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#inspiration – @northisnotup on Tumblr
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& South is not Down

@northisnotup / northisnotup.tumblr.com

Dramatique Dinner Guest, Fandom Muse & General Enthusiast // Officially in my 30s I guess
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Doomed by the narrative but not because of the story itself, doomed by the narrative because it isn’t about you, doomed to obscurity, doomed because the narrative forgot you and you’re doomed to burn your hands on the spotlight as you try to drag it onto yourself

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leneemusing

prompts for emotionally stunted idiots

because my friends muses need therapy. will they get it? absolutely not. 

AVOIDING THE TERRIFYING ORDEAL OF BEING KNOWN:  

  •   yeah i’m pissed off but i’d rather not talk about it.  that’s why you’re the one i came to. 
  •   i’m not looking for a friend.  i’m looking for someone just as angry as i am. 
  •   i’m not good at caring about people’s shit on purpose. 
  •   i’m not gonna ask if ‘you’re okay’ cause that’s fuckin’ annoying.  you wanna get the hell out of here and do something?  ”  
  •  “  i don’t wanna talk about it. you got a beer?  ”  
  •   upset?  why would i be upset?  ”
  • “  so you wanna go find something to break?  ”  
  • “  hey you want me to kill that guy for you?  ”
  •   i just need to get this shit done.  and i trust you to help me do that.    
  •   you’re hot.  and i’m bored.  ”  
  •   can we just have some meaningless sex we can both pretend didn’t happen tomorrow morning?  ”
  •   i can think of at least a dozen people that need killing.  or a light beating.  will that cheer you up?  ”
  • “  i’ve a got job and i think you’d be the perfect fit.  so you in?  ”
  • “  yeah i don’t do the whole crying thing.  give me something to stab and i’ll be good in a day or two.  ”
  • “  i banged it out and now i feel great.  next question.  ”
  • “  if i think about it,  i get angry.  and i don’t know where that anger stops.  so i’d rather not start at all.  ”

VARIOUS SENTENCES WITH ABSOLUTELY NO DEPTH U COWARDS: 

  • “  if you’re gonna stay here you can’t be sober so either take the fruity beer or the shitty wine or let me be vibe in peace. 
  •   how much insect essence do you think are in every square inch of chocolate? like just how many cockroach guts have i consumed with my hershey’s? ” 
  •   you should’ve seen the look on their face.  it’s been so long since i’ve made someone that fuckin’ angry it was great.  
  •   i have this neighbor who keeps playing driver’s license at 10 a.m. every morning and i’m starting to question if it’s a sixteen year old getting over a breakup or a 36 year old trying to reclaim their childhood. at this point the mystery is the only thing keeping me going. 
  • “  do i trust you?  absolutely not.  next question. 
  • “  if i don’t get a nap in the next hour i’ll probably murder someone.  ”
  • “  you’re getting that look in your eyes like you’re about to ask me what’s wrong so i’m gonna save us both the awkwardness of finding an excuse to leave and just go now. 
  •   i’m here to raid your fridge cause my date went really bad and all i’ve had is lukewarm water and breadsticks. 
  •   i’m making a fake tinder profile to see how gullible guys are, wanna help?  ”   
  • “  hey i got something for you look!    *holds up middle finger* 

U MIGHT GET PUNCHED: 

  • “  why are you really here?  ”
  • “  i’m not leaving until you tell me what the fuck is going on.  ”
  • “  you can’t solve every problem with your fists.  ”  
  • “  i’m not here to talk about me.  what the hell is going on with you?  ”
  • “  you think i don’t notice but i do.  i can tell something’s wrong.  ”   
  • “  i can see beneath your smile.  ”
  • “  why won’t you just tell me the truth?  ”
  • “  what are you hiding? and don’t you dare try to lie to me. ”
  • “  what the hell did you do?  ”
  • “  so are we gonna talk about it or are we gonna pretend nothing’s wrong here?  ”
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peachyyykat

‘phantom pains’, caitlin conlon // ‘what i could never confess without some bravado’, emily palermo // ‘i will’, mitski // ‘a self-portrait in letters’, anne sexton // ‘desperation sits heavy on my tongue’, @/tullipsink // ‘hunger makes me’, jess zimmerman // ‘coffee and cigarettes’, sade andria zabala

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Eighteenth Day of Gift-Giving

Eighteen Aches

... 18 hurt/comfort dialogue prompts

  1. "Just focus on me and try to relax."
  2. "I know you're hurting right now. Please let me help you."
  3. "Should I keep talking? Would that help you?"
  4. "It seems like the end of the world right now, I know."
  5. "I can't take the pain away, but I'll always be here for your support."
  6. "We can just lay down for a moment. The world's not ending when we're taking the rest we need."
  7. "Don't look. I will bandage it for you."
  8. "It's amazing you're still standing. Let me help you."
  9. "Sit down, you are looking very pale."
  10. "I care about you! Do you hear me?"
  11. "Don't lie to me. I can see that you are not ok."
  12. "You're safe with me. You can finally let go."
  13. "Can I touch you? Please, I want to help you."
  14. "We need to keep moving, unfortunately. Hold onto me."
  15. "I'm afraid you will hurt yourself even more."
  16. "Please believe me, I will not leave you alone."
  17. "Do you want to tell me about it?"
  18. "You need to sleep, this is not healthy."
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50 Types of Kisses - Writing Prompts

Send in a number and a pairing!

  1. Small kisses littered across the other’s face.
  2. A small, fleeting kiss - which is immediately followed by a passionate, hungry kiss.
  3. A breathy demand: “Kiss me” - and what the other person does to respond.
  4. An accidental brush of lips followed by a pause and going back for another, on purpose.
  5. Throwing their arms around the other person’s neck, hugging them close before kissing them passionately on the lips.
  6. Wild, breathless kisses brought on by a heartfelt gift.
  7. French kisses where they trace every tooth with their tongues as though trying to memorize them.
  8. Laying a gentle kiss to the back of the other’s hand.
  9. A kiss that lasts so long, they are sharing each other’s breaths.
  10. A hello/good-bye kiss that is given without thinking - where neither person thinks twice about it.
  11. Morning kisses that are exchanged before either person opens their eyes, kissing blindly until their lips meet in a blissful encounter.
  12. Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss.
  13. Butterfly kisses against the other’s cheeks.
  14. A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.
  15. A fierce kiss that ends with a bite on the lip, soothing it with a lick.
  16. One person pouting, only to have it removed by a kiss from the other person.
  17. Tucking their hands beneath the other person’s shirt, just to watch them break the kiss and gasp in surprise at the sensation of cold/warm hands on their skin.
  18. Teasing kisses where one person blows air into the other’s mouth and runs away.
  19. One person stopping a kiss to ask “Do you want to do this?”, only to have the other person answer with a deeper, more passionate kiss.
  20. Kissing in a stairwell, giving them an artificial height difference.
  21. A chaste kiss given to each other because they are in mixed company.
  22. A kiss that is leading to more, but is interrupted by a third party.
  23. A kiss that tastes of the food/dessert they are eating.
  24. Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer.
  25. Wet kisses after finding refuge from the rain.
  26. Brushing a kiss along the shell of the other person’s ear.
  27. Kisses exchanged while one person sits on the other’s lap.
  28. One person tracing the other’s lips with a fingertip until they can’t resist any longer, tilting their chin towards them for a kiss.
  29. Staring at each other’s lips for a moment before moving closer, as if drawn together by some unseen force.
  30. Weak, sweaty kisses because it’s unbearably hot.
  31. Pulling away from a kiss, whispering words of love against each other’s lips.
  32. A kiss so passionate, so perfect - that after they part, neither person can open their eyes for a few moments afterwards.
  33. An unexpected kiss that shocks the one receiving it.
  34. Kisses that start on their fingers and run up their arm, eventually ending on their lips.
  35. An awkward kiss given after a first date.
  36. Starting with bunny kisses before moving on to soft kisses.
  37. Cleaning the other person’s lips with a lick and a kiss.
  38. Whispering “I love you” before a chaste, delicate kiss.
  39. Kissing tears from the other’s face.
  40. A gentle kiss that quickly descends into passion, with little regard for what’s going on around them.
  41. Kisses shared under an umbrella.
  42. Distracting kisses from someone that are meant to stop the other person from finishing their work, and give them kisses instead.
  43. A kiss pressed to the top of the head.
  44. Tentative kisses given in the dark.
  45. Kisses exchanged as they move around, hitting the edges of tables or nearly tripping over things on the floor before making it to the sofa, or bed.
  46. A lingering kiss before a long trip apart.
  47. A kiss paired with a tight hug, knocking the breath out of the person being hugged.
  48. One person has to bend down in order to kiss their partner, who is standing on their tip-toes to reach their partner’s.
  49. Short and sweet kiss after meeting up for a date.
  50. A kiss, followed by more that trail down the jaw and neck.
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sacred romantic moments

  • “ don't go. stay. “
  • “ but you're here. so stay. “
  • “ i don't want to be alone tonight. “
  • “ just come over. “
  • “ let's be alone together. “
  • “ i didn't know where else to go. “
  • “ i don't want us to be apart anymore. ever. “
  • “ i wouldn't have called if it wasn't important. “
  • “ you can talk to me about anything. you know that, right? “
  • “ just be honest with me. do you want this? “
  • “ i could never hate you. not really. “
  • “ you're my friend, but sometimes i wish you were more than that. “
  • “ we're not just friends. you know that. “
  • “ i think i'm falling in love with you. “
  • “ can i hold your hand? “
  • “ just hold me. “
  • “ yeah, you're in love with me. “
  • “ things would be so much easier if we were honest with each other. “
  • “ why can't you be honest with me? with yourself? “
  • “ maybe you could stay? just for tonight? “
  • “ it’s dark outside, and it’s raining. my arms are much safer. “
  • “ you can't keep doing this. you can't keep lying to yourself. “
  • “ i can't keep lying to myself, or to you. it's not fair on either of us. “
  • “ i think you should kiss me. “
  • “ kiss me like you mean it. “
  • “ just kiss me. “
  • “ you shouldn't kiss me right now. “
  • “ look me in the eyes and tell me you love me. “
  • “ you can't lie to me, you know. “
  • “ you know me better than anyone. you always have. “
  • “ you're pretty amazing. you know that, right? “
  • “ you're just... you're extraordinary. “
  • “ you're good to me, you know. really good. “
  • “ you've made me the happiest i've ever been. “
  • “ i don't know what i would have done if you weren't here. “
  • “ our love can conquer anything. “
  • “ and for many generations to come, our love story will live on. “
  • “ i want you to marry me. “
  • “ if you asked me to marry you tomorrow, i'd say yes. “ “ what about today? “
  • “ marry me, name. marry me and make me the luckiest [x] in the world. “
  • “ your kiss could mend a broken heart. “
  • “ are you going to kiss me again? please say yes. “
  • “ i could cry over how much i love you. “
  • “ you're worthy of my love. “
  • “ truth is that i'm so damn in love with you i don't know what to do with myself. “
  • “ i don't know what the future holds, all i know is that i hope you're in it. “
  • “ could you promise me one thing? “
  • “ promise me that we'll be together, no matter what. “
  • “ it's you and me, forever. no matter what. “
  • “ i didn't want to tell you until i was sure, but... i'm pregnant. “
  • “ we're going to be family! “
  • “ this baby is the best thing that could ever have happened to us. “
  • “ i can't believe this, we're going to be parents! “
  • “ dance with me? “
  • “ may i have this dance? “
  • “ you're my whole world, you know. “
  • “ don't speak. just... kiss me. “
  • “ you have no idea how long i've been wanting to that. “
  • “ i've been wanting to tell you for so long... “
  • “ so... is this like, a thing now? “
  • “ i always miss you, even when you're next to me. “
  • ” i miss you. i miss you so much it hurts. ”
  • ” i don’t want you to miss me. it’s tearing me apart. ”
  • “ you make me happier. “
  • “ i love waking up next to you. “
  • “ my favorite thing is falling asleep next to you. “
  • “ come cuddle with me. “
  • “ this is torture, isn't it? “ “ not in the slightest. “
  • “ do you love me? “
  • “ could this be something more? “
  • “ move in with me. “
  • “ like, moving in together? you spend all your time here anyway. “
  • “ are you serious? i've had a crush on you for as long as i can remember. “
  • “ i know you're in love with me. “
  • “ you're really cute, you know. “
  • “ you're so damn attractive. you know that right? “
  • “ if anybody were to kiss me, i would want that person to be you. “
  • “ and right now, i think you should kiss me. “
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Eight years ago today, I attempted suicide.

It was three in the afternoon. I was making a lunch/dinner to take to my work, chopping vegetables for my salad when I realized I didn’t have to suffer being alone anymore. I didn’t have to be sad, I didn’t have to be lonely, and I didn’t have to be scared. That I could just end it all, right then and there.

And I picked up the knife, and placed it against my skin.

I remember the cold blade, and I remember staring at it, willing my arm to do what I wanted.

And then I saw my dog, my darling Anja who was sitting there, just begging for some lunch meat, watching me with her big eyes.

And I lost it. I dropped the knife on the counter and fell to the ground and screamed and cried and hugged my dog and begged for someone to help.

Somehow I called my stepdad who had already moved to Colorado by this time, and I couldn’t get any words out. I just couldn’t stop crying, couldn’t stop feeling the blade and the fear and the loneliness and yet still wanted to die.

My brothers got home. They just walked in the door, saw me on the floor, saw the knife and somehow knew. I was ushered into the living room, and I could see my brothers crying and I was begging them to forgive me and they couldn’t look at me and Anja was still there.

And then mom got home, and she raged. She demanded to know why, she demanded to know what was wrong. She got on and called me out of work. She took me to a hospital after talking to my old counsellor.

I stayed in the psychiatric ward for approximately 10 days. And those 10 days were filled with weird emorions, weird moments of where I’d hit a down and everyone would tell me it was okay I wanted to die and my feelings of existential dread and loneliness were real. And there were moments where I’d be okay, manageable.

I will admit I manipulated myself into getting out early, when I know I should have stayed longer. I was so scared of missing university. I was so scared of being kicked out because of mental illness. And we didn’t have me on drugs and we didn’t know what worked yet but I needed to go to school don’t you understand?

Eight years ago today I hit my lowest possible point. Eight years ago I wanted to die. Eight years ago and today isn’t really all that much different emotionally, but mentally?

It makes all the difference.

I would have never met any of you had I succeeded back then. I would have never basked in WTNV or screamed over 07Ghost or caught pokemon with my friends or had the courage to move away and get tattoos and know I am asexual and go to a gaming convention.

I just. .

Thank you.

I’m so happy I didn’t get you taken away before I could know you. I’m happy I got the chance to have you in my life, friend. I love you, and I hope things are well.

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On writing in Fandom

I've come to accept about myself that why I write is not for myself or for acclaim, but for fandom. I want people to feel the same joy and pleasure as I do when I take part in fandom. I want to carry on the feeling of being inspired by people and allowing them to move you. When you've traced every edge of a fanwork or have read something so many times you know every word. If it were a book, the spine would be cracked beyond repair, a favourite tshirt that's falling apart at the seems. That's why I write, and why fandom means so much to me.

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