled queer baiting in the extreme.
But what they did was so utterly, obnoxiously in-your-face, that I genuinely don't know what to think or how to feel.
That episode read to me like "Cas is in love with Dean."
Whether Dean reciprocates it or not, whatever. But if they make that canon? Not only a queer Cas, but a Cas in love with Dean?
I think I'll genuinely burst into tears. I will cry. I will cry and cry and cry.
This season has been so frustrating and inconsistent. I've even considered quiting the show on multiple occasions because I'm just so disappointed in the writing as of late. So if they pull me back in at the very end? I'll be impressed. All I will say is that they're on the right track.
Number 23 calls him ‘Cas’, and the angel blade clatters to the ground from numb fingers. You have to kill that one yourself, and it takes three other angels to hold Castiel back.
Number 108 kisses him, hard and rough and possessive, and Castiel disappears. You find him two hours later, hiding in a corner of the warehouse and muttering quantum physics laws under his breath.
Number 332 kisses him, soft and gentle and pleading, and Castiel stabs him in the heart, hisses, “Not Dean.” You’ll accept it as a small victory.
Number 491 calls him ‘brother.’ Cas cuts him down with a sob and cries over his corpse for forty-seven minutes.
Number 665 lets Castiel sink the blade into his left lung with a sadistic smile, steps into the puncturing pressure and whispers into Castiel’s ear. ”You were always a weapon.” You have to call the other angels back to stop Castiel from sinking his blade into his own heart after that.
Number 804 grins around a mouthful of blood and chokes, “I never cared about you.”
Number 887 spits, “You don’t even have a soul.”
Number 901 snarls, “Angels aren’t capable of real love.”
Number 983 breaks him. He looks up at Cas with cold, beautiful green eyes and whispers, “I wish you’d left me in Hell.” After that, you’re almost certain that these are mercy killings, but it gets the job done.
Number 984 is cut down in a vicious and sloppy melee.
Number 987 cries out, but Castiel doesn’t bat an eyelash.
Number 993 doesn’t even see Castiel approach.
Number 998 begs, but Castiel moves with ruthless precision and speed.
Number 1000 is dead before he hits the ground.
Number 1002 crumples against the linoleum and you hit the lights. Castiel is now fully operational. He’s the deadliest weapon in Heaven’s arsenal, once again.
a moment of silence for all the crazy sex Dean and Cas would have already had if Supernatural was on HBO
