Im 7 weeks post partial knee replacement. Honestly this journey has been more mentally taxing than i ever expected. This was my third knee surgery so physically and mentally (my ocd is MAD) i knew what to expect. What i never expected was the sense of doom and rawness i feel about it. Its the finality of it, there is no more false hope of it “getting better”, this is it for my knee, half of it is gone, eventually all of it will be. The surgery worked, dont get me wrong, my knee feels the best its felt in like 10 years. But boy shes messy, and my patellafemoral joint is also now down to bone, and my ACL graft is stretched AND BRO Im 34 in 6 days, like this is my knee for a looonngg time.

Maybe one of the most painful experences of my life. Had my third (and hopefully final) knee surgery, a partial replacement aka an oxford knee. 33 with a knee older than my grandma.

So today was interesting. Im equally pleased and devastated. 33 year old me was told a partial knee replacement is my best option. So thats nice.

CEO of gaslighting myself when it comes to my chronic pain.

"Maybe its not as bad as I think it is"

"What if I'm faking it"

Today I went to ED because my pain has been uncontrollable after a fall. Unfortunately there was nothing they could do for the pain except reassure me everything looks ok. That was hard to hear. Anyway here is a copy of my xray. Thought it was kinda cool. The holes in the kneecap are my favorite part.

Climbed the Castle Hill (Canterbury, New Zealand) rocks today despite having fucked knees, crps and being hella obese. Proud of myself.

Happy 2021.

I do alot for my knees yet they have the audacity to fucking hurt.

I had two knee surgerys on my lefty and now have CRPS and OA . And now my right knee is subluxing. Fml. Chronic pain is fun.

Don't be me and fuck up your knees kids.

As some of you long timers know ive got a knee that's next levels of fucked up due to surgeries, crps, arthritis and chronic pain. (Yay). Anyways I love a good negativly /real talk meme as much as the next man. But one thing I've noticed is that people love using the term warrior when talking about disability and illness. I don't know if its just me but this term doesn't sit with me at all. I'm not a warrior, I'm just living life with the bullshit I was handed. This doesnt mean it doesnt suck to have my fucked up body. But this also doesn't make me feel like a warrior. This makes me feel human.

My knee might be misshapen, squishy and scarred but boy is she getting pretty.

Today my damaged piece of shit knee and its not so damaged twin hit 420kgs on the leg press. Blaze it.

People of tumblr. What do you do when you hate someone's voice?

I have this coworker and their voice makes me want to vomit or punch something. My pain guy thinks is just my nerves being little shits because they like to make my life difficult. But at the moment my nerves aren't settling because I doing my best to face some fears and emotions associated with my injury and pain. And well catch 22 this makes my pain and nerves worse.

Anyone else face this annoyance and have some tips? I'm looking to buy some anc headphones but they cost a butt tone.

Chur.

Because im a clumsy shit yesterday i tripped in a hole and landed directly on my knees. Note, I cant actually kneel on my knee at all because of the nerve damage and scaring. My knee and nerves are so angry at me. I had painsomia lastnight and today i just want to destroy all my nerves. Thanks for listening to my tedtalk.

Just found out the nerve pain medication i had to stop due to the cost has been subsidised!!! Instead of $154 for 54 tablets its now $3 for over 300 pills. Excuse me while i cry tears of joy.

The time of greater suffering is upon me. Winter is here. Cant wait for my knee pain to increase more. So excited to feel even more crippled.

Today marks 2 years since my ACL surgery and two years on all i can say is that i have regrets. In hindsight knowing what i know now and knowing what side effects i ended up with I don't know if I would of made the same decision. I would of done things differently i can tell you that.