Patron Saint of Lighthouses

Apparently this tiktok was deleted hours after I saved it.

[Video ID: A Tiktok that several users have added onto, each making a different joke about gender.

Person 1: They say “No pronouns? Damn… another victim of gender identity theft.” They start cracking up on the last word.

Person 2: They start off smirking while they appear to think about what to say. Then, they look at the camera imitate a spam call voice, saying, “We have been trying to contact you about your gender’s extended warranty.”

Person 3: They come in through a doorway and yell, “It’s my gender identity, and I need it now!” The camera angle shifts to indicate they’re a different person, and they say, “Tired of not having a gender identity? J.G. Wentworth can help. Call J. G. Wentworth; 877-pro-nouns. They’re your pronouns, use them when you need em’!”

Person 4: They imitate the kind of voice you hear on legal ads and say, “Attention: If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Gender, you may be entitled to financial compensation.”

Person 5: Starting off strong and dissolving into fits of laughter as they speak, they say, “-and now a word from our sponsor: Raid Shadow Genders; conquer all of the genders" End ID]

*doom music starts to play* I actually kindof like scheduling these kinds of appointments now...

but seriously Fellas, don't forget to schedule a pap smear every couple of years just in case. If you still have a cervix you can still get cervical cancer. ilu

this has been a psa

Never not thinking about the trans woman I met in a gay bar in a town I'll never go back to who said "gender roles are like chains, fun to use in bondage scenarios but largely irrelevant in daily life"

Okay but can anyone articulate the mindset that leads older people to feel like they NEED to know people's gender identity all the time? Like what's going on there

Cause it feels like I've had a hundred xonversations with cis straight people around 40-60 years old that goes like

Person: Did you see that?

Me: See what?

Person: That. It, him, whatever they're called

Me: (Sees a femme with masculine features)

Me: What about them

Person: Well what is that? He's dressed in women's clothes, so is he-it, they- What does that mean?

Me: I mean. If you're concerned about pronouns you can probably ask

Person: But do I call it a Mister or a miss?

Me: Well uh. That depends on what they tell you but "them" is usually safe.... but based on their makeup, hair, and heels I don't think they'd be mad if you assumed thry were a lady

Me: So like. I'd say she's probably just. Here for the event

Person: That's fine, I get that, I don't have a problem with trans people, I just don't get how you're supposed to know

Person: Like how do you know if someone is transsexual or just cross dressing?

Me: Uhhhhhhhh

Me: I mean

Me: I don't know. Any cross dressers. Who would be offended by being pronoun'd by their outfit. But like.

Me: I guess if you choose wrong. And they correct you. Then you just.... apologize and use what they tell you?

Me: .... Do you plan on talking to them?

Person: No

Me: Then why d. Why does it matter

Person: I'm just trying to understand

Me: And that's great! But like. You don't need to

Person: What

Me: You don't need to. Necessarily. Understand. You know?

Person: Huh

Me: They're here for the event. You don't have to interact with them. In two hours they'll go home and you'll never see them again

Person: I'm just confused

Me: You're allowed to be confused

Me: You can stay confused

Me: It's not illegal

Like

I don't know how applied statistics works

Thats fine

I'm probably gonna die confused about that one

I don't need romance know the gender and physiology and medical history of a random stranger I'm never gonna talk to

Why do you need to know

Do you think they're gonna quiz you before they leave

Are you worried you're gonna get a bad grade

a day late to my 6 years on t anniversary ✨🏳️‍⚧️ a short comic about looking back

Genuinely the #1 thing you can do to make sure trans people around you get gendered correctly is to just lead by example. Saying "hi this is [x] she'll be joining us today, could you show her [y]" is 100000x more effective and less scrutinizing pressure than a pronoun circle.

Yup, and double down. “No I’m sorry there aren’t any men by that name here. Do you want to speak to [y], she’ll be able to help you.” And “Oh no, sorry I’ve never met [z]. It was a nice lady who showed me around.” And “Oh look, it’s [x]! She’s great with this sort of thing. We should ask her.” When someone misgenders or deadnames a person, be politely and extremely confused. “Who are you talking about? I’ve worked here for 5 years and never met [z], you must be confused.” Make it impossible for the conversation to continue while their bigotry stands, but it’s THE BIGOT’s (or uninformed person’s) fault because they committed the social blunder of forgetting someone’s name. Oops! Silly you, how could you get that confused! Well now that we’ve sorted out who you really meant we can move on.

My parents did this when they met my ex's parents for the first time and his mom deadnamed and misgendered him. My mom didn't miss a beat "Oh, you have a daughter? I knew [name redacted] has a brother, but I didn't know he has a sister too! Can we meet her?" and my ex's mom had to backpedal.

I've spend the last two weeks speedrunning coming out as a trans woman to my coworkers, extended family, and the assorted friends I'd collected through Facebook and I've been shocked and overwhelmed by how enthusiastically supportive cis women have been in particular. After doomscrolling through TERF shit for the past year, I'd become convinced that cis women tended towards distrust of trans women, with a significant percentage actively vitriolic. But, time and time again, I've received effusive praise from the cis women I come out to. Not just progressive women either: Christian Facebook-moms from Texas have been enormously supportive. I've gotten some support from cis men too, but nothing nearly as passionate, and they've been the source of all the awkward avoidance or disgusted looks I've experienced. It makes complete sense: cis women generally like being women, and most of them like it a lot, so why wouldn't they celebrate somebody else becoming like them? This really drives home how dishonest TERFism is: they present themselves as the voice of women, but really they're just a regressive minority, distorting the issues to lead people away from their inclination towards love and acceptance.

That was basically my experience when I came out (in 2015)

My father's partner attends a very liberal Christian church where the congregation does skew older and white.

Now, they have had Trans members before. This is old news. Of course they have had Trans parishners, why wouldn't they??

But for the first time, they now have a member who has come out as Trans while attending the church. In other words, for dad's partner, at least, this is her first experience with knowing someone for years as one gender, and having them come out as another.

And the way they are trying so hard to both be accepting but also NOT MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT THIS, is pretty funny.

Questions I, a person with more Trans friend experience, has been asked:

-Would it be insulting to compliment her makeup? (Me: most people are pleased if you say, oh, I love that lipstick shade, aren't they? You're complimenting their taste. Just don't be condescending.)

-Can we invite her to the ladies prayer group? Is it too soon? (Me: that's up to her. It's always nice to offer. She may not want to do it immediately, or she may. That's up to her. Be welcoming.)

-She always worked the grill at the summer fundraiser. Is it insulting to change her job? (Me: she may LIKE grilling. And I know other ladies in the congregation help at the grill. Ask her what she wants to do.)

But it's been sweet to watch them try, so hard, to get it right. To respect her and make sure she's welcome. It's just.

Nice.

👏👏👏👏👏

self love is a fundamental part of trans identity

transitioning (whatever that might look like for you) is the ultimate form of radical and complete self love and preservation

Wow. The patience, kindness and calm communication skills. Outstanding.

From raindovemodel

This made me cry. I wish all situations could be handled as perfectly as this

I just want to point out the core of what the diffuser did in this conversation

They recognized that the mother was also expressing a vulnerable truth about herself - that she felt like a bad mother because her child was expressing gender feelings she wasn’t equipped to help with - and met her where she was, a concerned parent with limited information - to point her where she should be heading, research and resources.

Im going to make more of an effort to stop reflexively pushing people away when they express biases and make more of an effort to hear the underlying fears when i can

“it’s easier to love ourselves when we feel loved as ourselves”

damn that is so  powerful though

“it’s easier to

love ourselves when we feel

loved as ourselves”

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

@radley-writes

Peer review

I passed peer review! Thank you. I think these are important skills for everyone to learn. x

I literally did this yesterday with a scared parent of a trans kid and it worked wonders. VERA framework underlies most of my scripts for defusing tense situations and is there when I go off script. (And yes, it helps when people w dementia get really upset too.)

Post-Covid with the boys

That's not fair.

(If you want to see me vent I'm on tiktok, @cryingbard)

yay yippee werewolf transgenderism everyone give it up for werewolf transgenderism

contrary to popular belief not everyone has an innate sense of internal gender or care to have one or seek a name for it, some people go their whole lives without questioning their occupation in one of two gender roles, but for some people, if pressed, they don’t feel that internal sense of ‘i am a woman’ or ‘i am a man’, and in that case i feel the switch over to transgender vs cisgender relies on active identification of a gender other than the one they were assigned. if someone’s like ‘idk dude I just work here’ then that’s valid

#i would describe my gender as not exactly ‘idk dude i just work here’ #more like…..when someone assumes you work somewhere that you don’t #but you know how to help them so you do it anyway #my gender is wearing a red shirt at a target

These are the best tags

A portion of people in the notes are like ‘but that makes you trans. That’s called being agender’ and another portion of people are going ‘this is how the majority of cis ppl feel and it’s NOT agender’ and personally I feel like both of them are missing the point here. Yes a lot of people identify as agender because of this feeling. Yes a lot of people with this same feeling still identify as cis. These are not mutually exclusive experiences and it doesn’t mean the agender people are secretly cis or the cis people are secretly agender. It just means they have very similar experiences of gender that they choose to conceptualize and label differently, and neither of them are mistaken or wrong to do so.

from @/vero_muerte on tiktok!!

found this video at <2000 likes and i NEED more people to see this because. yeah.

“Trapped”

Ok so today I was on the bus with another trans guy and we were talking about how hard it is to get testosterone. The waiting lists, the price, all the doctors you have to go to, that kind of stuff. Except, we were calling it ’T’, like you do when you’re both closeted and in public.

Then suddenly the elderly lady sitting behind us was like ‘young men, either I’m going crazy or you both have never heard of supermarkets, they have shelves full of tea there! Do you need directions to one?’

To which my buddy starts to explain, because why not. ‘Well you see, we’re both trans, and… ’

The lady didn’t wait for him to finish his sentence. ‘Oh no, I don’t mind that at all! Now do you want to know how to get to a place that sells tea? I’m actually heading there right now!’

We let her take us to the supermarket. We let her show us, excitedly, where the tea was. We both bought loads.

This is beautiful